starburst604 Your dad is really great - to both have the money saved up and picking the absolute best way to invest it. “Eat shit STBX, I have people. Real people to count on.”
Somehow, I remember when you got the second dog and knew you had two dogs in the mix with all of these changes. Just now reading, that you STBX said he “won’t take a dog” when he moves inspired so much rage in me. The cheating, the lying, the cover up stories, the insults hurled at you with the intent to demoralize … AND NOW HE’S LEAVING HIS DOGS BEHIND FOR YOU TO CARE ABOUT BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU WILL AND HE DOESN'T WANT THE BOTHER??
oh my god, that just made ME do a sigh of relief and I have no skin in the game! I am so pleased that they are going to help you out and what a blessing to not have to worry so much. I am glad you are feeling supported. What a change from DB asshole STBX.
How was the weekend? Any response from him yet re: "skiing"?
I never even confronted him, it wasn't worth it because it would just be all lies and excuses. On Friday I let him know that we needed to have a conversation about next steps and talking to DD and he agreed we would talk on Saturday. So I made a list of the topics I wanted to discuss, and on Saturday we talked. I started the conversation by saying I didn't want to talk about anything except moving forward with the divorce and DD. Of course he couldn't help himself at one point and started to say "Just so you know, nothing was going on with her until you filed for divorce. It was wrong for you to text her because she didn't want this drama and her husband cheated on her and blah blah....". I just said I'm not discussing this and continued with the divorce conversation but really it took everything I had not to lunge at him. Thank God I had a therapy appointment scheduled for Thursday so I let it all out with her and we talked about how to have a constructive conversation with him and age appropriate ways to talk to DD. I'm trying to just keep my eye on the prize - making this divorce process as fast as possible, and doing what's best for DD. So, we agreed we would talk with her last night but he never came home, of course. He's such a piece of human garbage and I hate him SO MUCH. He is apparently meeting with an attorney today and I'm curious to see if he comes home seeming emboldened or "oh fuck" about it. He has secured an apartment in town available 5/14. I'm actually ok with holding off on talking to DD for the moment, BUT she is starting to ask questions like why he is gone so much, why we aren't sharing a room, how it doesn't seem like we love each other anymore. But if she comes out and asks me directly, I'm not going to lie to her, even if he's not around. It's not like anything intelligent is going to come out of his fuck mouth anyway.
sent it took me some time to come to terms with having to rent and really scale back on the kind of living space we're used to. But I made a deal with myself that it would be temporary and I would buy a house in a few years. Home is wherever me and DD are together, and I will make sure she has a stable life.
Post by maudefindlay on Apr 1, 2024 8:45:33 GMT -5
Between the pets and the fact you are a good person is that you are going to be home to your DD. She will say she is going to her Dad's, but with you she will say she is going home.
Post by lavenderblue on Apr 1, 2024 8:46:34 GMT -5
That is wonderful news, I'm so glad that your parents are able to help you out in such a huge way. I can only imagine the relief that must have brought you.
starburst604 Your dad is really great - to both have the money saved up and picking the absolute best way to invest it. “Eat shit STBX, I have people. Real people to count on.”
Somehow, I remember when you got the second dog and knew you had two dogs in the mix with all of these changes. Just now reading, that you STBX said he “won’t take a dog” when he moves inspired so much rage in me. The cheating, the lying, the cover up stories, the insults hurled at you with the intent to demoralize … AND NOW HE’S LEAVING HIS DOGS BEHIND FOR YOU TO CARE ABOUT BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU WILL AND HE DOESN'T WANT THE BOTHER??
Dogs, man. You really learn a lot about a person.
For real, I mean it would probably be better to rehome the second dog than for either of them to have to live with the bare minimum care he would give them, but it would break my kid's heart (and mine too, don't get me wrong). We also have 2 cats - you can't even commit to a CAT?! Because no, he wants to be free to be drunk and go fuck around when he doesn't have DD. Fuck him. I just know he's going to suck as a dad once I'm not there to pick up his slack and he's going to eventually break her heart too.
Between the pets and the fact you are a good person is that you are going to be home to your DD. She will say she is going to her Dad's, but with you she will say she is going home.
I think about this a lot. She loves her dad and not to toot my own horn, but I am her safety and always have been. I realize more and more how much she counts on me to be her anchor, and this will become more apparent to her once we are living separately.
That is so great that your parents are able to step in and give you some time and some options.
I don’t say this to burst your bubble but to encourage you to keep your eyes open and not get blindsided. Depending on your state living rent free in your moms house could lead to “imputed income” that could affect child support. As could living in and eventually receiving a house your father buys. He likely won’t get the house so to speak but it could affect child support or other support payments. So please make sure you protect yourself and bring this up when you speak with an attorney.
That is so great that your parents are able to step in and give you some time and some options.
I don’t say this to burst your bubble but to encourage you to keep your eyes open and not get blindsided. Depending on your state living rent free in your moms house could lead to “imputed income” that could affect child support. As could living in and eventually receiving a house your father buys. He likely won’t get the house so to speak but it could affect child support or other support payments. So please make sure you protect yourself and bring this up when you speak with an attorney.
I have an email in to my attorney to talk about it. I plan to pay rent to both my mom while living there and my dad once he buys a house, for this reason. I'm not looking at it as a free ride at all, just an advance of sorts, though we do have to talk about how receiving rental income from me will affect them too.
I have nothing new to add, except continued support. You are handling this with such grace. It's messy now, but it will be worth the peace you gain in the end.
That is so great that your parents are able to step in and give you some time and some options.
I don’t say this to burst your bubble but to encourage you to keep your eyes open and not get blindsided. Depending on your state living rent free in your moms house could lead to “imputed income” that could affect child support. As could living in and eventually receiving a house your father buys. He likely won’t get the house so to speak but it could affect child support or other support payments. So please make sure you protect yourself and bring this up when you speak with an attorney.
I have an email in to my attorney to talk about it. I plan to pay rent to both my mom while living there and my dad once he buys a house, for this reason. I'm not looking at it as a free ride at all, just an advance of sorts, though we do have to talk about how receiving rental income from me will affect them too.
Please know I DID NOT, DID NOT, DID NOT mean to imply you were getting a “free ride.” My ex tried to get every cent my dad gave me to help with the kids declared as income to me. Gift the kids swimming lessons? Argued it was Income to me to reduce his support obligation. Asswipe. A helping hand when you need it most is not a free ride.
I have an email in to my attorney to talk about it. I plan to pay rent to both my mom while living there and my dad once he buys a house, for this reason. I'm not looking at it as a free ride at all, just an advance of sorts, though we do have to talk about how receiving rental income from me will affect them too.
Please know I DID NOT, DID NOT, DID NOT mean to imply you were getting a “free ride.” My ex tried to get every cent my dad gave me to help with the kids declared as income to me. Gift the kids swimming lessons? Argued it was Income to me to reduce his support obligation. Asswipe. A helping hand when you need it most is not a free ride.
Oh I didn't think you did! HE is the one who will think that! I got what you meant and appreciate the perspective!
Reading your next update about your conversation over the weekend I'm in complete awe over your ability to be mature, calm and collected...I know that would be an insane struggle for me to manage.
starburst604 Ugh that he won’t even show up to talk to his daughter. I’d give him one more chance for DD’s sake, but if he doesn’t show up to that one, just talk to her yourself.
How soon can you move into your mom’s house? I can’t wait until you’re away from him for good.
starburst604 Ugh that he won’t even show up to talk to his daughter. I’d give him one more chance for DD’s sake, but if he doesn’t show up to that one, just talk to her yourself.
How soon can you move into your mom’s house? I can’t wait until you’re away from him for good.
I will likely stay in the current house until it's sold, but he has an apartment lined up for mid-May. When we talked Saturday, I asked him to make himself scarce as much as possible for both of our sakes and he said he would. Thank God he has a girlfriend to house him sometimes!
I try hard not to talk shit about one person in a divorce because when it comes down to it he's DD's dad and you obviously loved him enough to have a kid with him, but also---I keep laughing at this dumb motherfucker.
H: "I don't love you. We should divorce." You: "Ok." H: "I can't believe you filed for divorce. I'm going to make this a nightmare"
Reading your next update about your conversation over the weekend I'm in complete awe over your ability to be mature, calm and collected...I know that would be an insane struggle for me to manage.
Thank God for therapy. She had me keep in mind the saying "Is it true? It is helpful? Is it kind?" (I remember that from when DD was in preschool lol). There was so much truth I wanted to speak but it would have been neither helpful nor kind! Also, if I've learned anything about dealing with a narcissist, it's that he will take whatever I say and twist it to make me somehow in the wrong and I will end up feeling worse. He has a new victim now, I don't need to give him anything to feed off anymore.
I try hard not to talk shit about one person in a divorce because when it comes down to it he's DD's dad and you obviously loved him enough to have a kid with him, but also---I keep laughing at this dumb motherfucker.
H: "I don't love you. We should divorce." You: "Ok." H: "I can't believe you filed for divorce. I'm going to make this a nightmare"
He needs to pick a lane.
I've been saying this basically! His ego can't take that I didn't cry, scream, and beg for him. NO THANKS.
I try hard not to talk shit about one person in a divorce because when it comes down to it he's DD's dad and you obviously loved him enough to have a kid with him, but also---I keep laughing at this dumb motherfucker.
H: "I don't love you. We should divorce." You: "Ok." H: "I can't believe you filed for divorce. I'm going to make this a nightmare"
He needs to pick a lane.
I'm with you! I really try. But the evidence is so overwhelming here.
H: [finds an excuse to miss counseling, makes no effort to reschedule] H: Divorce? You don't want to talk about it first?
I try hard not to talk shit about one person in a divorce because when it comes down to it he's DD's dad and you obviously loved him enough to have a kid with him, but also---I keep laughing at this dumb motherfucker.
H: "I don't love you. We should divorce." You: "Ok." H: "I can't believe you filed for divorce. I'm going to make this a nightmare"
He needs to pick a lane.
I'm with you! I really try. But the evidence is so overwhelming here.
H: [finds an excuse to miss counseling, makes no effort to reschedule] H: Divorce? You don't want to talk about it first?
I've also realized now that I uncovered the OW, that he was likely with her earlier on the day he told me to cancel. Where you pump your gas really tells a story!
The reason he has been avoiding getting the papers, and why he wasn't home Saturday to talk to DD, is that he's still trying to figure out how to get you to change your mind about moving forward with the divorce. That's also why he said he wouldn't take any of the pets. And I really hope I'm wrong, but I don't think he's going to go to the attorney's to get the papers today either. And I'm not sure I believe him that he has an apartment lined up? I'd be worried that he's going to finagle things and that he'll decide to move in with his GF instead.
Next time you see him or talk to him, I'd just tell him that you are telling DD on XX date, whether he's there or not.
I'm with you! I really try. But the evidence is so overwhelming here.
H: [finds an excuse to miss counseling, makes no effort to reschedule] H: Divorce? You don't want to talk about it first?
I've also realized now that I uncovered the OW, that he was likely with her earlier on the day he told me to cancel. Where you pump your gas really tells a story!
The reason he has been avoiding getting the papers, and why he wasn't home Saturday to talk to DD, is that he's still trying to figure out how to get you to change your mind about moving forward with the divorce. That's also why he said he wouldn't take any of the pets. And I really hope I'm wrong, but I don't think he's going to go to the attorney's to get the papers today either. And I'm not sure I believe him that he has an apartment lined up? I'd be worried that he's going to finagle things and that he'll decide to move in with his GF instead.
Next time you see him or talk to him, I'd just tell him that you are telling DD on XX date, whether he's there or not.
I had the papers served to him last Thursday, not shocking to me at all that he didn't go get them! I did see the cancelled check for the apartment deposit so I know that is actually legit, and I think he did see the lawyer today because he asked me if I had already sent my attorney certain financial documents so he wouldn't have to replicate them for his attorney. I'm glad he did see the attorney so we can get moving! But he's definitely doing the avoidance dance with telling DD, because it's difficult and he hates anything challenging.