The reason he has been avoiding getting the papers, and why he wasn't home Saturday to talk to DD, is that he's still trying to figure out how to get you to change your mind about moving forward with the divorce. That's also why he said he wouldn't take any of the pets. And I really hope I'm wrong, but I don't think he's going to go to the attorney's to get the papers today either. And I'm not sure I believe him that he has an apartment lined up? I'd be worried that he's going to finagle things and that he'll decide to move in with his GF instead.
Next time you see him or talk to him, I'd just tell him that you are telling DD on XX date, whether he's there or not.
I had the papers served to him last Thursday, not shocking to me at all that he didn't go get them! I did see the cancelled check for the apartment deposit so I know that is actually legit, and I think he did see the lawyer today because he asked me if I had already sent my attorney certain financial documents so he wouldn't have to replicate them for his attorney. I'm glad he did see the attorney so we can get moving! But he's definitely doing the avoidance dance with telling DD, because it's difficult and he hates anything challenging.
I mean, all that is great, but I think his lawyer is still going to want copies of things on their own. Is he thinking that you’re just going to utilize your time and your lawyer’s office resources to handle his shit too? Or that they’ll be ok with finding this out at a court hearing ? I wouldn’t do anything extra for him, if you could help it. Lol at him and his foolishness.
I had the papers served to him last Thursday, not shocking to me at all that he didn't go get them! I did see the cancelled check for the apartment deposit so I know that is actually legit, and I think he did see the lawyer today because he asked me if I had already sent my attorney certain financial documents so he wouldn't have to replicate them for his attorney. I'm glad he did see the attorney so we can get moving! But he's definitely doing the avoidance dance with telling DD, because it's difficult and he hates anything challenging.
I mean, all that is great, but I think his lawyer is still going to want copies of things on their own. Is he thinking that you’re just going to utilize your time and your lawyer’s office resources to handle his shit too? Or that they’ll be ok with finding this out at a court hearing ? I wouldn’t do anything extra for him, if you could help it. Lol at him and his foolishness.
He's still going to have to provide a ton of stuff as far as his payroll, retirement, private bank account etc, but even my attorney said to me that most of the time for things like joint tax returns and joint bank accounts, if one person had already provided them, the attorneys can just generally share those. He's such a procrastinator that whatever can speed him up with this I'll take! I've had a head start on this so I already sent the joint stuff.
I’m very happy for you. What a relief on so many levels.
You dont have to answer to him about the financial relief this gives you, you dont have to take on any guilt he tries to lay on you. Remember JADE: Don’t Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain.
This is a fantastic update and I’m in awe of how calm and mature you’ve been about this! Good things ahead.
Don’t be too in awe lol, I found out more info about stuff with the OW the other day, and I lost my ever loving shit on him.
This just proves you're human like the rest of us. Losing your shit once in awhile is a good thing. But you're a regular traveler on the high road and you should be proud of that.
Don’t be too in awe lol, I found out more info about stuff with the OW the other day, and I lost my ever loving shit on him.
Good. He's lucky you haven't set everything he fucking owns on fire on the front yard and had a neighborhood marshmallow roast over it.
Too bad it's pouring because tonight might be the night for that. Went for my STD testing today and since I have shitty veins, they had to draw blood from my hand. The blood was starting and stopping, so lots of maneuvering the needle around to get enough for the tubes. Now there's a big pool of blood forming under my skin and it hurts like a bitch. I want to break his nose.
I’m so happy for you, that’s got to be such a weight off your shoulders!
sent please don’t let that mindset keep you from leaving. Sure you may not be gaining equity, but you won’t be paying for repairs, lawn maintenance, maybe some utilities, not to mention high interest rates. I really think that a few years of lost equity would probably equal to all that. I completely understand yours and starburst’s dad’s thought process, it’s been engrained in us forever, but I no longer believe rent is “throwing money away”. It’s a roof over your heads and a safe space without a lot of extra household stressors (like your shower leaking into your living room 3 days after your ex’s heart attack and 4 days before a week long trip).
Post by starburst604 on Apr 3, 2024 20:53:46 GMT -5
We just told DD. She wailed like we told her someone died. All 3 of us cried a lot. I am just sitting here now, crying and crying. I think we did ok though, and she was happy to hear she can go back to her old school next year. We couldn’t put it off anymore, she was peppering me with questions. She knew.
((Hugs)) maybe seeing the ripple effect of his behavior will help him be more decent through the rest of this! Although, that’s probably giving him too much credit.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
I’m so happy for you, that’s got to be such a weight off your shoulders!
sent please don’t let that mindset keep you from leaving. Sure you may not be gaining equity, but you won’t be paying for repairs, lawn maintenance, maybe some utilities, not to mention high interest rates. I really think that a few years of lost equity would probably equal to all that. I completely understand yours and starburst’s dad’s thought process, it’s been engrained in us forever, but I no longer believe rent is “throwing money away”. It’s a roof over your heads and a safe space without a lot of extra household stressors (like your shower leaking into your living room 3 days after your ex’s heart attack and 4 days before a week long trip).
There’s definitely something to be said for the relief from responsibility that comes with renting! If I didn’t have the dogs or wasn’t limited to one town, I’d have so much more flexibility on rental options.
you got through the hardest part; it sucks, but you are without a doubt doing the right thing, especially with the update that there is more bullshit going on with his girlfriend. WHAT THE FUCK, I hate him.
We just told DD. She wailed like we told her someone died. All 3 of us cried a lot. I am just sitting here now, crying and crying. I think we did ok though, and she was happy to hear she can go back to her old school next year. We couldn’t put it off anymore, she was peppering me with questions. She knew.
I am so sorry. Telling our daughter was gut wrenching, but I’m here to tell you kids are resilient and she ended up handling things great. We did put her in therapy during the initial transition to give her some tools to help her through. I also sent the guidance counselor at school an email and she would check in with DD. You’re doing great - your new life is going to be amazing.
you got through the hardest part; it sucks, but you are without a doubt doing the right thing, especially with the update that there is more bullshit going on with his girlfriend. WHAT THE FUCK, I hate him.
Her reaction just makes me even angrier than I already was at him. What did he THINK would happen?? Of course after was all about him, how sad HE feels, how he felt blindsided by having to tell her last night. We were supposed to tell her Sunday night and he decided to have a sleepover with his girlfriend instead. Last night I was watching TV with her and she started to cry and said she felt like me and dad didn't love each other any more, not the first time she's said it recently. There was no more holding off, it had to be done, so I said ok let's go downstairs and talk to dad. He had his chance to do this when he was "prepared" and blew it, so fuck him if he felt blindsided. When I brought her to bed I laid with her for a while and we talked. She asked if it was because daddy didn't help me enough around the house that we were divorcing. I said that divorce is complicated and not the fault of one person, and that we had started to grow apart instead of growing together like you need to do to be in a marriage. She told me that she was just glad we both would be happy again by living separately. My sweet little girl, she's so emotionally mature. Her father could take some cues from her!
We just told DD. She wailed like we told her someone died. All 3 of us cried a lot. I am just sitting here now, crying and crying. I think we did ok though, and she was happy to hear she can go back to her old school next year. We couldn’t put it off anymore, she was peppering me with questions. She knew.
I am so sorry. Telling our daughter was gut wrenching, but I’m here to tell you kids are resilient and she ended up handling things great. We did put her in therapy during the initial transition to give her some tools to help her through. I also sent the guidance counselor at school an email and she would check in with DD. You’re doing great - your new life is going to be amazing.
I think she will too, she is a tough little cookie but I also expect a rollercoaster of emotions from her. Good thinking to let the school counselor know, I was also going to email her teacher and I'm definitely going to line up therapy for her.
You've definitely gotten through the hardest parts. I wonder if she was extra emotional since she could tell something was up for a while. The anxiety from that unknown could have definitely fed that reaction but hopefully it will dissipate quickly. (and another F him for feeling blindsided. ridiculous to be blindsided by a situation you yourself have caused).
It is indeed very hard, but I agree with the rest, you've been handling this quite well. She'll see that and appreciate it.