Quick update Not sure what this could be

[campermom]

PDQ
poof

[flygirl]

I don’t know…do you know for sure they are still together? I’d lol if she already figured out he’s an ahole and wants help from you for her case.

ETA- I don’t know how it works but could it be something he made her write about how your coparenting is horrible?  I mean, it doesn’t have to be something legal-he could just be acting out like his normal ahole self.

ETA2-also just wanted to say I’m sorry you have to deal with such an ahole.  For some people it feels like their mission in life to just be aholes and they always think they’re totally justified.

[bronxgirl]

Ugh, I'm so sorry you're going through this. he is SUCH an asshole! If I were in your shoes I would probably ask my lawyer how to proceed. I could be wrong, but it seems like he's trying to trap you into something. he also might just be trying to freak you out. What an asshole.

[campermom]

Poof

[fivechickens]

He wants legal custody but doesn’t want to see the kids more tha. he does now? What the hell.

Is it possible that he asking for things that he knows he will not get so he will turn around and say ‘fuck it, if I don’t get this than what’s the point’. I mean, he’s seems to be asking for things that he clearly will be turned down for? Why would he do that? What his end game? Control obviously but he has to know these things will not be granted, right?

[campermom]

Poof

[joy]

It’s a scare tactic; that’s it.

When backed into a corner, the npd lash out and try to exert control. He is trying to imidiat you to give him what he wants ahead of any other party deciding for him. He’s trying to control you as it’s easier than controlling the whole mediation process.

I would bet thousands that your discovery bothers him zero as he feels it’s lies, slander, and just jibberish. It doesn’t scare him in the way that it would you or me. His sole focus is getting what he wants and the path of least resistance is scaring you into submission.

That’s truly all. Don’t give in. Don’t give it more thought. He’s flailing.

[joy]

He could get angrier from here or relent but make it seem like a favor to you. Who the fuck knows.

Do NOT give him legal custody. Do NOT give in no matter what he says. It’s what wants so he can take your son out of mental health treatment, which you know is inappropriate and wrong.

[cleo29]

I think any judge reading what he wants and yet seeing that he shows no desire to actually be with his kids more, do more for them, etc. will see this for what it is and deny it.

You truly have so much on your side backing up what was agreed to and he has shit.

[sofamonkey]

Honesty, I’d give it to your lawyer unopened and let them deal with it. I’d not give a single solitary fuck what it said.

[mysteriouswife]

I would bet a million bucks is an invitation to their wedding. It’s got be that dumb. They will say it’s so you knew the dates and can’t keep the kids from going.

[campermom]

Poof

[campermom]

Poof

[whattheheck]

I have no idea what it could be but I would make an effort to get it. The sooner you get it, the sooner you can start preparing yourself for whatever nonsense it contains. You don’t want to be blindsided by it in court or look like you are dodging something. It sucks.

[cleo29]

Mar 18, 2023 20:54:41 GMT -5 campermom said:

cleo29 not only would they not award it, he actually has to prove a material change in circumstance from the agreement. For a long time he was saying “I’m getting married” is a change…lol

He is such a dumb dumb. I would be tempted to steam open the envelope, but obviously, that is not what you should do. lol

[cleo29]

Never mind that part about the envelope. lol I read that incorrectly.

[mommyatty]

campermom, ask your lawyer. I would also ask about a requirement that all communication be through an app that’s meant to help with these situations, like Our Family Wizard. Making pdfs of texts is exhausting, and you should be able to have an easier way to show the court his communications without having to go through that. I’ve heard good things about that one because there’s a feature that is meant to monitor the tone of communications for you so you can edit if you’re being a jerk. Not that he would use it, but it would be available to him.

Personally, I wouldn’t sign for it. Can you see the date it was sent? Usually certified stuff takes a long time, so I’m guessing it was sent long before discovery was due. Tell him to send it to your lawyer but so long as there is pending litigation, you prefer any communication not specifically about the kids and the parenting schedule be through your lawyers and any communication about the kids be through text and limited to immediate needs.

My guess is she’s put together a “let’s just all get along, which we can do if you stop drugging your child, and we will be happy to live in harmony” letter that he’s agreed to send. And I would love to know if he’s still paying his lawyer. His cheap ass is probably arguing every tenth of an hour and so his lawyer is putting in the absolute bare minimum (or less). Btw did you put anything about the pets he was trying to fob off on you in there? I hope so.

[livinitup]

It’s more legal abuse. Now it’s just certified mail abuse.

I would not make an effort to go get it and sign for it. Trouble is going to find you anyway.

[AAM2012]

Mar 18, 2023 20:43:11 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Honesty, I’d give it to your lawyer unopened and let them deal with it. I’d not give a single solitary fuck what it said.

Agree with this, if you are there at a delivery attempt.

But I wouldn’t go out of my way by any means to be there for the delivery or open the door if I’m in the middle of something. If it’s something important that needs to be sent via certified, then it also should be sent via regular mail to show due diligence.

If I had to guess, it’s a letter from the new wife talking about how much she wants to be part of your life, the kid(s), like a hallmark movie, etc. they she felt compelled to write.

By compelled, I mean your ex “asked” her to.

[campermom]

PDQ poof

[Jalapeñomel]

I would stop all communication with this man, and everything goes through your lawyer or one of those apps. I’d have the letter sent to them, and then I’d have my lawyer draw up documents that all communication go through them or through this app.

[campermom]

Poof

[joy]

Mar 19, 2023 8:17:18 GMT -5 campermom said:

The problem w apps:

He texts anyway.
I proposed communicating about appointments through an app at the last mediation. That became me, organizing two calendar systems. One for me and one for him. Why? Bc he changes/messes up the appointments. The ones I make. I have to then correct him and they becomes more communication. It’s just more and more communication. Or him asking me if I got his notification of him adding an event (that we are both notified about via emails) on the shared calendar.

Whereas, I can just send a text “next dentist is April 23 at 2” and be done w it. He can fail to show up like normal and I can go on about my life and he hasn’t modified any calendar system to f it up and communicate w me further about it

The goal is to wear you down to do it the way he pleases. Or hope you make mistakes that he can yell about.

Even if you get a court order to use only a controlled app, many cost money that he will probably refuse to pay or drag his feet to pay for, etc.

The more he wears you down in every way he can think of, the more he will get his way. Pick your battles. I am so sorry, campermom.

[mommyatty]

campermom, the court can order that all communications be through the app. Then it tracks if he’s changing things like appointments and you can message through the app that he’s changed an appointment to the incorrect time or day. And you can block him from texting you because he’s not supposed to be texting you.

[campermom]

Poof

[joy]

Court orders are grand but every time he fails to follow it, then it results in going to court to address the issue, which costs money.

If it’s not emotional abuse then it will be financial. Again, same goal: to wear campermom down to let him have his way and the semblance of control.

There are no quick fixes here. There is just hassle around every single corner. Honestly, the true hope is her ex finds a new target. And if he has children with his new wife, perhaps his focus will shift. Until then, fight the most important battles with unwavering strength. Call his bluffs. Rely on your lawyer.

Keep your head high, campermom. It takes grit to handle this kind of abuse.

[sonrisa]

I'm sorry you are still dealing with all this bullshit. I hope the next thing that arrives in the mail is better.

[cuadrado]

I'm sorry you're going through this. PDQ: we have a family member who's XH is a narcissist. Even though they started out in mediation, things ended up having to go through the courts because he didn't stick to the agreement. The courts helped things work in her favor because like you, she had extensive documentation about how difficult he was being and how he wouldn't stick to the agreement.

I would find a way to set things up so that you only use the app, even if it means blocking his number.

[mommyatty]

campermom- the app I mentioned also allows you to put all the expenses in there so you can also easily track what he’s not paying. The point of the app is to make litigation (which is totally going to keep happening until he pisses the court off and they ban him from bringing anything against you for a set period of time) as inexpensive as possible. Discovery is hands down the most expensive part of litigation. If you can get it down to one spot where your attorney can go for everything, you’re cutting your costs substantially. That’s the real reason to use it. Plus to keep him from harassing you through multiple means. You should be able to pick up your cell phone without feeling dread. You should be able to get your mail without feeling dread. So do whatever you can to box out parts of your life so he can’t get in. Or his getting in comes with the possibility of his being held in contempt of court.

This sucks for you. And for your kids. I’m sorry. He’s a wart on the ass of humanity, but you know that.

[chickadee77]

I'm not experienced here at all, but if I understand correctly, I think one of your sources of frustration with the app could be eliminated if you also kept your own calendar, yes? That way, even if he changes something on the app, you wouldn't be going by that, anyway, and it would be documented that HE was the one making the change, which it would also be documented wasn't a change authorized by you since all communication goes through the app. So you'd have additional proof of his sabotage and gaslighting.

If I'm not understanding, just disregard, though. I'm so frustrated on your behalf.