Does/did your 4th grader have a phone? Recently at DD's birthday, I noticed 2 of the 8 kids there had phones. A staff member of mine has a 4th grader in a different school district. She's been telling me about the drama and even bullying happening with phones with the 4th graders. Is this normal? It seemed way too early for this age group to have phones but I am firmly in the "no phones until college" camp which may not be reality when the time comes.
DD didn't have a phone in 4th grade but she did know several that did. I did get her one in 5th grade but it was more for me than her. Now in 6th grade she has more ownership over it and I am very glad she has it. She stays away from big group chats though and no social media. Group chats and social media seem to be where the drama happens.
The only kids we knew in 4th grade with phones were kids with difficult after school logistics. And most of them just had a dumb phone. My kids are in 6th grade and they still don’t have a smart phone (they have a watch with cellular). It can feel like your kid is the only one without but there are a lot of us holdouts.
Post by mainelyfoolish on Jan 15, 2023 9:33:42 GMT -5
Definitely not and he hasn’t said anything about friends having them.
My older kid started really asking for a phone around 6th grade. We gave them one for their 13th birthday which was at the end of 7th grade. By then they were getting into activities where it was beneficial to us to have our child have a way to text/call us.
My younger kid will turn 13 at the beginning of 7th grade. We will evaluate at that point if he should get a phone like his sibling did for their 13th birthday or if we will hold off until 8th grade.
My fourth grader has a phone, an android, several of her friends do as well. Most have a parents old phone with wifi only. I'm a single parent so she has the phone for times she's home alone, it is important for coming home alone after school, something we are working up to. It's great for drop off activities with unpredictable end times.
While less of a concern now that my exh has moved to Europe, exh is very unstable, I couldn't risk him randomly picking her up and taking off with her. She would have had a phone in first grade if he had kept using his visitation. In my circumstances a phone at 10 made sense, in different circumstances I probably would have held off until 12ish.
DS does not, partly because I don’t think he has a need for one yet and partly because I’d be afraid it would get lost/stolen at school.
I feel like the time for one “may” be when he needs to be home alone before/after school etc. but that time likely won’t come until he’s at least 11/12, so it’s another year or so away.
Is it normal? Unfortunately here there are several even many 4th graders with phones.
One mom that I spoke to had gotten it due to divorce. Dad wanted it but had put no parental controls on it meaning she could access chat with strangers, porn, social media. Also at this age they don’t know not to take pictures and post so yeah stuff is happening. I’m sure there is bullying but it seems like a lot is parents not talking through rules with their kids or putting parental controls or maybe just get a dumb phone.
Not sure about 4th grade here, but about half of my husband’s fifth graders have phones, and it seems like “most” middle-schoolers have phones around here.
I know a few families of 3rd grade and under whose kids have phones mostly so divorced parents can get ahold of them when they are with the other parent (without having to go through the ex). This makes complete sense to me.
As for my 3rd grader, he is NOWHERE near responsible enough right now to keep track of a phone. In a year? Maybe. In two years? He would probably be fine. Not mature enough for social media, but at least able to be trusted not to lose an expensive piece of electronics.
No, and not many of our oldest's classmates had one at that point. She's started middle school (6th grade) this year and many more of them definitely do, probably because many more are also now walking home instead of being picked up.
We're planning to hold off until the latter half of 8th grade.
Post by minniemouse on Jan 15, 2023 15:22:17 GMT -5
My 4th grader doesn’t have a phone yet. She has a gizmo watch that can only call a few people. She has access to an iPad and iPod touch at home that she can FaceTime her friends with too, but it stays at home where we can monitor it. Some of her friends have phones though - actually a lot more than i thought. Dd1 got a phone in 6th grade.
Around here, a few fourth graders do. My fourth grader doesn't and neither does his brother in sixth grade.
They both have Gizmo watches. I have heard of a lot of bullying in group texts from other moms.
My kids are not going to like it, but I am pretty adamant about no smartphone until high school. Around here, the common age to get a smartphone seems to be 6th grade.
Post by steamboat185 on Jan 15, 2023 15:37:03 GMT -5
We have an extra phone (free phone line and old phone), but it’s not for my 4th grader specifically she can use it if we leave her at home for a few minutes. I know a few of DD’s friends have phones, but it’s mostly for the bus or if their parents aren’t together so they can get in contact with the other parent. Our school has a very strict no phone policy and most of the other elementary schools nearby have the same policy.
They do use google docs to have group “chats” during school, which honestly cracks me up. They all have different color fonts and basically spend the whole time asking who is in the doc.
Around here, a few fourth graders do. My fourth grader doesn't and neither does his brother in sixth grade.
They both have Gizmo watches. I have heard of a lot of bullying in group texts from other moms.
My kids are not going to like it, but I am pretty adamant about no smartphone until high school. Around here, the common age to get a smartphone seems to be 6th grade.
DS has a Gabb phone. He is 12 and in 6th. I love that he can text friends. Group text doesn’t really work. He can text out but not receive group texts which is a con but with bullying in group text maybe a pro. He’s left it outside overnight luckily it didn’t rain but I’m so glad it wasn’t an expensive iPhone. We got the phone for free. There are no games, social media or internet access.
Mine had access to phones in late elementary, but only took them out of the house for overnight activities (without us). They are both really great with technology (in 7th and 10th grades), but I think a lot of parents underestimate how much time you have to spend reviewing safe and polite use, emphasizing why social media is not okay (it is really, really, NOT okay for kids), and just checking in. You can't give kids a phone and a list of rules and wash your hands of it.
And (this may be the hardest of all for some parents)- set a good example. Don't be the asshole that calls your kid while they're in class!
DS1 (now almost 16) got his phone at 12/beginning of 7th grade. I was very annoyed because I was firm on waiting until 13 and g Had talked to his friend’s parents (all friends of mine) and everyone agreed, then they all started giving their kids phones and DS1 was literally the last of his (large) friend group
DS2 is 10/in 5th. A decent number of his peers have a phone (more than my older son’s group at that age) but not quite half of his class. DS2 will not get a phone until 7th grade at the earliest. He has zero need (he has a Gabb watch so can text/call me if necessary, I can track him etc) and woo boy do phones cause problems. The longer you can wait the better.
Post by InBetweenDays on Jan 15, 2023 16:07:21 GMT -5
Neither kid (8th and 11th grade) had a phone in 4th grade, and I don't remember any of their friends having them. They both got them for Christmas of 6th grade.
I am a special snowflake. I was firmly in the “no phone until high school” camp but my daughter was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic and had to get a phone in 2nd grade for her medical devices; otherwise her sensor and pump can’t transmit the data to us while she is away from us.
She has an iPhone but it’s locked to only allow her to call/text us and use her medical apps.
Post by turkletsmom on Jan 15, 2023 16:34:08 GMT -5
Not a phone but he does have an IPod touch with wifi. He can Facetime and text other iPhones/iPads with it. His only apps are games and we have to approve all of them before he downloads. There are two neighborhood kids that are also in 4th that have phones with them when they stop by to play, but they were super impressed with DS's IPod so I'm guessing those phones are probably only for them to use when they are roaming the neighborhood.
His school (3rd-6th grade) has a no phones or smart watches allowed in school or on the bus policy. They have to be turned off and in backpacks.
My plan is to get a "home" cell phone once he starts staying home alone and let it become his in 7th grade when he goes to Jr. high.
The only kids I know who had phones in 4th were those with parents that didn’t live together. It was their contact with the parent they weren’t with at the time.
My kids get them in 6th grade. We hadn’t really planned on that, but once our oldest started 6th, we quickly realized the middle school left most communication up to the kids. The first time an after school club was cancelled and he randomly showed up on the bus when we weren’t expecting him we decided to get him a phone. It was fine when it happened, but we realized we wanted him to be able to contact us if a club let out early and he needed to be picked up at a different time or something. Once they have a phone, we also allow the to go farther on their bike and be out for longer. The second time my son was allowed to go farther on his bike he got a flat about 2 miles from our house and was able to call us to come pick him up.
Our kids have (2nd one will get hers in the fall) iPhones, but they aren’t new. My oldest got an old iPhone 6 we had and my 10 year old will get another iPhone 6 we have when she starts middle school in the fall. Our only cost is adding the phones to our account when we are ready to activate them.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Jan 15, 2023 17:28:02 GMT -5
DD is in 5th and I'd say about half her peers have phones, but our district is a little different where elementary is K-4 and then we have a 5th-6th middle school and then a 7th-8th middle school, then 9-12 high school. We made ds wait until he was 12, which was right before he was starting 7th, which seemed really late compared to a lot of his peers, but it worked out well for us. But we also decided dd will get hers on her 12th birthday (which is coming up), which for her will be early on in 6th grade. I can also add that there are group chats (both on phones and on other things like chromebook chat, iPod chat, fb messenger chat) that cause a LOT of drama at this age so any device that dd has gets highly monitored.
Post by goldengirlz on Jan 15, 2023 17:42:53 GMT -5
My middle schooler doesn’t even have a phone.
I’m in the camp of trying to hold off as long as possible. I’ve never met a parent of older kids who’s waited and regretted it.
Ironically, my parent-friends who work in tech have actually been less likely to get their kids phones than the ones who don’t. (We’re not this strict, but this is definitely something I’ve seen in tech circles: www.nytimes.com/2014/09/11/fashion/steve-jobs-apple-was-a-low-tech-parent.html It sometimes feels like it’s a bit of a status symbol to say your kid doesn’t have a phone.)
My 5th grader doesn’t have a phone, but a decent number of his friends so and have since 4th grade. My 8th and 11th graders have phones. Honestly, I wish we had waited with my older kids, but for lots of reasons it made sense when they got them. My dear was forced to endure an ancient flip phone to start.
My DS is going to reap the consequences of his sisters’ actions though and will most likely start with an Apple Watch with no phone for 6th and 7th grade and then maybe move to a phone in 8th. We will see though, it’s really hard because it truly is a big way in which teens connect and feel included and that has value. Unfortunately the bad stuff that phones bring really sucks. It’s an awful balancing game.