jinkies My mom does this, too. I have to come up with gift ideas, so she can wrap and present them. It’s exhausting. It makes me feel so ungrateful, too.
Last year and this year, she was on a kick that my birthday present should be a nice bag/purse. Except I had to find it, price it, and have it delivered to her. It took a lot of work but I did it. Except when I got it, in person, I didn’t like it (the strap did not fit well with my coat). But because I didn't buy it, I could not return it. But it was also mostly fine and I just felt like such an ungrateful daughter when I used it. She did the SAME thing this year and I just did not order anything. I AM A GROWN UP AND DONT NEED A PRESENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY. But then she felt bad that I did not get anything and cornered me with her laptop at Easter. It was painful to sit next to her and pick out another purse on the website. So, then I felt ungrateful…
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but my mom has this habit of giving us "gifts" by just telling us to do something and letting her know how much it costs to get reimbursed. Things like, getting my car detailed, getting our dining room table refinished, going to a show. I really struggle a lot with being overwhelmed by the mental load of our family life. We are OK on money. For anything that she's "gifted" us in this way, the big hurdle to us doing these things ourselves is the work involved in setting it up, not the cost. Not to mention not having any idea what she *thinks* something like a car detail costs? Like, she "gave" me that for my birthday once, which she usually spends $50 on. I just never set it up, because I was sure she'd had no idea what it would actually cost and also because I don't even know a good company to use. Same with the table refinishing.
She just told H and I to buy tickets to see a comedian that she likes as our birthday gifts. The tickets range from $35 to $200. What does she want to spend? Why wouldn't she just buy tickets in the price range she wants to spend and give them to us? Why is this my job?
She is healthy, computer literate, and retired. I have begged her for years to stop exchanging gifts because somehow getting my own gift becomes my job every time, and I'd just rather not. Or just give me an amount of cash that you would like to spend and tell us to do something fun with it!
OK. Done venting. I am just irritated today.
I'd just treat it as if she didn't get you a present, since you say you'd prefer that. If you want to do the work involved in buying the thing she wants to reimburse you for, but if you don't, then just don't.
My parents do stuff like this, offering to pay for something that I mention I want as a gift, or that I mention I want to get for my son. Like you, because we're fortunate to not need the money, it would feel like more of a gift if they researched and bought it. But I think they're afraid of picking out not quite what I want, so they don't. So I just do it on my own timeline, and consider it a bonus if they do reimburse it. E.g. they offered to reimburse me for something I mentioned I wanted around Christmas. But I didn't feel like researching which one I wanted then, so I just didn't. I actually recently got around to figuring it out and buying it. If they offer again to give me the money for it when they see it, that's fine, and I guess I got a belated Christmas gift. But I'm also okay if they don't.
I'm faculty at a liberal arts college, and I love working with undergrads, but I wouldn't recommend academia if your primary motivation is to work with young adults! Have you considered working in student services in higher ed? Honestly those staff have more interaction with students than faculty do.
Well, that and I enjoy teaching and struggle having a traditional desk job 😁 I do currently teach as an adjunct but it's an asynchronous online course so a little different - I don't really get to know the students. I would like to be an adjunct for an in person class at some point! I don't really see academia as a realistic path for me right now, but it is definitely bouncing around in my head as something I think I would have enjoyed in another life.
At my institution, there are some academic staff that do some teaching (usually 1 course a year). So there are definitely options to teach without being an academic if that's appealing to you!