I need validation - sick kid

[noodleoo]

H is making me feel like I’m the crazy one. His family is in town and we had fun plans to spend the day together. Meeting at a Lego play place, dinner at a nice restaurant and then hanging at his parents house. I’m not close with his parents but I like his sister’s family and especially love when the cousins get together as my kids love them.

DD2 woke up with a cough and fever (101.5). Covid negative but she’s obviously still sick and I think it’s shitty to 1) take her a place full of kids while she’s sick and 2) risk getting hiss sister family or his elderly parents sick (FIL is 87). H says we should just make DD2 mask and go anyway and is guilting me for ruining the “family reunion”. His sister only comes to visit once every few years.

Am I wrong? DD2 and I stayed home (H took DD1 so he’s not missing out). I’m bummed because I’m missing Lego place (which sounds so fun and tix were expensive) and I’m missing all the family fun. H always does this to me when our kids are sick, he thinks everyone else takes sick kids out and I’m over reacting. But he also is pissed when we see sick kids out when we’re healthy! I feel like I’m doing the right thing but he’s making me feel like the bad guy for it.

[quesyrah]

Nope, you are not wrong.

Fever, or obviously contagious symptoms are what keep us home.

[tiki]

Whaaat no kids with a 101 fever should not be at a Lego place or playing with cousins or elderly relatives. I would probably ask the sister what she's comfortable with as a quick visit so she can at least see everyone before she has to depart.

[sdlaura]

You are correct. With just cold symptoms but still feeling ok, we don’t cancel plans. But definitely would for a fever.

[nsl]

Team you.

[waverly]

You are doing the right thing.

If you were going to a house and there wasn't an 87 year old there, then maybe I would say mask and visit for a short while and go home.

But the variety of factors here indicate to stay home- fever, elderly, crowds of kids, people on vacation not wanting to get sick.

[noodleoo]

Thank you! H was really starting to make me think I’m overreacting. But it seems so obvious me, if we would keep her home from daycare then we really shouldn’t be at a play place or at his parents house.

[maudefindlay]

You are correct. Obviously you don't take a contagious kid around others, but in addition your DD's body needs to be resting and getting fluids and not running all over.

[sdlaura]

noodleoo I generally tend toward downplaying kid illnesses and just pushing through - because we have four kids and would never do anything or have any childcare if we stayed home anytime anyone was slightly sick. Like, if my kid pukes at 10 pm but I’m pretty sure it was something they ate and then they seem fine the next morning, kid goes to school. But even I am side-eyeing your husband over this

[Susie]

You're doing the right thing, 100%.  DD2 can't effectively mask at a restaurant dinner, and likely wouldn't entirely through the other activities either.

We had a bunch of my family stay overnight with us from Dec. 23-26.  On Dec. 25, my DD spiked a fever of 104.  At that point, there wasn't much we could do, so we basically did what your H would have you do:  we tested her for covid (neg), gave her Motrin, masked her up in a KN94, and shuffled sleeping arrangements so she had her own room back to herself.  At dinner we let her eat unmasked with us, but we put her at the end of the table with H and I in the spots nearest to her.  I didn't feel like I had a better option to balance being kind to an 8 year old who felt crappy on Christmas and the needs of our guests to stay healthy, but I STILL felt terrible that I wasn't protecting the rest of the fam enough.

I felt even worse because her little cousin's 2nd bday is today (12/29) and her party is tomorrow.  I did not want our house to be where she got sick before her bday!  But FX that if no one has a fever yet, and AFAIK no one does, we're hopefully in the clear at +4 days.  DD is better now too; her fever broke Wed. night after 2.5 days of it.

[cricketwife]

I agree with you.

Is there any possibility of you going to their house for the after dinner part and keeping your DD isolated (spare bedroom, perhaps?) so that you could visit with everyone? This might be a compromise so that your H feels like everyone is together, but with minimal risk to others. I mean, I’d rather keep my sick kid home to sleep in their own bed, but I’d consider this if you aren’t going to see them again for several years.

[mrsGreeko]

What kid wants to even get out of bed with a fever? I’m pretty lax with illness by this board’s standards, but an actively sick kid should be at home in bed. Mostly for their sakes so their body can recover, but also because no one else wants you knowingly spreading germy funk everywhere.

[nicolewi]

You are totally right in this case. A little sniffle or minor cough, I totally go. But 101.5 fever means stay home. Plus, how happy would your sick kid be at this event anyway? Hundred percent no to a play place full of kids with a fever.

Really sorry for the bad timing of a sick kid, and also that your DH is being a jerk about it.

[erbear]

You are 100% right and your husband is a jerk for even considering taking a sick kid to a crowded indoor space.

[meanie]

Just adding to the chorus that you are not wrong!

Your poor kiddo would feel even worse being dragged out of the house, a fever calls for lying on the couch and uninterrupted tv time.

Your DH can go alone, it stinks but that's life.

[mcppalmbeach]

Nope, your H is dead wrong. You don’t take a kid with a fever out. Both for their sake and others. I’ve never had a kid with 101 fever feel up to going out either. A lingering cough or sniffles is one thing, but a fever is another.

[niq]

pre-covid, I think the standard for "stay home from school" was 102.0 or not controlled by Tylenol, but "going to school" is different from "going to a lego playplace and spending time with elderly relatives". I'd stay home.

... I'd wear a mask around elderly relatives, even.

[ECB]

Another vote for "you are not crazy".  Have you ever pushed him on this when he gets upset about seeing sick kids out? "But you wanted to take DD2 out when she was sick.  Why is that different?".  Because I'd love to know what he says to that!

But seriously - you are not wrong. And YOU are not ruining the family reunion.  This is a tough time of year becasue sickness runs around likecrazy. 

[sillygoosegirl]

A fever that high + one or more other symptoms definitely means stay home. If your kid just had a drippy nose that might be attributable to the cold weather, sure, maybe add a mask, but 101.5 is a definite fever, which is a very strong indication that the cough is going to be spewing contagious droplets and aerosols. (Also, I see so many kids remove their mask to cough... even ones who are old enough they should know better, which I get feels like the natural thing to do... but really really defeats the purpose if you are masking because you are sick.)

[Blue Moon]

No way should you take a sick kid to that kind of place and it sounds like you know that. I’m sorry your H is giving you a hard time and I hope your DD feels better soon.

I was just texting with a friend of mine and we vowed next year to make zero fun plans during the November-March time frame next year. Every single fun thing either of our families have tried to do has been ruined by illness of some kind. Even when we’re healthy I hesitant to go anywhere with lots of kids/touching because of the germs now.

[noodleoo]

Dec 29, 2023 15:08:05 GMT -5 ECB said:

Another vote for "you are not crazy".  Have you ever pushed him on this when he gets upset about seeing sick kids out? "But you wanted to take DD2 out when she was sick.  Why is that different?".  Because I'd love to know what he says to that!

But seriously - you are not wrong. And YOU are not ruining the family reunion.  This is a tough time of year becasue sickness runs around likecrazy. 

I mentioned that to him today and he agreed I was right. But it didn’t stop him moping about it all morning and just generally making me feel bad about it. I hate that it is always me who has to be the responsible one and explain to him WHY we need to cancel something or stay home when a kid is sick or overtired or etc… He’s a good guy generally but he’s an extrovert and kind of selfish and so he hates missing out on things. I also think he felt bad going without me and so he was trying to get me to come anyway so I didn’t miss the fun. When really what I want is for him to back me up, agree that it sucks, and empathize. Maybe that’s what we need to talk about.

Thanks everyone. Kiddo is actually doing fine with meds, playing happily, although coughing and temp is still 100 after ibuprofen. It’s been a long day tho. We have a ton of plans this weekend so I’m hoping she gets better fast and we can salvage some of them.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Also team you. A kid with a slight cold/no fever who is running around like normal and not acting sick other than the cold symptoms, I probably would have gone, but a kid who obviously isn't feeling well needs to stay home.

[circa1978]

Dec 29, 2023 13:23:38 GMT -5 niq said:

pre-covid, I think the standard for "stay home from school" was 102.0 or not controlled by Tylenol, but "going to school" is different from "going to a lego playplace and spending time with elderly relatives". I'd stay home.

... I'd wear a mask around elderly relatives, even.

I mean regional difference and all but both districts near me and our private school have always used 100 degree fever in 24 hours, or any vomiting or diarrhea as reason to stay home. A 102 degree fever is quite high and I cannot imagine sending a child to school in those circumstances, Tylenol or not. My DS is 12 and has only spiked 102 and over for ear infections, strep, influenza or pneumonia.

[noodleoo]

Dec 29, 2023 18:02:56 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Dec 29, 2023 13:23:38 GMT -5 niq said:

pre-covid, I think the standard for "stay home from school" was 102.0 or not controlled by Tylenol, but "going to school" is different from "going to a lego playplace and spending time with elderly relatives". I'd stay home.

... I'd wear a mask around elderly relatives, even.

I mean regional difference and all but both districts near me and our private school have always used 100 degree fever in 24 hours, or any vomiting or diarrhea as reason to stay home. A 102 degree fever is quite high and I cannot imagine sending a child to school in those circumstances, Tylenol or not. My DS is 12 and has only spiked 102 and over for ear infections, strep, influenza or pneumonia.

Yeah the cutoff for our daycare is 100.4 without fever reducers. I know my kids are actually sick if they have a temp in the 100s.

[lolalolalola]

I’m normally more lax than most on the board.

You are 100% in the right.

[joy]

Woah. Your kid has a fever! Kid needs to stay home for several reasons. I am a little agog that your husband thinks a mask on a feverish kid is the right move. No, it’s a stupid ass move.

[joy]

Next time your husband has a fever of 101, please tell him to get his man-colding self up and go to work because “it’s just a fever.”m

I’m really riled by this.

[Poppy]

I hate these situations, but yes I agree you made the right call. Now, if sister wants to visit with you all (without the elderly relatives) at home despite the risks, she could offer that. But I would not have brought a feverish coughing child to the Lego place.

[lynn07]

You were absolutely right to not take kiddo out, especially to a public place like that. As a school nurse, your H’s kind of mindset drives me crazy.

Also, DS2 had a low grade fever and cough at the end of last week. Figured it was just a cold because he was Covid negative. Guess who gave us all Influenza B for the entire week of Christmas? We have all been miserable. I would have hated to pass that on to someone else by going out and about with “just a fever”.

[wanderingback]

Just adding to the chorus of your H is very wrong!

I’m a new mom so navigating how to handle the forever sickness during this time (I even posted about it), but a high fever is pretty cut and dry stay home.

Plus even if your child was acting fine with a fever, when someone is sick, rest is super important for the immune system. So being away from home all day (unclear if your child is at an age where still naps), and not resting is not good to help someone recover when sick.