New Year Anti Diet Culture Check-In

[Deleted]

It’s the time of year. Fat phobia and diet culture are everywhere and it can be really difficult for those of us trying to avoid all of that. How’s everyone coping with the impeding New Year?

Personally, I’m hanging in there. I’ve been working extensively with counselor who hates diet culture and promotes health at any size, and I think it’s helping me a lot. We work together on positive language and healthy self-talk, and while I still struggle, I’m much better than I was.

I’ve been systematically blocking all of the “diet” and “exercise” content on my social media feeds, and while it does creep back in sometimes, it’s mostly kept that crap off my feed.

[SwimDeep]

I'm struggling... and also just... that gif of Travolta in Pulp Fiction. What? Who? Me? What?

TW behind spoiler

SPOILER: Click to show

H wants to do mimick fasts every other month this year. And at this point I know it won't happen if I put no effort into making it happen so... I'm absolutely weaponizing my incompetence.

And yes. This is happening even after multiple conversations about disordered eating and how I need to be careful. He just... doesn't hear himself? Doesn't think he can have disordered eating because he's a guy? Isn't aware that his talk/attitude towards food and health have a major impact on me?

Clearly I am not communicating my needs very well 😵

I'm going to continue to practice intuitive eating, add more fruit to my daily meals, and try to increase the amount of movement I get in a day.

We do want to increase meatless meals and be more mindful of our overall consumption. Other than that, this is going to be an interesting year.

[tiramisu]

SwimDeep I think I've expressed my thoughts about YH in the past. I'm sorry he's being insensitive about your needs related to having a healthy relationship with food.

I've been doing a workout program that encourages us to eat more. So I'm trying to make sure that I'm doing that with more nutritionally dense food. Historically I'd just have snacks with no nutritional value. I'm around people all day doing a variety of strange diets, so I try to just tune them all out and do what's best for me. Really trying to focus on fueling my body to be able to cross-train and dance well, which is what I remind myself of when the diet culture thoughts start to creep back in.

[Deleted]

[mention]swimdeep [/mention] I had to look up mimic fasting, and I wish I hadn’t. Have you tried telling your husband some version of “Due to my history of disordered eating, I’m uniquely unqualified to help you do this”?? Im so sorry he’s bringing this into your home. That must be tough.

[AJL]

First I eat whatever the fuck I want. I’m also a T1 diabetic so I have to be a bit strategic with carb intake, but I eat whatever I want. I have two feelings when it comes to food — hungry or not hungry. If I’m hungry, I eat as much as I need to to feel satisfied. If I’m not hungry, I don’t usually eat. Sometimes I want to nibble, so I do. But I’m never good or bad based on what I ate.

Second, I practiced all in 2021 and 2022 just straight up telling people that I don’t want to hear about your diet/weight loss accomplishments/how your bigger body is getting small. I’m polite but firm. I snooze/mute/unfollow all friends on social media who discuss diets/weight loss/WLS. I don’t expose myself to it. It was hard at first but it’s gotten much easier.

I am fat and that is my body. I spend time acknowledging it for what it’s capable of and being kind to myself about it. It’s been a process and has taken me years to get here but I am happy in myself.

I know it’s hard but we can do this!

[estrellita]

I just wanted to mention the Maintenance Phase podcast if anyone here doesn't already know about it. They debunk a lot of diets or myths around food, diet culture, etc. So if anyone is interested, I recommend it! They're usually pretty good about content warnings too if there is anything in particular that may be difficult to listen to. I enjoy it and have learned quite a bit from it!

[aspentosh]

This is something I'm struggling with right now. I could really care less about the number on the scale or the size of my pants, but I've just been feeling blah. We do 2.5-3 mile walks every morning and my body loves that movement. We go on hikes on the weekends which nourishes my soul. But something is bringing me down and making me feel sluggish and I think it's my relationship with food at this point in my life. I find myself binge eating unfilling and therefor unsatisfactory food, and then eating just because it's "lunch time" even if my body isn't hungry.

SO, my goal for this first month and probably quarter of 2023 is to get back to a healthy relationship with food and listen to my body. Listen to its wants and needs without overdoing it to the point that I feel stuffed for hours and hours. I don't know how to go about this (refuse to fast or eliminate foods) so I am going to do some research on it.

I've started small- switching out my toast with biscoff spread for some plain yogurt, fruit, and honey. So much more filling and satisfies my sweet tooth but nourishes my body much better.

[erbear]

I’m struggling. Big time. I’m at my highest weight ever and really uncomfortable in my body and fighting the urge to restrict like crazy to do something. Would really appreciate any support or advice.

[wildrice]

Facebook keeps showing me ads for diets that I know I've reported in the past as "sensitive topic". It's kind of pissing me off. I don't want WW and Noom ads.

I spent Christmas with family and of course we indulged, but I am so happy we are all at a point where nobody makes comments anymore. We all just enjoyed ourselves.

I do need to get my cholesterol under control in the new year but I am thinking that will come in the form of exercising more.

[goldengirlz]

It’s been almost exactly a year since I started intuitive eating. I’ve made tremendous strides with body acceptance and I love how the principles align with what I’ve been learning in therapy for other mental health issues — things like mindfulness, or observing your emotions and talking to yourself with kindness. It’s been helpful not only for accepting/reframing my mindset around weight-related changes but also all the little indignities that come with aging.

I have a lot less anxiety around food and eating, and I like to joke that food no longer tastes like guilt!

I love talking about IE but for anyone starting at principle 1, I recommend adding Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison to your reading list. I also suggest following social media influencers who post about body positivity. I particularly like theShiraRose on Instagram because she has so many cute dresses! I’ve been working on my own sense of style along this journey and it’s really helped with accepting (as I tell myself often) that you don’t need to be thin to be attractive or stylish.

[fernweh]

Dec 31, 2022 19:50:45 GMT -5 erbear said:

I’m struggling. Big time. I’m at my highest weight ever and really uncomfortable in my body and fighting the urge to restrict like crazy to do something. Would really appreciate any support or advice.

This is where I am at too. I had my annual physical yesterday and my doctor had a come to Jesus talk with me. My weight itself doesn’t bother me, but it isn’t weight - I’m unhealthy for the first time in my life.
I’m going to focus on movement and food that make me feel healthy. I don’t give a shit about weight, I just want to be able to enjoy my life.

[lilac05]

erbear, I have no advice, just commiseration. My health has also been declining, and I have a doctor’s appointment to try and figure it out. I strongly suspect that Covid triggered a thyroid issue, but I’m bracing for my doctor to just brush it off with fat phobic nonsense.

September and January are always times I’m naturally inclined to kind of regroup and refocus. I just don’t know where the line is between fully accepting myself as I am and making sure I’m taking good care of myself, mind, body, and soul. I find tons of resources for both ends of the spectrum on those issues, but not much for the in-between.

[Deleted]

Dec 31, 2022 19:25:28 GMT -5 aspentosh said:

This is something I'm struggling with right now. I could really care less about the number on the scale or the size of my pants, but I've just been feeling blah. We do 2.5-3 mile walks every morning and my body loves that movement. We go on hikes on the weekends which nourishes my soul. But something is bringing me down and making me feel sluggish and I think it's my relationship with food at this point in my life. I find myself binge eating unfilling and therefor unsatisfactory food, and then eating just because it's "lunch time" even if my body isn't hungry.

SO, my goal for this first month and probably quarter of 2023 is to get back to a healthy relationship with food and listen to my body. Listen to its wants and needs without overdoing it to the point that I feel stuffed for hours and hours. I don't know how to go about this (refuse to fast or eliminate foods) so I am going to do some research on it.

I've started small- switching out my toast with biscoff spread for some plain yogurt, fruit, and honey. So much more filling and satisfies my sweet tooth but nourishes my body much better.

My counselor suggested I make a mental note of each time I ate and how hungry I was before vs. after. For a few weeks I even logged it using an app, but she said that was entirely up to me if I wanted to or found it helpful. It definitely did help me to become more mindful of my hunger vs. fullness. She also pointed out that it’s okay to eat when not hungry (ie: eat because it’s time, eat because of a special occasion, eat because something tastes good) and that simply being more aware of those choices was very helpful.

[Deleted]

Dec 31, 2022 19:50:45 GMT -5 erbear said:

I’m struggling. Big time. I’m at my highest weight ever and really uncomfortable in my body and fighting the urge to restrict like crazy to do something. Would really appreciate any support or advice.

I feel you. My body image is in the dumps, and it has fed the voice in my head (the one with the negative self-talk and disordered eating). It’s definitely something I need to talk to someone about, but I think it’s out of my counselor’s wheelhouse, so she may need to refer me to someone.

[TR]

erbear - when I’m starting from scratch or have gotten out of routine, I focus on adding some kind of movement and try to make it the same time every day so it becomes routine. A walk, a 10 min stretch, anything to create a movement routine. With food, I heard the phrase “eat what you want, add what you need” and it aligns well with my food philosophy. I try to focus on adding healthy things (a salad before dinner, making sure i have a veggie side, apple as a snack, etc) vs restricting the stuff I like.

[goldengirlz]

Dec 31, 2022 20:06:12 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

erbear, I have no advice, just commiseration. My health has also been declining, and I have a doctor’s appointment to try and figure it out. I strongly suspect that Covid triggered a thyroid issue, but I’m bracing for my doctor to just brush it off with fat phobic nonsense.

September and January are always times I’m naturally inclined to kind of regroup and refocus. I just don’t know where the line is between fully accepting myself as I am and making sure I’m taking good care of myself, mind, body, and soul. I find tons of resources for both ends of the spectrum on those issues, but not much for the in-between.

I don’t see these two goals as at odds, and I think it’s diet culture that leads us to believe that they are. Intuitive eating doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow time-honored nutrition advice — but it does say you shouldn’t make weight loss the focus of what’s considered good health. It’s a false dichotomy to say you’re not taking good care of yourself if you also accept your size.

[erbear]

Dec 31, 2022 20:44:41 GMT -5 @villainv said:

Dec 31, 2022 19:50:45 GMT -5 erbear said:

I’m struggling. Big time. I’m at my highest weight ever and really uncomfortable in my body and fighting the urge to restrict like crazy to do something. Would really appreciate any support or advice.

I feel you. My body image is in the dumps, and it has fed the voice in my head (the one with the negative self-talk and disordered eating). It’s definitely something I need to talk to someone about, but I think it’s out of my counselor’s wheelhouse, so she may need to refer me to someone.

Liking in commiseration. I hope you find someone.

[erbear]

Dec 31, 2022 21:12:47 GMT -5 TR said:

erbear - when I’m starting from scratch or have gotten out of routine, I focus on adding some kind of movement and try to make it the same time every day so it becomes routine. A walk, a 10 min stretch, anything to create a movement routine. With food, I heard the phrase “eat what you want, add what you need” and it aligns well with my food philosophy. I try to focus on adding healthy things (a salad before dinner, making sure i have a veggie side, apple as a snack, etc) vs restricting the stuff I like.

That’s my struggle. I eat really healthy…until I don’t. I definitely have an addictive personality and food (and drink) is where is shows up

[lilac05]

Dec 31, 2022 21:13:34 GMT -5 goldengirlz said:

Dec 31, 2022 20:06:12 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

erbear, I have no advice, just commiseration. My health has also been declining, and I have a doctor’s appointment to try and figure it out. I strongly suspect that Covid triggered a thyroid issue, but I’m bracing for my doctor to just brush it off with fat phobic nonsense.

September and January are always times I’m naturally inclined to kind of regroup and refocus. I just don’t know where the line is between fully accepting myself as I am and making sure I’m taking good care of myself, mind, body, and soul. I find tons of resources for both ends of the spectrum on those issues, but not much for the in-between.

I don’t see these two goals as at odds, and I think it’s diet culture that leads us to believe that they are. Intuitive eating doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow time-honored nutrition advice — but it does say you shouldn’t make weight loss the focus of what’s considered good health. It’s a false dichotomy to say you’re not taking good care of yourself if you also accept your size.

I fully agree with you. I apologize if that was unclear or felt like I equated size with care/health. I’m not feeling well tonight, so I’m not going to try and further express what I was thinking as I’m sure it won’t be clear…just know that I agree with you.

[mrsukyankee]

We did the Zoe nutrition thing and learned a lot about how food is impacting us. As we're fully into middle age and seeing how health is impacting the 'elders' in our family, we're trying to focus on health versus anything else. My H realised that he actually was getting into the 'losing weight at all costs' mindset and it wasn't good for him (he had never been on a diet until his late-40s when he was told that he had high cholesterol and should lose a bit of weight - just by going on a diet, his whole mindset about his body changed. It was eye-opening for me). We're going to focus on eating more (and more variety of) veg/grains/seeds/nuts and adding more seafood. We've begun to bake breads that are healthier for our bodies (such a rye sourdough with seeds). We're introducing more movement into our days. And I'm back to weight lifting again because my body just responds positively to it. Finally, I'm going to try to practice more mindfulness.

[taratru]

Dec 31, 2022 19:50:45 GMT -5 erbear said:

I’m struggling. Big time. I’m at my highest weight ever and really uncomfortable in my body and fighting the urge to restrict like crazy to do something. Would really appreciate any support or advice.

I'm with you. *hugs* I've been working out pretty consistently, which is great when I'm doing it. But then I eat, or I get dressed, or I glimpse myself in a mirror, and that's all undone. I'm not speaking nicely to or about myself and it's having a negative impact on other areas. I don't know where to start... therapy over here is hit or miss (mostly miss) anyway, not sure what to do.

[SwimDeep]

Dec 31, 2022 16:36:20 GMT -5 @villainv said:

[mention]swimdeep [/mention] I had to look up mimic fasting, and I wish I hadn’t. Have you tried telling your husband some version of “Due to my history of disordered eating, I’m uniquely unqualified to help you do this”?? Im so sorry he’s bringing this into your home. That must be tough.

I think I might use those exact words 😅

I'm not going to claim I'm in a good place about it, but I've been able to detach a little bit (with love, of course). H isn't meaning to be insensitive. He doesn't even realize how entrenched he is in diet culture, and he truly believes health is directly connected to the number on the scale. He wants to be healthy and live longer and this is what he thinks he needs to do.

There are things that I do that he disagrees with (and that aren't healthy -- like vaping), but he's also learned to detach a little bit. He's not always happy with my decisions/actions (and he'll let me know, lol), but our relationship has improved dramatically since we started just letting each other be our own person. I'm conflicted about the fasting and will not support it, but I also can't forbid him from doing it.

tiramisu -- I posted a lot about the struggles H and I had early in our marriage. I've been trying to post more of the good because it's so easy for me to fixate on the negative, but I don't expect anyone here to forget things I've written. I just want to say thank you. You and others here have helped me in more ways than I can count. I'm so grateful for this community and everyone who's willing to offer advice and support.

[mrsukyankee]

I work regularly with clients who use negative self talk. So, thought I'd talk about it here and how I've worked on using the same skills I teach to deal with it all.

When we are younger, the 'negative' self-talk appear to be minor and motivating. It comes from our fight-flight-freeze system. This part of our brain is trying to protect you from anxiety/anger/sadness, so it sends messages to our body and mind to do something that will help us. This part of the brain lives in the moment - it's trying to protect us in the short-term versus long-term. It wants us to do things that lower that anxiety/sadness/frustration/anger...but in the long-run may make it worse.

When the messages are motivating, then we work hard to listen to them and they work - we might workout more, diet more, etc. And it makes us feel good. The brain then learns that those messages work. Over time, they may not be as motivating and so our brain begins to increase the intensity of those messages. Eventually, they become unhelpful messages as they stop you from doing the things that would be most helpful for you and you move away from the person you want to be. Sometimes these messages are the recordings from our childhood that we got from other people, sometimes they are from social media or other sources. And now, they drive us to do things that are unhelpful but do deal with our anxiety in the moment. And a lot of the time, those short-term actions become the very thing that makes us feel awful in the long-term.

So, what to do?
1. Start to notice the messages. Ask yourself if they are helpful or unhelpful.
2. Diffuse from them. There are so many ways to do it - you can imagine the thought/feeling falling to the ground and bring your attention to your breathing. You can imagine that thought coming from that unhelpful part of your brain and say, thanks, but no thanks. I imagine that thought coming from someone like Trump - supposedly trying to be helpful but stabbing me in the back instead with those words (and then I brush Trump off my shoulder so he goes smoosh on the floor). You can write down the thoughts in your phone or a notebook and tell your brain that you don't need to hold onto them (and when they come back, tell your brain, nope, the thought is in the phone/notebook so you don't need to think about it).
3. Come up with something that would be more helpful. What kindness would you send to your best friend? How can you become your own best friend?
4. Think about what you value - there's a great worksheet here. When you are making decisions about things, is it a valued action? Is it driving you to be the person you want to be? If not, what could you do that would be valued at that time?

Note - I still have unhelpful thoughts. They are normal. I try not to engage in them and use the above techniques. I do sometimes get caught up in them and I try to notice that as soon as I can. It's gotten better over time and I don't stop using these techniques, ever. 

[Deleted]

[mention]mrsukyankee [/mention] that was really helpful, especially how negative self-talk might have been motivating once but then the words intensify. I’m going to sit with that to see how I can use that to help discard those messages.

[taratru]

mrsukyankee Thank you. I like concrete ways of work like those.

[erbear]

mrsukyankee, thank you for that. It was actually really helpful.

[Bernadine]

Well, my h is planning on WLS, and it’s having an impact on me. I’m worried about the impact on our marriage once it happens. And I don’t really know how to be supportive.

[Deleted]

Jan 1, 2023 17:14:09 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Well, my h is planning on WLS, and it’s having an impact on me. I’m worried about the impact on our marriage once it happens. And I don’t really know how to be supportive.

Oh wow. Is he going through any kind of counseling beforehand? I wonder if they offer any kind of family counseling. It definitely sounds like you could use someone to talk to to support YOU through this too.

[starlily]

I hit rock bottom with regard to my weight at the end of May last year when I couldn't accompany my kid on a ride at the fair because I couldn't belt in properly. So I am on a mission to lose weight for both health and vanity, but I'm trying to do it differently this time by aiming for consistency over speed. I'm in my mid-40s now and have accepted that what used to work for me just doesn't anymore. I've found a couple accounts on IG that I find motivating because they don't advise eliminating any food groups, prioritize exercising efficiently rather than endlessly, and address positive mindset. I did have some success with it over the past 6 months, so I'm planning to stick with it through this year.

[erbear]

Jan 1, 2023 20:36:46 GMT -5 starlily said:

I hit rock bottom with regard to my weight at the end of May last year when I couldn't accompany my kid on a ride at the fair because I couldn't belt in properly. So I am on a mission to lose weight for both health and vanity, but I'm trying to do it differently this time by aiming for consistency over speed. I'm in my mid-40s now and have accepted that what used to work for me just doesn't anymore. I've found a couple accounts on IG that I find motivating because they don't advise eliminating any food groups, prioritize exercising efficiently rather than endlessly, and address positive mindset. I did have some success with it over the past 6 months, so I'm planning to stick with it through this year.

Can you share names?