So she basically said that it's ok that the assignment derailed your son because it helped B learn to read the directions? That's garbage. It's like leaving racist picture books on the shelves so you can have a teachable moment for white kids without regard to how harmful the content is for children of color.
So she basically said that it's ok that the assignment derailed your son because it helped B learn to read the directions? That's garbage. It's like leaving racist picture books on the shelves so you can have a teachable moment for white kids without regard to how harmful the content is for children of color.
A silly "quiz" teaching kids to read directions is as damaging as racism? Is that the nonsense I just read here?
Seriously. And while sparky may be happy for teachers to go, IME, a mediocre teacher is honestly better than having no teacher at all. It is easy to be flippant about it but it is a serious problem in reality.
CurlyQ284 , I'm sorry the meeting didn't go as you wished. It sounds like this school really might not offer the support and expertise to handle his challenges. Is there anyone on campus that has developed a positive relationship with him that can help support him when he is struggling? That can make such a huge difference since that person will often be able to "get through" to a child who is otherwise wrapped up in an incident, calming the situation down, allowing him to be heard, and restoring the relationship instead of letting the incident drag out. I wonder about the librarian being the acting admin when this happened... is this a small school? Is there only a principal or do you also have an Assistant Principal, Counselor, etc?
Yeah I did think that was weird, there's never been an assistant principal. I'm from a different state so I figured they just do things differently here (they break up the grades differently than what I experienced too). The school is about 100 kids per grade, jr k-4th so I guess 500 kids which seems normal I think?
He does have a few teachers he loves and trusts. He usually does have a visit with the male teacher he is close to and then he was assigned "safety duty" with the other one, so he assists her in the classroom in the morning and then again at dismissal.
I'm also allowing for the possibility that maybe they will marinate on what I said about kids like him processing things differently.
I hope they do, too. I'll be honest here, I probably had 2-3 kids with ODD out of the hundreds I taught in the classroom. I never had blowups from a kid like what you describe but I've certainly witnessed some that came out of seemingly nowhere (they didn't of course). There are so many different disabilities/challenges and the reality is that teachers often learn how to handle them when they have a child with that challenge in their classroom. It isn't great but it's also what is happening because there just isn't enough support available. If you've otherwise had a good/calm experience with this teacher since he was placed in her class a few months ago, I'd keep working with your son to restore that relationship and trust with her.
So she basically said that it's ok that the assignment derailed your son because it helped B learn to read the directions? That's garbage. It's like leaving racist picture books on the shelves so you can have a teachable moment for white kids without regard to how harmful the content is for children of color.
A silly "quiz" teaching kids to read directions is as damaging as racism? Is that the nonsense I just read here?
Oh please. I was saying the notion that as long as X is group is benefitting, it is ok for other kids to suffer is a terrible mindset. At no point did I say OP's son's situation was as damaging as facing systemic and ongoing racism.
A silly "quiz" teaching kids to read directions is as damaging as racism? Is that the nonsense I just read here?
Oh please. I was saying the notion that as long as X is group is benefitting, it is ok for other kids to suffer is a terrible mindset. At no point did I say OP's son's situation was as damaging as facing systemic and ongoing racism.
You absolutely equated it. “It’s like when…” No, not it’s not like when that happens. At all.
Yeah I did think that was weird, there's never been an assistant principal. I'm from a different state so I figured they just do things differently here (they break up the grades differently than what I experienced too). The school is about 100 kids per grade, jr k-4th so I guess 500 kids which seems normal I think?
He does have a few teachers he loves and trusts. He usually does have a visit with the male teacher he is close to and then he was assigned "safety duty" with the other one, so he assists her in the classroom in the morning and then again at dismissal.
I'm also allowing for the possibility that maybe they will marinate on what I said about kids like him processing things differently.
I hope they do, too. I'll be honest here, I probably had 2-3 kids with ODD out of the hundreds I taught in the classroom. I never had blowups from a kid like what you describe but I've certainly witnessed some that came out of seemingly nowhere (they didn't of course). There are so many different disabilities/challenges and the reality is that teachers often learn how to handle them when they have a child with that challenge in their classroom. It isn't great but it's also what is happening because there just isn't enough support available. If you've otherwise had a good/calm experience with this teacher since he was placed in her class a few months ago, I'd keep working with your son to restore that relationship and trust with her.
Yeah things have been ok so far this year. She seems stern and like she has firm boundaries. He does much better with that than teachers that are very nurturing but let him get away with too much. I just wanted to get my piece across that it would help her for the rest of the year if she can have a one on one with him and patch this up. I can tell him "she meant this or intended that" but it doesn't help unless the teacher does the repair.
With his #1 go to person, he misunderstood something earlier in the year and was upset and I chatted with that teacher and told DS that I thought he misinterpreted some things. The teacher had a heart to heart with him and everything is fine. DS will be cool but the adult has to level with him, admit when you make mistakes or tell him what you meant or why you did what you did. If he understands that, he can usually be fine.
If he gets authoritarian types that think they're always right and that kids shouldn't have an opinion or anything...he does not respond well and then he (and usually the teacher also) don't give each other the benefit of the doubt and it just goes badly.
I get that the teachers have a lot of kids and they're the experts at teaching but I have one kid and I am the expert of DS and I'd like for things to go smoothly so I hope they heard what I said. I absolutely think this is fixable but the teacher will have to have a big role in the fixing so I hope she is able to chat with him about this. Also if he thinks on it, he may change his attitude on the whole thing too. I'm not a fan of the execution here but if he understands that testing is coming and she wants the kids to be careful because she can't help them, he might come around. I'm glad it's a weekend, everyone can mull it over for a few days.
A silly "quiz" teaching kids to read directions is as damaging as racism? Is that the nonsense I just read here?
Oh please. I was saying the notion that as long as X is group is benefitting, it is ok for other kids to suffer is a terrible mindset. At no point did I say OP's son's situation was as damaging as facing systemic and ongoing racism.
You are equating and minimizing. Full stop. Oh please all you want.
I hope they do, too. I'll be honest here, I probably had 2-3 kids with ODD out of the hundreds I taught in the classroom. I never had blowups from a kid like what you describe but I've certainly witnessed some that came out of seemingly nowhere (they didn't of course). There are so many different disabilities/challenges and the reality is that teachers often learn how to handle them when they have a child with that challenge in their classroom. It isn't great but it's also what is happening because there just isn't enough support available. If you've otherwise had a good/calm experience with this teacher since he was placed in her class a few months ago, I'd keep working with your son to restore that relationship and trust with her.
Yeah things have been ok so far this year. She seems stern and like she has firm boundaries. He does much better with that than teachers that are very nurturing but let him get away with too much. I just wanted to get my piece across that it would help her for the rest of the year if she can have a one on one with him and patch this up. I can tell him "she meant this or intended that" but it doesn't help unless the teacher does the repair.
With his #1 go to person, he misunderstood something earlier in the year and was upset and I chatted with that teacher and told DS that I thought he misinterpreted some things. The teacher had a heart to heart with him and everything is fine. DS will be cool but the adult has to level with him, admit when you make mistakes or tell him what you meant or why you did what you did. If he understands that, he can usually be fine.
If he gets authoritarian types that think they're always right and that kids shouldn't have an opinion or anything...he does not respond well and then he (and usually the teacher also) don't give each other the benefit of the doubt and it just goes badly.
I get that the teachers have a lot of kids and they're the experts at teaching but I have one kid and I am the expert of DS and I'd like for things to go smoothly so I hope they heard what I said. I absolutely think this is fixable but the teacher will have to have a big role in the fixing so I hope she is able to chat with him about this. Also if he thinks on it, he may change his attitude on the whole thing too. I'm not a fan of the execution here but if he understands that testing is coming and she wants the kids to be careful because she can't help them, he might come around. I'm glad it's a weekend, everyone can mull it over for a few days.
For sure! From what you've described of how things have gone the last few months, it seems reasonable that she will reflect on this after she left the meeting and has a chance to think about what happened from your DS' perspective.
Oh please. I was saying the notion that as long as X is group is benefitting, it is ok for other kids to suffer is a terrible mindset. At no point did I say OP's son's situation was as damaging as facing systemic and ongoing racism.
You absolutely equated it. “It’s like when…” No, not it’s not like when that happens. At all.
You're wrong. That is absolutely not what I said. I said it is the same mindset - as long as someone benefits, it's ok if someone else suffers. I did not say they were on the same level of importance. And I would go on to say that accepting this mindset in situations like the OP contributes to people accepting it in issues of racism and sexism and all the other isms.
Oh please. I was saying the notion that as long as X is group is benefitting, it is ok for other kids to suffer is a terrible mindset. At no point did I say OP's son's situation was as damaging as facing systemic and ongoing racism.
You are equating and minimizing. Full stop. Oh please all you want.
I was talking to my boss about the whole thing (we've worked together for 15 years, his adult son had some authority issues growing up) and he asked me if DS ever talks to me like this and he really doesn't. I don't ever remember him telling me to shut up, but I also don't talk to him like the teacher did. He does all his chores without issue, sometimes he will be mad at a video game and will be snappy with me but usually he says "I'm sorry mom, I'm just mad at the game I didn't mean to sound like that". He apologizes when he does something wrong, usually after I send him to his room for a time to cool down.
He can be a really sweet kid, for the teachers in the thread that are appalled lol. For his two favorite teachers he will do ANYTHING for them. He cried the other day because he thinks he won't see them again after he moves up to the next school. It's just he slips up sometimes. He's been in and out of therapy and on medication since he was 5, we are always working on it and he has improved a lot. So if you get a kid like mine please don't just think he's a monster. It's a struggle just for him to be at the same place that's the starting line for all the other kids.
Post by maudefindlay on Feb 10, 2023 13:13:33 GMT -5
I think you are going about this well OP, but I guarantee no teachers are pearl clutching on what your son said. I also don't like what the teacher said, but am not pearl clutching that either. The fact is when you talk to your son you are definitely discussing alternative responses to hearing things he doesn't agree with or like other than shut up. That you can actively work on. You put it out there for the teacher to be mindful of her language and maybe she will, maybe she won't. I hope you can all make it thru the rest of the school year with no bumps and that your son gets the education and services he needs.
I hope they do, too. I'll be honest here, I probably had 2-3 kids with ODD out of the hundreds I taught in the classroom. I never had blowups from a kid like what you describe but I've certainly witnessed some that came out of seemingly nowhere (they didn't of course). There are so many different disabilities/challenges and the reality is that teachers often learn how to handle them when they have a child with that challenge in their classroom. It isn't great but it's also what is happening because there just isn't enough support available. If you've otherwise had a good/calm experience with this teacher since he was placed in her class a few months ago, I'd keep working with your son to restore that relationship and trust with her.
Yeah things have been ok so far this year. She seems stern and like she has firm boundaries. He does much better with that than teachers that are very nurturing but let him get away with too much. I just wanted to get my piece across that it would help her for the rest of the year if she can have a one on one with him and patch this up. I can tell him "she meant this or intended that" but it doesn't help unless the teacher does the repair.
With his #1 go to person, he misunderstood something earlier in the year and was upset and I chatted with that teacher and told DS that I thought he misinterpreted some things. The teacher had a heart to heart with him and everything is fine. DS will be cool but the adult has to level with him, admit when you make mistakes or tell him what you meant or why you did what you did. If he understands that, he can usually be fine.
If he gets authoritarian types that think they're always right and that kids shouldn't have an opinion or anything...he does not respond well and then he (and usually the teacher also) don't give each other the benefit of the doubt and it just goes badly.
I get that the teachers have a lot of kids and they're the experts at teaching but I have one kid and I am the expert of DS and I'd like for things to go smoothly so I hope they heard what I said. I absolutely think this is fixable but the teacher will have to have a big role in the fixing so I hope she is able to chat with him about this. Also if he thinks on it, he may change his attitude on the whole thing too. I'm not a fan of the execution here but if he understands that testing is coming and she wants the kids to be careful because she can't help them, he might come around. I'm glad it's a weekend, everyone can mull it over for a few days.
Isn’t this exactly what oppostional defiant disorder is? Does he have a 504 plan? I’m just curious because it seems like what happened is a perfect storm of a teacher triggering his exact weak spot.
I feel it’s a lot to expect a teacher to know each child’s *exact* triggers in emotional situations. Many adults don’t even know what sets them off. As you said, your son needs to learn to control his emotions and that will come with time and practice. In the mean time, it may be useful to outline what his triggering situations are with him. Ask him how he can help mend the fence as well as what would help if the teacher did. Ask a therapist to help him with techniques to calm him when triggered.
I’m hesitant on your statement that the teacher “has a big role in the fixing.” The teacher has a role. Your son has a role. This won’t be the last situation that triggers deep anger in him and next time may not be with someone who is willing to work with him, hear him out, or discuss. He needs to release that anger in healthy ways that do not rely on the other person responding exactly as he wants.
It’s a hard situation, Curly. I hope the weekend is calming for everyone!
I was talking to my boss about the whole thing (we've worked together for 15 years, his adult son had some authority issues growing up) and he asked me if DS ever talks to me like this and he really doesn't. I don't ever remember him telling me to shut up, but I also don't talk to him like the teacher did. He does all his chores without issue, sometimes he will be mad at a video game and will be snappy with me but usually he says "I'm sorry mom, I'm just mad at the game I didn't mean to sound like that". He apologizes when he does something wrong, usually after I send him to his room for a time to cool down.
He can be a really sweet kid, for the teachers in the thread that are appalled lol. For his two favorite teachers he will do ANYTHING for them. He cried the other day because he thinks he won't see them again after he moves up to the next school. It's just he slips up sometimes. He's been in and out of therapy and on medication since he was 5, we are always working on it and he has improved a lot. So if you get a kid like mine please don't just think he's a monster. It's a struggle just for him to be at the same place that's the starting line for all the other kids.
FWIW, I think most of us are appalled at the "burn it down" mentality of other people, not you or his behavior. Kids are all different but what you've described (improvement over time, occasional slip ups, strong relationships with a small number of favorite teachers) all sounds pretty standard for kids who struggle to navigate group environments like school. IME, most of his teachers don't think he's a monster at all. They are tired, stressed, and juggling conflicting needs of 20+ kids along with too many demands on their time for things that don't matter much while trying to figure out how to squeeze in the essentials and that often means they can't do things as perfectly as we'd all wish. There are some that have no patience for it at all but most of the teachers I've worked with don't see kids who struggle like that at all.
OP, no one in here is appalled at your child. No one thinks he is a monster because of his ODD, this incident, or any other reason.
I am, however, consistently reminded in posts like these that many parents are more then ready and willing to believe the absolute worst about their children’s teachers from an account they get after a discipline issue occurs.
No one knows exactly her intention or tone with this activity or how each kid received it on this particular day, but the overwhelming response of “fuck her/what an asshat,” to me, is pretty ridiculous.
Yeah things have been ok so far this year. She seems stern and like she has firm boundaries. He does much better with that than teachers that are very nurturing but let him get away with too much. I just wanted to get my piece across that it would help her for the rest of the year if she can have a one on one with him and patch this up. I can tell him "she meant this or intended that" but it doesn't help unless the teacher does the repair.
With his #1 go to person, he misunderstood something earlier in the year and was upset and I chatted with that teacher and told DS that I thought he misinterpreted some things. The teacher had a heart to heart with him and everything is fine. DS will be cool but the adult has to level with him, admit when you make mistakes or tell him what you meant or why you did what you did. If he understands that, he can usually be fine.
If he gets authoritarian types that think they're always right and that kids shouldn't have an opinion or anything...he does not respond well and then he (and usually the teacher also) don't give each other the benefit of the doubt and it just goes badly.
I get that the teachers have a lot of kids and they're the experts at teaching but I have one kid and I am the expert of DS and I'd like for things to go smoothly so I hope they heard what I said. I absolutely think this is fixable but the teacher will have to have a big role in the fixing so I hope she is able to chat with him about this. Also if he thinks on it, he may change his attitude on the whole thing too. I'm not a fan of the execution here but if he understands that testing is coming and she wants the kids to be careful because she can't help them, he might come around. I'm glad it's a weekend, everyone can mull it over for a few days.
Isn’t this exactly what oppostional defiant disorder is? Does he have a 504 plan? I’m just curious because it seems like what happened is a perfect storm of a teacher triggering his exact weak spot.
I feel it’s a lot to expect a teacher to know each child’s *exact* triggers in emotional situations. Many adults don’t even know what sets them off. As you said, your son needs to learn to control his emotions and that will come with time and practice. In the mean time, it may be useful to outline what his triggering situations are with him. Ask him how he can help mend the fence as well as what would help if the teacher did. Ask a therapist to help him with techniques to calm him when triggered.
I’m hesitant on your statement that the teacher “has a big role in the fixing.” The teacher has a role. Your son has a role. This won’t be the last situation that triggers deep anger in him and next time may not be with someone who is willing to work with him, hear him out, or discuss. He needs to release that anger in healthy ways that do not rely on the other person responding exactly as he wants.
It’s a hard situation, Curly. I hope the weekend is calming for everyone!
Oh sorry, yes he does have a role. What I meant is that I can't fix it, it has to come from the two of them. Cause I can say all day that she meant this or that (which I will still do, so he can think on it and maybe come around) but what I say won't matter unless he feels ok with her, if that makes sense.
You absolutely equated it. “It’s like when…” No, not it’s not like when that happens. At all.
You're wrong. That is absolutely not what I said. I said it is the same mindset - as long as someone benefits, it's ok if someone else suffers. I did not say they were on the same level of importance. And I would go on to say that accepting this mindset in situations like the OP contributes to people accepting it in issues of racism and sexism and all the other isms.
You state this as if the teacher handed out the quiz thinking "This is really going to piss this kid off and ruin his day, but the other kids might learn how to read directions for their test, so yay!" I promise you that teacher's don't purposefully set off or trigger these reactions in kids, not just because we aren't monsters but because it derails our day and the day of all the other student's as well.
I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about in the last sentence. This is not a "mind set"- she gave an assignment, OP's kid had a bad reaction to the assignment, teacher went "oh shit, didn't see that coming", they had a meeting, both sides need to accept their part in what went wrong, the end! But I guess what her class was really learning was that it's okay to be sexist. Or racist. Or something.
I was talking to my boss about the whole thing (we've worked together for 15 years, his adult son had some authority issues growing up) and he asked me if DS ever talks to me like this and he really doesn't. I don't ever remember him telling me to shut up, but I also don't talk to him like the teacher did. He does all his chores without issue, sometimes he will be mad at a video game and will be snappy with me but usually he says "I'm sorry mom, I'm just mad at the game I didn't mean to sound like that". He apologizes when he does something wrong, usually after I send him to his room for a time to cool down.
He can be a really sweet kid, for the teachers in the thread that are appalled lol. For his two favorite teachers he will do ANYTHING for them. He cried the other day because he thinks he won't see them again after he moves up to the next school. It's just he slips up sometimes. He's been in and out of therapy and on medication since he was 5, we are always working on it and he has improved a lot. So if you get a kid like mine please don't just think he's a monster. It's a struggle just for him to be at the same place that's the starting line for all the other kids.
I completely agree that her commentary about failing was inappropriate and probably was hurtful to way more kids than it "helped". And I know that you need more time to address the bigger problem, which is denying him the instruction that occurred after he was sent to the library. But I would definitely work with someone knowledgeable to figure out what needs to be done in order to establish predetermined consequences for any "behaviors" (reactions) he has. I know you said he has a 504 now instead of an IEP. Did he previously have a functional behavioral assessment/FBA and a BIP? I think he probably had something given some of the background you have given about classroom evacuations, etc. But maybe not, and in any case, it should be updated. He may need to have an IEP again. But unfortunately, it's much harder to call out schools/admins for allowing these unofficial suspensions if they aren't violating a predetermined behavioral plan. I would also contact your district special education/504/child study team and ask for a representative to sit in on these meetings. If you still don't get anywhere, you can also usually request a facilitated meeting with your state department of education. If he needs a 1:1 para in order to safely stay in the classroom instead of de facto ISS, then that's what he needs. Getting some progress before he leaves elementary school will be key because for whatever reason, middle/intermediate/high schools seem to be super resistant to adding to plans.
And I would definitely ask for an addendum meeting for his 504 to require instructions to be read to him or highlighted or whatever he needs. That's such a common accommodation and hopefully it will stop his teacher from doing stuff like this at least to him. You can request that meeting while you work on the other stuff. We keep having to do this with my daughter's school because all of the stuff they removed from her plan as no longer relevant (like allowing her to type everything now that everyone has a Chromebook) is being contradicted by an idiot gifted/talented teacher who is obsessed with them writing "in their best handwriting". It's so infuriating. Good luck.
You're wrong. That is absolutely not what I said. I said it is the same mindset - as long as someone benefits, it's ok if someone else suffers. I did not say they were on the same level of importance. And I would go on to say that accepting this mindset in situations like the OP contributes to people accepting it in issues of racism and sexism and all the other isms.
You state this as if the teacher handed out the quiz thinking "This is really going to piss this kid off and ruin his day, but the other kids might learn how to read directions for their test, so yay!" I promise you that teacher's don't purposefully set off or trigger these reactions in kids, not just because we aren't monsters but because it derails our day and the day of all the other student's as well.
I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about in the last sentence. This is not a "mind set"- she gave an assignment, OP's kid had a bad reaction to the assignment, teacher went "oh shit, didn't see that coming", they had a meeting, both sides need to accept their part in what went wrong, the end! But I guess what her class was really learning was that it's okay to be sexist. Or racist. Or something.
WTF are YOU talking about? I never said that was her mind set when giving the assignment. It was her mind set in justifying it to the OP. just like when a librarian leaves a problematic book on the shelf so parents can use it as a teaching moment. the teacher justified the assignment by saying, "Look, B learned to read the directions!" thus implying that it was ok to give the assignment even though OP's son was hurt by it.
Seriously, fuck off with all of this. Your take on what I said AND what I meant is wrong.
You state this as if the teacher handed out the quiz thinking "This is really going to piss this kid off and ruin his day, but the other kids might learn how to read directions for their test, so yay!" I promise you that teacher's don't purposefully set off or trigger these reactions in kids, not just because we aren't monsters but because it derails our day and the day of all the other student's as well.
I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about in the last sentence. This is not a "mind set"- she gave an assignment, OP's kid had a bad reaction to the assignment, teacher went "oh shit, didn't see that coming", they had a meeting, both sides need to accept their part in what went wrong, the end! But I guess what her class was really learning was that it's okay to be sexist. Or racist. Or something.
WTF are YOU talking about? I never said that was her mind set when giving the assignment. It was her mind set in justifying it to the OP. just like when a librarian leaves a problematic book on the shelf so parents can use it as a teaching moment. the teacher justified the assignment by saying, "Look, B learned to read the directions!" thus implying that it was ok to give the assignment even though OP's son was hurt by it.
Seriously, fuck off with all of this. Your take on what I said AND what I meant is wrong.
Reread your post. You definitely equated the two, it was a really poor comparison, and now you keep doubling down. She’s not at all wrong, you are.
So she basically said that it's ok that the assignment derailed your son because it helped B learn to read the directions? That's garbage. It's like leaving racist picture books on the shelves so you can have a teachable moment for white kids without regard to how harmful the content is for children of color.
I didn't get that from the description at all. She was describing how it was useful to other kids who were initially upset and that they were able to learn the lesson she intended and apply it to their work.
I don't think we need to overblow what happened here or minimize the harm of racist picture books in the classroom by equating the two things.
I disagree. I think she disregarded the kid with the IEP because the kid without the IEP learned something. She could have taught this lesson in a way both kids benefitted from. Or at least acknowledged that possibility in the meeting with the OP.
I didn't minimize the harms of racism. I said it's the same line of thinking in that a person of power is justifying a choice because it benefits a majority group even though it harmed a non-member of that group.
WTF are YOU talking about? I never said that was her mind set when giving the assignment. It was her mind set in justifying it to the OP. just like when a librarian leaves a problematic book on the shelf so parents can use it as a teaching moment. the teacher justified the assignment by saying, "Look, B learned to read the directions!" thus implying that it was ok to give the assignment even though OP's son was hurt by it.
Seriously, fuck off with all of this. Your take on what I said AND what I meant is wrong.
Reread your post. You definitely equated the two, it was a really poor comparison, and now you keep doubling down. She’s not at all wrong, you are.
I have re-read the post. I have repeatedly explained my thought process. I will keep saying the same thing - that justifying something as a benefit to one group even though it harms someone outside of that group is bad. Racist books are an example of why. That in no way even gets close to implying that I think the OP's situation is on par with systemic racism.
I didn't get that from the description at all. She was describing how it was useful to other kids who were initially upset and that they were able to learn the lesson she intended and apply it to their work.
I don't think we need to overblow what happened here or minimize the harm of racist picture books in the classroom by equating the two things.
I disagree. I think she disregarded the kid with the IEP because the kid without the IEP learned something. She could have taught this lesson in a way both kids benefitted from. Or at least acknowledged that possibility in the meeting with the OP.
I didn't minimize the harms of racism. I said it's the same line of thinking in that a person of power is justifying a choice because it benefits a majority group even though it harmed a non-member of that group.
Except in your example the librarian is KNOWINGLY leaving racist books in their library, fully aware of the hurt and trauma they would cause. Which is absolutely nothing like what happened here.
In the future I think it would be a great idea to just pause after typing and thing to yourself “Hey, is this a thing that a rational person could equate to racism?” before hitting enter.
I disagree. I think she disregarded the kid with the IEP because the kid without the IEP learned something. She could have taught this lesson in a way both kids benefitted from. Or at least acknowledged that possibility in the meeting with the OP.
I didn't minimize the harms of racism. I said it's the same line of thinking in that a person of power is justifying a choice because it benefits a majority group even though it harmed a non-member of that group.
Except in your example the librarian is KNOWINGLY leaving racist books in their library, fully aware of the hurt and trauma they would cause. Which is absolutely nothing like what happened here.
In the future I think it would be a great idea to just pause after typing and thing to yourself “Hey, is this a thing that a rational person could equate to racism?” before hitting enter.
Wrong again. In my example the librarian doesn't consider the harm because there is someone benefitting - just like in the OP.
In the future, I think it would be a great idea to just pause and think to yourself, "Hey did this person ACTUALLY say or mean what I am about to accuse her of saying or meaning?" before hitting enter.
I'm always surprised when people double (or quadruple) down on problematic posts.
Back to the topic:
During COVID, I saw a teacher administer a version of this to 4th graders over zoom in a way that was not belittling, not humiliating and the kids learned. Basically, the only negative consequence of not reading all the directions before starting was that you had wasted your time and energy completing the form. None of the questions were embarrassing (like someone else in here) merely time consuming. And all were on material the kids had mastered/practiced recently so even "wasting time" wasn't exactly a waste of time. The teacher phrased it as "Following directions isn't just for my sake. Instructions are there to help you." With zoom, the kids didn't know who had done as directed and she didn't even have them turn it in with their other work.