Post by expectantsteelerfan on May 9, 2024 9:27:08 GMT -5
My dh has learned that I want pics of myself and will take them and send them to me (he doesn't post on social media and I'm the keeper of photos and I make a yearly photo book), but it's always very obvious when he's taking pictures, so we are either posed or at least aware he's taking them (like when we make Christmas cookies each year), so there are no fun random candid photos, and that does bother me. I also like to photograph little every day moments with my kids, the dogs, etc., and there are certainly none of those of me. Again, my kids will take a pic of me if I ask them, but just knowing the pic is being taken makes it not quite as every day capturing. But all that being said, since I make the yearly photo books, I think at this point there are probably more pictures of me in it than there are of dh, though there are more of the kids and dogs than both of us for sure. My kids love looking through the photo book when I'm done making it, and looking through old ones when the new one comes, and we try to get at least 1 nice family picture to add to our display every year as well (whether it's a professional photo, or just a nice shot of all of us at the beach or something where I asked a stranger to take it for us).
I grew up with a parent who hated pictures and as a result we have very few as a family growing up.
While H doesn’t take many pictures of just me and the girls, we take lots of family selfies on our adventures and do pro photos every year (some years just the girls, some years all four of us, some years extended family). It is sometimes a pain in the ass and semi expensive, but I love the results and knowing that we all have these great photos to look back on. And yes, I have to coordinate.
I do wish H would take more flattering pictures of me just being a mom, but I don’t feel the loss so much this way.
This is definitely true for us. I am the one who enjoys taking pictures, and wants to commemorate everything. I was the one who always had a camera, in the days before phone pics! I’ve talked to H, so he’s more aware of making sure to take some pictures with me, just over the past few years. When the kids were really little, I’d say mostly I was not in a lot of the pictures unless it was a posed family shot or some thing. I just didn’t make it into many candids. But now that I’ve talk to H, and he always has his phone, and now that my two teens have phones, it’s getting a lot better. More people are taking pictures.
Post by underwaterrhymes on May 9, 2024 9:32:45 GMT -5
I take a LOT of photos. My husband is great about reciprocating and also taking pics of the kids when I’m not there.
He knows this is important to me. I don’t have many pics of when I was a kid or teen (obviously this was before digital photography) and I prioritize taking photos of our family. I even take photos when we are just playing board games, etc, because I do a 1 second a day app that creates a 365-second video of our family set to music at the end of the year. I never feel underrepresented.
H is the photographer in our family. We have tons of the kids, a few of me and the kids, and very little of him and the kids. I never remember and when I do he usually critiques my angles lol. We get professional pictures once every other year and hook up the tripod for a family Christmas picture.
Post by InBetweenDays on May 9, 2024 9:48:39 GMT -5
I am the photographer in our family so there are definitely fewer photos of me. But H is fairly good about taking photos too. Basically if I stop and say "let me take a photo of you guys" he'll often say "no, you get in I'll take it". So he doesn't often think to take photos on his own, and there aren't many candid photos of me, but there are a decent number of posed photos.
This was natively very true in our family. There were like no pics of me with the kids. I talked to H about it, and now he tries to take more, but so often they're terrible. I have not been successful in getting him to take the next step, which is to engage just at like an IG or TikTok level of learning about taking a remotely decent photo.
The angles he uses aren't just random, they're like 100% terrible. Luck couldn't result in a body of pics this bad. And idk how he even does it. How does he get angles upward of my chin when he is a foot taller than me!? They are also blurry an inexplicable % of the time, and the compositions are bizarre.
This is very true for me. I have photos of me with my kids but only if 1) they are selfies or 2) I specifically ask my husband to take one. He gets annoyed with me on vacation when I ask people to take photos of the family, but that's the only way I'm ever in the photo. He never thinks to take them himself. I do think it's largely because he doesn't have social media and doesn't really care for photos so it doesn't occur to him.
We are similar. G has an insta account but he posts maybe thrice yearly. It is just not something he thinks about because he does not do social media.
I take the photos, so I’m rarely in them. But a few years ago I started to try to include myself occasionally. I will ask a stranger to photograph all of us and I’ll also make a point of doing a selfie with one of the kids occasionally so they’ll have visual proof I was there and loved them.
I do annual calendars for each set of grandparents and always try to include a photo of each of them in their own version and each of their kids at least somewhere. My challenge is making sure my BIL is somewhere in MILs (he lives out of state so I have 2-3 days a year to get something) and I’ve had years when I finished my moms only to realize I should probably find one with me (and the kids) to swap in there. Lol.
I have very little pictures of me with my kids. I take a lot of candid shots of my H and the kids. I have to ask him to take pics of me with the kids because it never crosses his mind but when he does, I have a triple chin with my eyes closed. And it makes me mad. You can see the results right away, take several more pics so there is a least 1 good picture of me.
Post by picksthemusic on May 9, 2024 12:05:51 GMT -5
This is one of the main reasons I splurged for the photo package when we went to Disney. I wanted to be in the photos with my family, not the one taking them.
One of the things that upsets me and hurt me so much (and still does, if I'm being honest), is that no one thought to take pictures of me with the kids in the hospital after they were born. I have a couple of pictures of me still on the operating table with them, but you can't see my face very well, and... it's on the operating table. LOL No one thought to say hey, let's give her the baby, and take a picture of her. Granted, DD was in the NICU for a week, but again, even on discharge day, it just didn't happen. We have pictures of the babies with all sorts of people holding them, just not me. I took some pictures of them myself, but no selfies. Being in a post-delivery stupor made it nearly impossible to ask or anything. I have pictures of DH with them too, and of course my family and his family all got pictures.
Oh, I'm very present and front and center in our photos, lol. I have zero issue asking H take pictures of me and David, or even David take pictures of me and H. Idk, I don't see it as conceited, I want pictures to remember things by. It's a really big deal to me and little inconvenience to them. /shrug
One of my big photo-related regrets is that there is not one single photo of my mom, me, and my DD together. We didn't have a lot of time, only 5 months from when DD was born to when my mom died. We got some photos of the two of them, but I took them all. I'm not in any with them.
I am not sure I'll ever be able to extricate becoming a mom from losing my mom. Motherhood as a relationship has felt very either/or for me, never yes/and. A picture of all of us might have helped.
My partner takes photos of me with our son pretty often, but his bar for what constitutes a good picture is pretty low from my perspective. I think he thinks about the feeling and memory of what we're doing and doesn't notice things like my shirt is riding up, or my eyes are half closed - which I guess is a good thing overall but also means that most of the photos he takes aren't exactly frame worthy lol.
I don't have kids, but when I'm at a museum, aquarium, etc and see a mom struggling to take a selfie with her and the kids I always offer to take a pic for her. I had one mom cry because she said she never gets pics of her with her kids.
This is my favorite thing to do in life, and I don’t even care that it annoys my DH so much. Last month we were at Disney World and I probably took 20 pictures of families throughout the one day we were at Magic Kingdom.
When DD was little we hardly had any photos of the 3 of us. Lots of her !! Fair bit with one of us holding her or playing. So, when I vacationed with my parents, I made an effort to get some with all three of us.
I distinctly remember asking my mom. Picture it: the 3 of us are in the water (having fun and looking playful) and I call to my mom to grab my phone and take some pictures. In the slowest, most awkward way possible, my mom reached for my phone and set up for a shot.
Click.
She took exactly 1 photo. From a long distance. Thanks, mom. Nailed it!
Post by wanderlustmom on May 9, 2024 12:51:40 GMT -5
I do like photos a lot and grew up in a family where my mom liked to document our childhood with photos. She got sick at 60 and was never the same so I'm so grateful I have so many beautiful photos of her and my sister and I making memories. I prefer candids over professional but every few years, we need to pay for the good ones.
I am not the friend that's good at taking selfies or remembers to get the camera out all the time--but I'll get photos. I also like to have a lot displayed around the house. After my mom died, I gained some weight and was self conscious and didn't take as many but that's not a good idea and that was on me. I'm more comfortable now getting pictures taken of me and I just have to accept I won't like my looks in all of them.
On vacation or when all four of us are together, I'll ask someone to get a picture of us and then I can reciprocate for someone else. I also love to ask people if I can get pictures of their group.
DH isn't a picture guy so I'm going to have to ask him to get any pictures. Both of our teens hate their picture being taken now so I try to keep it minimal.
This reminded me of a crazy story from a friend. One year for Mother's Day, as a surprise present her husband took the kids to Picture People without her and had professional pictures taken of him and the 2 kids. Her present was a collage frame of pictures of the 3 of them for her. She was very WTF about it. So they have this really nice collage of awesome photos that she's not in! Her H was so oblivious and thought he got her the best present.
Hmm, I actually think that’s kind of sweet… I love the pics of my daughter and my partner and if he coordinated to get professional pics done of both of them I think that would be really nice! He def does 50% of childcare/household tasks but scheduling a photo session is not something I imagine he’d do on his own so I would be pleasantly surprised. But I guess it’s probably a read the room type of situation and if the mom had been asking for pics of her and the kids that’s not a thoughtful thing to do.
One of my big photo-related regrets is that there is not one single photo of my mom, me, and my DD together. We didn't have a lot of time, only 5 months from when DD was born to when my mom died. We got some photos of the two of them, but I took them all. I'm not in any with them.
I am not sure I'll ever be able to extricate becoming a mom from losing my mom. Motherhood as a relationship has felt very either/or for me, never yes/and. A picture of all of us might have helped.
Basically no photos of me with my kids that are not selfies, lots of nice posed and candids of H with the kids that I have taken.
MIL and SIL are photographers so they are always snapping away at family get togethers and SIL will post albums on her site which is super nice, I have gotten some of my favorite pictures of our family from her. Unfortunately we don't get to see them often so there still aren't a lot with me in them.
The kids have had to bring photos in for various school projects in the past and I always struggle to find one of me. Part of this is that I am the primary photo taker in our house, the other part is me just not wanting to be in pictures because I don't feel great about how I look. Working on that, though!
This reminded me of a crazy story from a friend. One year for Mother's Day, as a surprise present her husband took the kids to Picture People without her and had professional pictures taken of him and the 2 kids. Her present was a collage frame of pictures of the 3 of them for her. She was very WTF about it. So they have this really nice collage of awesome photos that she's not in! Her H was so oblivious and thought he got her the best present.
Hmm, I actually think that’s kind of sweet… I love the pics of my daughter and my partner and if he coordinated to get professional pics done of both of them I think that would be really nice! He def does 50% of childcare/household tasks but scheduling a photo session is not something I imagine he’d do on his own so I would be pleasantly surprised. But I guess it’s probably a read the room type of situation and if the mom had been asking for pics of her and the kids that’s not a thoughtful thing to do.
I think you are probably in the minority on this one. She was PISSED. I'd be thrilled if H took the lead on setting up a photo session, getting cute outfits for the kids, etc and then surprised me with a family session for all of us. Since it happens so rarely, I'd be pissed if he did all that work and didn't include me.
Maybe it is different if you get family portraits done all the time, but given the theme of the original article is about moms being invisible, that's not usually the case.
I don't have kids, but when I'm at a museum, aquarium, etc and see a mom struggling to take a selfie with her and the kids I always offer to take a pic for her. I had one mom cry because she said she never gets pics of her with her kids.
This is my favorite thing to do in life, and I don’t even care that it annoys my DH so much. Last month we were at Disney World and I probably took 20 pictures of families throughout the one day we were at Magic Kingdom.
I also do this. It brings me joy to take photos for people. ❤️
This is one of the main reasons I splurged for the photo package when we went to Disney. I wanted to be in the photos with my family, not the one taking them.
One of the things that upsets me and hurt me so much (and still does, if I'm being honest), is that no one thought to take pictures of me with the kids in the hospital after they were born. I have a couple of pictures of me still on the operating table with them, but you can't see my face very well, and... it's on the operating table. LOL No one thought to say hey, let's give her the baby, and take a picture of her. Granted, DD was in the NICU for a week, but again, even on discharge day, it just didn't happen. We have pictures of the babies with all sorts of people holding them, just not me. I took some pictures of them myself, but no selfies. Being in a post-delivery stupor made it nearly impossible to ask or anything. I have pictures of DH with them too, and of course my family and his family all got pictures.
I'm so sorry. That would really bother me too. I have one beautiful photo of DD1 and me (it's several hours post c-section, but still) and one truly awful one of me with DD2 immediately post c-section but I'm grateful that someone thought to capture that moment (no idea who...it was pre-cell phone camera).
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I may get yelled at, but if you want something make it happen, asks people to take pictures! I get the whole mental load thing, but if it's important to you, do it! I genuinely think pics are not as important to most men, in my experience, not saying they don't exist. They definitely can't read our minds.
Seems better than constant disappointment.
My friends with kids always take pics together, yes, the husbands complain but they do it. I mean at places, events, not just organized family photos.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
When DD was little we hardly had any photos of the 3 of us. Lots of her !! Fair bit with one of us holding her or playing. So, when I vacationed with my parents, I made an effort to get some with all three of us.
I distinctly remember asking my mom. Picture it: the 3 of us are in the water (having fun and looking playful) and I call to my mom to grab my phone and take some pictures. In the slowest, most awkward way possible, my mom reached for my phone and set up for a shot.
Click.
She took exactly 1 photo. From a long distance. Thanks, mom. Nailed it!
Omg this is my MIL 😂 literally every time we ask her to take a family picture she takes exactly 1 photo. Why?! And I now have 3 young kids so the correct strategy is take a million and then pick the best one because they are not cooperative!
Post by wanderingback on May 9, 2024 15:02:09 GMT -5
Oh yeah we def don’t have many pics of me after birth. But my doctor had her hand in my uterus for about an hour because my placenta wouldn’t come out and I was bleeding and my partner told me afterwards he thought I might die, so I don’t fault him! My doula posts pics of her with families after birth and we don’t have any of those unfortunately.
My partner did take 1 pic the next day when I was working on breastfeeding and I really love it and even posted it on IG. That’s really the one we have but those few days in the hospital taking pics I think was the last thing in either of our minds even though looking back it would be nice to have a few (we have some of our daughter that the hospital provided new born photographer took).
No kids, but this is a huge sore point for me, because I feel this is the one place where my otherwise great H complete falls apart and even falls into the weaponized incompetence bucket. He doesn't particularly like having his picture taken, he barely uses his own phone camera, and he's incredibly lazy when it comes to taking pictures of me even when I ask.
He basically takes one picture without any regards to framing or focus and he's out. After being burned multiple times on shots that were important to me now I look, and then make him retake them when they suck, because I'm sick of it.
What gets me even more riled up is that phone cameras are so easy and do all of the work, and if a picture sucks you just delete it and try again. It's not like back in the day of film cameras where you needed more skill for good casual photos and it cost $$$ for film and developing. You can see exactly what you are going to get when you lift the screen. Just keep it steady, point it, keep it framed in the grid, tap to focus on the subject, and tap for picture. It takes seconds.
His unwillingness to take good pictures of me did prompt me to take a free hour long course in iphone photography (pre-pandemic) and it by no means made me a good photographer, but it upped my selfie game significantly.