Post by sofamonkey on Aug 17, 2023 23:44:59 GMT -5
Like. Adjust his schedule so the household can operate isn’t a huge ask. Even if you don’t need help in the morning. It’s an unnecessary stressor on everyone.
If he goes to bed and wakes up 1-1.5 hrs earlier, he can go to the gym or read or idk. Lol
I go to bed at midnight and wake up at 6:40 to get the kids ready (my H drives them) so I have no sympathy. I would tell your H he has three choices: get white noise, deal with it as it is, or get up and help.
I sincerely hope you get weekend mornings to rest if he gets all five weekdays. Even if you still wake up early, you should get the chance to relax.
Post by basilosaurus on Aug 18, 2023 1:22:10 GMT -5
No way are you the asshole.
I grew up in a house like this, other than single story. We couldn't make noise with our cereal spoons. If it was after 10p we couldn't run water to brush teeth or flush toilet. Try explaining that to sleepover friends!
It seriously messed me up, and I'm hyper sensitive to making noise even though I'm in my 40s. And I'm also as bothered by it even though I shouldn't be. My poor partners.
He needs to get over himself. I say this as someone who needs perfect quiet to sleep, and I protect that. This is why I don't have kids. Once you do, toss all that out the window
I would put it back on him to find some solutions here. My kids’ morning routines are pretty fast once they are out of bed (get dressed, brush teeth and hair and then go downstairs). What is their routine that takes 30 minutes? Maybe he can help them pick out their clothes the night before so that isn’t drama in the morning? Maybe he can put tooth brushes and whatnot in a downstairs bathroom so they can do those activities downstairs? I definitely think the ball is in his court to find some solutions if he is staying up late to unwind and then not able to handle normal mornings with kids household noises.
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I do the morning alone as well, in happy exchange for him doing all of bedtime. I’m toast by the evening and I don’t wanna, so this works for us.
My husband uses a fan for white noise and he never complains. That said, we aren’t upstairs for 30 minutes. Can you bring their clothes downstairs to put on, then do breakfast, then do teeth before you leave? Is there some small easy concession that can help? If you’re making no effort to be considerate because you’re kinda jealous, then that’s probably not great. But beyond that it’s on him. But my only ideas are white noise, he goes to bed earlier, or he accepts that this is how it is.
No, not the jerk. The only thing I might do is try to get most of the routine downstairs. Unless he complains about noise when you're already downstairs then that's too bad.
I lay out clothes the night before, my son puts em on and then comes downstairs immediately. He doesn't really go back up, he brushes his teeth in the downstairs bathroom.
He lives with other people. It's ok to be on a different schedule, but you don't get to dictate what everyone else in the house does on their time. There are viable options for reducing noise that he's refusing to try. He can get up with the family or not be a grumpy gus about the noise.
I’m here. I hear you that you don’t need him to get up, but the bolded is my issue here.
He lives with other people. It's ok to be on a different schedule, but you don't get to dictate what everyone else in the house does on their time. There are viable options for reducing noise that he's refusing to try. He can get up with the family or not be a grumpy gus about the noise.
I’m here. I hear you that you don’t need him to get up, but the bolded is my issue here.
same. He’s not a bachelor. He has to deal with living with other people! Especially young kids!! Good grief. The idea that you all should whisper and tip toe?? 😂😂😂
As others pointed out, even if you don’t need his help, another option is that he goes to bed earlier and gets up earlier and uses the morning to do whatever it is he does at night.
I mean young kids are loud. They just are. They don't need to feel like they are doing anything wrong but getting up and getting ready for school. He can deal with it OR he can get up and help. If he isn't helping here then I hope he is doing more after work because this is coming off as a pretty lopsided relationship based upon the information you shared.
Oh my goodness you are very much NTJ here. There are solutions to this problem and he needs to avail himself of one or several of them. He can try any of the solutions you suggested, or go to bed earlier so that if the kids do wake him up, he’s already had 7 or 8 hours rather than only 6. And a while he should be handling this, since he refuses, I’d put a fan in the bedroom myself and turn it on when you get up in the morning. If he doesn’t want the breeze, the fan doesn’t have to be aimed at him; it’s just for noise.
We do not tiptoe. When the house is awake, all bets are off.
On the flipside, I like to go to bed around 9 pm. My H and teen stay up later. I don’t ask them to tiptoe around because I prefer going to bed early. They are aware, but get to live their life.
The fact that your H was silly enough to make this request with a straight face tells me he is not tuned in. It is pretty selfish to ask a family getting ready for the day to be quiet just because he prefers to stay up to midnight.
I can’t get past the audacity of going to bed at midnight and then complaining about being woken up. It doesn’t sound like something an otherwise involved and hands on parent would say. What is he doing from ten to midnight? Is he working? Deep cleaning the house and doing laundry? What are his kid duties during the evening? Or what other big chunk of time is he on sole kid duty every day and you have free time?
Post by ProfessorArtNerd on Aug 18, 2023 7:10:00 GMT -5
This was a huge problem in my house when David was a baby, Lucy was 7 and H was working overnight. It was horrible, and when I pointed out how unfair it was to expect a BABY to be quiet during normal waking hours, he switched shifts. He also wouldn't/couldn't wear earplugs or use a white noise machine. Now, he mostly stays out of the way in the morning, but he does sit with the baby and watch videos at least.
I do the morning alone as well, in happy exchange for him doing all of bedtime. I’m toast by the evening and I don’t wanna, so this works for us.
My husband uses a fan for white noise and he never complains. That said, we aren’t upstairs for 30 minutes. Can you bring their clothes downstairs to put on, then do breakfast, then do teeth before you leave? Is there some small easy concession that can help? If you’re making no effort to be considerate because you’re kinda jealous, then that’s probably not great. But beyond that it’s on him. But my only ideas are white noise, he goes to bed earlier, or he accepts that this is how it is.
What? No. Why do they have to get dressed in the family room or whatever because homeboy can't wear earplugs?
I do the morning alone as well, in happy exchange for him doing all of bedtime. I’m toast by the evening and I don’t wanna, so this works for us.
My husband uses a fan for white noise and he never complains. That said, we aren’t upstairs for 30 minutes. Can you bring their clothes downstairs to put on, then do breakfast, then do teeth before you leave? Is there some small easy concession that can help? If you’re making no effort to be considerate because you’re kinda jealous, then that’s probably not great. But beyond that it’s on him. But my only ideas are white noise, he goes to bed earlier, or he accepts that this is how it is.
What? No. Why do they have to get dressed in the family room or whatever because homeboy can't wear earplugs?
Yup. If he was doing EVERYTHING he could to mitigate the sound and their kids were YELLING in the mornings... sure, find other solutions.
But when he won't do diddly squat and the other THREE people in the house hold have to adjust what THEY do because he won't adjust? Nope.
It's o.k. for her to admit she's jealous he gets to sleep in. She can feel they have a schedule that works for them but still also "be jealous" that he sleeps in. There are a lot of things that I can say I'm "jealous" about, but still wouldn't change because what works works.
Also, I don’t think you should have to do this, but I do our full morning routine downstairs because having it all in one place helps it go faster and my oldest doesn’t get distracted and spend 30 minutes singing to himself in the bathroom upstairs like he tends to do sometimes.
They wake up and immediately go downstairs. We have clothes laid out for them (or they lay them out) the night before. We have an extra set of toothbrushes and toothpaste in the downstairs bathroom cabinet. With everyone/everything in the same area, it goes super fast.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Aug 18, 2023 7:24:51 GMT -5
I get complaining about excessive noise in the morning, but complaining about normal getting ready noises?? No. He doesn't get to complain about that after he chooses to stay up until 12 and sleep until 8:30. I'm sure you and your children are not trying to purposely wake him but they need to get ready and that makes noise. He is the jerk and even more so because he is refusing the alternatives that you suggested (white noise, ear plugs)
Post by cattledogkisses on Aug 18, 2023 7:27:47 GMT -5
I'm not even a parent and I know that expecting two small children to be quiet while getting ready in the morning is not realistic.
He can either avail himself of noise blocking options, or he can adjust his schedule to align with the rest of the household. It's not like he works the night shift or something.
I do the morning alone as well, in happy exchange for him doing all of bedtime. I’m toast by the evening and I don’t wanna, so this works for us.
My husband uses a fan for white noise and he never complains. That said, we aren’t upstairs for 30 minutes. Can you bring their clothes downstairs to put on, then do breakfast, then do teeth before you leave? Is there some small easy concession that can help? If you’re making no effort to be considerate because you’re kinda jealous, then that’s probably not great. But beyond that it’s on him. But my only ideas are white noise, he goes to bed earlier, or he accepts that this is how it is.
What? No. Why do they have to get dressed in the family room or whatever because homeboy can't wear earplugs?
I agree! Why should everyone change their routine for someone who is unwilling to change theirs?!