Cracking knuckles at work

[Roc A Bee]

I had no idea the sound was so disturbing for people. Does he do constantly? Maybe it was a one-off?

My fav thing to pop is my hip, but I don’t do that at work.

[pixy0stix]

Buy an assortment of fidget toys to bring to meetings. That way everyone can have something and the knuckle cracker will hopefully choose something less annoying.

I did this at another job when someone kept either cracking their gum or clicking a pen. Giving them a silent alternative without calling them out helped. The toys were really popular.

[pixy0stix]

Nov 28, 2023 15:44:37 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I have a story that is so disgusting about dip at work that it honestly needs a trigger warning.

Did someone take an accidental swig of the spit cup?

[cattledogkisses]

Nov 28, 2023 17:07:28 GMT -5 joy said:

This thread is fascinating to me. Knuckle cracking as a stim and being necessary for the person is a valid issue. But someone else having misophonia and becoming wildly agitated at particular sounds is also a valid issue. Both people have the right to work in peace. And the answer can’t always be headphones for the sound-sensitive person because meetings are a thing, too.

I’m finding the dismissiveness around sounds as triggers to people to be unfortunate. Ideally, we’d try to do better for everyone around us in a public space. Some things we do will bother others for valid reasons and we should be open to hearing that and trying to find a solution for all.

I’m a little surprised at the dismissiveness too. I wonder if people don’t understand that for those with sensory processing issues, audio triggers aren’t just annoying, they can be genuinely distressing and upsetting. 

As one of those people I understand that it’s my own responsibility to manage, and I do that to the extent that I can with headphones or removing myself from the situation, but unfortunately those can’t be done in a meeting. 

I’m not necessarily trying to say that one person’s issues should take precedence over the other here, but just trying to bring awareness to the other side of this situation. 

[litskispeciality]

Nov 28, 2023 17:39:50 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Buy an assortment of fidget toys to bring to meetings. That way everyone can have something and the knuckle cracker will hopefully choose something less annoying.

I did this at another job when someone kept either cracking their gum or clicking a pen. Giving them a silent alternative without calling them out helped. The toys were really popular.

I had a boss that did this. Framed it as it made you more productive in meetings. I'm not sure if that's true because I liked playing with the toys more than the meeting topics. Just be sure to say they have to go back at the end of the meeting because we thought we got to keep them, and that was a bummer.

Knuckle cracking makes me want to throw up, but I do a lot of annoying things I don't even realize I'm doing. I think a private conversation with the person, framing as it's OP not the knuckle cracker might work. I'd say let them step away to crack if they know they need to, but that's othering, and could lead to a grievance in a union as mentioned up thread.

[litskispeciality]

I think the noise thing is hard to understand too if you've has the luxury of an office or private space and can close a door. It's somewhat embarrassing to have one of these habits if you will called out by others when you're in a tight space. We're just as distracted by everything the others do, even a cleansing sigh, or a loud phone call (work related). Headphones also aren't always an option. I was too loud with my headphones on, but needed them to concentrate on my work...

[jlt19]

We have 10ish rows of cubicles, 5 long by 2 wide. I’m in the third row, seat 3a. There’s a guy in the 4th row, 4a (so a whole person and aisle between us, then he’s one down.

All I’ve ever heard him say is “right”. He’s new, so I guess he’s being trained and when no one else is loud, I can hear the conversation of his trainer talking and he just says “right” every few seconds and it’s SO annoying. His inflection sounds like a stereotypical stoner or surfer.

He also somehow shakes his chair/cubicle so much that it makes our row of cubicles shake. The guy between us (row 3, seat 3b) put a bobble head of sorts on the top of his monitor.

*I* bounce my leg constantly and it doesn’t budge, but somehow this guy keeps it moving.

I will never say anything to him about either of these things because it would be weird to do so. But I will irrationally dislike him forever, as I doubt we’ll ever have reason to truly meet and interact.

[joy]

Nov 28, 2023 17:49:47 GMT -5 cattledogkisses said:

Nov 28, 2023 17:07:28 GMT -5 joy said:

This thread is fascinating to me. Knuckle cracking as a stim and being necessary for the person is a valid issue. But someone else having misophonia and becoming wildly agitated at particular sounds is also a valid issue. Both people have the right to work in peace. And the answer can’t always be headphones for the sound-sensitive person because meetings are a thing, too.

I’m finding the dismissiveness around sounds as triggers to people to be unfortunate. Ideally, we’d try to do better for everyone around us in a public space. Some things we do will bother others for valid reasons and we should be open to hearing that and trying to find a solution for all.

I’m a little surprised at the dismissiveness too. I wonder if people don’t understand that for those with sensory processing issues, audio triggers aren’t just annoying, they can be genuinely distressing and upsetting. 

As one of those people I understand that it’s my own responsibility to manage, and I do that to the extent that I can with headphones or removing myself from the situation, but unfortunately those can’t be done in a meeting. 

I’m not necessarily trying to say that one person’s issues should take precedence over the other here, but just trying to bring awareness to the other side of this situation. 

Yes! Both sides of this are valid and I wanted to highlight that.

I have misophonia. My new coworker had a cold and was constantly clearing her throat all day. I wore my headphones but we still had to converse on topics. I came home terribly on edge and drained from having to face a trigger every few min all day long. The agitation from listening to it is as real as the agitation from someone who needs to crack their knuckles but can’t.

No one side is more worthy in their needs than others so some negotiation is completely appropriate.

[lolalolalola]

Nov 28, 2023 18:04:11 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 28, 2023 17:59:14 GMT -5 litskispeciality said:

I think the noise thing is hard to understand too if you've has the luxury of an office or private space and can close a door. It's somewhat embarrassing to have one of these habits if you will called out by others when you're in a tight space. We're just as distracted by everything the others do, even a cleansing sigh, or a loud phone call (work related). Headphones also aren't always an option. I was too loud with my headphones on, but needed them to concentrate on my work...

There are 12 of us in cubes, in a small space. Headphones are a godsend, LOTS of annoying noises all.day.long, including loud phone calls, which is part of our job. I also think it being presented as ‘my direct report’ is making a noise that annoys me did not help. One coworker is so loud sometimes on the phone that I want to scream! I get it, I’m not diagnosing myself with misphonia, but certain noises def get under my skin. See: nose blowing, loud sneezing, a fork touching someone’s teeth…

The reason I noted that it was a direct report was so no one would tell me to talk to their boss… I have had people bring up concerns with me about my direct reports before instead of talking to them directly. I really don’t know what you are assuming by my including that detail or why it changes your reaction.



Eta as his boss I also hoped to convey that this is someone I work closely with, not a random coworker. I would also hopefully be more understanding and more likely knowledgeable of any required stim activity than a random coworker. I don’t know why the above line of thinking bothers me but it makes me irrationally annoyed that there are assumptions being made about me just because I noted he is a direct report.

[rosiebear]

Nov 28, 2023 17:07:28 GMT -5 joy said:

This thread is fascinating to me. Knuckle cracking as a stim and being necessary for the person is a valid issue. But someone else having misophonia and becoming wildly agitated at particular sounds is also a valid issue. Both people have the right to work in peace. And the answer can’t always be headphones for the sound-sensitive person because meetings are a thing, too.

I’m finding the dismissiveness around sounds as triggers to people to be unfortunate. Ideally, we’d try to do better for everyone around us in a public space. Some things we do will bother others for valid reasons and we should be open to hearing that and trying to find a solution for all.

The OP opened with “is this rude?” and questioned if it was a disruption or distraction in the workplace. She didn’t mention being particularly sound sensitive, so I think the responses were aimed at whether the knuckle cracking coworker was in the wrong, simply for cracking his knuckles.

[joy]

Nov 28, 2023 19:12:17 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

Nov 28, 2023 17:07:28 GMT -5 joy said:

This thread is fascinating to me. Knuckle cracking as a stim and being necessary for the person is a valid issue. But someone else having misophonia and becoming wildly agitated at particular sounds is also a valid issue. Both people have the right to work in peace. And the answer can’t always be headphones for the sound-sensitive person because meetings are a thing, too.

I’m finding the dismissiveness around sounds as triggers to people to be unfortunate. Ideally, we’d try to do better for everyone around us in a public space. Some things we do will bother others for valid reasons and we should be open to hearing that and trying to find a solution for all.

The OP opened with “is this rude?” and questioned if it was a disruption or distraction in the workplace. She didn’t mention being particularly sound sensitive, so I think the responses were aimed at whether the knuckle cracking coworker was in the wrong, simply for cracking his knuckles.

Sure, but then the responses devolved into stims for ADHD and how the union wouldn’t support blocking his needs. We escalated the situation with all kinds of unfounded facts as we tend to do.

[circa1978]

Nov 28, 2023 17:46:32 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Nov 28, 2023 15:44:37 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I have a story that is so disgusting about dip at work that it honestly needs a trigger warning.

Did someone take an accidental swig of the spit cup?

No but.....
*

*


*

I have no idea why this guy was permitted to chew and spit in a red solo cup all day but I work in marketing and people are eccentric. I was new to the office and someone sent me to his desk to get a file and his totally full spit cup spilled all over my hands. I washed my hands for so long that my boss actually had to ask a coworker where I was. I would have peeled off my skin if I could have. 

[wanderingback]

Nov 28, 2023 17:07:28 GMT -5 joy said:

This thread is fascinating to me. Knuckle cracking as a stim and being necessary for the person is a valid issue. But someone else having misophonia and becoming wildly agitated at particular sounds is also a valid issue. Both people have the right to work in peace. And the answer can’t always be headphones for the sound-sensitive person because meetings are a thing, too.

I’m finding the dismissiveness around sounds as triggers to people to be unfortunate. Ideally, we’d try to do better for everyone around us in a public space. Some things we do will bother others for valid reasons and we should be open to hearing that and trying to find a solution for all.

To be fair, the OP asked if knuckle cracking was rude. And I still stand by the fact that it is not rude.
Of course if you have a genuine disability that causes you to not be able to work with certain noises or you have to make certain noises to work then I agree there should be communication.

I think if OP had said "I spend 5 hours a day in meetings with someone who cracks their knuckles and I have a condition that makes it so I can’t work when this is happening constantly, how can I approach this" the responses probably would’ve been different.

I certainly hate certain noises but in general I’m still able to keep working when I hear them so I think it’s on me to "suck it up" as we all have inadvertent noises/quirks.

[wanderingback]

Nov 28, 2023 20:32:29 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Nov 28, 2023 17:46:32 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Did someone take an accidental swig of the spit cup?

No but.....
*

*


*

I have no idea why this guy was permitted to chew and spit in a red solo cup all day but I work in marketing and people are eccentric. I was new to the office and someone sent me to his desk to get a file and his totally full spit cup spilled all over my hands. I washed my hands for so long that my boss actually had to ask a coworker where I was. I would have peeled off my skin if I could have. 

I guess cause I work with bodily fluids this doesn’t bother me, I also thought someone drank his spit cup!

[loira]

Nov 28, 2023 13:53:08 GMT -5 Alex said:

If someone asked this of a subordinate in my union environment it would be run all the way up. What if this is a stim? What if he has arthritis and is in pain until he cracks his knuckles? My union would probably demand that a duty to accommodation plan be started so he can do it without interference.

I find this interesting because I also work in a government setting, and am union, and have 💯 been told off by my director for talking too loudly. In an open plan office. My voice just naturally carries. Luckily we are only in office once a week at this point.

[pixy0stix]

Nov 28, 2023 20:32:29 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Nov 28, 2023 17:46:32 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Did someone take an accidental swig of the spit cup?

No but.....
*

*


*

I have no idea why this guy was permitted to chew and spit in a red solo cup all day but I work in marketing and people are eccentric. I was new to the office and someone sent me to his desk to get a file and his totally full spit cup spilled all over my hands. I washed my hands for so long that my boss actually had to ask a coworker where I was. I would have peeled off my skin if I could have. 

Ugh, that's gross that it was an open cup and got on you. The guys in high school would spit in the drinking fountains, it was so gross.

[Alex]

Nov 28, 2023 21:46:29 GMT -5 loira said:

Nov 28, 2023 13:53:08 GMT -5 Alex said:

If someone asked this of a subordinate in my union environment it would be run all the way up. What if this is a stim? What if he has arthritis and is in pain until he cracks his knuckles? My union would probably demand that a duty to accommodation plan be started so he can do it without interference.

I find this interesting because I also work in a government setting, and am union, and have 💯 been told off by my director for talking too loudly. In an open plan office. My voice just naturally carries. Luckily we are only in office once a week at this point.

I think that there is a difference between loud talking and cracking your knuckles. I really believe that a lot of knuckle cracking is stimming. That's different than asking someone to modulate their voice. I'm a Duty to Accommodate SME though. I see it through that lens I guess.

My husband is doing it right now and I just asked if he knew he was doing it. He had no idea.

[pinkalicious]

Nov 28, 2023 13:25:05 GMT -5 gretchenindisguise said:

How many others cracked their knuckles as they scrolled through this post?

Me, 100%

[circa1978]

wanderingback, fair. I think context and consent to be covered in someone else's bodily fluid also played into my ick. An entire red solo cup of spit is...a lot of spit.

[circa1978]

Nov 28, 2023 22:26:06 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Nov 28, 2023 22:13:24 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

wanderingback , fair. I think context and consent to be covered in someone else's bodily fluid also played into my ick. An entire red solo cup of spit is...a lot of spit.

No, no, this is disgusting!! I’ve been quickly skimming your chew, spit cup posts, but you win!!

Yeah, sorry for derailing. I'm not sure why I kept that story to myself for the past 12 years and today was the day and this was the thread but maybe it does put the knuckle cracking in perspective? LOL. 

[loira]

Nov 28, 2023 21:54:27 GMT -5 Alex said:

Nov 28, 2023 21:46:29 GMT -5 loira said:

I find this interesting because I also work in a government setting, and am union, and have 💯 been told off by my director for talking too loudly. In an open plan office. My voice just naturally carries. Luckily we are only in office once a week at this point.

I think that there is a difference between loud talking and cracking your knuckles. I really believe that a lot of knuckle cracking is stimming. That's different than asking someone to modulate their voice. I'm a Duty to Accommodate SME though. I see it through that lens I guess.

My husband is doing it right now and I just asked if he knew he was doing it. He had no idea.

I'm sure knuckle cracking can be stimming, but speaking in a voice that happens to be slightly more projected is also something people can be unaware of for various reasons, including hearing loss or cultural norms. The obvious solution is to do away with ridiculous open plan offices, but until then it's interesting to learn what behaviours are acceptable until they reach another person's ears and which are not.

[pixy0stix]

Nov 28, 2023 22:36:50 GMT -5 loira said:

Nov 28, 2023 21:54:27 GMT -5 Alex said:

I think that there is a difference between loud talking and cracking your knuckles. I really believe that a lot of knuckle cracking is stimming. That's different than asking someone to modulate their voice. I'm a Duty to Accommodate SME though. I see it through that lens I guess.

My husband is doing it right now and I just asked if he knew he was doing it. He had no idea.

I'm sure knuckle cracking can be stimming, but speaking in a voice that happens to be slightly more projected is also something people can be unaware of for various reasons, including hearing loss or cultural norms. The obvious solution is to do away with ridiculous open plan offices, but until then it's interesting to learn what behaviours are acceptable until they reach another person's ears and which are not.

I speak loudly because I have hearing loss. My mom had me read something on Thanksgiving to the whole family because I "project well", lol!

[wanderingback]

Nov 28, 2023 22:13:24 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

wanderingback, fair. I think context and consent to be covered in someone else's bodily fluid also played into my ick. An entire red solo cup of spit is...a lot of spit.

Lol. I mean it is gross but not that it required a trigger warning gross haha. I guess that’s why I meant it didn’t bother me. In general I do prefer people to keep their bodily fluids to themselves

[basilosaurus]

So many of these sounds send me through the roof. Knuckle cracking, nail clipping, constant throat clearing/coughing, teeth scraping utensils, loud chewing, taking loudly on speakerphone, any cell phone video/music in public, whistling. And my partner does many of those.

He also constantly shakes his feet and legs so much that tables and beds shake. Even if it's in my periphery it's really distracting.

A few others mentioned such as constantly saying um or like also bother me. I'll add playing with hair which seems to be a plague among the reality show set with extensions.

Is it rude? No. I know my partner doesn't realize it, and I'm sure others are the same. I used to be a massive fidgeter which drove my mom insane. She got me fidget toys before they were a thing. I didn't realize I was doing it either. But I did learn to stop pen clicking as one example of more than a few, although I still will sometimes mess with my phone's pop grip.

I realize much of this is a me problem, but it was much easier to stop certain unconscious but annoying behaviors than to tune it all out.

I don't think it's unfair to ask someone to try to be more conscious, but I like better pixy's idea of providing fidget toys. I wouldn't say anything, personally, to someone I wish with, but I'll irrationally dislike them just like I'll glare at kids and adults alike whose cell phones make noise in public.

[minzy]

I don’t have much to add but am a knuckle cracker (we all crack our joints, especially my super flexible kid with ADHD). I don’t have any special needs but if I can feel that my hip needs to pop I can’t just hold it in and not do it. It gets super uncomfortable and needs the reset before I can move in pretty much any other way.

[basilosaurus]

My mind is blown about the snapping being from hitting your palm. But I just tried without hitting my palm, and no noise.

I've watched the video many times in his to do the African snap, and I just can't get it. But I can snap with both hands.

I wonder if that ability or inability had something to do with the degree of ambidexterity.

[Doggy Mommy]

I think there's a difference between something that annoys you personally and something you would make an issue with your direct report. There are people at work who do things that annoy me that I don't say anything about because it's a me thing. My co-worker's ring tone drives me nuts but I keep it to myself and ignore it the best I can. If it's affecting work performance, I bring it up. I had a terrible boss once who wrote on my review that I need to stop complaining about the weather (which I did like twice when it was in the negatives and everyone was having a conversation complaining about the weather). That's a her thing. If she doesn't want to be around the 30 second conversation complaining about the weather, she can leave the room.

[krystee]

I feel for you, OP. The sound of knuckles cracking makes me want to vomit. I don’t have any other sensory issues I am aware of, but it is such an enormous trigger for me.

[mommyatty]

lolalolalola, I would be upfront privately and make it about you, not him. So just say “Hey, you may not know I have ADHD, and when I’m talking in meetings, I get easily distracted. I’m not sure you’re aware that you crack your knuckles, and generally it’s fine, but can you please try to be aware of making noises when I’m speaking? I’m so embarrassed that I have to ask because I know this seems really minor. And if not for my distractibility, it would be.” I had a boss who was irrationally unnerved by the sound of people creasing paper. We all chuckled about it but tried to be aware of it and avoid doing it. The sensitivity to a particular noise is misophonia, which is a common symptom of ADHD/ASD, as is stimming by knuckle-cracking.

What you have here are dueling neurodivergences. We get a lot of those in our house.

[sonrisa]

Yes it's rude and irritating. But I wouldn't say anything. Unfortunately the world is full of rude people.