glw it sounds like after years of hosting, there are always one or two kids that come and run around unsupervised? What ages are the kids that come? Is it always the same families bringing kids?
I'd say there were maybe 4 or 5 kids per party for the past few years, usually our neighbors, or a friend who was solo-parenting that weekend and brought a kid-- they would come at the beginning of the night and leave early. But then when other parents saw that there were kids there, they think it's now okay to bring their kids, too, and stay until late. So this year there were 14+ kids there (I lost count). Age ranges 4ish to 11.
One of the dads group-texted a photo from the party of 12 kids on my front steps and everyone else responded with how "great" it was... Apparently I'm the only one who noticed that one of the kids is holding a piece of stone which had been broken off of said steps and later thrown in my driveway. *sigh
Oh crap! I'm sorry that happened. I think it is time to change to an adults only party. I would mention that the party has just gotten too large to successfully manage with 14+ kids (!!!) and you need to change to adults only going forward.
I get it, I actually really dislike hosting large groups of other people's kids. I won't let my kids have more than 6 kids at their bday parties at our house and that is a specific kids party!
glw with your updates, I would just say it's gotten too big to host adults and kids and it's shifting to adults only. And if someone presses, you can say that kids did some damage last year and were just trying to be polite about the change.
Oh I miss weekly recycling!! We had it at our old house but where we live now it's only every other week. We had to get a big trash can (nothing is provided by company which is another rant LOL) and put a recycle label on it and it works fine but typically we are cramming stuff in to make it fit.
Same! And if you forget to get your bin out, you go a month between pickups. It's awful. And they don't take glass.
Also, we have garbage and recycle pickup on different days. If we got yard waste pickup that would be a different day as well.
Thankfully ours is all the same day. Yard waste is only during part of the year but it's all on the same day. We do have a place where we can take paper and cardboard and they shred it for animal bedding so if we have a lot of that H will take it there because it's by his gym.
We knew we were going to miss recycling when we were on vacation so we actually threw away stuff we could have recycled and I felt terrible. But dang company - don't make it so hard for us!
glw with your updates, I would just say it's gotten too big to host adults and kids and it's shifting to adults only. And if someone presses, you can say that kids did some damage last year and were just trying to be polite about the change.
Yes. I have two friends who throw annual adult-only parties and they are always very well attended. I think a lot of the crowd, including myself, appreciate not having kids around. I will forever think it's rude as hell to let your kids run wild at parties. If your kids can't act right on their own and you're not going to parent them, stay the hell home.
glw with your updates, I would just say it's gotten too big to host adults and kids and it's shifting to adults only. And if someone presses, you can say that kids did some damage last year and were just trying to be polite about the change.
donutsmakemegonuts , when you sent the letter, did you sign it as from you all? Like, do they already know you did that? glw it sounds like after years of hosting, there are always one or two kids that come and run around unsupervised? What ages are the kids that come? Is it always the same families bringing kids?
No, I typed out the letter and made it from "The Neighbors of So and So Court".
glw with your updates, I would just say it's gotten too big to host adults and kids and it's shifting to adults only. And if someone presses, you can say that kids did some damage last year and were just trying to be polite about the change.
As someone who has a super hard time setting boundaries I don't think OP should even have to say damage was done. 14 kids, and who knows maybe even more this year because more people will say "oh this a kid friendly party" should be plenty of reason for an adult only party. I'm sure OP's friends aren't offering up their homes for a kid friendly party (and I don't blame them)
glw that was awesome of you to think to set up a movie room in the first place. I know kids are hard to manage, but it's sad more parents weren't trying to push the kids to the movie room out of sheer respect for your house. I'm sure the kids could play or do something else if they don't want to watch the movie...but stay in the same room...
Yes, you should be clear on the invite that the party is for 18 and above only. That sign does not indicate that kids aren’t allowed.
Exactly...kids are (currently) allowed. As long as their parents are watching them.
It sounds like you don't really want kids there (which is fine), so I'd just make it an adults only party. I get that ideally, you'd like people people to be able to attend with their kids, assuming their kids aren't disruptive. Unfortunately, I don't think that's realistic, so you need to choose between allowing kids so that all adults can attend and accepting that they will likely make more of a mess, or making it adults only, which might mean that some adults can't attend. My sense from your posts is that you'd prefer the latter, and that's totally fine! I don't think there's a good way to tell people that they aren't supervising their kids enough, especially since it sounds like there's a mix of true inadequate supervision and the reality that kids aren't mini adults and won't act the same way as adults at a party ... they just aren't going to sit still with a plate of food and chat in the way that adults will - they are going to want to move their bodies, be curious, etc.
Post by lilypad1126 on Mar 19, 2024 12:33:43 GMT -5
I have maintenance here to fix a few things, and they noticed that one of our front locks needed some TLC. Which is turning into a whole big thing and now none of our keys work, so we need new ones. Fine, whatever, give me new keys. But then he was SHOCKED when I was like, uh I need 2 new keys, one for me and one for H.
Also, one of things I had them fix was the closet door in our bedroom that was off the track and not closing. I'm wondering how long it will take H to notice. I have it half opened, in the position it was stuck in for the last month, wondering if H will figure out it's been fixed. It's his closet, so in theory he should, but we'll see 😆
glw with your updates, I would just say it's gotten too big to host adults and kids and it's shifting to adults only. And if someone presses, you can say that kids did some damage last year and were just trying to be polite about the change.
As someone who has a super hard time setting boundaries I don't think OP should even have to say damage was done. 14 kids, and who knows maybe even more this year because more people will say "oh this a kid friendly party" should be plenty of reason for an adult only party. I'm sure OP's friends aren't offering up their homes for a kid friendly party (and I don't blame them)
She shouldn't have to, but I would kind of want to if someone had the nerve to push back. Oh, why not? Because they tore up my fucking house, that's why!
As someone who has a super hard time setting boundaries I don't think OP should even have to say damage was done. 14 kids, and who knows maybe even more this year because more people will say "oh this a kid friendly party" should be plenty of reason for an adult only party. I'm sure OP's friends aren't offering up their homes for a kid friendly party (and I don't blame them)
She shouldn't have to, but I would kind of want to if someone had the nerve to push back. Oh, why not? Because they tore up my fucking house, that's why!
litskispeciality, I only mentioned it because so many people think "OMG my preshus would never do that!" even though kids are brats.
I would hope they would take the invite at face value, but societal norms seem to be out the window these days.
Who was the poster who was accidentally shot by her neighbor? Did she fully heal? That was so damn weird.
My H is always warning me not to get caught up in road rage, because he's afraid I'll get shot - and we're in MA! If we lived in TX, he might not let me drive. I've calmed down a ton since having kids, but when someone is aggressively tailgating, I put on my blinker and pull over on the shoulder. I'm letting them pass, but it often enrages them.
ETA: In my defense, I was rear-ended three times in one year around here, so I'm a little sensitive to it. Each time, I was either at a stop light or stop sign, so it's not like I'd done anything wrong.
It was me! Yep, I’m fully healed…Only issue is some weird soreness around the area when I stretch a certain way or when it rains. The scar is super tiny and has gotten less noticeable over time. It’ll be two years next month since it happened…I can’t believe it’s been that long! My neighbor and I still live next door to each other and get along fine. It makes for a great ice breaker at corporate events, and I can almost always one-up someone when telling stories about crazy things that have happened, lol.
It was me! Yep, I’m fully healed…Only issue is some weird soreness around the area when I stretch a certain way or when it rains. The scar is super tiny and has gotten less noticeable over time. It’ll be two years next month since it happened…I can’t believe it’s been that long! My neighbor and I still live next door to each other and get along fine. It makes for a great ice breaker at corporate events, and I can almost always one-up someone when telling stories about crazy things that have happened, lol.
donutsmakemegonuts , when you sent the letter, did you sign it as from you all? Like, do they already know you did that? glw it sounds like after years of hosting, there are always one or two kids that come and run around unsupervised? What ages are the kids that come? Is it always the same families bringing kids?
No, I typed out the letter and made it from "The Neighbors of So and So Court".
I'm cracking up that you typed it! I mean I would have probably done the same thing even if there is no way they'd ever recognize my handwriting LOL
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Mar 19, 2024 13:16:53 GMT -5
I know! I was so nervous to be doing it in the first place, I guess I didn't think that they probably wouldn't recognize my handwriting. You can tell that this is not something I do all the time, right? lol
I know! I was so nervous to be doing it in the first place, I guess I didn't think that they probably wouldn't recognize my handwriting. You can tell that this is not something I do all the time, right? lol
Did you dress in costume in case they have you on camera dropping it off?
I know! I was so nervous to be doing it in the first place, I guess I didn't think that they probably wouldn't recognize my handwriting. You can tell that this is not something I do all the time, right? lol
Did you dress in costume in case they have you on camera dropping it off?
No, lol. Luckily our driveway is long and our mailboxes sit at the end of it near the street so it wouldn't be caught on camera. I did do it at night, though, so it wasn't too obvious lol.
glw with your updates, I would just say it's gotten too big to host adults and kids and it's shifting to adults only. And if someone presses, you can say that kids did some damage last year and were just trying to be polite about the change.
Yes. I have two friends who throw annual adult-only parties and they are always very well attended. I think a lot of the crowd, including myself, appreciate not having kids around. I will forever think it's rude as hell to let your kids run wild at parties. If your kids can't act right on their own and you're not going to parent them, stay the hell home.
Exactly.
Even if kids are invited they shouldn't be wandering into bedrooms with shut doors & getting into stuff or climbing on things that aren't climbing toys. The one time I hosted a baby shower with mom friends I was constantly going after a few kids who were acting like fools and their moms said nary a word about it! At 5 a kid knows not to go into bedrooms with shut doors and getting into someone else's stuff. They definitely know not to climb cat trees. I'm still salty about it and it's been years.
donutsmakemegonuts, ugh, so she does not know it was you who wrote the letter, but clearly suspects its you who called to complain, yeah? Awkward as hell, and I am really sorry!
glw, maybe not an option for this party, but we have one friend group who gets together all the time with our kids, but once a year we do a holiday party With absolutely no kids. TO make this doable for all parents and fun for the kids too, there is a second home nearby where all the kids go; those who send their kids to that party contribute to one or two babysitters (depending on how many we need) and chip in on food so the host house does not have to provide it all. We usually get them pizza and cookies and leave them there to watch movies and play with the babysitter for a few hours while we are all down the road at the parent party.
donutsmakemegonuts, I do not understand people who let their dogs bark and bark and bark, and I'm a dog person! The minute Anna would start barking we'd be bringing her in (except if she was barking at solicitors, then she was just doing her job).
As someone who has a super hard time setting boundaries I don't think OP should even have to say damage was done. 14 kids, and who knows maybe even more this year because more people will say "oh this a kid friendly party" should be plenty of reason for an adult only party. I'm sure OP's friends aren't offering up their homes for a kid friendly party (and I don't blame them)
She shouldn't have to, but I would kind of want to if someone had the nerve to push back. Oh, why not? Because they tore up my fucking house, that's why!
Ok that makes sense, I guess just in a perfect world you really shouldn't have too say "your a-hole kid damaged my house, so now no kids are welcome". Maybe I'm overthinking it but I'd be worry about a rumor mill "glw said <insert whoever's kid> caused damage to her house" or glw getting backlash for saying the other parents kid did damage as mentioned above that precious would never do that.
Did you dress in costume in case they have you on camera dropping it off?
No, lol. Luckily our driveway is long and our mailboxes sit at the end of it near the street so it wouldn't be caught on camera. I did do it at night, though, so it wasn't too obvious lol.
She shouldn't have to, but I would kind of want to if someone had the nerve to push back. Oh, why not? Because they tore up my fucking house, that's why!
Ok that makes sense, I guess just in a perfect world you really shouldn't have too say "your a-hole kid damaged my house, so now no kids are welcome". Maybe I'm overthinking it but I'd be worry about a rumor mill "glw said <insert whoever's kid> caused damage to her house" or glw getting backlash for saying the other parents kid did damage as mentioned above that precious would never do that.
That's a possibility, for sure. But I guess I wouldn't care if they didn't care enough to watch their kids when they're over at my house in the way described. I feel like I'm a pretty laid back person in general but this is a sticking point with me because I've seen glw's situation play out irl soooo many times and it always makes me nuts, so I'm in give-no-fucks territory here.
My MIL and SIL were only here for about 36 hours, and somehow our entire guest bathroom is covered in spilled lotion. OMG. It happened sometime yesterday and there was no attempt at cleaning it up (which means it was my MIL) and my H wiped it up, but really it just got smeared everywhere.
Oh, and not before our cat managed to get it all over her tail (which I cleaned up).
And not before someone (also probably MIL) stepped in it and tracked all over the carpet (which my H is now using the Bissel on).
Agree that you have to be explicit either way -- I'm doing adults only this year (with plenty of heads up for those who want to find a babysitter and no hard feelings for those who don't come) or really clear messaging (hey guys, last year was a little out of control with all of the kids everywhere in my house, which isn't set up for unsupervised kids. I'm going to set up a movie room for kids -- please keep an eye on your kids and make sure they are there).
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
My MIL and SIL were only here for about 36 hours, and somehow our entire guest bathroom is covered in spilled lotion. OMG. It happened sometime yesterday and there was no attempt at cleaning it up (which means it was my MIL) and my H wiped it up, but really it just got smeared everywhere.
She shouldn't have to, but I would kind of want to if someone had the nerve to push back. Oh, why not? Because they tore up my fucking house, that's why!
Ok that makes sense, I guess just in a perfect world you really shouldn't have too say "your a-hole kid damaged my house, so now no kids are welcome". Maybe I'm overthinking it but I'd be worry about a rumor mill "glw said <insert whoever's kid> caused damage to her house" or glw getting backlash for saying the other parents kid did damage as mentioned above that precious would never do that.
I disagree. She doesn't have to say which kid damaged her house, but she also shouldn't have to lie and pretend the kids didn't damage her house. If someone pushes back on the no kids policy, they should know the truth. If they get mad about it, they're being an asshole.
ETA: This is bringing back memories. Before we had kids, we had a housewarming party for our new house, which was a new construction and brand new. A bunch of friends brought their kids (we were dumb and didn't think to say not to bring kids). OMG they did so much damage. One kid pulled down the shower curtain rod in our master bathroom, which scratched the wall and chipped a wood molding. Another kid ran their plastic cars all over our newly painted walls and left black marks all over them. They were running all over and damaged a lot of stuff. I was so upset, but it was my own fault, it was the first big party we had ever had and I had no idea. That was the first and last big party I ever hosted at our house. Even now that I have kids, I won't have a lot of kids at our house unless its warm enough to send them outside. Oh and the parents saw the damage their kids did and most gave a half assed "sorry" and that was it.