Post by emilyinchile on Nov 28, 2023 13:53:07 GMT -5
I feel like this is so context-dependent. If he were doing it all day long, I'd nicely point it out and ask if he could stop, just like I would if he were clicking a pen or smacking his lips. If he does it a few times a day, then I don't think it's fair to expect he reduce that.
Equally, if you guys generally have a friendly relationship, I think you can say hey, this is totally a me-thing, but I get super distracted by the sound of cracking knuckles, is there any way you could try to avoid it just while I'm speaking because I felt kind of dumb in our meeting today when I lost my train of thought. But if you don't have that kind of relationship, then you can't ask because either you'll look bad or he'll feel super uncomfortable (or both), so really only you can know what's right!
If someone asked this of a subordinate in my union environment it would be run all the way up. What if this is a stim? What if he has arthritis and is in pain until he cracks his knuckles? My union would probably demand that a duty to accommodation plan be started so he can do it without interference.
I absolutely HATE the sound of knuckles being cracked so I'd ask him to please stop. I think it's disruptive, like any repetitive noise in the office - I mean, you'd ask him to stop if he were humming or whistling.
Huh? I wouldn’t ask someone to stop if they were humming or whistling. I assume it’s at a normal volume and not scream humming that I can’t hear to make a phone call!
LOL "scream humming" - picturing this gave me the giggles!
Non-issue - in fact it’s a stim behavior for ADHD/autism. He prob doesn’t even know he’s doing it.
I was going to say, my kid with ADHD does this as his 'fidget' behavior. He is totally aware of it, he started doing it intentionally even though we advised him against it. He likes how it feels and enjoys doing it, but we talked to him over and over and over again about how annoying it was to others and how if it became a habit, he wouldn't be able to stop easily, and now he does it CONSTANTLY and unconsciously and there's no way he'd be able to stop without like massive interventional therapy and replacing the behavior with something else intentionally and it would take SO MUCH EFFORT on his part that he has no interest in putting into stopping a habit he still actively enjoys.
So while I feel for you, I really do, because I hate that noise so very much, I can't see the convo. going well or having a positive outcome.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Nov 28, 2023 14:30:15 GMT -5
I mean, maybe you could mention in private that cracking his knuckles during meetings where you are speaking makes you lose your train of thought and maybe he could be more aware?? I don't know, like others have posted it may not be something he is aware he is doing. I would not expect him to stop and it might be something you have to work around.
Wait, we aren't allowed to ask someone to stop humming or whistling? What if they are whistling Christmas carols in July? And you are in a small shared workspace where headphones aren't allowed? And what if they graduate to singing?
True story and yes, I drew the line at Christmas carols in the summer.
Post by starburst604 on Nov 28, 2023 14:59:40 GMT -5
My friend has a new coworker who dips all day, and spits it into a clear bottle. So that's what she hears all day, and sees if she makes the mistake of looking in that direction. So it could be worse!
Now that the original issue is settled, can everyone crack their knuckles? I can't and I don't think I ever have. No part of my body cracks, lol.
Only 1 of my hands/knuckles do.
Speaking of only one hand, I can only snap my fingers on my non-dominant hand. The other hand just makes no sound when the fingers rub together. Anyone else? It's very rare that my knuckles will crack if I make that motion.
Speaking of only one hand, I can only snap my fingers on my non-dominant hand. The other hand just makes no sound when the fingers rub together. Anyone else? It's very rare that my knuckles will crack if I make that motion.
Opposite - I can only snap with my dominant hand. And yes, I just tested this out LOL
My friend has a new coworker who dips all day, and spits it into a clear bottle. So that's what she hears all day, and sees if she makes the mistake of looking in that direction. So it could be worse!
my god, that is so fucking disgusting.
I will admit that I have severe post nasal drip and clear my throat CONSTANTLY. I annoy myself; I cannot imagine how annoying other people at work find me.
Speaking of only one hand, I can only snap my fingers on my non-dominant hand. The other hand just makes no sound when the fingers rub together. Anyone else? It's very rare that my knuckles will crack if I make that motion.
Being pedantic here, but the sound comes from your finger hitting your thumb pad, not the fingers rubbing together. But it's still interesting that you can only snap with one hand.
Speaking of only one hand, I can only snap my fingers on my non-dominant hand. The other hand just makes no sound when the fingers rub together. Anyone else? It's very rare that my knuckles will crack if I make that motion.
Being pedantic here, but the sound comes from your finger hitting your thumb pad, not the fingers rubbing together. But it's still interesting that you can only snap with one hand.
Yea I wasn't sure how to describe how snapping happens! But I make the same motion, the thumb hits the pad and there is just....nothing, and it feels completely weird.
Now that the original issue is settled, can everyone crack their knuckles? I can't and I don't think I ever have. No part of my body cracks, lol.
I cannot crack my knuckles either. It's happened accidently if I bend them weird or something. I can however crack my big toe. LOL. It will sometimes feel "stuck" and I have to kind of rotate it to crack it back in place. It makes the loudest noise whenever I do it.
Speaking of only one hand, I can only snap my fingers on my non-dominant hand. The other hand just makes no sound when the fingers rub together. Anyone else?
Wait, we aren't allowed to ask someone to stop humming or whistling? What if they are whistling Christmas carols in July? And you are in a small shared workspace where headphones aren't allowed? And what if they graduate to singing?
True story and yes, I drew the line at Christmas carols in the summer.
We are trying to live in a society here!
Sure you can ask. But I personally don’t think it’s rude. I guess I think of something as rude as something offensive. Like intentionally letting a stinky fart rip. Quirks like tapping foot, cracking knuckle, humming, etc to me aren’t rude. I can obviously see how certain sounds set people off but I don’t think that means the person doing the sound is rude.
But I did clarify above the scream humming is a no go!
You'd hate to work with me, I crack everything I can. Knees, ankles, knuckles if it can be crackled, I crack it. Rice Krispies up in here, I don't even realize when I do it. I say non issue but obviously I am biased.
Doesn't make it inappropriate! What if it was the boss doing it?
I am irrationally annoyed by this OP!
This is why I posted. It absolutely drives me nuts but apparently I’m in the vast minority so I’ll leave it. It’s probably my own ADHD that makes it so distracting. I legit lose my train of thought when talking and he does it.
If someone told me to stop cracking my knuckles in their presence I would literally be incapable of other thoughts during our interactions. I'd basically be sitting on my hands to not crack them. Which means I'm not writing or typing anything because what if something unexpectedly cracks?
Some people chew loud. Some people crack their knuckles. Some people chew gum. Some people walk loud. We all have some way we annoy the crap out of our fellow man. Try to let it ride.
Wait, we aren't allowed to ask someone to stop humming or whistling? What if they are whistling Christmas carols in July? And you are in a small shared workspace where headphones aren't allowed? And what if they graduate to singing?
True story and yes, I drew the line at Christmas carols in the summer.
We are trying to live in a society here!
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE KEEPING THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT ALL YEAR, SCROOGE TOLD US SO :-)
If someone told me to stop cracking my knuckles in their presence I would literally be incapable of other thoughts during our interactions. I'd basically be sitting on my hands to not crack them. Which means I'm not writing or typing anything because what if something unexpectedly cracks?
Some people chew loud. Some people crack their knuckles. Some people chew gum. Some people walk loud. We all have some way we annoy the crap out of our fellow man. Try to let it ride.
I would also be noting every single thing that bothers me about the person who asked me to stop what is (for me) a subconscious behavior. Clears her throat to much? 57 "ums" per hour? Coffee breath? Snapping gum? Loud speakerphone conversations in a shared work space. Whatever. The likelihood of OP also doing something without realizing it that someone else finds annoying is very high.
In an office environment, you just have to learn to let a lot of things go. Unless it's serious enough that you felt it's something you could go to HR and document on a paper without feeling petty, it's probably not worth bringing up, in private or not.
Post by cattledogkisses on Nov 28, 2023 16:37:44 GMT -5
That sound genuinely makes me feel queasy and lightheaded, to the point that I have to leave the room if someone's doing it. I would not be able to handle sitting in a meeting with someone like this.
This thread is fascinating to me. Knuckle cracking as a stim and being necessary for the person is a valid issue. But someone else having misophonia and becoming wildly agitated at particular sounds is also a valid issue. Both people have the right to work in peace. And the answer can’t always be headphones for the sound-sensitive person because meetings are a thing, too.
I’m finding the dismissiveness around sounds as triggers to people to be unfortunate. Ideally, we’d try to do better for everyone around us in a public space. Some things we do will bother others for valid reasons and we should be open to hearing that and trying to find a solution for all.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Nov 28, 2023 17:09:17 GMT -5
I think there's a middle ground if it really bothers you. I'd at least have a conversation and frame it as a you thing not a him thing.
Generally people want to know if they are unconsciously doing something that drives their boss up a wall. My boss can't stand orange colored tables in PowerPoint slides. Does it make any sense? No but I know it sets her on edge so I make my tables blue.
If he can't control it all the time at least he will be a little bit aware not to do it in certain situations like if you are presenting.