@ Children today have less independence @@

[pixy0stix]

Also, none of my comments are directed at anyone specifically. I'm just spitballing.

[Jalapeñomel]

Oct 25, 2023 12:10:33 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 25, 2023 11:50:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

BUT the way I deal with the underlying anxiety is being scheduled lol. I mean I guess I don't understand why it is bad. Like either I take medication (i have done lots of therapy) or I am super busy. I choose to be busy, and it has worked for 20 years  
 
Anyway, my kids do have time to be bored I promise. But there are SO many hours in the day. I mean they get home at 3pm and there are like 7 hours before they go to bed. 7 hours is a lot of time to just be bored. But we have a good mix of scheduled and free time since they get about 3-4 hours of free time a day. 

I think a couple of things - you may be projecting how you feel about being bored on your kids. The article does talk about how this has been happening since we were kids, so being bored is probably something we were unconsciously taught is bad. There's a lot of research specifically about how being bored for kids is good for them in that they start looking internally for ways to entertain themselves. Kids who don't have outside stimulation all the time regulate their emotions better, are able to think outside the box, are more creative, etc.

Lazy...being bored or unscheduled is seen as lazy and being lazy is bad. 


Work hard and you can be anything you want! 
Work hard, play hard! 
Idle hands are the devil's playground. 

Also how do people have 7 hours between afterschool, homework, and bed?

[noodleoo]

Oct 25, 2023 12:12:45 GMT -5 @villainv said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:05:47 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I love parenting threads because something is presented, and then people feel the need to justify what they do that is being specifically talked about in the article as if their circumstances are unique.

This happens in every thread. At least the article is being read and people can reflect later?

Lol, yep, we’re definitely predictable.

I do think that this issue does speak to a systemic societal problem that has creeped in over the last several generations. We’ve created a culture in which giving children independence is often frowned upon at best, and could result in a CPS call if you’re not careful. At worst there are children being abducted while doing “normal” activities, probably at no higher rate than before, but certainly these have been made more public and result in more outward blame toward the parents.

I don’t think this is a problem that we can solve at the individual level. I’m not even sure it’s something that our generation can fix on a societal level. It will probably take as many generations to undo as it did to happen in the first place.

THIS.  It is so hard to try to go against the societal pressure and hence peer pressure that is so ingrained.  You can see it everywhere, we are judged for every parenting choice we make.  It feels very damned if you do, damned if you don't.  I feel like you can't win.

[karinothing]

Oct 25, 2023 12:10:33 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Oct 25, 2023 11:50:08 GMT -5 karinothing said:

BUT the way I deal with the underlying anxiety is being scheduled lol. I mean I guess I don't understand why it is bad. Like either I take medication (i have done lots of therapy) or I am super busy. I choose to be busy, and it has worked for 20 years  
 
Anyway, my kids do have time to be bored I promise. But there are SO many hours in the day. I mean they get home at 3pm and there are like 7 hours before they go to bed. 7 hours is a lot of time to just be bored. But we have a good mix of scheduled and free time since they get about 3-4 hours of free time a day. 

I think a couple of things - you may be projecting how you feel about being bored on your kids. The article does talk about how this has been happening since we were kids, so being bored is probably something we were unconsciously taught is bad. There's a lot of research specifically about how being bored for kids is good for them in that they start looking internally for ways to entertain themselves. Kids who don't have outside stimulation all the time regulate their emotions better, are able to think outside the box, are more creative, etc.

Oh i am sure I am projecting! I don't know that I think being bored is bad per se. I guess it is hard to know if my kids would be different since they have been raised the way they are. I don't see them as kids that aren't capable of finding ways to entertain themselves, but who knows. They do get plenty of time to entertain themselves while attending each other's sporting events lol.



But seriously I do agree to that is good for kids to entertain themselves and being bored is part of that. I just imagine a balance of both is likely good! Like how do we figure all this out? Is 3 hours of free time plus 2 hours of structure time good for my kids? Or is that not enough of free time? Who knows. Obviously, there is no strict guide for this. DH and I do actively try to foster independence in the kids. But it is much more so outside the house then in (like I send them to run errands, or we do a lot of camping/outdoor activities where they build their own shelters, cook food, plan the trip, etc). But I really want to raise them as independent adults and I will admit I never thought of free play as being part of that equation. 

As far as involvement in school I think that is so complicated. One I think covid and virtual school brought the school into our house more than it ever was before. I mean i sat next to my kid every day in virtual K so I got to see and hear everything that went on. Before then school was kind of a black hole. Furthermore, during covid our schools worked so hard to communicate a million things so now there are all these expectations that parents didn't have before. 

I also think parenting gets more and more involved as the decades go on because 1) maybe we felt that OUR parents didn't pay enough attention to us and there was something lacking in our lives because of it so now we overcompensation and 2) I think there is likely some reactionary guilt from working more now than previous generations (and i am not judging working parents, I obviously work). I think there is just a mindset (but maybe I am the only one) who says "well because I have to work so much and can't be with you all the time I will now do these 5 things so you know and are secure in my love. 

[karinothing]

Oct 25, 2023 12:31:22 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:10:33 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I think a couple of things - you may be projecting how you feel about being bored on your kids. The article does talk about how this has been happening since we were kids, so being bored is probably something we were unconsciously taught is bad. There's a lot of research specifically about how being bored for kids is good for them in that they start looking internally for ways to entertain themselves. Kids who don't have outside stimulation all the time regulate their emotions better, are able to think outside the box, are more creative, etc.

Lazy...being bored or unscheduled is seen as lazy and being lazy is bad. 


Work hard and you can be anything you want! 
Work hard, play hard! 
Idle hands are the devil's playground. 

Also how do people have 7 hours between afterschool, homework, and bed?

lol. My kids get home at 3pm and we are essentially a no homework district. And kids go to bed at 10pm sadly (9pm if we are lucky!). 

[fortnightlily]

This has come up before - but it's also a different world when fewer adults in a given community are working full time. It's easier for kids to roam around when there's an assumption of passive supervision - i.e. if a kid gets hurt on the playground, or someone sketchy shows up, that some adult is nearby and home/available who can intervene if needed even if they aren't directly supervising.

Kids also have a LOT more media content readily available to entertain them for hours on end if they resist entertaining themselves.

[waverly]

I definitely think there is more intensive parenting now. If everyone is in organized activities they don't have time for free play. DS finds it very difficult to get together with his best friend because he is "busy", so I just leave it be and I guess they get together sometimes.

My kids are less restricted then what I was in terms of location (rural vs. walkable neighborhood) but more restricted in terms of society (calling CPS, judgement, social media/ peer pressure influences).

The focus on elite college is going to be a problem as there just isn't the kids getting in so it is becoming something that is impossible and ruining kids mental health. That being said even if the family or 1 parent is on board, the kids still hear those prestigious college names.

When we limit screen time, the kids flourish, and that is pretty obvious in our household, so we will continue to do that.

[Deleted]

Oct 25, 2023 12:36:27 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:10:33 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I think a couple of things - you may be projecting how you feel about being bored on your kids. The article does talk about how this has been happening since we were kids, so being bored is probably something we were unconsciously taught is bad. There's a lot of research specifically about how being bored for kids is good for them in that they start looking internally for ways to entertain themselves. Kids who don't have outside stimulation all the time regulate their emotions better, are able to think outside the box, are more creative, etc.

Oh i am sure I am projecting! I don't know that I think being bored is bad per se. I guess it is hard to know if my kids would be different since they have been raised the way they are. I don't see them as kids that aren't capable of finding ways to entertain themselves, but who knows. They do get plenty of time to entertain themselves while attending each other's sporting events lol.



But seriously I do agree to that is good for kids to entertain themselves and being bored is part of that. I just imagine a balance of both is likely good! Like how do we figure all this out? Is 3 hours of free time plus 2 hours of structure time good for my kids? Or is that not enough of free time? Who knows. Obviously, there is no strict guide for this. DH and I do actively try to foster independence in the kids. But it is much more so outside the house then in (like I send them to run errands, or we do a lot of camping/outdoor activities where they build their own shelters, cook food, plan the trip, etc). But I really want to raise them as independent adults and I will admit I never thought of free play as being part of that equation. 

As far as involvement in school I think that is so complicated. One I think covid and virtual school brought the school into our house more than it ever was before. I mean i sat next to my kid every day in virtual K so I got to see and hear everything that went on. Before then school was kind of a black hole. Furthermore, during covid our schools worked so hard to communicate a million things so now there are all these expectations that parents didn't have before. 

I also think parenting gets more and more involved as the decades go on because 1) maybe we felt that OUR parents didn't pay enough attention to us and there was something lacking in our lives because of it so now we overcompensation and 2) I think there is likely some reactionary guilt from working more now than previous generations (and i am not judging working parents, I obviously work). I think there is just a mindset (but maybe I am the only one) who says "well because I have to work so much and can't be with you all the time I will now do these 5 things so you know and are secure in my love. 

These are all excellent points. I know the standard trope about Gen Xers is that we “practically raised ourselves” almost as a badge of honor, but also maybe because we wish we had more parental involvement? We were really one of the first generations that saw a widespread population of both parents working outside of the home. Are we trying to make up for what we perceive are our parents’ faults? Horrified at all of the bad stuff we did and don’t want our kids to repeat the same mistakes?

[fortnightlily]

I'd love some tips from those who limit screentime but have an only child. Even as a small child my DS was never good at entertaining himself. You couldn't hand him legos or a coloring book and wander away. He hates doing things by himself.

[abs]

I mean being involved in an activity shouldn’t make it to where you are never home or never have downtime.

Maybe my true opinion is get rid of club sports. That seems to be where the huge time suck goes!!

[waverly]

Oct 25, 2023 12:49:33 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

This has come up before - but it's also a different world when fewer adults in a given community are working full time. It's easier for kids to roam around when there's an assumption of passive supervision - i.e. if a kid gets hurt on the playground, or someone sketchy shows up, that some adult is nearby and home/available who can intervene if needed even if they aren't directly supervising.

Kids also have a LOT more media content readily available to entertain them for hours on end if they resist entertaining themselves.

Yes, I am surprised that they haven't blamed moms for this.  Moms went back to work and now kids can't roam neighborhoods.  As I mentioned, my area was very rural, but in the more dense neighborhoods they would say oh the grandmas, moms, and aunties were always on the stoop or looking out the window.

This is why neighbor kids came to my yard because I agreed to supervise them.  Some neighbors refused this task and all the kids were sent back to my yard.  It worked out well when the other neighbors moved in because it was a multigenerational household with 3 women that didn't work, and 4 that did work, so those that didn't work would watch the girls. 

[elleblue]

Oct 25, 2023 12:58:19 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

I'd love some tips from those who limit screentime but have an only child. Even as a small child my DS was never good at entertaining himself. You couldn't hand him legos or a coloring book and wander away. He hates doing things by himself.

Unfortunately I think it's somewhat child (personality) dependant. My 2nd is much better than my 1st at playing by herself, making up games and self directed play. She just naturally gravitates to things she can do alone throughout the day, without any intervention or direction from me. My older one is a completely different story however. We're still working on it, although thankfully she loves to read and does that on her own pretty often.

[noodleoo]

Oct 25, 2023 13:00:41 GMT -5 waverly said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:49:33 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

This has come up before - but it's also a different world when fewer adults in a given community are working full time. It's easier for kids to roam around when there's an assumption of passive supervision - i.e. if a kid gets hurt on the playground, or someone sketchy shows up, that some adult is nearby and home/available who can intervene if needed even if they aren't directly supervising.

Kids also have a LOT more media content readily available to entertain them for hours on end if they resist entertaining themselves.

Yes, I am surprised that they haven't blamed moms for this.  Moms went back to work and now kids can't roam neighborhoods.  As I mentioned, my area was very rural, but in the more dense neighborhoods they would say oh the grandmas, moms, and aunties were always on the stoop or looking out the window.

This is why neighbor kids came to my yard because I agreed to supervise them.  Some neighbors refused this task and all the kids were sent back to my yard.  It worked out well when the other neighbors moved in because it was a multigenerational household with 3 women that didn't work, and 4 that did work, so those that didn't work would watch the girls. 

Yeah, I was about to say the same thing.  My mom was a SAHM so I had *plenty* of unstructured time because I didn't go to afterschool and was home all summer bored out of my mind.  And I do not ever remember my mom playing with me the way I play with my kids (there's so much pressure to "be present" with your kids now that never existed when I was growing up).  My mom did her own thing and us kids were on our own or dragged along with her on errands.  I spent a lot of time playing outside with the neighborhood kids, but my mom was always home.

For my kids, they are in afterschool/daycare/summer camp on my work days which means they don't get home until 5-5:30.  It is actually becoming an issue this year because DD1 has *so* much HW in 3rd grade, I've actually started picking her up early from aftercare so that we have time to do it.  Otherwise there is not a lot of free time on weekdays.  We don't do a lot of activities, so they have more downtime than most on the weekends, but add in a sport or 2 (my kids have no interest) and I can see how there is no time left.

I don't think this is something you can blame on parents.  We're doing the best we can given the world we live in.

[waverly]

noodleoo, I agree. Mine have aged out of afterschool, and if nothing else is going on then the evening is actually very long because it is 3-10pm for middle school and 4-10pm for elementary school. But when they were in aftercare, I would pick them up at 5 and be home by 5:15 and then homework. And I get that working parents don't necessarily want to spend their weekends watching neighborhood kids all the time.

[al dente]

Oct 25, 2023 13:05:36 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:58:19 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

I'd love some tips from those who limit screentime but have an only child. Even as a small child my DS was never good at entertaining himself. You couldn't hand him legos or a coloring book and wander away. He hates doing things by himself.

Unfortunately I think it's somewhat child (personality) dependant. My 2nd is much better than my 1st at playing by herself, making up games and self directed play. She just naturally gravitates to things she can do alone throughout the day, without any intervention or direction from me. My older one is a completely different story however. We're still working on it, although thankfully she loves to read and does that on her own pretty often.

I second this. Its so personality dependent. I remember when my kid was a toddler and I kept reading about how you just have to let them be bored and they'll figure something out and my oldest would NEVER. With my second they fuss for a minute and then start finding stuff to do, so I see how that advice works for probably most kids.
Anyways so no helpful suggestions fortnightlily I just use to get so frustrated with all the "let them be bored" rhetoric when it really did not work for her personality. We also limit screen time, and at 5 now she will read or sometimes build. But I've just gotten use to her being my shadow. It can be draining though. And having a sibling doesn't help (so far anyways, but sibling is still little).

[glw]

One thing we can all do with immediate impact is to stop blaming or allowing blame to fall on parents when something bad happens to a child-- the fault is on the perpetrator or no one at all if it was a total accident. Responding with, "Where were the parents?" "Why was the kid allowed to be out alone?" "This is why I never let Precious do XYZ" puts the blame in the wrong place (and this is like 90% of comments on news articles that involve a kid getting hurt). Parents become afraid to allow their kids to do totally age-appropriate things because they're so afraid of the backlash against them if something were to happen, and the resulting guilt from feeling like it was their fault for "allowing" it to happen.

[fortnightlily]

Oct 25, 2023 14:22:37 GMT -5 glw said:

One thing we can all do with immediate impact is to stop blaming or allowing blame to fall on parents when something bad happens to a child-- the fault is on the perpetrator or no one at all if it was a total accident. Responding with, "Where were the parents?" "Why was the kid allowed to be out alone?" "This is why I never let Precious do XYZ" puts the blame in the wrong place (and this is like 90% of comments on news articles that involve a kid getting hurt). Parents become afraid to allow their kids to do totally age-appropriate things because they're so afraid of the backlash against them if something were to happen, and the resulting guilt from feeling like it was their fault for "allowing" it to happen.

As someone who is just not a worrier by nature it grinds my gears when people overblow how risky things are. Someone in a Facebook moms group I'm in recently asked how much she should chew out her nanny for leaving her kids in the car for a few minutes to run into (the Nanny's own) apartment to get something and the amount of comments acting like there are kidnappers lurking around every corner stealing kids out of cars on a rampant basis, ugh. I *know* things happen, I promise you I am not trying to minimize it, but like, we were left in the car as kids all the time. It was fine. I seriously doubt the rate of these sorts of crimes has changed significantly since the '80s.

[glw]

Oct 25, 2023 14:55:27 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

comments acting like there are kidnappers lurking around every corner stealing kids out of cars on a rampant basis

And in 100% of these cases that do rarely happen, the kidnapper is to blame, not the parent/nanny. 

[docholly]

I think what makes it hard to give kids freedom now is the idea that the only acceptable risk is zero risk.

Whenever I broach this argument with parents IRL, they respond by a story of a kidnapping and something along the lines of “it only takes an instance.” People in my town mostly equate free range parenting with neglect or being lazy.

It IS true that independent play is somewhat risky, but part of life is learning to navigate and deal with risks.

If you ride your bike too wildly, you may fall. If you climb a tree too high, you may not be able to get down.

This is an important learning process for kids.

I also think parents believe today that kids can suddenly “turn on” adult critical thinking as teenagers with a snap of their fingers.

Realistically, I think kids need a longer learning process starting with age appropriate independence throughout their life.

As a teacher, I see so many 18-22 year olds that can’t problem solve and breakdown at small roadblocks.

I read a book about a year ago… Last Child in the Woods that touched on this issue.

The author talked about how lack of independent play means far less exercise. The author made a good point about how an hour of baseball practice doesn’t provide the same activity as free play in the neighborhood which also probably contributes to kids’ anxiety. They need more movement.

A last point I remember which had to do more specifically with free play in nature was that we are in the midst of a climate crisis, so we need kids to care about nature, but they are often completely disconnected from it, and really, even fearful of it. I thought that was intriguing. Would more free play in green spaces lead to more caring about the environment?

[sent]

The problem with being risky as a parent is some other person or parent can go ahead and call CPS on you and make your life more complicated or worse. I had a mom call on me, I shared the story on MMM. I was exonerated but it was an experience to go through that just because some suburban mom thought she knew better than me and the 4 other mandated reporters who had evaluated my kid in connection with what she thought the incident was. After that, I never feel like I can truly know what another parent’s intentions are no matter how well I think I know them.

[redheadbaker]

Oct 25, 2023 11:28:37 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Oct 25, 2023 10:45:28 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

this is what we do for our first grader as well. I want him to try new things so he can see what he likes. We just finished soccer, now we are looking at starting some music lessons. That will take a break right around the new year, when we start our ski lessons. Ski lessons are weekly for 3 months until baseball starts. Then we might have double duty with baseball and swim lessons, but hopefully not. The good news is that due to his age, almost all of these activities are just for an hour a week on a weekend, so not too much time (other than ski lessons which is a half day and music lessons which is an hour after school once a week).

I am similar; I personally like a day that has a mix of scheduled and free time and the thought of having an entire weekend day with zero plans gives me anxiety; I would be SO BORED. 

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

I was going to add something similar, I'm glad you already did! 

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 25, 2023 12:58:19 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

I'd love some tips from those who limit screentime but have an only child. Even as a small child my DS was never good at entertaining himself. You couldn't hand him legos or a coloring book and wander away. He hates doing things by himself.

This !! When Miss R was younger, I could count on one hand the # of times she would play independently. Whenever she did, it was a RARE occasion. I always had to do the activity with her. Screens were the only thing that could hold her attention so I could do stuff. Only child + single solo parent = way too much screen time. 

[Roc A Bee]

Oct 25, 2023 12:23:25 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:07:33 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I was just commenting to say that being bored is going to happen sometimes in life so we should teach our kids that they'll need to handle it. I just took a flight with my daughter and she was sleeping on me the whole time and I didn't have headphones to plug in to the seat back (and 2 of our flights didn't even have seat back entertainment) and couldn't read a book if I had one since I didn't have a way to move easily so essentially for 4 flights I just sat there holding her, looking in to space  and thinking. I was bored for several hours, but it was fine. We can't 24/7 be super busy, things happen, like flights with nothing else to do.

And I don't know about your kids specifically so wasn't picking on you, but I do think it is reasonable for kids to be home for 7 hours and figure out things to do without having to have a set schedule of activities. I'm not saying they have to sit there and do nothing, but figuring out how to pass the time at home or outside is a good lesson for everyone. I definitely at points in my life have times where I have to figure out what to do with myself for 7 hours of time, but maybe that's just me!

Oh yeah, I was kind of being TIC. But honestly, I mean part of the reason I schedule a lot is I personally have zero desire to parent my kids for 7 hours a day (35 a week!) at home after working. I guess that sounds horrible. I love my kids I promise, but I am a MUCH better parent if I am taking them somewhere or doing actual activities with them outside the house then if we are stuck in the house. This has gotten especially bad since I work from home full time. I feel like I am losing my mind to not get out of the house after work/weekends because work is so isolating. And I know this says more about me then them. They really are lovely kids (even the pre-teen!).

But the article doesn’t say that the opposite of scheduling kids is to be with them all the time. It’s the opposite. It’s to allow unstructured free time/outside/independently. So I don’t think if you wanted to schedule less, wouldn’t mean parenting more.

[karinothing]

Oct 25, 2023 23:43:49 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:23:25 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Oh yeah, I was kind of being TIC. But honestly, I mean part of the reason I schedule a lot is I personally have zero desire to parent my kids for 7 hours a day (35 a week!) at home after working. I guess that sounds horrible. I love my kids I promise, but I am a MUCH better parent if I am taking them somewhere or doing actual activities with them outside the house then if we are stuck in the house. This has gotten especially bad since I work from home full time. I feel like I am losing my mind to not get out of the house after work/weekends because work is so isolating. And I know this says more about me then them. They really are lovely kids (even the pre-teen!).

But the article doesn’t say that the opposite of scheduling kids is to be with them all the time. It’s the opposite. It’s to allow unstructured free time/outside/independently. So I don’t think if you wanted to schedule less, wouldn’t mean parenting more.

Maybe lol. They still run in and ask for snacks

This is interesting to me. I think a lot of us grew up with "come home when the street lights come on" but I also think, back to my earlier point, a lot of current adults don't have entirely warm feelings when looking back on that style of parenting.

I wouldn't mind if my kids did this though! I do think free play is important, don't get me wrong. I WISH we had more kids in the neighborhood and it was easier to just play. That is one of the things I regret about our neighborhood and sending the kids to a lottery school.

It i funny though because I would never think of my kids or their friends as not independent. These kids are amazing at managing a calendar! LOL 😆

[icedcoffee]

It’s wild. I haven’t read all the responses but totally agree. My kid is 7. I dropped him off in front of a place last week and told him to go into class while I parked and he couldn’t figure that out. I know I totally got dropped off in front of places at 7. I blame the fact that parents are scared of getting CPS called for every damn thing. I can’t even run into a coffee place to grab my mobile order with him in the car legally. It’s insane. I’ve been trying to find ways to let him do more independently lately because I am nervous.

[karinothing]

Honest question - Does CPS really get called on parents frequently for kids being more free range? Or is that overblown just like stories of kidnapping in the mall? We live in an area that is a mix of urban/suburban and I do see elementary students biking or walking by themselves pretty frequently. I know that it can happen re CPS but I don't think it is nearly as common as the news makes it seem.

[shauni27]

Oct 25, 2023 11:28:37 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Oct 25, 2023 10:45:28 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

this is what we do for our first grader as well. I want him to try new things so he can see what he likes. We just finished soccer, now we are looking at starting some music lessons. That will take a break right around the new year, when we start our ski lessons. Ski lessons are weekly for 3 months until baseball starts. Then we might have double duty with baseball and swim lessons, but hopefully not. The good news is that due to his age, almost all of these activities are just for an hour a week on a weekend, so not too much time (other than ski lessons which is a half day and music lessons which is an hour after school once a week).

I am similar; I personally like a day that has a mix of scheduled and free time and the thought of having an entire weekend day with zero plans gives me anxiety; I would be SO BORED. 

Well I think for kids being SO BORED is a good lesson to learn.
There are going to times on our life when we can’t be structured and go go go so it’s a good life lesson to learn that sometimes you’re just going to be sitting at home and have to figure out something to do and that being bored occasionally isn’t the end of the world. If it brings a lot of anxiety then I think that underlying anxiety should be addressed.

100% agree. I think being bored leads to exploration, using your brain, learning how to relax in a way that works for you, etc. When my kid says "I dont know what to dooooooooooo" for the hours we are at home with nothing planned, I roll my eyes and tell him to use his imagination. He is going through a great phase of imagination, though, and is SO good at playing independently while acting things out and creating his own little worlds.

[shauni27]

Oct 25, 2023 12:31:22 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Oct 25, 2023 12:10:33 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I think a couple of things - you may be projecting how you feel about being bored on your kids. The article does talk about how this has been happening since we were kids, so being bored is probably something we were unconsciously taught is bad. There's a lot of research specifically about how being bored for kids is good for them in that they start looking internally for ways to entertain themselves. Kids who don't have outside stimulation all the time regulate their emotions better, are able to think outside the box, are more creative, etc.

Also how do people have 7 hours between afterschool, homework, and bed?

right?! From the time I leave work and pick up my kid and the time he goes to bed is 3-3.5 hours MAX and it is impossible to get everything done! And that has zero to do with scheduled activities for him because fuck after school activities, lol.

Oct 25, 2023 12:58:19 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

I'd love some tips from those who limit screentime but have an only child. Even as a small child my DS was never good at entertaining himself. You couldn't hand him legos or a coloring book and wander away. He hates doing things by himself.

oooof, this is hard. We have an only and do not allow screen time during the week and only for a couple hours on the weekends. It can be really hard, but since it is something we have basically always done, he is just used to it. He used to complain occasionally but since he was 2 or 3 could really entertain himself with legos or magnatiles or cars or what have you. Does he regularly still ask us to play with him? sure. But usually he gets so involved in his own little world that even when we do start playing with him, he ignores us so we can get up and walk away within a few minutes and he doesn't even realize it, lol.

[shauni27]

Oct 26, 2023 6:33:21 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

It’s wild. I haven’t read all the responses but totally agree. My kid is 7. I dropped him off in front of a place last week and told him to go into class while I parked and he couldn’t figure that out. I know I totally got dropped off in front of places at 7. I blame the fact that parents are scared of getting CPS called for every damn thing. I can’t even run into a coffee place to grab my mobile order with him in the car legally. It’s insane. I’ve been trying to find ways to let him do more independently lately because I am nervous.

I was flying across the country by myself at age 9, with my little sister as my responsibility, WITH LAYOVERS in big ass airports. I think of even my babysitters who watch S and I think they could not do that, and they are in HS.

[sent]

Oct 26, 2023 7:07:17 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Honest question - Does CPS really get called on parents frequently for kids being more free range? Or is that overblown just like stories of kidnapping in the mall? We live in an area that is a mix of urban/suburban and I do see elementary students biking or walking by themselves pretty frequently. I know that it can happen re CPS but I don't think it is nearly as common as the news makes it seem.

Maybe there’s a study. All I know is that I never expected the mom who called on me. I honestly thought she was being nice when she asked how my kid was doing. She took that info and got to work and called them. So now I have no idea what a person’s intentions are.

But I do see your point comparing it to the kidnappings. Neither is probably that common but it would be horrible if the family involved is yours.