My supervisor's last day is next week, and I'm having a lot of feelings about it. She's the first supervisor I've had in my entire career that I've had a truly good relationship with - not that I haven't gotten along with all of the others, but they have never made me or my work feel like a priority. I also just really like my supervisor as a human and will miss interacting with her. I hate how frequently people come and go out of your life as an adult. It feels like every time I start to feel like I have a deeper connection with someone, something changes where we end up going separate ways. One thing I've really struggled with ever since I moved here almost 6 years ago is making work friends - and I miss that. Other friends are great but they are not a part of your day to day so I end up feeling kind of lonely without someone to just chit chat with about whatever I am thinking about at that moment. Anyway, my supervisor isn't a traditional work friend anyway but I will miss her a lot. I really like the woman who will be supervising me after she leaves, but this woman was my supervisor when I started here and she was far less engaged in what I am working on so I don't have high hopes about this change.
I get it. This is how I will feel if my current supervisor leaves
wildrice , so I know y’all don’t get the guy I call my nephew, primarily bc my first story was not the most flattering. But, he has been so helpful with this. He is like the first person in my life that pegged my quirks as ADHD related and just accepts them. Granted, he also says I need lots of therapy, but in a supportive, not judgy, way.
That's so great! After hanging out with a bunch of 20 somethings in Italy for a week, I actually felt a lot of hope for the future of humanity - they are so much more empathetic about mental health and open about talking about feelings that I remember myself and my peers being at that age. Like I had some really wonderful conversations with a 24 year old guy that just shocked me at his emotional maturity compared to what I remember 24 year old boys being like. I'm glad you have a younger friend who it sounds like has a similar approach.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but my mom has this habit of giving us "gifts" by just telling us to do something and letting her know how much it costs to get reimbursed. Things like, getting my car detailed, getting our dining room table refinished, going to a show. I really struggle a lot with being overwhelmed by the mental load of our family life. We are OK on money. For anything that she's "gifted" us in this way, the big hurdle to us doing these things ourselves is the work involved in setting it up, not the cost. Not to mention not having any idea what she *thinks* something like a car detail costs? Like, she "gave" me that for my birthday once, which she usually spends $50 on. I just never set it up, because I was sure she'd had no idea what it would actually cost and also because I don't even know a good company to use. Same with the table refinishing.
She just told H and I to buy tickets to see a comedian that she likes as our birthday gifts. The tickets range from $35 to $200. What does she want to spend? Why wouldn't she just buy tickets in the price range she wants to spend and give them to us? Why is this my job?
She is healthy, computer literate, and retired. I have begged her for years to stop exchanging gifts because somehow getting my own gift becomes my job every time, and I'd just rather not. Or just give me an amount of cash that you would like to spend and tell us to do something fun with it!
Ugh, jinkies, I get that. My mom once gave DH a poster of something meaningful to him. Which was nice. But then that meant WE had to buy a frame for it. Which I can guarantee cost 2-3 times more than the poster.
Post by gretchenindisguise on Apr 4, 2024 14:27:06 GMT -5
The company I left that I've been massively feeling regretful about just did a round of layoffs. That has helped me feel better. I am so sad for all those who just had the rug pulled out from them.
Do you remember how much you owed last year? I'm only asking because we owe $4500 and I am very wtf about it. I think we owed around 2k last year. My H did make more last year than the year before, but not THAT much more so I'm a little confused. And mostly just pissed because that's a lot of money.
That's so great! After hanging out with a bunch of 20 somethings in Italy for a week, I actually felt a lot of hope for the future of humanity - they are so much more empathetic about mental health and open about talking about feelings that I remember myself and my peers being at that age. Like I had some really wonderful conversations with a 24 year old guy that just shocked me at his emotional maturity compared to what I remember 24 year old boys being like. I'm glad you have a younger friend who it sounds like has a similar approach.
Young adults are my favorite age group!
They honestly got me thinking about making a career change to being a professor - it would be so fun to work with them!
I mean I probably won't because I'd need a PhD and probably a relocation, but I'd probably enjoy it lol.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but my mom has this habit of giving us "gifts" by just telling us to do something and letting her know how much it costs to get reimbursed. Things like, getting my car detailed, getting our dining room table refinished, going to a show. I really struggle a lot with being overwhelmed by the mental load of our family life. We are OK on money. For anything that she's "gifted" us in this way, the big hurdle to us doing these things ourselves is the work involved in setting it up, not the cost. Not to mention not having any idea what she *thinks* something like a car detail costs? Like, she "gave" me that for my birthday once, which she usually spends $50 on. I just never set it up, because I was sure she'd had no idea what it would actually cost and also because I don't even know a good company to use. Same with the table refinishing.
She just told H and I to buy tickets to see a comedian that she likes as our birthday gifts. The tickets range from $35 to $200. What does she want to spend? Why wouldn't she just buy tickets in the price range she wants to spend and give them to us? Why is this my job?
She is healthy, computer literate, and retired. I have begged her for years to stop exchanging gifts because somehow getting my own gift becomes my job every time, and I'd just rather not. Or just give me an amount of cash that you would like to spend and tell us to do something fun with it!
OK. Done venting. I am just irritated today.
That sounds extremely frustrating. Not quite the same, but every time I visit my parents there are 9 million questions about what I want to eat. Do I want swordfish? Chicken? Lasagne? Maybe we should order sushi. Should we have broccoli, peas, asparagus, potatoes? I don't care! I'm not a picky eater. It seems to be getting worse. I can't remember if it was my birthday or what, but the last time I was there for a meal we had roast beef, mashed potatoes, rice pilaf, sauteed mushrooms, some sort of squash, some sort of green vegetable, rolls, cranberry sauce to serve four people. I know that wasn't fun for my mom to cook. The roast and 2 sides would have been plenty.
Do you remember how much you owed last year? I'm only asking because we owe $4500 and I am very wtf about it. I think we owed around 2k last year. My H did make more last year than the year before, but not THAT much more so I'm a little confused. And mostly just pissed because that's a lot of money.
Does one of you make significantly more than the other putting your incomes in different brackets? If so, you may need to have additional $$ withheld. H makes about $50,000 more than I do, but the IRS doesn’t know that when my % withheld is calculated. We are in a higher tax bracket because of his salary, so we had to play with our additional withheld for a bit to get to a place where we get $$ back.
Also, I have like, 50 browser tabs open (across 3 browser instances) and I really need to go through each one, read the content, and close it out without opening any new ones.
I feel like I’ve gamed the system. Let’s see if I can keep this short lol
Each division can qualify 3 people for an event. Typically, there is a competition for said slots. But, if 3 or fewer register, then no competition and they qualify all 3. Registration for the qualifying competition closed at midnight last night. I stayed up until 11:30 watching it, and there were 2 people registered. So I put my name in the third slot. The slight guilt is I don’t know for sure if I will use the qualification to register for the event, bc if logistics and extra hotel days. Which is why I waited as late as I did. Like. I didn’t want to take it from someone else who maybe wanted it. But, you know, it was just sitting there.
DD2 is an anxious kid with ADHD. Her latest hyper fixation is bugs. Last night she woke us up in the middle of the night because she was convinced she had fleas. It sounds funny but it’s really wearing on us. Every week it’s something different. Fleas, bed bugs, termites, carpet beetles, ticks, tapeworm etc. she had stopped therapy but I’m going to get her going again.
I'm so sorry that sounds rough. Have you tried nonstimulant meds? My dd's doctors had her on those for several years because they had some concerns that stimulants would increase her anxiety. Eventually she switched to stimulants for a year which went fine in my opinion. However she is a teen now and is refusing to take any adhd meds. Which is a disaster for another post.
Do you remember how much you owed last year? I'm only asking because we owe $4500 and I am very wtf about it. I think we owed around 2k last year. My H did make more last year than the year before, but not THAT much more so I'm a little confused. And mostly just pissed because that's a lot of money.
I do not. H does our taxes, but I'm going to ask if he remembers. I am making more and we finally switched to a high interest savings account, but still. Ouch.
My 13 year old is killing me this week so maybe it's spring fever for everyone or something. She is an anxious overwhelmed mess and is dealing with it by making my life miserable. As noted above she has been refusing adhd meds for a few months after taking them for about 5 years. So now she is upset about not having time for things, losing focus and making mistakes, and losing every single thing. She has zero emotional regulation or impulse control right now. And I'm fairly sure she is on her period which is not helping. It is using ALL my energy to remain calm and supportive but I know from experience that if I lose my cool she will either *literally* fall on the floor and refuse everything or start throwing/punching etc. Hooray for fight or flight.(She is also a touch on the spectrum in addition to the adhd and anxiety).
It is show week for the school play she is on the crew for so I am just trying to survive a few more days before finding a way to call her out on all her drama. I know she really is having a hard time. I think medication would help but I can't force her to take it and I don't want to spend $$$ for her to flush her pills.
She lost her bra (wtf?) this morning and was a huge jerk about me trying to help her look the "wrong" way. That is just the most ridiculous of the long list of things that have been going on here the last few days.
Do you remember how much you owed last year? I'm only asking because we owe $4500 and I am very wtf about it. I think we owed around 2k last year. My H did make more last year than the year before, but not THAT much more so I'm a little confused. And mostly just pissed because that's a lot of money.
Does one of you make significantly more than the other putting your incomes in different brackets? If so, you may need to have additional $$ withheld. H makes about $50,000 more than I do, but the IRS doesn’t know that when my % withheld is calculated. We are in a higher tax bracket because of his salary, so we had to play with our additional withheld for a bit to get to a place where we get $$ back.
Ugh, this must be our issue. We always, always owe. I make 2x what my husband makes and I can never figure out we end up owing 3k (except with the COVID tax breaks) between federal and state every year.
jinkies , I'm exhausted just thinking about all that. Would she be receptive to hearing that at all? Like "the best gift you could give me is to take the planning off my plate"?
My dad would not be, because he has never been the bearer of the mental load for a household, but if my mom were alive she probably would get it. Meanwhile my dad -- also relatively healthy, retired, no demands on his time -- asks me to arrange all kinds of things for him, call various family members to arrange holidays/events on his behalf, come up with ideas of gifts for the kids for him, think about decor for his house as things wear out, discuss improvements to his house iteratively while he "ponders" them, etc. etc. etc. I love him, but the mental load can be unbearable at certain times, and he has no clue that it even exists.
Does one of you make significantly more than the other putting your incomes in different brackets? If so, you may need to have additional $$ withheld. H makes about $50,000 more than I do, but the IRS doesn’t know that when my % withheld is calculated. We are in a higher tax bracket because of his salary, so we had to play with our additional withheld for a bit to get to a place where we get $$ back.
Ugh, this must be our issue. We always, always owe. I make 2x what my husband makes and I can never figure out we end up owing 3k (except with the COVID tax breaks) between federal and state every year.
yeah, there's a whole calculator out there that can help figure out the additional you need to withhold. H and I are in the same individual bracket as we are in the combined so that's not our issue. I tried looking at my latest paystub to figure out how much is coming out and it looks like 17% and my salary falls in the 24% bracket, but because the brackets are graduated, I don't have the brain power to calculate what % of the total that comes out to lol
They honestly got me thinking about making a career change to being a professor - it would be so fun to work with them!
I mean I probably won't because I'd need a PhD and probably a relocation, but I'd probably enjoy it lol.
I'm faculty at a liberal arts college, and I love working with undergrads, but I wouldn't recommend academia if your primary motivation is to work with young adults! Have you considered working in student services in higher ed? Honestly those staff have more interaction with students than faculty do.
Post by gretchenindisguise on Apr 4, 2024 17:25:57 GMT -5
We are on vacation - kids wanted to go back to the flat, so we got them subway and left them home. We walked to an Italian place that ended up being absolutely superb. I ordered 1 to many drinks an the waiter brought us both shots in honor of a really large party leaving and the restaurant finally being quiet. I am so tipsy.
But both kids were asleep when we got home! Hooray!!
Fingers triple crossed I don't feel like shit tomorrow.
Does one of you make significantly more than the other putting your incomes in different brackets? If so, you may need to have additional $$ withheld. H makes about $50,000 more than I do, but the IRS doesn’t know that when my % withheld is calculated. We are in a higher tax bracket because of his salary, so we had to play with our additional withheld for a bit to get to a place where we get $$ back.
Ugh, this must be our issue. We always, always owe. I make 2x what my husband makes and I can never figure out we end up owing 3k (except with the COVID tax breaks) between federal and state every year.
Last year I was at the very top of my married filing jointly bracket, so they only withhold at that amount for me. Before we figured this out really dinged us. This year we should be in the same bracket, but I’m still going to withhold extra because I prefer getting money back. I know there are some who think you shouldn’t loan the government your money, but I prefer getting a nice little bump this time of year.
Do you remember how much you owed last year? I'm only asking because we owe $4500 and I am very wtf about it. I think we owed around 2k last year. My H did make more last year than the year before, but not THAT much more so I'm a little confused. And mostly just pissed because that's a lot of money.
Does one of you make significantly more than the other putting your incomes in different brackets? If so, you may need to have additional $$ withheld. H makes about $50,000 more than I do, but the IRS doesn’t know that when my % withheld is calculated. We are in a higher tax bracket because of his salary, so we had to play with our additional withheld for a bit to get to a place where we get $$ back.
I think he made 30k-ish more than me last year? So maybe that's the issue. I did already adjust my withholdings to take out an extra $150 a check (ouch) so hopefully we will be closer to target next year! He took a pay cut with his new job so of course that makes things even more complicated to figure out...
They honestly got me thinking about making a career change to being a professor - it would be so fun to work with them!
I mean I probably won't because I'd need a PhD and probably a relocation, but I'd probably enjoy it lol.
I'm faculty at a liberal arts college, and I love working with undergrads, but I wouldn't recommend academia if your primary motivation is to work with young adults! Have you considered working in student services in higher ed? Honestly those staff have more interaction with students than faculty do.
Well, that and I enjoy teaching and struggle having a traditional desk job 😁 I do currently teach as an adjunct but it's an asynchronous online course so a little different - I don't really get to know the students. I would like to be an adjunct for an in person class at some point! I don't really see academia as a realistic path for me right now, but it is definitely bouncing around in my head as something I think I would have enjoyed in another life.
We are on vacation - kids wanted to go back to the flat, so we got them subway and left them home. We walked to an Italian place that ended up being absolutely superb. I ordered 1 to many drinks an the waiter brought us both shots in honor of a really large party leaving and the restaurant finally being quiet. I am so tipsy.
But both kids were asleep when we got home! Hooray!!
Fingers triple crossed I don't feel like shit tomorrow.
That sounds lovely. I hope you are thoroughly enjoying your trip!
Ugh, this must be our issue. We always, always owe. I make 2x what my husband makes and I can never figure out we end up owing 3k (except with the COVID tax breaks) between federal and state every year.
Last year I was at the very top of my married filing jointly bracket, so they only withhold at that amount for me. Before we figured this out really dinged us. This year we should be in the same bracket, but I’m still going to withhold extra because I prefer getting money back. I know there are some who think you shouldn’t loan the government your money, but I prefer getting a nice little bump this time of year.
It's the worst to come out of the holiday season and have to pay! I'm too old to not know this, lol. Thank you, though!!
Agree 100%! That’s so shitty. Just give me money instead of making my life harder by adding specific, non essential tasks to my already out of control to do list.