TW Diet talk: Challenges with anti-dieting

[Velar Fricative]

I don't really know if I'm expecting anyone to have any magical answers, but it's slow and figured there might be commiseration.

Starting sometime a few months ago, I realized I've been on and off diets for nearly the last 20 years of my life and said enough was enough. No more "good" and "bad" foods. No more tracking anything because of how much it sets people up to fail when they "blow their points/calories." Finally deleted the WW app off my phone once and for all after sporadically doing WW throughout the last few years. I would focus on moving my body in ways that were enjoyable for me and eating what I wanted in appropriate portions. Freedom! Except...I have a big overeating problem. I've put on a lot of weight during the last few months alone, and it is clearly impacting my energy, and, after having some routine bloodwork done, I have problematic health markers that I've never had before. Physically, I do not feel like myself and I feel pretty drained, energy-wise.

Anyway, my struggle is that I know I need to cut down on the overeating and also just generally eat "better" than I have been, but...how do I do that without going back to the very dieting activities I wanted to finally peel myself away from once and for all? Is it even possible?

[sugarbear1]

Not an expert, but I have also gotten off the diet train and can neither count calories or macros, or restrict specific foods, without going down a very dark path.

What has been most helpful to me is to really focus on how certain foods make me feel. I am a volume eater -- I would rather eat a giant salad or a vat of brothy soup than a sandwich, for example. And a giant sandwich would not make me feel "good" when I'm finished. I also think about my choices ahead of time -- I only keep really high quality chocolate in my house and I enjoy (I was about to type "allow myself to eat" but NO) a small portion of it every day. This way, I get the experience of eating something delicious and sweet, and I'm genuinely satisfied because it's so much better (to me!) than, like, oreos.

[twilightmv]

I will respond generally without saying what worked for me specifically. To answer your question, I think it's possible. I haven't been on a "diet" in years, and I've maintained my weight and I feel good. Don't try to cram a square box into a round hole. If there's certain aspects of "everything in moderation" that don't work for you, that's probably not going to change in your 30s/40s/50s etc. I cut out my binge/overeat foods and I'm happier for it. I have no desire for those foods at all anymore, and they have no power over me. If I started eating them again, I'd probably want more and start to overeat them again. And it's not because they are "forbidden fruit" or whatever. That's not how my brain works. I don't want them until I start eating them, and then I can't stop. If I don't have them, I don't want them.
I'm probably not making any sense. But I'm basically saying that I don't believe "everything in moderation" is possible for everyone. Not a dietician or nutritionist, just a person who tried and failed to be that "everything in moderation" person way too many times.

[formerlyak]

I totally feel you with being done with all the apps and counting points and calories. One of the things that hurts me is I work from home so I snack. And I grab snacks that are easy. Those are generally not healthy. My doctor suggested cutting up veggies and fruit early in the week so those are easy to grab. On the weeks when I do that, I definitely eat more healthy. Now I just need to get into a habit of doing that prep every week, not just sporadically.

[estrellita]

I've been in this boat too. I've never really "officially" dieted other than calorie counting on MFP (which I didn't stick to every day but it did help me lose weight before my wedding). But I've definitely had the disordered thinking and guilt around food, my weight, etc.

I'm definitely not restricting, but I'll try to focus on getting more fruits and veggies with my meals. Maybe not every meal, but as much as possible. And I try to focus on ones I actually like instead of trying to force myself to eat something because it's "healthy". And like PP said, trying to focus on how I feel and eating more things that make me feel good, and eating less of things that don't make me feel good. I still overdo it sometimes, but I'm trying to get better about just being ok with it.

The other thing I try to do is move more. I don't force it, but I go to the gym and do the things that make me feel good, and try to take walks and stuff. I slack big time in this area thanks to whatever is wrong with me, so I have to push myself a little, but I try to at least make it fun!

[wanderingback]

Are you overeating at meals or is it more snacks?

I know for me personally I can’t keep chips, cookies, candy, etc at home. No matter how much people say well if you can have a small bit every day so you won’t binge and feel deprived, it does not work for me. Don’t wanna hear it lol. In addition, if I eat a bunch of candy it doesn’t hurt my stomach or anything, I feel just fine. So that also doesn’t work for me.
So anyway, I just don’t buy that stuff. At home I keep fruits, veggies, nuts, popcorn, tea, sparkling water, etc. I don’t feel deprived,
Of course it’s not perfect, every once in awhile I’ll pick up "treats" but overall I don’t feel deprived.

For meals yeah I try to stick with fish/chicken, veggies and rice/potatoes type things - lots of filling stews, soups, etc with lots of good spices/flavors. So at least if I overeat those I’m getting lots of veggies and fiber. I also try to be conscious of eating slower and putting my fork down between bites.

So those are the things I do so I don’t diet.
Anyway, mostly I just want to say I commiserate and do feel like when it comes to health their can be a fine balance to getting it "right."

[Deleted]

I feel this in my heart. I’ve also recently tried to get off the “diet” train, deleted apps, etc. I am actively working to reduce insulin resistance by being mindful of the timing of my meals and trying to reduce the amount of sweetened foods and beverages I consume. So far none of those have resulted in weight loss, but I do think they’re helping my ADHD. I’ve also noticed that I get more restful sleep when I avoid snacking after dinner (especially sweets).

The hardest thing for me has been to train myself to recognize my hunger and fullness cues and to think about how certain foods make me feel. Some meals make me feel sluggish or sleepy, some make me feel bloated, and I’m starting to balance how good something might taste with how it makes me feel. And honestly, some things I always thought tasted really good actually don’t taste very good at all (some things are too sweet or too salty).

It’s hard. I have decades of ingrained bad habits with food that I’m trying to undo.

[bee20]

Everyone has their own issues, but for me it wasn't really food, it was sugar. I lost 15 pounds while calorie counting, but then lost another 10 after I stopped counting without any intentional effort once I'd figured out what foods weren't worth having in my house. I still have some sweeter stuff, but it's smoothies with frozen fruit but no added sugar, or protein bars that are sweet but can't be mindlessly eaten. I realized my thin friends weren't eating perfectly either which helped me when I was over-analyzing my meals. I think without using apps or tight tracking you can realize what parts of your diet don't make you feel good and then don't let them into your house.

[Deleted]

I jumped off the diet train by reading the fuck it diet and following Intuitive Eating accounts on Insta. I ate all my no no foods and threw out food rules and hardly binge now. I don't even like a lot of the foods now because they don't taste as good? Or I won't eat something because I know it makes me feel like shit. I've been trying to add food instead of subtracting such as adding bell peppers to my breakfast taco (egg, soy chorizo, salsa, cheese, bell peppers). And find easy vegetables like canned french cut green beans to have as a side because I used to look down on canned veg.
The problem is I am uncomfortable at my current weight. I know there is a flux and then you eventually reach your set point weight. I am trying to embrace my body as is and it is hard.

[dcn]

I have success with adding things in rather than eliminating. So, add a fruit and or veggie to meals and snacks. Add in more leafy greens. Add in more protein. You can still have the things you like, but when you add in those other things too I find I eat less potato chips and ice cream for example - but I don’t feel deprived.

Also just moving more. I try to just go for a walk everyday. Some days it’s 10 min and others I get 3 miles in.

I’ve been doing the above for a few weeks now and I’m starting to feel better which was my first goal.

[waverly]

I don't really know on the overeating part. On the eating better, I think I give into social pressures to eat pizza, for example. When really my body would prefer something healthier. So that's one way I could improve is to have that conversation about the foods I would prefer on Friday nights (pizza night) type thing. I need to work more on ignoring DH because he can be judgmental but not healthier about food, so his judgment is about him and not me.  For example, if I eat certain foods he acts like they are disgusting (they aren't), so I feel like he is projecting his dislikes onto me.  

[lilypad1126]

oh man, do I feel this. I have so many hang ups around food and what I should/shouldn't eat. And did I eat a balanced meal? Did I get enough veggies today? Fruit? But i want carbs! Seriously, I spend so much mental energy on this, it's tiring.

For me, it's a lot of just not buying the foods that I over eat. Like, if I have chips and french onion dip in the house I'm going to eat all of it at once. So I don't buy it (often). But that's only partly helpful. B/c while I'm going to overeat carrots for example, if that's all I have in the house, then I'm resentful and mad that I don't have stuff I actually WANT to eat.

I've been trying recently to really be aware of my portions. Or of not taking seconds until I've sat for awhile and let my meal settle to see if I'm really still hungry. It's hard though. And even this takes a lot of mental energy.

[redheadbaker]

I have a major sweet tooth (shocker, right?), so I've been trying to reduce (not eliminate) refined sugars. Scrambled eggs with cheese and a whole wheat English muffin instead of toaster waffles for breakfast, etc. Salads with lean protein and full-fat dairy (fats help you feel full for longer) for lunch. And water with every meal. I'm awful about making sure I'm hydrated.

[t]

Have you been able to determine why you are over-eating? And are there certain things that you consistently over-eat?

I am a tracker, but I tried to shift my focus of tracking from restriction to more supporting my lifestyle. I eat super high volume foods, a lot of protein, and really don’t restrict anything. I just track it, which doesn’t help solve my problem of tracking but it does give me the ability to not restrict anything.

I worked with an RD to figure out how much I should be eating based on my size and activity level. Also tried to work on body image with her too. I am a work in progress.

As much as I want to stop tracking, I found that without tracking my food I don’t really eat enough protein daily and for me that is where I load up on other things that are basically empty calories and don’t fill me up. Then I gain weight. So I think if nothing else I will probably continue to track protein for a while because I know that that is what supports my muscles and keeps me full, and that is the frame of mind I’m trying to use now. I also want to get strong AF, and I know that muscle takes up more space in my body so weight gain is likely if I want to get stronger.

Ultimately that is what works for me but obviously may not work for everyone and that’s OK too. But working with someone who is knowledgeable in nutrition has really helped me shift my mindset when it comes to eating which has helped me mentally dealing with all of the things that have hindered me in the past.
If nothing else, I’d recommend meeting with someone to work through it, if you think that would work for you.

Edited to remove diety-sounding things. Sorry about that.

[pugz]

Look for a non diet RD to help you get to the root of the issues with over eating. Often we have food rulea we follow that we aren’t even aware of. Overeating and restriction go hand in hand.

[cuadrado]

When you say you have a big "overeating" problem, what do you mean by that?

Not sure if this applies to you, but... anytime someone is leaving dieting behind, they are going to overeat all of the things they previously restricted. Weight gain usually happens during this time. This is a completely normal part of leaving dieting behind, but it's also the part where people are usually like, "this isn't working for me." I also think listening to your body is hard because chronic dieters are often completely disconnected from their bodies and honoring how they feel. 

I agree with connecting with an intuitive eating RD who can help you explore this more. 

[cuadrado]

I'm also saying this with a lot of compassion but bringing more diet advice (tracking, portion control, cutting foods out, talking about being in a deficit) to a thread like this usually isn't helpful for someone who is trying to not diet anymore.

[StrawberryBlondie]

One thing I've personally found is that when I'm more active, I just sort of naturally eat better. I'm not going to eat something that makes me feel sluggish before I hit the ice because then my skating is bad, and I'm not (unless there are extenuating circumstances) going to swing through the drive-through on my way home from the rink for similar reasons.

I typically skate 3-4 days/week so that just sort of naturally takes care of half the week.

[Velar Fricative]

Thank you everyone so far for your posts. I did expect dieting responses which is why I put the TW above - but I’m not mad and can handle it well despite the years of dealing with diet culture.

I overeat with meals AND snacks. I do a decent amount of batch cooking so I have leftovers for work lunches but sometimes I’ll just eat several of the planned lunches in one sitting. Tonight I made dinner (a new recipe), and I devoured shredded mozzarella that I didn’t end up fully using, lactose intolerance be damned. Physically feeling like shit doesn’t prevent me from doing it again. Not having certain foods in the house usually helps, but I definitely am not above DoorDashing food if I have a craving, which sucks because takeout is a huge trigger given the portions. Staying active does appear to help too, but it doesn’t entirely eliminate the overeating. I’m fine with beverages, if it matters - I stick to water, coffee, tea, and diet soda. Alcohol maybe 1-2 times a month, usually when I’m in a restaurant.

Writing that all makes me think a non-diet RD might be the way to go. I’ll check my work benefits.

[wildrice]

I hear you. I've had a similar issue - I "don't diet" anymore and I just keep gaining weight. It's been particularly bad over the last year, when I've gained about 20 lbs. I've managed to lose 5ish of that in the last couple of months but it's slow going without truly dieting. I was a good 60ish lbs over my "healthy BMI" prior to this recent gain, so I'm not being vain, I really can't afford to keep gaining forever.

One thing I've been trying to do is just measure my portions. It's annoying, but eyeballing things means I tend to overestimate how much I need, especially if I'm hungry. I just measuring cups, spoons, and a little food scale. Like, tonight we had french fries from a bag with dinner and I weighed 1.5 portions for each of us. It was plenty but if I hadn't done that, I might have added quite a few more fries to the cookie sheet. I'm not going to NOT eat the french fries, but I don't necessarily trust myself to know how much I should be eating without measuring it. I don't know if that's really "diet" behavior though obviously I've associated it with dieting in the past. I am trying to think of it more like mindfulness. I know I'll eat whatever is in front of me so I need to be mindful of what I serve myself.

Honestly my biggest issue is things like going out to eat and picking whatever I want, going out for drinks and having what I want, etc. I am not sure how to change that since I'm not that interested in avoiding going out or choosing a healthy salad or skipping alcohol when I'm out. It sucks.

[Michelle]

I can't give great advice because I still use terms and think about food in terms of "bad" food and "good" food and I know that is problematic advice to give.

I wanted to respond to the overeating bit, though. I'm in therapy since my bariatric surgery in January to help me reshape my relationship with food. Food should be fuel. It can be enjoyed as well, but my historic problem has been using it as a primary source of comfort well beyond the point of enjoying it a bit and/or fuel. And i'm dealing with some stuff right now that makes me fight the impulse every single day.

Some people drink alcohol or use drugs (prescription or otherwise) to self-soothe. I used to eat (or drink sugary drinks).

I am working on identifying what emotions trigger me to turn to food for comfort instead of fuel. And then discovering what non-food related coping mechanisms can help me. I have the added benefit of the surgery (not trying to push that on you) which helps push me to feel like crap if i eat foods that aren't fuel. (e.g. too much sugar = dumping syndrome; not enough protein = exhaustion). But the tool of surgery is short-term so i have to deal with all the mental stuff right now. And hopefully you aren't in a place where I was this time last year with a BMI of 55.

It isn't easy. I didn't realize how much trauma I've endured in the last 10 years, on top of my childhood. I've literally and figuratively stuffed it all down. I cry all the time because i have therapy weekly and then homework. But it's needed to turn this around to find a healthy relationship with food.

And that is the only advice I can give - if you overeat, you probably have an opportunity to revise your relationship with food. So I'd pursue that in whatever way works best for you. Good luck!!

[erbear]

For me, it’s making small changes and getting them to stick. When I go hard all in, I drop it quickly. So 2 times a week on the treadmill for a couple of weeks, then add a day of weights. Cleaning up my breakfast then lunch then dinner.

[foundmylazybum]

Apr 4, 2022 16:49:59 GMT -5 pugz said:

Look for a non diet RD to help you get to the root of the issues with over eating. Often we have food rulea we follow that we aren’t even aware of. Overeating and restriction go hand in hand.

This! I follow diet culture rebel on instagram and find her to be informative. It's interesting bc even in this post there are still rules and restrictions of diet culture being propagated. It might be better to work with a professional.

[sent]

I can only share where I am in this journey.

I can empathize with the overeating. Food has been my comfort for decades. I won't let myself use DoorDash only because I don't agree with the business model, but that hasn't stopped me from picking up takeout for myself on my drive home or running out for some comfort food even later. I knew in my head that I couldn't tackle my weight gain until I was mentally ready for it. I've been 40 - 50 lbs over a comfortable weight for 6 years. Last year I changed to a new medication for my depression which has really been helping me think more clearly on a day to day basis. My doctor has also been telling me for years I need to sleep more and I'm always like "I can't. So much unfinished stuff to finish." Finally last fall, I was forced to start going to bed at 9 pm. Many days I wouldn't wake up until 7 am. Other days are like today where I'm up at 5 and just enjoying some quiet time. Anyways, in January I felt like my bras were fitting better so I stepped on the scale and I was down 20 lbs since the last time I was weighed which was pre-pandemic. I literally had changed nothing about my lifestyle except I'd been sleeping more. Going to bed at 9 meant I'd been skipping my "second dinner" more often. Around the same time, I finally decided that I was spending way too much money on takeout and coffee so I decided to make a more conscious effort of bringing my coffee, breakfast, and lunch from home on the days I go to work. I'm mentally working up to moving my body more which for me means walks around the neighborhood or utilizing that Y membership I pay for but never use. I'm not there yet. I have been feeling like cooking more at home. I'll portion it out and there have been times I eat the whole thing. But right now, I'll portion it out and I don't have that urge to eat more. I have been on an ice cream bar kick for the last few months. I don't know why, but eventually these kinds of cravings work themselves out and I stop them when I'm ready. Two weeks ago, I was having fast food breakfast sandwich cravings. I gave in, and it only lasted a week before the urge went away.

I don't think I could have had this change in mindset if it wasn't with the help of my psychiatrist and my life just overall settling down especially after the COVID chaos of 2020 and 2021.

[goldengirlz]

I agree with talking to an RD.

From what I understand from the Intuitive Eating book, IE isn’t license to eat until you’re physically uncomfortable. There’s a mindfulness element to it. The book encourages you to check in with yourself as you’re eating: how does this taste? Am I truly enjoying it? What’s my satiety level? Etc. etc.

An IE-focused RD will also help you work through the emotional reasons why you might be overeating foods that make you physically ill.

The goal is to better understand your overall relationship with food and eating, looking at your internal cues rather than external ones. Your goal might still be portion control, but it’ll come from a greater awareness of your body and food triggers, rather than following a food plan that tells you how much to eat.

Mindfulness has been immensely helpful for my mental health issues and it was one of the primary draws for IE. I’d also highly suggest the book if you haven’t read it yet.

[dirtyred]

I'm here to second the importance of getting enough sleep.

If I get fewer than 7 hours of sleep, I am ravenous all day and nothing satiates me.  I just eat and eat and eat. Seven plus hours and my hunger is under control.

[Velar Fricative]

I appreciate all the responses and I'm sorry to everyone also struggling.

Sleep is always the one thing I've always done "right." Sleep issues have occurred very rarely in my life. But I have been thinking that because I'm so exhausted earlier than usual, maybe I'm getting *too much* sleep nowadays. And while I rarely wake up during my night's sleep, I know I am tossing and turning a lot more and DH has told me I've begun snoring occasionally. I wake up with aches and pains. Our mattress is fairly comfortable and 7 years old, and we recently turned it too so I don't think it's just the mattress (especially since DH isn't having issues). So forget it, I apparently do have sleep issues...

[abs]

Most mattresses last 8 years so yours may be contributing to your issues more than you think.

I would check in with a doctor honestly. Get some basic bloodwork done, ask about the snoring. It’s possible you aren’t getting great sleep. Personally when I’m tired all I want to do is eat because it gives me artificial energy.

Right now I am on the opposite end of the tracking spectrum so no advice there. My recent bloodwork came back all sorts of wonky (positive ANA titters, high glucose) so I’m tracking everything not for calorie reasons but to see how I feel. Sugar is a huge trigger. It’s so hard to cut out and I’m not enjoying this process but if it helps my pain/pre-diabetes then it’s worth it. I think, lol.

Good luck. It is so hard!! We have to eat but everything surrounding food is just not easy sometimes.

[susiebw]

Specifically on take out portion sizes - we get a lot of take out, which generally means I'm not eating as healthy as I know I should because of all of the added salts and fats in restaurant food (and because I always choose my favorite delicious things, instead of what might be a healthier choice). But then I often split it into two portions before I start eating, and put the other half in the fridge right away for lunch the next day. Then it's not as easy to get seconds if I want to. And if I find that I still want to eat after finishing the half that I had, I grab fruit to round out my meal.

One issue I've always had is that I like something sweet after a meal, so I keep lots of fruit and good chocolate in the house. And second whoever said that prepping fruit ahead of time is definitely conducive to choosing that more often, down to cutting it up and putting it into multiple single serving containers, so you don't even have to dish it out, you can just grab and go.

I also agree about focusing on adding healthy stuff in as opposed to eliminating - SO TRUE. When I add veggies to my breakfast, I'm less likely to stop for second breakfast on my way into the office. Meal prepping is also huge - I have a couple of friends that host a meal prep once a month on a sunday, and I eat better those weeks than ever. We make layered salads or buddha bowls in jars - everyone brings a couple of ingredients, and leaves with five jars of ready-to-eat lunch for the week, and they're always super healthy and super filling.

[wanderingback]

I think a IE RD is a good next step.

FWIW, I had a "normal" childhood where foods were never restricted, my mom or dad didn’t do any fad diets as far as I know, they never talked about my weight or size, I don’t have anxiety or depression or any other mental health concerns, and I’m confident in my body.
My dad did change his eating habits when he ended up in the hospital diagnosed as type 2 diabetes with super high blood sugar. But he brought his A1C down from I think 11 something to 5 something and got off of insulin. Otherwise both my parents have never been strict about food or commented on what I eat or did any fad diets themselves.

I don’t eat out of boredom or to cover my emotions, I just enjoy the taste of food (just like I enjoy the taste of certain alcohol, having sex, playing soccer, traveling etc- and sometimes I have to limit or change those activities for a variety of reasons). I don’t track anything or use any apps or say that anything is totally off limits. I monitor my health by how I’m physically feeling and my blood work.

And yes sleep is majorly tied to health so I focus on that as well. I could live on 5 hours of sleep every night and feel fine but I know my body needs longer than that to rest so I aim for 7 hours. A sleep study can often be helpful for people as well.

Hope you find something that works for you!