Inheritance

[scm1011]

Aug 22, 2024 21:41:12 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Aug 22, 2024 21:27:47 GMT -5 al dente said:

Coming back because despite me saying our money is joint, in thinking back I guess my FIL money was in an estate that only my H had access to. But majority of it was used as a down payment to our house. I think the small remainder has been invested (in a joint account).

I think it's also dependent on what a "large sum" is. Like 100k I'm more joint money, if someone got 10 million I'd still say go towards joint lifestyle upgrades/fun, but keep it protected.

Yeah I do have a hard time understand what "keeping it separate" means in a practical sense for a large sum.

Like if you got $10 million does that mean you’re going on a fancy vacation every year without your spouse? When it comes to retirement you’re going to the ritz Carlton of nursing homes but the partner is stuck at the holiday inn nursing home?

No, not at all! In my case, it means I will keep the money in my name but still use it for joint goals (paying kids college, home upgrades, vacations, retirement etc). Its not like I'd retire and live a life of leisure while my DH worked and paid for half of everything on his teacher salary. But if, hypothetically, he decides in 2 years he wants to run off into the sunset with a colleague he's not taking half of my dad's life savings with him lol. 

[mrsslocombe]

We have joint accounts and individual cc/investments/savings/etc.

When I inherited a smallish amount from my grandmother, it went into my own investment account but it’s earmarked as our home reno funds.

H inherited a family property when his mother died. He and the other owners are going to sell it. If they kept it, he would have willed it to someone else in his family, we do not have children.

For any money H inherits, it will go into his accounts but will be used for our (joint) retirement.

So I guess the TL;DR would be we keep inheritances in our individual accounts but use the money for common goals. We are survivors on the others accounts but we actually don’t have direct access to them.

[maudefindlay]

We will both be getting an inheritance from parents. Mine will be 6 figure and DH's 7 figures. It will all go into joint finances/investments and retirement. We got an inheritance from DH's grandma, was supposed to go to MIL but she passed first, and FIL asked that it go to us kids instead. We both tend to be like minded on spending and we will take some big trips, hopefully international travel yearly.

[midwestmama]

DH and I have never received, nor do we expect to receive, any large sum of money. However, if we did, we would share it. But all of our finances are joint accounts and have been for our whole marriage.

We might get property from my side, but I would say it would be a joint decision on if we keep it or sell it.  (Although my sister may want the house that we would both inherit.  If that's the case, I will ask her to pay me out my share, since she doesn't share things well, and I'm sure she plans to move into the house as her retirement home.)

ETA:  I would expect that if one of us ever received a large sum of money from an inheritance, we would let that person lead the discussion on how it would be used.  So if DH received the money, I would ask him what his thoughts are on how to use it, and vice versa, and then we would discuss and come to an agreement.  I would think the person whose "name" is on the money might get to buy something special for just them.  (Like if my parents left me a big amount of money and I said to DH that I'd like to buy a nice piece of jewelry with some of the money, I'm sure he would be fine.  And I would be fine if he did the same if he received something from his family.)  Friends of ours recently received two large lump sums - one from an inheritance (one of their parents passed away) and one from a lawsuit.  They made a joint decision to do some remodeling in their home and may use some to take a family trip.  

[bbdoll]

The only inheritance we've received, so far, as a couple, has been when my mother-in-law passed.  We put the money aside in an account for my children.  It was my husband's decision.  When my mother goes, we will do the same, but that was my decision.

[mrsukyankee]

My MIL owns half our house, so I'll get to enjoy that (as I own 1/4 of it now and my H will eventually sign over some ownership so we share it equally once all the inheritance stuff is settled). He'll also get some cash/investments from his mom, which will likely offset the inheritance taxes and possibly give us a bit extra. It will be considered 'our money' though I'll encourage him to do something fun with it. I won't get anything from my parents. My mom and step-dad have very little and my dad and step-mom are spending it and enjoying it - and I've told them to leave anything that is left to my nephew and niece. I might get some decorative things that I like, but that's it. If I were to get money from my parents, it would go into our communal pot. We pretty much have a communal pot for everything.

[osulori]

We were in this situation when MIL died suddenly in 2013. For various reasons, the money from MIL's retirement that my husband inherited could go into an inherited IRA that he would get a check from annually or be given to us in a lump sum. Tax wise it made more sense to go the IRA route and the annual checks would be split between the 529s for any kids we had (I was pregnant with #1 at the time) so that was what he did. I told him that ultimately it was his call and I'd support him either way, but I was in agreement that the route he chose made more sense long term.

[basilosaurus]

No commingling, but used for joint especially if it large enough for something Luke a decent down payment on a house.

[followyourarrow]

We'd decide together and it would be treated as joint money. I anticipate there would be fun money for both then savings, because we're old and boring like that.

[macmars45]

H has gotten money twice when his grandparents passed (like 5K which was a lot for us). We used it as family money. He used some as fun money and it allowed us to pay off one of his SLs and put more money towards the down payment on the first house we bought (no where near 20% even with that money).

[sonrisa]

Aug 23, 2024 5:53:00 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

Theres some difference, but not much between keeping the owner of the account the person inheriting it and using the money jointly.

This depends on your state's martial property laws. 

My state treats it very differently (unlike almost all other property or debt acquired during marriage). However, how you spend or hold it after it's acquired can convert it to community property.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

My husband stands to inherit a large sum of money plus my ILs house at the beach after they pass and we've always talked about it as if it was "ours". His siblings are getting the same amount of money and some other equivalent to the home. They have a will and it is pretty much spelled out. I am an only child and I have no idea if my mom plans on leaving me anything. She has always said she is going to spend her money while she's alive lol. If I did get anything, I would consider it "ours" as well. We don't have any children it would be used to make our lives more comfortable I guess.

[TR]

Having been divorced once I'd probably want to keep it in the recipient's name, but use it for joint goals.

H's parents are a lot more well off than my mom (I don't even include my dad because I imagine he'll die in debt), but he's one of three siblings and I'm an only so I have no idea how it will pan out. H is the executor of his parents' will and my mom put all of her stuff in a revocable trust I think with me as the trustee or executor or whatever.

[glw]

We would keep it separate, like we do currently for our separate retirement accounts and separate investment accounts. MH and I have always have very different salaries and I consider his money "his" and my (paltry little amount of) money to be "mine." When we need to make a large purchase, we transfer money from "his" account into a joint account and then pay it out.
ETA: MH is much more of a "all money is our money" person, but he will inherit someday and I definitely will not, and I would not be comfortable with his family's money going to "us" rather than to him.

[purplepenguin7]

We are in a position where I may get an inheritance at some point (who knows?), but my H will definitely not. I control our finances and he is a careless spender so in our case it would probably remain in my name but used for joint purposes (vacation, home renovation, kid needs, etc). I would probably be the main decision maker of the how the money is spent, but since I also control the finances it wouldn't be out of our norm anyway.

[plutosmoon]

I received approximately $1500 when my grandfather died, I put it in my own Roth IRA and never co-mingled the money during my marriage. I never added to the account. Not a lot, but I always considered it mine. I learned in MA during my divorce that it doesn't matter, all money, even inheritances kept separate and premarital assets are on the table to be split. Apparently, even future inheritances can be considered in a MA divorce.

I protected the pre marital portion of all my assets including the inheritance, not the growth, but that wasn't guaranteed in front of a judge. My lawyer indicated our judge usually protected premarital inheritance, but not always inheritance received during marriage.

I don't think I'll ever remarry, but if I did, I'd work with a lawyer to see how I could protect an inheritance and keep it separate.

[formerlyak]

DH used money he got when his dad passed to pay off his car and then put a downpayment on our house. I got life insurance when my brother passed and paid off my student loans and put the rest in our kids’ college funds. So we each paid off personal debt and then used the rest for a family expense.

[dexteroni]

Aug 23, 2024 6:53:00 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

I will keep the money in my name but still use it for joint goals (paying kids college, home upgrades, vacations, retirement etc). It’s not like I'd retire and live a life of leisure while my DH worked and paid for half of everything on his teacher salary. But if, hypothetically, he decides in 2 years he wants to run off into the sunset with a colleague he's not taking half of my dad's life savings with him lol. 

This is how we handled DH’s inheritance, and how we’ll handle anything I inherit in the future. It stays in the recipient’s name but is used for joint goals, and the spouse is the beneficiary.

[georgeharrison]

I have a decent sized inheritance coming to me that is set up specifically to not go to my husband. My grandmother set up a trust that is very specific that the $ goes to my sister and myself. Then, when we pass, it goes directly to our children. I have an only child, if he dies without heirs, it goes to my sister/her kids. My grandmother was VERY concerned about the $ not leaving the family. She even wrote in the trust that it was only to be passed down to "natural" children, so no step-kids and no adopted kids...which I think is a little crappy. What if my son has fertility issues and is only able to adopt? I am hoping there is a way around that once it gets to me.

Anyway, once that $ comes to me (upon my dad passing which will hopefully be a while yet), my husband and I will make decisions on spending it together for sure, but it will be in my name. And I guess if I wanted to, I could do whatever I wanted with it with no regard for his thoughts.

[TR]

georgeharrison - my mom has something similar in her trust to me to prevent any of it from going to my half-siblings when I die.

[brooke77]

I am not expecting an inheritance from my dad. Mom is already dead. If I do get anything, we will use it for family financial goals (pay down mortgage/add to DS college fund).

DH will probably receive an inheritance. I expect it will be used for the same family financial goals. If he wanted to keep it separate, that would also be fine with me.

[mags]

I took most of my inheritance from my dad and bought a house, we have no mortgage. My H name is on the house as well. He is my kids stepdad. We just had a lawyer draw up papers that say when i pass the house will be in their names. H can stay as long as he maintains but he can not sell.

I wanted to make sure that my dads money went to my children when I pass. My H does well, and has plenty saved for his retirement. He will also be getting a decent inheritance we assume when his parents pass.

[rachers]

Agree this is so dependent on how you handle finances.

DH inherited when his mother passed away last year. We both see it as “our” money but we also haven’t touched it. We sort of act like it doesn’t exist. My DH is (obviously) still grieving so he doesn’t want to mess with it.

[sandandsea]

Dh and I share all income and resources so yes we would expect it to become “family” income and would decide together what to do with it. But neither of us will receive any inheritance and started our lives together as broke college students with student loans. If one of us were a trust fund baby, we may have different views.

[eddy]

I have a trust. Legally only in my name. I think that is a good thing.
If I die it automatically goes to my kids. It is a “blood” trust.
The income I earn is family money. I don’t treat it as just my money. But if we would divorce, the money is only mine. My husband has no claim to the trust.

[hbomdiggity]

Legally separate and not commingled, however we discuss how it is invested and spent.

[krystee]

If we were to get a sizable inheritance, I would think we’d make joint decisions and plans, but if there was overage after joint goals were accomplished and some fun was had, it would go in an individual account until we were ready to use it for the next thing. have seen too many horror stories in various women and finance groups I’m in about shocking divorces and losing half an inheritance. My H is the one of us more likely to get an inheritance, and he is less practical than me, so he might be more likely to put it in joint funds.

[imimahoney]

This is actually happening now. The money will be designated as family money but if my H wanted something that was in the realm of appropriate and needed to pull from it, I would be 100% ok with it.

[wanderingback]

Aug 23, 2024 6:53:00 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Aug 22, 2024 21:41:12 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Yeah I do have a hard time understand what "keeping it separate" means in a practical sense for a large sum.

Like if you got $10 million does that mean you’re going on a fancy vacation every year without your spouse? When it comes to retirement you’re going to the ritz Carlton of nursing homes but the partner is stuck at the holiday inn nursing home?

No, not at all! In my case, it means I will keep the money in my name but still use it for joint goals (paying kids college, home upgrades, vacations, retirement etc). Its not like I'd retire and live a life of leisure while my DH worked and paid for half of everything on his teacher salary. But if, hypothetically, he decides in 2 years he wants to run off into the sunset with a colleague he's not taking half of my dad's life savings with him lol. 

Yes makes sense.
I assume you talked to a lawyer to get your ducks in a row
I know in some states if you do commingle the money for certain things it could be seen as joint money. Like if you bought a $5 million dollar house with the money for example. I guess that’s where I was wondering how people keep things separate, like with a post nup or something?

[ewall]

Ours is joint. We also share finances. My inheritance is still in my name (purely out of laziness), but we use it for home improvements and recently a fancy car for DH. He has received smaller inheritance amounts over the years which we have put towards things like paying down the mortgage. I'm in the process of moving "my" inheritance to our joint brokerage account. I'm in charge of our finances, DH is involved when I want his input for planning and decisions.