My whole parenting life, I've been super open with my kids about bodies and sex. It's the best policy. I wanted to make sure they always felt they could come to me.
Fast-forward to this evening.
Let me set the scene. I'm between jobs. I've decided to live it up and pour myself a glass of wine on a THURSDAY night (party time). I'm watching Selling Sunset to ensure that my brain is not overtaxed.
Me: MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.
My daughter (age 13, 14 in 2 weeks): Hey, mom. So, blow jobs are what exactly? And what exactly do people mean when they say people "have sex"?
Me: **crying inside because I just want to enjoy watching how much Jason regrets breaking up with Chrishell** Well, so. There's a few different ways to have sex depending on the sex and gender of the people involved....(insert 20 minutes of question and answer)
Post by maudefindlay on Nov 16, 2023 20:04:23 GMT -5
I feel ya. DS1 asked me what a "boner" is when he was 10. Inside I was like "No!! I have to deal with period stuff with DD one day, this should be DH's conversation." But we both survived.
Can I just tell you that I had the same conversation with my son - except he was 9.
My 10 year old asked me to explain erections last week. I am not the parent with the penis! I know but SOMEONE ELSE IN THIS HOUSE DOES TOO. Give me a break!
Yep. DD has asked me to describe what an orgasm feels like.
I genuinely would not know how to answer that!
(Meaning no idea how I would describe it - I do have them)
I have a vivid memory of my own 5th grade sex education when someone asked our teacher what it “feels like,” (I think was asking about the physical act, not the finish) and she answered, “like a sneeze, but better.”
Yep. DD has asked me to describe what an orgasm feels like.
Oof. We are definitely doing the sex-positive parenting thing, but I don't know if I could give a good answer for this one. lol
My good friend had a book about sex when we were kids. We thought it was funny as heck, but I do remember it describing an orgasm as a similar feeling to a really good sneeze (except not in your nose). Actually I think it was written by the same guy who wrote all those "A Year in Provence" books...
Ohlorrrrd. Not to blow smoke but you clearly are doing all of the right things. It's one thing to "be open" and another to routinely create a relationship where they *actually take you up on it*.
Also I feel like there should be like a sticker charts with rewards for parents. You've done this awesome thing for your kid but all you got was a protracted tiny death, and you should bare minimum get a star on a chart or a hole punch and you get like a free massage for every 10min-worth of excruciating conversations.
You guys are great parents but I'm going to need all your phone numbers bc I'll perish if I have to answer these. 🥀
Ugh I knooooow. I feel like I am *dangerously close* to having to put my money where my mouth is with my 9yo who to this point does come to me with awkward things.... but so far it's been awkward like "why is dad being a jerk to me?!" not sex stuff. I'm not ready but also know I never will beeee.
Post by pinkplasticdoll on Nov 16, 2023 22:35:12 GMT -5
I am adding the things in this thread to potential questions my kids could ask so I can prepare answers and hope it's 7+ years before I have to answer them .
Post by mccallister84 on Nov 16, 2023 22:56:58 GMT -5
Kind of an s/o but are there things you just refuse to answer - I guess I’m thinking the more personal questions. I think we are cultivating an environment of open dialogue and I can handle the blow job/sex etc questions as objective questions but if my child asks if I masturbate….
Please tell me it’s okay to tell them that I don’t want to share private intimate details with them.
Kind of an s/o but are there things you just refuse to answer - I guess I’m thinking the more personal questions. I think we are cultivating an environment of open dialogue and I can handle the blow job/sex etc questions as objective questions but if my child asks if I masturbate….
Please tell me it’s okay to tell them that I don’t want to share private intimate details with them.
I mean … is there a person on earth who doesn’t? I’d probably say that: everyone does and I’m not going to go into personal specifics or details. Suffice it to say that everyone does, at some point.
Post by ellipses84 on Nov 16, 2023 23:48:52 GMT -5
Omg, I cringe for these convos but I try to channel my inner Dr and just explain them like a medical professional would. My older 2 didn’t ask a lot but I also made DH have talks with them before they likely would. My 7 year old is the one with all the questions.
You are a great mom if your kids feels comfortable enough to talk to you about it!
So, I am trying to be more open with questions. One of my sons is 10 (in 5th grade) and asked me recently why the number 69 is funny and why everyone laughs about it. I said it was a reference to something sexual. He asked what. I said I do t think you’re old enough to talk about this get. I realize I handled that poorly and want to go back to it, but so don’t know how or what is appropriate. He is a very young 10 for his age, but I know this stuff is starting to come up. Any tips??
Kind of an s/o but are there things you just refuse to answer - I guess I’m thinking the more personal questions. I think we are cultivating an environment of open dialogue and I can handle the blow job/sex etc questions as objective questions but if my child asks if I masturbate….
Please tell me it’s okay to tell them that I don’t want to share private intimate details with them.
I’ve told DD there’s a difference between asking general questions to understand and asking personal questions. When DD asked about sex toys and vibrators, I answered. When she asked if DH and I use them, I would not answer.
Of course, then she asked if I would buy her a vibrator.