Oh, another one. Our best couple friends are getting divorced. The husband has been staying with us for the last couple weeks and will be staying until he finds a house/apartment. Only us and their immediate family knows about the divorce.
My DH's firm is closing kind of unexpectedly and he's on a mad hunt for a new job. I haven't told my family because I don't want to field a million phone calls a day when I don't have any info, even though it's consuming my life.
Did he hear back from the job that had to check a conflict?
I never tell family when either of us are job hunting because I’m usually a stress ball by myself, I don’t need other people asking questions or (worse!) offering outdated advice.
this is going to sound more serious than it is but, I have a secret bank account my H doesn't know about. He is awful awful awful with money and doesn't understand budgeting at all. The only way I can stop him from spending is to "hide" money from him. I say more serious than it is because the account has about $500 in it. Sometimes more, but never exceeded 1k (not earmarked for something). I'm not hiding thousands from him, and I never spend it on myself.
probably more of a flamefull confession than a secret but oh well.
I used to have one of these too. I started it when dh got a new position with a significant bump in salary, and I actually started putting $1000 a month into it. We were also going through a really rocky period in our marriage at that point, and I'm a SAHM, and all our other financials are joint/in his name, so I wanted an account in my own name 'just in case.' There were just too many stories in my head about having to start over and not having accounts in my own name, and I opened it and set up the recurring deposit on a whim, and then just kinda let it keep going. When it got to a certain point, we had to claim the interest it was earning on our taxes, so at that point I did tell him about it, and I told him I opened in because I was thinking if anything ever happened to him and for some reason any accounts in his name were frozen, I wanted something in my own name I had access to and didn't have to worry about, and he didn't really question it. I then also told him at that point that I planned to use the money from that account to pay for a tummy tuck for my 40th birthday (which I just had 2.5 weeks ago actually, and paid for fully from that account), and that it could be a 'bonus account' if we needed stuff for the kid's college funds when that time comes. I don't really feel like I NEED the safety net of having that account anymore in terms of my marriage, but I still like having the account in my own name, so I don't plan to stop the transfers any time soon.
My DH's firm is closing kind of unexpectedly and he's on a mad hunt for a new job. I haven't told my family because I don't want to field a million phone calls a day when I don't have any info, even though it's consuming my life.
Did he hear back from the job that had to check a conflict?
I never tell family when either of us are job hunting because I’m usually a stress ball by myself, I don’t need other people asking questions or (worse!) offering outdated advice.
Exactly.
He is still waiting on a definitive answer from them. Hoping for an offer today! So stressful. Thanks for asking.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by ellipses84 on Aug 24, 2023 18:02:12 GMT -5
((Hugs)) to all of those going through a tough time.
I go to a gym that is exclusively semi-private and private lessons. DH is SO supportive of me working out there and I’ve mentioned it’s pricey but if he knew how expensive it really is he’d probably freak out. I only go half as much as most people because we can’t afford more and I’m grandfathered into an old plan. I’d also much rather spend the money on something else, but it pushes me to do really hard workouts I’d never do on my own. He also knows we went over budget on our summer vacation but is very “earmuffs” about it and doesn’t even want to know how much we spent.
My part time job wants me to go full time but I’m still doing consulting work I don’t want to stop so I’m avoiding the conversation and I may have led them to believe my main consulting project is ongoing when I’ve actually wrapped it up. I can’t keep up the farce much longer though. I also hadn’t told my consulting gig I may have to drastically reduce my hours or quit soon until today. We happened to go out to lunch after a meeting and it came up naturally. Still TBD on what I’m going to do and the timing. Ideally PT will hire me 32-36 hours/week as full time so I get benefits and can still consult a little. The original arrangements were supposed to be temporary and it’s been 3+ years.
I have a secret savings account. In so much as H lost the password, so he can’t see it on his side of our shared web banking login. I can, of course. I have a set amount direct deposited from checking 2x month and it really adds up.
We replaced the garage door with a fancier garage door a few years ago. So it’s not quite mad money. I am not planning to get divorced but it’s not a bad idea to have your own money in your own name for any reason.
I also keep and pay with cash a lot. I like just being able to pay for little things without a paper trail all the time.
My gut has said we need to take our older dog (11ish years old) to the vet because she’s having a lot of old dog problems but DH really doesn’t want to because he’s worried about bad news. I took her w/o telling him and the vet said she’s really slowed down and in a lot of pain. So now I need to talk to DH about taking her to the vet “for the first time” to talk about putting her down.
namasteak - is she on Rimadyl? Or similar for pain? It’s just an NSAID for dogs, works good for arthritis pain! There may be more going on, but if it’s truly just older dog stuff, they may be able to help her.
She is. She’s is almost deaf and starting to have problems with organs in addition to the arthritis. She is dumb as rocks and a weird looking beagle/lab mix but such a sweet dog.
My secret is that I used my internet research skills and found out a person I really dislike is SUPER delinquent on their property taxes. If I shared my findings I’d reveal myself as the weird cyber stalker I am.
I've made reservations for several restaurants for our holiday to Portugal and haven't shared a thing with my H. He knows that I have planned this trip but not to this extent.
If I might jump it...Buy The Wine in Lisbon. You won't regret it. (I have more recs if you want them). Portugal is my very favorite place in the world.
It's on the street where we're staying, so good rec!
ksun , I had breast reduction surgery. I told my mom, sister, and 3 friends and that was it. My other friend ghosted all her friends, so I will never tell her.
I was never planning to tell the in-laws because they are super judgy and I just don't need them talking about my boobs, being that it is a private part and everything. So DH accidentally tells them that I had surgery but not what kind. He mentioned it via text to his sister. His sister tells his mom, and his mom called him 4 times to demand he tell her what kind of surgery. It was bad. He knew then, not to tell. But it was getting to the point of me just saying tell her it was a hernia or something before she finally stopped. She loves to call and yell at him about stuff. One time it was when we had Covid, she called to complain about my mom and not being invited to a BBQ, then this time after the surgery. There is no support, it is just about her, so that is why I wasn't going to share. And she would blab it to everyone she knows and apparently the sister did too because she is the one who told MIL.
I never told anyone at work, and went back to work after 1.5 weeks with zero accommodations. It is a desk job unless I help out my staff with other tasks, so I just made sure to not help them. It was our slow period with no one on vacation so that worked out for me. I am extremely happy with my decisions to not tell ILs or work. Work would be understanding but the questions get intense, so I will probably not tell anyone about a surgery again there. Last time I told them about a surgery was DS's heart surgery and I had to tell them to stop asking me questions. They were trying to be doctors, and unless you are a pediatric cardiologist, I don't want or need your medical questions or advice because you have no idea what you are talking about and don't know his case.