Youth sports (aka, that escalated quickly)

[Susie]

I have an 8 yo DD who loves to run.  She ran track & field in the spring for the first time, and this fall was her first XC season.  She runs with a USATF youth track club that is relatively low key.  Seasons are like 6 weeks, only a couple local meets, no big deal.

In the spring she finished her track season at our USATF association's Junior Olympics.  It was at our district's HS track, so it was super easy to attend.  She won the 8 & under girls' 800 and 1500, but didn't move on because we were on vacation when regionals would occur, and it wasn't really on her radar (yet).  But it got us sucked in.

For XC, the association JO meet was 2 weeks ago, at a course about an hour drive from home.  Sure, fine, in the realm of what I can handle.

At the association meet, she qualified for regionals.  We're in region 1, which covers Maine to eastern NY inclusive (Long Island to Adirondack).  But we didn't have to travel far, because the meet was held in our association, at the same course as the association JO meet 2 weeks ago.  Since the club's practices ended after the association meet, H and I took over taking her running for the last 2 weeks.  Also do-able, but scope creep for sure.

Today was the regional meet.  Top 30 at regionals for each age/sex would qualify for nationals in Louisville, Kentucky on Dec. 9.  You can guess where this is headed.

She placed 20th, and this time she knows what she qualified for.  The financial resources to travel to the meet aren't really an issue, it's more how I would make it work around my work schedule (I'm supposed to be OOT at a client Dec 7-8), the family schedule, etc.  When I signed her up for our town's track & field club, with meets at our local HS and our local town park, I didn't foresee this sort of thing coming up so soon.

On one hand, she was dedicated through the season, has worked hard running without her team since the season ended, and I want to support her.  She really loves running.  OTOH, flying to Kentucky for an 8 yo to run for ~10 minutes feels crazy.  OTOH, she probably won't qualify next year because she will run all of 2024 in the 9-10 age group, but won't turn 9 until Nov. 2024, and this is a cool opportunity/experience.

We have a few days to decide.  How do you approach these decisions, if you entertain them in the first place?

ETA:  PIP!  She and the girl in gray and white raced each other hard down the chute.  DD held her off but they both did a great job.

[VillainV]

Wow, congrats to her for working hard and qualifying! If it’s doable for your family without causing hardship, I’d definitely consider it. Can your H go so you’re not rushed from your work trip? It sounds like a really neat experience, but not one that should cause stress for your family.

[waverly]

Right now all our tournaments are driving distance and no flying. There is one at Disney but it’s the level up from DS’s team so luckily we don’t have to do it. We are planning other vacations that are more important so we wouldn’t do Disney this year if it were an option. We already have that money earmarked for another trip.

That being said if I wanted to go to Louisville I would. It’s a cute city. It’s just for us we already have our travel budget and time off planned. And we realized the Disney trip was for the other team when planning.

[bee20]

When I was a kid the coach was responsible for chaperoning this kind of thing. Can you confirm that's not an option?

I'd love to support her but realistically if the top 30 kids go and there are ETA: 7 Regions? in USATF according to google.  So there will be 210 kids competing and she'd be still unlikely to be in the top 100. That seems like it's not going to be that affirming for her nor will it be super memorable.

If she is really excited to go because there are older racers there she idolizes or something I would consider it, but I sort of expect the reason they invite the top 30 is they want to encourage kids but know most of them won't make it.

[bcv513]

Speaking as someone whose 7 year old just qualified to cheer in Florida in two weeks, I say if it’s at all possible then do it. She’s worked so hard to get to this point

[nicolewi]

This is tough. Congratulations to her on her running! She must be really good! I may be in the minority, but I think I would lean towards skipping it. She’s still so young. If she continues to run , you will have many of these opportunities ahead of you, even if that doesn’t necessarily happen next year. It sounds like the timing is really difficult for you in addition to the travel hassle and expense.

[wanderingback]

It sounds like you’ll be out of town, right? If your H could take her, but I think you have 2 kids? would that work?. But if you have to work then you have to work.

[scm1011]

How important is this to her? I lean towards no, because it sets a precedent and she's barely 8, but if she is really gung-ho I'd consider it.

ETA: I think this is awesome and I'm really impressed, but I'd hate to elevate something that is clearly just fun at this point.

[rhian]

Given that the cost isn't an issue, if she wants to do it, and you can logistically make it work for your family, I'd be inclined to go. It seems like a cool and fun opportunity, and a chance to either have a little one on one trip for her and one parent, or a small family trip. I don't think this trip necessarily needs to mean that you're all in on all future sports opportunities, you can assess the feasibility each time.

[penguingrrl]

Wow, congrats to her. That's truly amazing, and shows incredible dedication and hard work! For us, it would be a calculation on cost, time and whether it works for our family. None of my kids has shown the skill in sports to go further than a 30 minute radius (though I've driven 1.5+ hours for honors musical ensembles), so I don't know what my inclination would be in the moment, but from the sidelines I would try if you/your husband can make it work. It will make her feel extra special to have earned this, and she's old enough to recognize and understand what an achievement it is.

Louisville's a nice city (my ILs both grew up there), and not a bad place to go for a weekend.

[maudefindlay]

Go, Louisville is fun. Take her to the Mega Cavern's Lights Under Louisville, an underground Christmas light show. You can drive thru if you have a rental car or you can ride thru in an open top tram/trailer. Definitely eat at La Bodeguita De Mima Cuban Restaurant.

[loira]

I would go if you can make it work. If you can't make it work, I'd explain why.

I get that it seems crazy that 8 year olds are doing this sort of thing, but I know if it were my DD she wouldn't understand how we view it as adults.

[Mrs.Syntax]

My daughter’s experience with her first national tournament was amazing. She didn’t have any expectations of placing well (as she was the bottom of her age division) but she was in total awe of being around kids that were as into her sport as she is. It was one of the most fun national tournaments we’ve ever been to as a family and we have a lot of great memories attached the experience and the place it was held! I’d say go for it!

[flygirl]

If this is a once of year sort of thing, I’d try to make it work. If it’s 3+ times a year, I’d probably wait til they were older.
I have a coworker who lives in FL and the hockey team that he coaches travels all over 10+times a year. I have no idea how the parents do it. I guess I’ve never asked if the kids go without the parents. But so far this year they’ve traveled to MN, PA, MO, DC, NY, NV, and even Canada twice. The kids are 9-11. I think that’s insane for kids that young-I’d go broke by the time they were 15.

[Susie]

Thanks for the feedback, it's all a lot to think about.  

If she were to attend nationals, it's definitely not a coach-chaperoned event.  I'm not even sure if the coaches would go.  Once our club gets to post-season, the parents of the kids who progress take on a lot of managing workouts, travel, etc.  Usually the club pays for race entries, and through regionals the coaches did come, but parents are responsible for everything else.  For regionals we had the option of doing a hotel block/dinner the night before, but it was all parent-chaperoned.  We opted to just drive up for the meet in the morning.  

This has the potential to be a 2x/year thing at maximum, once for track and once for XC, if she ends up being really good at both and if she pursues both.  All "if"s.  IDK if they're in the same locations every year, but XC nationals in Louisville is easier to get to from the east coast than track nationals in Oregon.

I mentally worked out a plan for how to do it, but it seems crazy.  I will already be in DC for work.  H and DD could fly together from home to DC on Friday.  I could leave my meeting a little early, and H could deliver DD to me in whichever of IAD or DCA has better flights.  He'd turn around and fly home.  She and I would continue on to Louisville, do the weekend, and fly home.  It's a little extra having H fly RT to DC just to hand her off to me, but she's too young to fly unaccompanied under the circumstances, and there aren't enough hours for me to fly back home to leave with her from our home airport.  We'd just need someone back home to handle daycare pickup for DS in case H isn't back in time, which I'm confident we could arrange.  I also suggested H could just take her to Louisville, but he demurred.  Mom does the braids the way she wants them for running.  Mom also runs.  She wants mom.  Sometimes it is equal parts overwhelming and gratifying to be that parent.

[Velar Fricative]

You've gotten great advice so far, but I laughed so hard when I saw your thread title because that's how I've been feeling ever since DD1 started playing hockey. Like, we went from some house league play at the rink 10 minutes from our ice to driving near and far most weekends for games during the hockey season. Oh, and "off-season" is a farce because there's always clinics. I am sure it's the same way for track.

We've never had to fly for anything (yet), but we typically have tournaments anywhere from close to home to 4 hours away a couple of times during the season. I don't know how we make it work, but we just do. DH never has to travel for his job and I don't have to either, although I enjoyed going to our industry's conferences. That has taken a backseat though so we can travel for sports. Youth sports is truly insane and yet here we are, actively participating in the chaos because she loves playing.

[gretchenindisguise]

Nov 20, 2023 10:35:45 GMT -5 Susie said:

Thanks for the feedback, it's all a lot to think about.  

If she were to attend nationals, it's definitely not a coach-chaperoned event.  I'm not even sure if the coaches would go.  Once our club gets to post-season, the parents of the kids who progress take on a lot of managing workouts, travel, etc.  Usually the club pays for race entries, and through regionals the coaches did come, but parents are responsible for everything else.  For regionals we had the option of doing a hotel block/dinner the night before, but it was all parent-chaperoned.  We opted to just drive up for the meet in the morning.  

This has the potential to be a 2x/year thing at maximum, once for track and once for XC, if she ends up being really good at both and if she pursues both.  All "if"s.  IDK if they're in the same locations every year, but XC nationals in Louisville is easier to get to from the east coast than track nationals in Oregon.

I mentally worked out a plan for how to do it, but it seems crazy.  I will already be in DC for work.  H and DD could fly together from home to DC on Friday.  I could leave my meeting a little early, and H could deliver DD to me in whichever of IAD or DCA has better flights.  He'd turn around and fly home.  She and I would continue on to Louisville, do the weekend, and fly home.  It's a little extra having H fly RT to DC just to hand her off to me, but she's too young to fly unaccompanied under the circumstances, and there aren't enough hours for me to fly back home to leave with her from our home airport.  We'd just need someone back home to handle daycare pickup for DS in case H isn't back in time, which I'm confident we could arrange.  I also suggested H could just take her to Louisville, but he demurred.  Mom does the braids the way she wants them for running.  Mom also runs.  She wants mom.  Sometimes it is equal parts overwhelming and gratifying to be that parent.

I was all about having her go to this thing until I saw the logistics involved to make this happen. 

Is anyone else on her team going that she can fly with and meet you there? If not, I don't think I'd be willing to do your current plan and I'd expect DD to understand that.

[countthestars]

I was team "try to make it work" until I saw the logistics. I think you should skip this one and try to make the next one happen, if it happens. The logistics of getting her there are too difficult for your family this time.

[dcn]

Nov 19, 2023 21:51:10 GMT -5 maudefindlay said:

Go, Louisville is fun. Take her to the Mega Cavern's Lights Under Louisville, an underground Christmas light show. You can drive thru if you have a rental car or you can ride thru in an open top tram/trailer. Definitely eat at La Bodeguita De Mima Cuban Restaurant.

We live in the area and that is what I’d recommend to do too! I think if you (or your H) can swing it I’d try to make it happen. What a cool experience for her!

[dcn]

Ah I just saw all the flying. Maybe your H flies to Louisville with both kids and you meet them there? You could all go that way.

I probably wouldn’t do a drop off in DC for this one event if there will likely be others another time.

[waverly]

Susie, I wouldn't do your current logistics plan. The only way I see it working is DH, DS and DD fly to Louisville and you join them there.

If all 4 don't want to go on the weekend, and you are not available for the first part, then I would say no.

[rhian]

Agree, the drop off in DC would be too much for me - I'd try to have all 4 of you go (since you'd already be buying a 3rd plane ticket to get your H back and forth from DC, the cost of this might not be that much higher?), or offer DD the option of dad going with her. I understand the reasons why you're the preferred parent for this trip, but would she rather not go if the only other option is she goes with your H?

[Susie]

I know the drop off idea sounds crazy, but I honestly would dread it less than the idea of bringing 4 yo DS with us to Louisville.  That doesn't sound fun in the slightest. He'd love getting to fly on a plane (immediately pre-pandemic baby has never been on a plane), but he would be tough to manage for basically everything else.  We try to avoid taking him to XC meets even near home because from his perspective there's nothing to do but stand around in the cold and push parents' buttons because he's bored.  I'm really trying to avoid flying him out for trip that centers around an activity that he isn't going to want to attend.  Neither parent really wants to go all the way to Louisville to tread water with DS somewhere so DD can run, and then not see DD run.  It's tough.  

I guess I could see if MIL could take DS for the weekend.  Then H could take DD to Louisville, I could meet them there, and we could both see her run.  IDK if that would fly though.  FIL is supposed to have a knee replacement early in Dec so I don't know if MIL/they would be up for it.  

[sdlaura]

We generally go with - if the kid wants to do it, if we can afford it and make it work with our jobs (which are luckily pretty flexible), then we do it. Sounds like a really neat experience!

I agree with the PPs that I would make it a family trip to Louisville rather than doing the DC handoff. I have a 4-year-old boy as well (as well as two other boys who regularly have to be entertained at their big sister's sporting events), and 4-year-old actually does great flying these days with his tablet. I'm sure your DH can take him somewhere fun for him while you're at the meet. 

[hermione]

We would do it if we could. She earned it.

[steamboat185]

I would not do the handoff plan if you go I’d do it as a family trip and have your DS get to do some fun activities in between races. If you think your DD is going to keep running DS is going to have to get used to the process of going to track meets and hanging out.

[purplepenguin7]

Nov 19, 2023 17:48:19 GMT -5 bee20 said:

When I was a kid the coach was responsible for chaperoning this kind of thing. Can you confirm that's not an option?

I'd love to support her but realistically if the top 30 kids go and there are ETA: 7 Regions? in USATF according to google.  So there will be 210 kids competing and she'd be still unlikely to be in the top 100. That seems like it's not going to be that affirming for her nor will it be super memorable.

If she is really excited to go because there are older racers there she idolizes or something I would consider it, but I sort of expect the reason they invite the top 30 is they want to encourage kids but know most of them won't make it.

i feel the opposite.  Being one of 210 across the whole country at 8 years old seems like a huge deal.  I see that the logistics are tough for you Susie, so if you can't make it work that's totally understandable but I see this as a very nice accomplishment for a child! 

[Susie]

Nov 20, 2023 15:20:26 GMT -5 purplepenguin7 said:

Nov 19, 2023 17:48:19 GMT -5 bee20 said:

When I was a kid the coach was responsible for chaperoning this kind of thing. Can you confirm that's not an option?

I'd love to support her but realistically if the top 30 kids go and there are ETA: 7 Regions? in USATF according to google.  So there will be 210 kids competing and she'd be still unlikely to be in the top 100. That seems like it's not going to be that affirming for her nor will it be super memorable.

If she is really excited to go because there are older racers there she idolizes or something I would consider it, but I sort of expect the reason they invite the top 30 is they want to encourage kids but know most of them won't make it.

i feel the opposite.  Being one of 210 across the whole country at 8 years old seems like a huge deal.  I see that the logistics are tough for you Susie , so if you can't make it work that's totally understandable but I see this as a very nice accomplishment for a child! 

Yeah I feel like I might lean this way too, but it's hard to say.  I wasn't as good at anything at 8 (or 10, or 12) as she is at running now, so I'm out of my depth a little.  I did swim at a national level but not until I was much older (16-18).

It would have helped me at 16 to feel more confident at that level if I had ever seen it before, even if it was when I was 8.  I worked really hard to get good, and struggled with imposter syndrome for a while after I got there.  I had to attend a meet at a certain level once, just to experience it, before I could really perform the next time feeling confident and like I belonged.  So in a way I guess I was thinking of this as getting that out of the way for her at a young age.  But she is not me, so maybe that's not the right way to think about it.

I'm going to keep thinking through options with H tonight, and ask him to see if his mom can help at all.  I'm supposed to be on site at my client in DC on Thurs afternoon and Fri until mid-afternoon.  If I went down early and was there Thurs. AM, I wonder if I could scoot out Fri AM.  That would open up some options.  If I could get back to my home airport early enough, H could pass DD off to me at our home airport without ever leaving the area (and DS) himself.

[hbomdiggity]

Nov 20, 2023 11:48:02 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

You've gotten great advice so far, but I laughed so hard when I saw your thread title because that's how I've been feeling ever since DD1 started playing hockey. Like, we went from some house league play at the rink 10 minutes from our ice to driving near and far most weekends for games during the hockey season. Oh, and "off-season" is a farce because there's always clinics. I am sure it's the same way for track.

We've never had to fly for anything (yet), but we typically have tournaments anywhere from close to home to 4 hours away a couple of times during the season. I don't know how we make it work, but we just do. DH never has to travel for his job and I don't have to either, although I enjoyed going to our industry's conferences. That has taken a backseat though so we can travel for sports. Youth sports is truly insane and yet here we are, actively participating in the chaos because she loves playing.

Ditto from another hockey parent. This is likely our last season of “travel lite” before we hit true travel. And it’s still a lot.

And I hate that so many sports have become all about expensive clubs, “nationals” and “elite.” But at the same time, I do want to foster a love of sports and the kids love this stuff.

As for OP, I think I’d go because it sounds like you reasonably can make the logistics work and she wants to go.

If it helps you feel less crazy, I have an out of town work meeting in a few weeks so I am having my company fly me to the tiny town 5hrs from home so I can make part of a hockey tournament.

[wanderingback]

Nov 20, 2023 13:52:00 GMT -5 Susie said:

I know the drop off idea sounds crazy, but I honestly would dread it less than the idea of bringing 4 yo DS with us to Louisville.  That doesn't sound fun in the slightest. He'd love getting to fly on a plane (immediately pre-pandemic baby has never been on a plane), but he would be tough to manage for basically everything else.  We try to avoid taking him to XC meets even near home because from his perspective there's nothing to do but stand around in the cold and push parents' buttons because he's bored.  I'm really trying to avoid flying him out for trip that centers around an activity that he isn't going to want to attend.  Neither parent really wants to go all the way to Louisville to tread water with DS somewhere so DD can run, and then not see DD run.  It's tough.  

I guess I could see if MIL could take DS for the weekend.  Then H could take DD to Louisville, I could meet them there, and we could both see her run.  IDK if that would fly though.  FIL is supposed to have a knee replacement early in Dec so I don't know if MIL/they would be up for it.  

I think the best option is to tell your daughter that your husband is going to take her. It’ll be a special daddy daughter trip.