Photos of moms (article and poll)

[simpsongal]

www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/05/09/comic-michelle-kondrich-mothers-photos/

I felt very seen by this article - though the few comments are dismissing it already.  So curious to hear Board feedback.  I take most of the photos, I create annual calendars and try to capture magical candid shots of DH and the kids.  I have to ask DH to take photos of me, they're largely posed and the angles/etc are usually not great.  It's a little upsetting.  

This reminds me, I need to hire a photographer for family photos again, it's been a while and it's one of the few times I get nice candid photos.

I took a shot at the poll.  But feel free to elaborate.

[janegold]

My H takes a lot of photos of me and the kids but most of them are on his phone so I don't feel that I often see any!

[noodleoo]

I’m probably the outlier because my H is a photographer. Most of the pics are of just the kids, but he does take some really nice photos of me and the girls. I try to take pics with him in them too. What sucks is that we have no photos of all 4 of us. I get really annoyed because all my friends hire him to take family portraits every year and have amazing family photos he’s taken, but we don’t. If I want some, I have to do all the mental labor to make it happen (find a photographer, book them, plan outfits, etc). I’ve asked him many times to do it but he doesn’t. 😡

ETA: the part about women being furniture is infuriating.

[jinkies]

There are virtually no pictures of me. I know it's morbid but sometimes I think about what will happen when I die and that there won't be any pictures to use.

H will take a picture if I ask, but they are so universally unflattering that I stopped asking. We went on a big vacation in March, and I think there is one photo from the entire week with me in it. My daughter offered to take some for me, but it ended up being a joke where she turned the selfie camera on and handed the phone back to me with 18 close up pictures of her face.

I'm part of the problem too though because I look at pictures of myself and only see how terrible I look, so then I avoid photos. Of course I look back at photos of me in my 30s and realize that I actually looked great. But can't make myself accept that someday 50, 60, 70 year old me will feel that way about the "bad" pictures I take today.

[VillainV]

May 9, 2024 7:55:43 GMT -5 janegold said:

My H takes a lot of photos of me and the kids but most of them are on his phone so I don't feel that I often see any!

This is sort of where I fall. My husband takes a lot of photos, and some of them have me in them, though most don’t. I don’t get to see a lot of them unless they end up on SM. Sure, he’d send them to me if I ask him to. Sometimes I’ll just go on his phone (with his permission) and air drop them to myself.

I noticed on a recent vacation that my husband took a lot of selfies with our son, but rarely asked me to be in any. For this and various other reasons, I felt like I was tagging along as a logistical coordinator on “their” trip. It was very upsetting. As a result, I am pretty absent from almost all of our vacation photos.

[penguingrrl]

Neither H nor I think to take pictures very often. The most recent I have of the kids is Easter and that’s only one of my youngest and one of my middle, I forgot to get a shot of my oldest. Before that it was probably Christmas that I last got a shot of my kids. It’s probably been a few years since all 5 of us were in a shot.

I also don’t think I’ve had a picture of myself in my entire life I’ve truly liked. I’ve always found seeing pictures of myself really uncomfortable and I have no idea why.

[eddy]

Only when asked. And it makes me feel so vulnerable to be like "can you take a picture of me." Like, look at this lady so full of herself that she is now asking people to take pictures of her. 

I am not a big documentor. so I don't expect photos at every occasion. But it is nice to have some. 

When my mom died we realized how much she was behind the camera. That was partially also because she hated her photo taken. My message to others is stop worrying about how you look. Your family cherishes these memories with you in them. 

I hope my funeral someday isn't just a ton of selfies of me lololol.

[wanderingback]

Poll options didn’t really fit my response.

My daughter is 18 months and neither of us take TONS of photos. We both take some and I would say the ones my partner takes are good. He generally doesn’t like posed photos any way, so he’ll take pics randomly. Every once in awhile I’ll go in his phone to look at photos and it’s a nice surprise to see some of the pics he’s taken. He also does more videos where he’s having having a conversation with our daughter and I love those, so fun. I forget about doing videos But overall it’s certainly not a ton of pics and I’m ok with that.

[AdaraMarie]

I voted ss because I'm a single mom so I generally take pics of my kids and there isn't anyone else to take them most of the time. I try to do selfies of us sometimes or ask a kid to take a picture.

When I was married the only thing I wanted for mother's day from my x was for him to take a good picture of me with the kid/kids. So I have those. But it was like a specific request on a specific day, not anything he would do candidly.

[shauni27]

I did SS as well; there are photos with me in them because I take a selfie with my kid all the time. When I print photos or make calendars, they include those selfies.

But H does not take pictures of me with our son. He is not a big picture taker anyway, but I wish he would take a few nice ones. They few he has are extremely unflattering, lol.

[mpc]

I make an effort to take selfies with my kids and ask people to take pictures with me in them. But candid shots of me are very very rare and only come from my mom. I make photo books - for each year and for big trips. I usually end of including almost every picture of myself and it ends up almost balancing out with the photos included of everyone else. It's morbid but I do it specifically because I am thinking "what if I die? the kids will want to see me."

We did a trip to Jekyll Island for spring break one year. I let my son make the book and after it was printed I realized there was not one single picture of me in it! I have no idea if there were pictures of me to choose from, because we don't go back and scroll through random photos years later. The book basically defines the trip.

[fancynewbeesly]

There are very few photos of me--at least on my phone and I know DH doesn't take many pictures at all. I had a to find a picture for DD2's Mother's Day assignment and it was not easy to find one. And we haven't traveled as a family since 2019-so DD2 was a year old then. There are family pictures of that-but not many since then.

[countthestars]

H grew up with a mom who LOVES photos - we have 100000 photos of every family event that she's been at (never good photos, but photos at least!). So, he is pretty good at remembering to take pictures. I voted the first one, but I wouldn't say that the photos are fabulous, but it's not for lack of effort on his part. I just don't love how I look - ha!

[thebreakfastclub]

I don't take candid photos and honestly don't really care about photos.

I never got my wedding images printed and we don't display many family photos in our home.

We get professional pictures every couple of years. Good enough for me.

[Susie]

This was natively very true in our family.  There were like no pics of me with the kids.  I talked to H about it, and now he tries to take more, but so often they're terrible.  I have not been successful in getting him to take the next step, which is to engage just at like an IG or TikTok level of learning about taking a remotely decent photo.  

The angles he uses aren't just random, they're like 100% terrible.  Luck couldn't result in a body of pics this bad.  And idk how he even does it.  How does he get angles upward of my chin when he is a foot taller than me!?  They are also blurry an inexplicable % of the time, and the compositions are bizarre.

[eddy]

May 9, 2024 8:41:07 GMT -5 Susie said:

  

The angles he uses aren't just random, they're like 100% terrible.  Luck couldn't result in a body of pics this bad.  And idk how he even does it.  How does he get angles upward of my chin when he is a foot taller than me!?  They are also blurry an inexplicable % of the time, and the compositions are bizarre.

This is also my issue. Like I know I am not this hideous. I had to coach him to give me a warning that he was actually taking the photo if it was posed. And then he just takes one. It literally takes no more effort to take 4. 

Can't wait to see how my obligatory photo with the kids goes on mother's day lol. 

[macmars45]

My H hardly ever takes pictures. If he does anything he'll take a video. There are very few pictures of me with H and DS unless I take a selfie with them.

[Jalapeñomel]

We take a ton of pics of the kids, but we don't take a ton of each other. The feeling is mutual.

[erbear]

This is very true for me. I have photos of me with my kids but only if 1) they are selfies or 2) I specifically ask my husband to take one. He gets annoyed with me on vacation when I ask people to take photos of the family, but that's the only way I'm ever in the photo. He never thinks to take them himself. I do think it's largely because he doesn't have social media and doesn't really care for photos so it doesn't occur to him.

[noodleoo]

This reminded me of a crazy story from a friend. One year for Mother's Day, as a surprise present her husband took the kids to Picture People without her and had professional pictures taken of him and the 2 kids. Her present was a collage frame of pictures of the 3 of them for her. She was very WTF about it. So they have this really nice collage of awesome photos that she's not in! Her H was so oblivious and thought he got her the best present.

[mel]

I have so many photos of DH, both with and without the kids. He NEVER has his phone on him, so there are very few photos of me. I'll ask him to take photos of me and the kids on occasion. Asking him to try and take candid photos is like pulling teeth. Just like jinkies, I often wonder what will happen during my funeral service and there aren't many pictures to look at.

[followyourarrow]

I don't have kids, but when I'm at a museum, aquarium, etc and see a mom struggling to take a selfie with her and the kids I always offer to take a pic for her. I had one mom cry because she said she never gets pics of her with her kids.

[ssmjlm]

DH doesn’t take a lot of photos and I’m rarely in them. And he’s great about getting me with my eyes closed. It’s a real talent.

I just hope once my kid is a teen and taking one million pics on her phone she’ll include me in them.

[noodleoo]

May 9, 2024 9:01:51 GMT -5 followyourarrow said:

I don't have kids, but when I'm at a museum, aquarium, etc and see a mom struggling to take a selfie with her and the kids I always offer to take a pic for her. I had one mom cry because she said she never gets pics of her with her kids.

Same.  I always appreciate it when someone offers for us!

That's the only way we ever get full family photos, we take pics for others and then ask them to take one of us.

[noodleoo]

May 9, 2024 9:02:15 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

DH doesn’t take a lot of photos and I’m rarely in them. And he’s great about getting me with my eyes closed. It’s a real talent.

I just hope once my kid is a teen and taking one million pics on her phone she’ll include me in them.

LOL!  One of my kids always blinks right when I take pics.  Live photo on iphone has been awesome for this!  It takes like a 3 second video and you can edit the photo so that you can choose a frame where they aren't blinking!

[wildrice]

I'm not a mom, but I know how this would go if I was one - my H has exactly zero pictures on his phone, I take all of "ours". To be fair he doesn't really care about photos at all and never even sees the majority of the ones I take, so it really is more my thing than his. But it means there are very few photos of me in general unless I ask him to take one of me, and he doesn't like having his picture taken so there are usually only a small handful of photos of us together each year (unless we are with my mom or BFF since they both take lots of pics and he is too polite to grumble to them about it).

I know this was an issue for my mom growing up - she was always the documenter so there aren't as many pics of her as there are of my dad.

[Patsy Baloney]

I think I take more photos of my H than he does of me and generally am more sentimental, except it may just be that I don’t know what he’s doing. He is a comms guy and has a great eye for photos, so I’m lucky that the photos tend to be flattering.

I grew up fat and still am, so my first instinct is to hide from the camera, but I promised myself to stop doing that in college. I take up space. Big fucking deal. People want pictures of me, I want to have some evidence of my existence - I’m getting in the damn picture.

Anyway, I do think my H takes pictures of me, but maybe I don’t know it. He surprised me a few years ago with a Valentine’s Day gift that was him texting me throughout the day with pictures of me/us that I hadn’t seen before and a small sentiment/memory he had written about the photo and how he felt looking at it. It was very sweet, probably my favorite gift from him ever, and it surprised me to see that I am in his camera roll and there are pictures I don’t know about.

[lilypad1126]

H would never think to take a photo of me without prompting. To be fair, he doesn’t ask me to take photos of him. But I take plenty of selfies of both of us, just of me, and just of him. And I suppose if I wanted professional photos he’d join me, though I’d have to do all the legwork.

My mom LOVES having me take selfies of us. And it’s a process, lol. Inevitably I end up with hundreds of photos just for her to find one that she thinks is decent. But that’s ok, it makes her happy 😊 weirdly I have almost no photos of my dad. But he doesn’t seem to care and when I try to take selfies with him, he acts irritated.

[mala]

SS- no, I don't have a lot of pictures of me or me with the kids but that is because I utterly hate having my picture taken. I abhor it. I will take pictures with the kids on occasion because it's important to me that they have those pictures whenever I'm gone (hopefully many many years in the future). But I will go out of my way to NOT be in candid pictures unless I'm mentally prepared for them.

[mel]

May 9, 2024 9:01:51 GMT -5 followyourarrow said:

I don't have kids, but when I'm at a museum, aquarium, etc and see a mom struggling to take a selfie with her and the kids I always offer to take a pic for her. I had one mom cry because she said she never gets pics of her with her kids.

I also do this. Many times it ends with a mom crying. I'll even do it with dads if there isn't a partner around.


**Possible TW**
The most notable was when we were on vacation in Gatlinburg and I saw a dad trying to hold a small baby and corral a toddler, while also trying to take a selfie. I offered, and he immediately teared up and said he lost his wife a month prior and that was supposed to be their first trip as a family of four. We both cried for a good while, then chatted for a few minutes before we parted ways. I often think about him and those kids.