@ Children today have less independence @@

[Roc A Bee]

This is super interesting to me. I have two SKs who split their time 50/50 and I think that has hurt their ability to make close neighborhood friends since they aren’t in one spot all the time.

[shauni27]

Oct 24, 2023 12:42:54 GMT -5 abs said:

I can see this.

The article talked a lot about education but one thing I didn’t see mentioned is so often parents want to jump in and immediately solve an issue with a teacher/class/friend. Kids aren’t getting a chance to address things themselves which in turn can harm their confidence and lead to anxiety that they need their parents to intervene. Obviously sometimes it’s necessary but it shouldn’t be the default.

To me the bigger problem isn’t over scheduling (that isn’t great either though) but the blind oh my kid can’t do that. About everything. They can actually really surprise you with what they can accomplish when given a chance.

this is a really good point that we have been starting to work on with S (6). Little things like "mom can you help with this?! or play this or do this for me?" and while it is usually faster and easier for us to do it for him, we are starting to do more of "why don't you try it yourself first. Then try it another way. If neither of those work, we can figure it out together." I hope that down the road this leads to more problem solving he can do independently.

[shauni27]

as parents of an only child in a rural area, I for sure worry about this. We do not live in a neighborhood where kids can just walk next door and find their friends. My H grew up very much independent and by age 8 was spending days with his older cousins or friends and just riding their bikes to the town pool, the brook, the park, etc, because they all lived in the suburban neighborhoods. I grew up more rural but we still had so much independence--I think on it now and wonder if I would let S do what my folks allowed me to do. I would go wander in the woods for hours around our house. I was much older for sure, but probably by 6-7 I was allowed to ride my bike a mile down the (dirt, single lane) road and back. I was allowed to walk to the neighbor's house (1/2 mile) to go swimming before we had our pool put in.

We schedule a lot of playdates with our friends at this point in order to create some freedom and flexibility for both the parents and kids. We will do a lot of group gatherings at someone's house where the parents can all go visit and 4-10 kids are just running around outside. They can bike up and down the road together, go for hikes in the woods together, etc. Just stick together and have fun, we don't need to know your every move, but we know they are in a group should something happen. This feels like a comfortable way to allow for some freedom and independence for the kids in our rural setting.

[candreco]

Walking home from school instead of going to aftercare was a big help for both of my kids. It let them a) walk with friends and a lot of spontaneous play/hang out were arranged then and b) it meant that each was likely to be home alone for 30-45 minutes until someone got home from work.

DD is very independent now at not quite 15; she already basically functions as an adult in our house and once she can drive she'll be pretty much all the way there. I do have to remind myself a lot to slow down and let DS do stuff himself, we all know he CAN, but tend toward jumping in to move things along faster, which of course does us no favors.

[eddy]

This article was helpful to solidify what I am trying to already do as a parent. We have done a really good job with our oldest on this topic. COVID actually made us push him out into the world and seek out independence. We were just hanging on by a string and needed him to do things like walk to school or handle his own coursework. He was in 7th grade in fall 2020 so big transition and he handled it on his own for the most part. I actually have a lot of guilt around that timeframe, even though ultimately I know it was good for him. But I really see the benefit now.

It is a little opposite for our youngest so this article is good to remind me to given him the self worth he needs by having higher expectations of him. As the baby in the family I have probably not held him to as high of a standard of his older brother. And COVID had a little bit of an opposite effect on how I parent him. I think I protected him more because I felt guilty he was more isolated than his older brother due to age.

Anyways, I have read a couple similar articles in the last couple months and it has really helped me with both kids.

[chedifuen]

Yes, I agree with this article so strongly. Parents are doing way too much with and for their kids. We have essentially opted out of the sports and activities rat race and we're so much happier as a family because of it.

My youngest does cross country, which is an hour after school for 6 weeks in the Fall. That is our only organized activity. My kids have so much free time and therefore so much time to explore their interests, hang out with friends, be bored, teach themselves new skills, etc.

My husband and I recently went away for 5 days and left the kids home alone. It was so good for all of us. Everyone gained some confidence.

The trade off is my 17 year old won't go to Princeton or some other exclusive school. However, he will have no trouble getting accepted to a state university and we are all just fine with that. I am personally convinced that this approach has allowed him to develop into a mature, interesting, and responsible kid. He is very resilient and knows himself very well.

[wanderingback]

Great article, thanks for sharing. Lots of thoughts!

I think it definitely starts so early these days! For example, I have the love very play kits cause I found it's just easy to get those and not have to get other toys really. Well I joined a group where people buy and sell items, but of course lot of parents chat as well. There are so many posts about "my 7 month old doesn't do the ball drop correctly yet, when did your baby start doing it?" Omg people, if a baby wants to just let the balls roll on the floor and don't "correctly" drop it in the container, that is ok, just let them play however they want!

Based on posts from here it does seem a lot of parents intervene in school and recess issues. I guess it's easier these days now that teachers have email? Outside of true bullying, threats or physical violence I think in general it's fine to let kids work out there problems and figure out ways to cope with tough life stuff that is typically developmentally appropriate that happens while growing.

[chedifuen]

Oct 25, 2023 8:33:55 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Great article, thanks for sharing. Lots of thoughts!

I think it definitely starts so early these days! For example, I have the love very play kits cause I found it's just easy to get those and not have to get other toys really. Well I joined a group where people buy and sell items, but of course lot of parents chat as well. There are so many posts about "my 7 month old doesn't do the ball drop correctly yet, when did your baby start doing it?" Omg people, if a baby wants to just let the balls roll on the floor and don't "correctly" drop it in the container, that is ok, just let them play however they want!

Based on posts from here it does seem a lot of parents intervene in school and recess issues. I guess it's easier these days now that teachers have email? Outside of true bullying, threats or physical violence I think in general it's fine to let kids work out there problems and figure out ways to cope with tough life stuff that is typically developmentally appropriate that happens while growing.

I agree completely.

My very controversial opinion is that bullying is way overblown right now. Every time a kid is mean to your child is not an incident of bullying. Letting kids sort it out helps to build resiliency.  Unless the problem is very pervasive, parents need to let their kids sort out recess and friend issues on their own, starting when they are very young. 

[elleblue]

I recently watched a documentary on this very subject. It's free to watch (with ads) on YouTube. Chasing Childhood. Here's a link to the trailer.

youtu.be/qrpC73hWwgQ?si=gOL-WNazLc4v2Vd7

[eddy]

One more thought on teens, I have to remind myself I have the ability to know way more about my kids because of the digital footprint. They have a lot less privacy then I had. And that isn't necessarily a good thing. Grade notifications pushing to my phone, text message exchanges that I can look at on his phone etc. Even though I think oversight is good as a parent, I have to remind myself to back the fuck off. It is so hard because it really goes against the ethos of parenting these days.
I actually just turned off notifications from our student portal so I don't see grades coming in anymore. It isn't healthy for me to see individual assignments. I have to trust he is taking care of it at nearly 16 years old. My parents didn't know anything about my schooling until I brought my report card home!

[elleblue]

My oldest is in first grade currently and wants to try out lots of different activities, but currently we're limiting her to one at a time. I was pretty overscheduled as a child so that's definitely something I'm conscious of and wanting to avoid for both of my kids.

[Jalapeñomel]

Oct 24, 2023 19:41:25 GMT -5 Michelle said:

Oct 24, 2023 18:59:49 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I think this is actually part of the problem:


“At a bigger level, I think parents have at least some influence with schools. There is a growing number of parents who are recognizing the anxiety and depression in their kids. If parents voice that this is a problem, people can have an effect on schools, and if schools change — that’s a big part of the problem, frankly.”

Not the anxiety/depression part but the influence of parents on school, and part of the reason kids have a lot of anxiety and depression is because of the pressure parents put on kids to be “good” at school and extracurriculars, and sports (over scheduling kids all week long)…he does address this in the article, but not specially here, and here he mentions that parents need MORE influence at schools, which is what I’m disagreeing with.

I think the change has to start with parents and their pressure on the kids about going to college and overscheduling.

And this is a collective issue that has peer-pressure effects.


She has requested an appointment to drop AP Chem but at this point in the semester she would only be able to drop down to PE and of course we wonder how that will look to colleges. 

This right here is why the kids do what they are doing...the students get it from each other, who in turn get it from their parents or teachers (or society as a whole).  Kids get into college without AP chem or AP bio or calculus etc. They will get in if they drop and take PE instead. They'll get in if they get a C in AP chem or a C in trig. 


The language around going to college if you only have XYZ is detrimental to the health of our children. I'm guilty of it, most of us here are probably guilty of it, and he mentions it in the article about how UMC/MC folks aren't just pushing college anymore, it's a push to go to elite colleges, as if those are the only worthwhile degrees. 

[twinmomma]

This is really interesting to me, since we see how different parenting impacts our kids firsthand.

My daughters are definitely expected to be much more independent than my stepson. They get themselves up in the morning, make themselves breakfast, and do a lot of things for themselves around the house. They don't feel the need to ask me to do everything for them. One little example is that they've been packing their own lunches for years. I'm a full time working mom who was a single parent for a while. They needed to learn to step up and help out to make our family work. I don't think I've ever intervened in school drama, aside from giving the girls advice at home and talking through how to handle it. I have never directly confronted teachers/parents/kids - just guided my kids on how to do it themselves.

My stepson on the other hand, has basically zero independence. He has been very coddled his whole life. He still doesn't even pack up his own backpack in the mornings. Mom does it for him at her house and my husband does it here. Whenever he has had any kind of negative interaction in activities or school, his mom has stepped in to bulldoze down the situation for him. At almost ten years old he still can't go sleep alone. Or instead of grabbing himself a snack when he's hungry, he comes and whines to us about how hungry he is and expects us to solve the problem for him. I love him to death, but the poor kid has zero coping skills or ability to problem solve for himself. We are just now working on those skills at our house, but when he goes back to his mom it all goes out the window.

It's like we're a case study in our own little family unit on different parenting styles.

[karinothing]

I will be the first to admit that my kids are pretty scheduled (but also, folks talk about scheduling like it is a negative, I personally get depressed/anxious if not schedule, we are all different people). But they get home at 3pm and generally get a couple hours of downtime before they have an activity. I also like to think they are generally pretty independent. DS is 12 and while he likes me to do things for him he pretty much can do everything on his own. In fact, the other day he figured out how to walk home 2 miles from school without ever having done it before (I just told him to go right lol). They both can make their own meals and clean their rooms and have free range of the neighborhood (although neither really have friends in the neighborhood). But DS1 will ride a few miles on his bike to his friends or the 7-11.

DS2 is 8 and doesn't quite like to be alone as much as DS1, but will go the park and what not by himself (he just apparently hates to go downstairs alone lol). He has anxiety so I think he will be a bit behind on the independence from where DS1 is, but we do really try to foster independence when we can and when he is open to it.

They are both in scouts and I feel like that fosters a lot of independence. DS1 has to play meetings and the yearly schedule. He packs on his own for monthly camping trips and manages all his merit badges and advancement. It has been great.

I probably do more for my kids at home than I should but honestly I just want to get stuff done and check it off my list and not have to worry about it. So that is all my fault.

[minzy]

I see a lot of snowplowing around me and worry about how some of these kids will be able to function, make decisions, and problem solve as adults in a few short years. I am probably a little guilty of inadvertently snowplowing too, but I also want my kids to be challenged and work hard. We push independence and life skills when possible and encourage our kids to meet up with friends, ride bikes to the park alone or with each other, check out the groceries or books, decide certain things, etc. I grew up building forts and running all over the tiny town where my mom worked and think in retrospect that it was perfect.

The big one has taken to it well for the most part and is somewhat self sufficient. My younger one has had a recent setback after I was the victim of crime a few weeks ago and the fuckers stole all sorts of stuff including my license with address and house and car keys. She was the first to piece together in the chaos that followed that they could theoretically come 2.5 hours to our house to steal my car (we have since changed the house locks). So she now refuses to be home alone and is having trouble falling asleep unless I’m next to her. 😣 So I’m trying to afford her a little grace but will maybe double down on other ways she can be independent.

[waverly]

Oct 25, 2023 8:30:51 GMT -5 chedifuen said:

Yes, I agree with this article so strongly. Parents are doing way too much with and for their kids. We have essentially opted out of the sports and activities rat race and we're so much happier as a family because of it.

My youngest does cross country, which is an hour after school for 6 weeks in the Fall. That is our only organized activity. My kids have so much free time and therefore so much time to explore their interests, hang out with friends, be bored, teach themselves new skills, etc.

My husband and I recently went away for 5 days and left the kids home alone. It was so good for all of us. Everyone gained some confidence.

The trade off is my 17 year old won't go to Princeton or some other exclusive school. However, he will have no trouble getting accepted to a state university and we are all just fine with that. I am personally convinced that this approach has allowed him to develop into a mature, interesting, and responsible kid. He is very resilient and knows himself very well.

To be fair, lots of 4.0 students with multiple activities won't get into Princeton either.  A lot of Ivies have around a 5% acceptance rate which means they are still rejecting 95% of students. 

[chedifuen]

Oct 25, 2023 9:33:19 GMT -5 waverly said:

Oct 25, 2023 8:30:51 GMT -5 chedifuen said:

Yes, I agree with this article so strongly. Parents are doing way too much with and for their kids. We have essentially opted out of the sports and activities rat race and we're so much happier as a family because of it.

My youngest does cross country, which is an hour after school for 6 weeks in the Fall. That is our only organized activity. My kids have so much free time and therefore so much time to explore their interests, hang out with friends, be bored, teach themselves new skills, etc.

My husband and I recently went away for 5 days and left the kids home alone. It was so good for all of us. Everyone gained some confidence.

The trade off is my 17 year old won't go to Princeton or some other exclusive school. However, he will have no trouble getting accepted to a state university and we are all just fine with that. I am personally convinced that this approach has allowed him to develop into a mature, interesting, and responsible kid. He is very resilient and knows himself very well.

To be fair, lots of 4.0 students with multiple activities won't get into Princeton either.  A lot of Ivies have around a 5% acceptance rate which means they are still rejecting 95% of students. 

yes, of course. That furthers my point that it's silly to overextend and stress teenagers to the max just to the very unlikely chance at attending an elite school. Parents need to chill the fuck out about it. 

[steamboat185]

My kids are also fairly scheduled. My 5th grader currently has dance 4 days a week, 1 day of gymnastics, and an after school club. My 2nd grader has 2 days of dance, gymnastics, and club. However they are out of school at 2:40 and have what seems like a LOT of free time. They played Barbies together for almost 2 hours yesterday. I need some sort of schedule/ activities to be happy and appreciate the free time. I think they do as well.

Freedom is trickier. There are so many rules now that it makes it harder to give kids freedom. So many states have laws that you can’t leave kids alone until they are basically teenagers, which seems counter productive. School also seem to be doing a really poor job with educating kids (I work in my kids school and love the teachers, but am so frustrated with the school system) that you have to be involved or the kids get left behind. My younger kiddo has dyslexia and they are doing nothing to help her to read. We pay for OG tutoring and take her out of school multiple times a week because they won’t let the tutor come into the school. I know this isn’t uncommon. My older kiddo is in 5th and the amount of time they spend on their computer vs in interpersonal instruction is A LOT about 2 hours (or more) is spent silently doing work staring at a screen everyday. Aside from 30 minutes of recess they have basically zero freedom the entire school day.

[abs]

Agreed scheduling gets a bad rap. DD is much happier when she’s involved in something. It also goes to back to the independence of deciding what to do and manage her time appropriately. All good life skills.

If she has too much free time she gets anti social and depressed. It’s a balance. One-two activities at a time is good and now she’s at the age where she mostly does it through school. Right now it’s band and robotics.

[waverly]

steamboat185 , yes those of us with kids with an IEP have to intervene with the school much more. I never did intervene socially though until the school brought concerns to me based on a social emotional screening. Then, I did have to go down that path though because the school caused the social issues inadvertently, so then they were the only ones that could also fix them.  And now there was documentation that it was causing harm to DS.  They wanted to do a social class for him, but were ignoring the problem that they had created.  I looped in the teacher, but she was very passive, and so she should have looped in counseling, so then when she didn't I went to the guidance counselor. 

[shauni27]

Oct 25, 2023 8:48:15 GMT -5 elleblue said:

My oldest is in first grade currently and wants to try out lots of different activities, but currently we're limiting her to one at a time. I was pretty overscheduled as a child so that's definitely something I'm conscious of and wanting to avoid for both of my kids.

this is what we do for our first grader as well. I want him to try new things so he can see what he likes. We just finished soccer, now we are looking at starting some music lessons. That will take a break right around the new year, when we start our ski lessons. Ski lessons are weekly for 3 months until baseball starts. Then we might have double duty with baseball and swim lessons, but hopefully not. The good news is that due to his age, almost all of these activities are just for an hour a week on a weekend, so not too much time (other than ski lessons which is a half day and music lessons which is an hour after school once a week).

Oct 25, 2023 9:13:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I will be the first to admit that my kids are pretty scheduled (but also, folks talk about scheduling like it is a negative, I personally get depressed/anxious if not schedule, we are all different people). 

I am similar; I personally like a day that has a mix of scheduled and free time and the thought of having an entire weekend day with zero plans gives me anxiety; I would be SO BORED. 

[wanderingback]

Oct 25, 2023 10:45:28 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

Oct 25, 2023 8:48:15 GMT -5 elleblue said:

My oldest is in first grade currently and wants to try out lots of different activities, but currently we're limiting her to one at a time. I was pretty overscheduled as a child so that's definitely something I'm conscious of and wanting to avoid for both of my kids.

this is what we do for our first grader as well. I want him to try new things so he can see what he likes. We just finished soccer, now we are looking at starting some music lessons. That will take a break right around the new year, when we start our ski lessons. Ski lessons are weekly for 3 months until baseball starts. Then we might have double duty with baseball and swim lessons, but hopefully not. The good news is that due to his age, almost all of these activities are just for an hour a week on a weekend, so not too much time (other than ski lessons which is a half day and music lessons which is an hour after school once a week).

Oct 25, 2023 9:13:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I will be the first to admit that my kids are pretty scheduled (but also, folks talk about scheduling like it is a negative, I personally get depressed/anxious if not schedule, we are all different people). 

I am similar; I personally like a day that has a mix of scheduled and free time and the thought of having an entire weekend day with zero plans gives me anxiety; I would be SO BORED. 

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

[karinothing]

Oct 25, 2023 11:28:37 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Oct 25, 2023 10:45:28 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

this is what we do for our first grader as well. I want him to try new things so he can see what he likes. We just finished soccer, now we are looking at starting some music lessons. That will take a break right around the new year, when we start our ski lessons. Ski lessons are weekly for 3 months until baseball starts. Then we might have double duty with baseball and swim lessons, but hopefully not. The good news is that due to his age, almost all of these activities are just for an hour a week on a weekend, so not too much time (other than ski lessons which is a half day and music lessons which is an hour after school once a week).

I am similar; I personally like a day that has a mix of scheduled and free time and the thought of having an entire weekend day with zero plans gives me anxiety; I would be SO BORED. 

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

BUT the way I deal with the underlying anxiety is being scheduled lol. I mean I guess I don't understand why it is bad. Like either I take medication (i have done lots of therapy) or I am super busy. I choose to be busy, and it has worked for 20 years  
 
Anyway, my kids do have time to be bored I promise. But there are SO many hours in the day. I mean they get home at 3pm and there are like 7 hours before they go to bed. 7 hours is a lot of time to just be bored. But we have a good mix of scheduled and free time since they get about 3-4 hours of free time a day. 

[pixy0stix]

I love parenting threads because something is presented, and then people feel the need to justify what they do that is being specifically talked about in the article as if their circumstances are unique.

This happens in every thread. At least the article is being read and people can reflect later?

[wanderingback]

Oct 25, 2023 11:50:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Oct 25, 2023 11:28:37 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

BUT the way I deal with the underlying anxiety is being scheduled lol. I mean I guess I don't understand why it is bad. Like either I take medication (i have done lots of therapy) or I am super busy. I choose to be busy, and it has worked for 20 years  
 
Anyway, my kids do have time to be bored I promise. But there are SO many hours in the day. I mean they get home at 3pm and there are like 7 hours before they go to bed. 7 hours is a lot of time to just be bored. But we have a good mix of scheduled and free time since they get about 3-4 hours of free time a day. 

I was just commenting to say that being bored is going to happen sometimes in life so we should teach our kids that they'll need to handle it. I just took a flight with my daughter and she was sleeping on me the whole time and I didn't have headphones to plug in to the seat back (and 2 of our flights didn't even have seat back entertainment) and couldn't read a book if I had one since I didn't have a way to move easily so essentially for 4 flights I just sat there holding her, looking in to space  and thinking. I was bored for several hours, but it was fine. We can't 24/7 be super busy, things happen, like flights with nothing else to do.

And I don't know about your kids specifically so wasn't picking on you, but I do think it is reasonable for kids to be home for 7 hours and figure out things to do without having to have a set schedule of activities. I'm not saying they have to sit there and do nothing, but figuring out how to pass the time at home or outside is a good lesson for everyone. I definitely at points in my life have times where I have to figure out what to do with myself for 7 hours of time, but maybe that's just me!

[pixy0stix]

Oct 25, 2023 11:50:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Oct 25, 2023 11:28:37 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

BUT the way I deal with the underlying anxiety is being scheduled lol. I mean I guess I don't understand why it is bad. Like either I take medication (i have done lots of therapy) or I am super busy. I choose to be busy, and it has worked for 20 years  
 
Anyway, my kids do have time to be bored I promise. But there are SO many hours in the day. I mean they get home at 3pm and there are like 7 hours before they go to bed. 7 hours is a lot of time to just be bored. But we have a good mix of scheduled and free time since they get about 3-4 hours of free time a day. 

I think a couple of things - you may be projecting how you feel about being bored on your kids. The article does talk about how this has been happening since we were kids, so being bored is probably something we were unconsciously taught is bad. There's a lot of research specifically about how being bored for kids is good for them in that they start looking internally for ways to entertain themselves. Kids who don't have outside stimulation all the time regulate their emotions better, are able to think outside the box, are more creative, etc.

[Deleted]

Oct 25, 2023 12:05:47 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I love parenting threads because something is presented, and then people feel the need to justify what they do that is being specifically talked about in the article as if their circumstances are unique.

This happens in every thread. At least the article is being read and people can reflect later?

Lol, yep, we’re definitely predictable.

I do think that this issue does speak to a systemic societal problem that has creeped in over the last several generations. We’ve created a culture in which giving children independence is often frowned upon at best, and could result in a CPS call if you’re not careful. At worst there are children being abducted while doing “normal” activities, probably at no higher rate than before, but certainly these have been made more public and result in more outward blame toward the parents.

I don’t think this is a problem that we can solve at the individual level. I’m not even sure it’s something that our generation can fix on a societal level. It will probably take as many generations to undo as it did to happen in the first place.

[steamboat185]

Oct 25, 2023 11:28:37 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Oct 25, 2023 10:45:28 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

this is what we do for our first grader as well. I want him to try new things so he can see what he likes. We just finished soccer, now we are looking at starting some music lessons. That will take a break right around the new year, when we start our ski lessons. Ski lessons are weekly for 3 months until baseball starts. Then we might have double duty with baseball and swim lessons, but hopefully not. The good news is that due to his age, almost all of these activities are just for an hour a week on a weekend, so not too much time (other than ski lessons which is a half day and music lessons which is an hour after school once a week).

I am similar; I personally like a day that has a mix of scheduled and free time and the thought of having an entire weekend day with zero plans gives me anxiety; I would be SO BORED. 

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

For a lot of kids they already had 1-2 years of being SO BORED due to Covid. I feel like that is enough to last a while!

[karinothing]

Oct 25, 2023 12:07:33 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Oct 25, 2023 11:50:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

BUT the way I deal with the underlying anxiety is being scheduled lol. I mean I guess I don't understand why it is bad. Like either I take medication (i have done lots of therapy) or I am super busy. I choose to be busy, and it has worked for 20 years  
 
Anyway, my kids do have time to be bored I promise. But there are SO many hours in the day. I mean they get home at 3pm and there are like 7 hours before they go to bed. 7 hours is a lot of time to just be bored. But we have a good mix of scheduled and free time since they get about 3-4 hours of free time a day. 

I was just commenting to say that being bored is going to happen sometimes in life so we should teach our kids that they'll need to handle it. I just took a flight with my daughter and she was sleeping on me the whole time and I didn't have headphones to plug in to the seat back (and 2 of our flights didn't even have seat back entertainment) and couldn't read a book if I had one since I didn't have a way to move easily so essentially for 4 flights I just sat there holding her, looking in to space  and thinking. I was bored for several hours, but it was fine. We can't 24/7 be super busy, things happen, like flights with nothing else to do.

And I don't know about your kids specifically so wasn't picking on you, but I do think it is reasonable for kids to be home for 7 hours and figure out things to do without having to have a set schedule of activities. I'm not saying they have to sit there and do nothing, but figuring out how to pass the time at home or outside is a good lesson for everyone. I definitely at points in my life have times where I have to figure out what to do with myself for 7 hours of time, but maybe that's just me!

Oh yeah, I was kind of being TIC. But honestly, I mean part of the reason I schedule a lot is I personally have zero desire to parent my kids for 7 hours a day (35 a week!) at home after working. I guess that sounds horrible. I love my kids I promise, but I am a MUCH better parent if I am taking them somewhere or doing actual activities with them outside the house then if we are stuck in the house. This has gotten especially bad since I work from home full time. I feel like I am losing my mind to not get out of the house after work/weekends because work is so isolating. And I know this says more about me then them. They really are lovely kids (even the pre-teen!).

[pixy0stix]

Oct 25, 2023 12:16:13 GMT -5 steamboat185 said:

Oct 25, 2023 11:28:37 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

For a lot of kids they already had 1-2 years of being SO BORED due to Covid. I feel like that is enough to last a while!

I halfway wonder if there's a correlation between what is being said in the article and also the issue of being bored contributed to the mental health issues we saw from kids during the pandemic. Because suddenly the parent supplied support structure was gone.