Inheritance

[calico]

If you or your spouse were to get a rather significant amount either in cash or property, would you expect it to be shared/commingled with the spouse? Do you think the spouse should have a say in how it’s handled? What factors would help in making this decision? If it matters, assume the other person is likely to get much less due to parent life expectancies and division among siblings.

[Patsy Baloney]

We had this (sort of) happen when my BIL passed away. He left a life insurance policy to my husband.

It became our family’s money.

My MIL also got a payout of a life insurance policy. She was married and used that money to get out of her unhappy marriage. Her exH got none of it, and I was glad it was able to be that way.

I think it just depends on how you handle finances as a couple.

[underwaterrhymes]

We would share it, yes, but that doesn’t mean everyone should.

[eb777888]

Six or seven years ago my H came into a significant amount of money (not inheritance) and after paying off debt, we shared it. Most of it went into savings/college fund for David. I agree, it depends on the situation.

[mofongo]

For us, and our relationship/situation, we would absolutely share. I think this will be relationship/situation dependent, and there’s no right or wrong.

[mccallister84]

It’s a moot point here (unless there’s some relative somewhere I don’t know about) but it would be shared.

[fernweh]

It would most likely be shared or used in some way that would benefit us both (paying of debt etc). Unless there was a reason not to - planning on leaving/needing the funds to get out of an unhappy situation.

[notsopicky]

I agree w/ mofongo --in my marriage, it would become our family money. This sort of happened when my g-pa passed; he left me some money, and aside from a $$$ handbag for just me (the amount ultimately was more than I was told it was going to be, and so I used the "overage" to buy myself the bag), H & I used the rest for a down-payment on a house.

[jobae1234]

It would not be commingled officially/legally, but how to spend or save it would be 100% team decision.

I came into the marriage with an inheritance. I refused to put it in his name too which was a big fight when we got married. He took it as a sign of me not being fully committed, he’s a big romantic and would be very anti prenup etc. He makes a lot more than me, or he did at the time, so it really wasn’t about the money. I didn’t budge because I’m not an idiot.

Now he doesn’t give a shit. I did promise never to spend it unless he agreed. Basically it’s ours as long as we’re together but it goes back to being mine alone if anything ever happens. It’s invested and it’s earmarked for our retirement.

We plan to do the same with inheritances. They’ll go in our name only but as long as we’re married it’s 100% joint money.

[cjcouple]

I would not. If they were still married, it may end up shared property upon divorce anyway depending on prenup, length of marriage, state laws but I think its fine to put in one person's name.

[sunnysally]

In our relationship the person who received the inheritance would get a portion as fun money and the rest would go in our joint account. H and I love talking about finances and what ifs so we have plans for even the weirdest situations. However, we are child free and don't have debt other than our mortgage. As others have said, this is very relationship and situation dependent.

[jackie011]

I don’t think this is a one size fits all kind of situation. In my household, I believe we would discuss what makes the most sense for our family, and likely pay off debts/accomplish some financial goals. I could also see how, especially depending on various circumstances, a person could feel that they do not have to view the money as shared household money.

[ksun]

We would share it.

I do know my 89yo aunt has it set up that as long as her nieces/nephews are married, the spouse also gets some money. I don't know if it will be the same amount as me and DD, or different. But it sounds like we will all get a separate cut.

Assuming (ha!) my mom decides to give my ungrateful brother and ungrateful self any of her millions, It would be shared by me and DH.

When my dad passed last year, there was not a lot of money to be had, but DH and I split it. It half went to debt and the other half is paying for a weeklong Caribbean cruise next spring for DD, DH and myself.

[Susie]

We would share it.  MH is (and I'm not!) the executor of my dad's will, so he's pretty embedded in the process.  

The decision to share has nothing to do with a compare/contrast of what I stand to inherit from my family vs. what he stands to inherit from his.  We don't maintain separate financial accounts, so both inheritances would go into joint assets.  One may be large and the other small, or they might be similar.  Same answer either way.

The only exception is that my dad owns a piece of real estate (a vacation house) that my brother and I might take title to as tenants in common by operation of the will.  He and I are going to split the estate 50/50, so for this one asset I could see us taking title 50/50 without our spouses, and it might stay that way.  I could foresee setting up an LLC in which my brother and I are the sole members, or maybe that both of us and both of our spouses are members, to rent out and manage the vacation house.  Actually as I think about it, I like my SIL better than I like my brother, so yes, definitely spouses in.  Ha.

[flygirl]

My H is a spender. He’s benefited from an inheritance that I received but he doesn’t have access to the money nor does he get any say in how it’s spent and/or invested. H is unlikely to get much of an inheritance himself as his mom will likely need any money she has.
I don’t think there is any right or wrong answer as there are so many things that need to be considered.

[lust2hart]

The majority of any inheritance will be considered “ours,” with the actual heir getting a bit for just them. “A bit” will be determined by the amount of the inheritance.

[Tacocat]

This happened to me last year when my mom passed (my dad was already deceased so everything went 50/50 to me and my sister). Some of it will be saved for DDs college, we purchased a new car and a second lake home, and the rest is being saved for retirement and improvements to our 2nd home. Essentially it’s shared, but we sort of have it already divided for certain things. Our goal long term is the semi retire at an earlier age due to the money we have saved. However, all of the accounts are only in my name with H as the current beneficiary so if we were to divorce I can change that to DD and he would not be entitled to any of that money.

[wildrice]

In my marriage I think we would share it - we have very little disagreement when it comes to money and our priorities, so there would be no good reason not to. But if I was still in my first marriage, I would not want to - we had a lot of money conflict and I wouldn't trust it would be used in partnership.

So, it really depends on the couple.

I guess I will also say if we were talking about a huge amount of money - like hundreds of thousands of dollars - I might not want to put it all in both names... Just in case. I don't see us divorcing but who knows if 10 years from now he will blindside me. So I might want it to stay legally mine but spend it jointly as long as things don't change. Idk.

This is likely moot for us anyway since I doubt any inheritance we may someday get will be much.

[gretchenindisguise]

I think legally it's the person who inherited it.

For our relationship, it would be shared as all of our money is shared.

I also think this also depends on how little or large it is. If he inherited under $5k, I wouldn't have a big issue with him spending it on himself. If he inherited more than that and it wasn't put into our family pot, I would be hurt.

[jwright]

I have been gifted and will inherit a significant amount (at this point property and investment vehicles). I make the decisions regarding those investments (in some cases with my brother when the asset is owned by us jointly) and to the extent that money is distributed to me, that is completely joint money. But I control all the finances anyway which is both of our preferences. My husband frequently says "I just work here".

[scm1011]

I will get a sizable (7 digit) inheritance from my dad when he passes. Sadly, he has incurable cancer so it will likely be within the next couple years so I’ve given this a lot of thought. While I will use the money towards joint goals, I will not co-mingle the funds and will keep it in my name only. I 1000% trust my DH and we’re solid, but shit happens and it’s a lot of money. I do not want it to up a marital asset if we end up splitting for whatever reason.

ETA: my DH knows and has zero objections or hurt feelings

[EvieEthelGarland]

We are in the midst of this now. We have 100% joint finances except for what DH inherited from MIL last year. I have POA on that account and can invest and withdraw as needed but it remains in his name. It's for the benefit of us both and it will not bypass me if he dies first, nor will what I inherit from my parents bypass him if I die first. There are a few things he wants to do with it that I'm not thrilled with and would fight on if it was joint money, but it's his call for his parent's money.

We are debt free except for a small mortgage and have decent income/savings/retirement and don't need the inheritance for normal life, otherwise we might do things differently.

[sugarbear1]

PDQ
I knew my aunt was dying and I would inherit. I needed to leave my marriage but didn't want to financially devastate exH. I waited until she died and then used the money to leave (and buy him out of the house).

Had I been happily married, I probably would have kept some for my own "fun" money but otherwise it would have become shared money.

[brooklyn]

My parents are already funneling many of their assets into trust funds for me and my kids so that my husband wouldn’t have access in the event of a divorce/etc. Which sounds cold, but is a good safeguard.

Any cash inheritance I’d probably use for things that would benefit the family, (home renovation, vacations, etc) but it would ultimately be my decision

[brooklyn]

My parents “lent” us a big sum of money to buy our pandemic house, but made H and I sign a document saying we’d pay them back if we divorced. 🙄 So H better stay on my good side 😂

[isabel]

We have shared it and assume we will continue to do so. DH received a significant amount from his grandmother. We used it to pay down some debt and take a big anniversary trip (which I think she would have appreciated). The rest went into shared retirement investments.

Circumstances around whether to share it though seem really personal and I can think of plenty of reasons not to if that’s a concern.

[mrspez07]

We did, but I let DH lead the discussion on how we would use it, save it, invest it. We also got a financial planner around that time and it helped plan long term.

[thebreakfastclub]

My H's dad died before we met, in his mid 60s, and his mom had passed decades earlier, so he and his sister sold a home and split retirement accounts that were largely untouched.

That inherited IRA is in my husband's name only. I consider that his money even though in retirement we'd be using both his and mine.

[jlt19]

I inherited $100k a few months after we were married. I chose to use it for the betterment of our new family. I talked it all out with him, but overall it was 100% my choice.

Over the past 18 years, I would have made different choices based on our lives at the moment, especially after kids and nearing divorce. But at that point in time, and that amount of money, I have zero regrets with how I handled it.

ETA: if it had been investments, I may have done something different, but it was all CD’s that were cashed out and divided among the recipients.

[al dente]

All of our money is joint money, so yes it's shared. Idk I feel like this has more to do with how you use money in general as a couple vs an inheritance specific thing.

I can't imagine one of us having a large sum of money and suddenly living better then the other and not including them?