Update: New dog question (anxiety)

[scm1011]

We got a dog on Sunday (2 year old Shih Tzu mix rescue) and since then I have had SO MUCH ANXIETY. He's really a good boy, hasn't had any accidents inside (yet) or been destructive. He barked in his crate the first night so I slept on the couch next time him that night but last night we let him bark it out and he eventually calmed down and stayed there all night. I'm not sure why my stomach is in such knots. I have such WHAT HAVE I DONE anxiety that is surprising because we have been looking for a while and he really does seem like a great dog. The responsibility and commitment just seems overwhelming at the moment. I think part of it is he seems to have made me his person and follows me everywhere like a shadow. I really wanted DS or DD to be his person since we mainly got the dog for the kids, but he can kind of take or leave them so far.

I'm trying to settle us in to a schedule over the next few days. I left him alone for the first time while I walked the kids school this morning and while he was barking when we left he was quiet when I got back 45 minutes later. This week I'm working from home (I'm normally in-office 3 days per week), but I'm upstairs and he's confined to the downstairs so he gets more used to being alone. It's all going fine but my stomach is still in knots.

I know we are only on day 3, and we're all still settling, but I think I could use some hair pats that my feelings are normal. We're committed to the dog, so please no flames.

UPDATE: Thanks again for everyone who weighed in. It was super helpful because in the first week I was in a really dark place and thought about returning the dog constantly. I was hoping one of us would end up being allergic or some good reason we could give him back guilt free. But, now 2+ weeks out we've settled in and all is well. He really is such a good good boy (even though he peed in the house this morning) and I'm so glad he's ours. 

[gretchenindisguise]

I felt the same way when we got kittens. I was so worried about something harming them or us not being good cat parents, etc.

Within two weeks all was good and anxiety floated away.

I think this one of those things where if it's new, you just need to keep going through it until it's not as new anymore.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

I think you said it perfectly. It seems overwhelming now because it's new. You have a new being to take care of, establish a routine with, establish trust with, etc. I remember feeling that way after bringing home my rescue. It's most likely because it's all new. I was so worried the first few weeks about what she was doing that if she wasn't right next to me at all times I felt like I needed to go find her to make sure she was ok. Most of the time she was just sleeping somewhere lol. Now, a couple years later, she goes off to sleep on our couch upstairs and I am downstairs watching tv. It just takes some time.

[InBetweenDays]

I think I've felt that way with every pet. And I'm the one who's always insisting we get a pet. Within a week the anxiety is gone and then soon after they're part of the family.

Is understandable to have anxiety about it - it's a huge commitment. But so, so worth it.

[circa1978]

Having a PPD sort of reaction to adding a pet is a real thing. Check out r/puppy101 or /puppy and you'll see SO many posts of people who are like, what have I DONE to myself? It's worse with a puppy, I think but if you are going from no pet to a pet, it's totally normal to be feeling that transition. Hang in there!

[scm1011]

Sept 3, 2024 10:28:34 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Having a PPD sort of reaction to adding a pet is a real thing. Check out r/puppy101 or /puppy and you'll see SO many posts of people who are like, what have I DONE to myself? It's worse with a puppy, I think but if you are going from no pet to a pet, it's totally normal to be feeling that transition. Hang in there!

It legit feels like when I had PPA with DS, so that's comforting to hear. 

[scm1011]

Sept 3, 2024 10:21:29 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

I think I've felt that way with every pet. And I'm the one who's always insisting we get a pet. Within a week the anxiety is gone and then soon after they're part of the family.

Is understandable to have anxiety about it - it's a huge commitment. But so, so worth it.

Yes, I was the one leading this ship and DH was reluctant so I feel like I can't talk much to him about this (he also started a new job today so he has a lot on his plate). I hope mine passes as quickly as yours did! 

[InBetweenDays]

Sept 3, 2024 10:44:17 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Sept 3, 2024 10:21:29 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

I think I've felt that way with every pet. And I'm the one who's always insisting we get a pet. Within a week the anxiety is gone and then soon after they're part of the family.

Is understandable to have anxiety about it - it's a huge commitment. But so, so worth it.

Yes, I was the one leading this ship and DH was reluctant so I feel like I can't talk much to him about this (he also started a new job today so he has a lot on his plate). I hope mine passes as quickly as yours did! 

I REALLY pushed for our first dog. I had grown up with dogs and H had only had cats. He was reluctant but we finally found the perfect dog to adopt. I swear we were home for 5 minutes before I said "Was this a bad idea?" H looked at me like "Um, what??" Those first days were a little rough but 3 dogs later (and 3-4 fosters) and I honestly can't imagine not having a dog around. But I still feel that way a bit each time we bring a new animal into the house.

[starburst604]

I had the worst buyer's remorse when we got Dunkin as a puppy. Like WTAF did I agree to, especially with how useless I knew STBX to be. I was exhausted and stressed to the max, but over time we got into our routine and he stopped being a total velociraptor and it eased up. Since you have a non-puppy, this will happen faster for you. One day he will just be part of your family and routine like he's always been there. You're his person because he sees you being the one to make sure he's doing ok and establishing his routines. It was the same for me with both dogs. I'm their person and that's that!

[followyourarrow]

I go through this when I get a dog. It feels like PPD. I feel better after a couple of weeks as we get settled in to a new routine.

[wildrice]

You are going to be just fine! I feel like that every time I have a big life change, and getting a dog is a big one! Plus no matter how cute he is and how much you like him, he's still a stranger to you right now and it will take a little time for him to feel like YOURS.

I had a ton of anxiety and worries about getting our dog in January, but he's been such a value add to my life! I think it's the kind of thing that once you get used to it, you don't even see their care as something additional, it just becomes part of your day to day like anything else. I am sure you will be just fine once you adjust!

[ssmjlm]

I'll echo everyone else that there is always an adjustment period.

FWIW, the child bond may happen. I was the one who was WFH and did all the puppy stuff and Sky is way more interested in DH and the kid. Thanks dog! I mean, I get my love, but not like they do and I'm still the one she spends the most time with.

[sunshineluv]

Sept 3, 2024 10:42:11 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Sept 3, 2024 10:28:34 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Having a PPD sort of reaction to adding a pet is a real thing. Check out r/puppy101 or /puppy and you'll see SO many posts of people who are like, what have I DONE to myself? It's worse with a puppy, I think but if you are going from no pet to a pet, it's totally normal to be feeling that transition. Hang in there!

It legit feels like when I had PPA with DS, so that's comforting to hear. 

Yes, I felt very similarly to my PPA when we got our dog. It started easing up after a couple of weeks, and after maybe 4 months I was obsessed with her, and she’s the best thing ever.

[ellipses84]

I think it’s normal to have an adjustment period and dogs are a lot of work when you aren’t in the routine of it. It will get easier when you are 💯 sure what they need, like you learn to communicate with them and know when they are following you around because they need let out vs. hungry vs. lonely. The dog may be anxious too and your anxiety is feeding off each other.

For the kids, I’d have them feed the dog as often as they can and create some routines with them, for playing, treats, walks, etc. My mom’s young dog is usually glued to her side but last time I visited I took the dog on really long daily walks which my mom couldn’t do due to an injury and I gave the dog lots of treats, working with her on some training stuff. She was following me around everywhere by the end of my trip.

[lessel]

I've had this with a new dog before. We had a dog already and adding a second just sort of wrecked our routine. I was both expecting it and bitter about it. She was really great from the get-go and there were no big issues, but there was def a WTF have I done feeling. It took some time, but definitely passed and we loved her bunches for the next 14 years.

[scm1011]

This is making me feel so much better, thank you everyone who has added their stories (keep them coming). I really hope this feeling is fleeting, we all settle in soon, and bond with Ziggy for life.

[sarahsays]

The puppy blues are completely normal and will pass!

If you want to try to help the bond with the kids you can have them do things like feeding and walking (if age appropriate).

[mofongo]

Totally normal. I haven’t really experienced it with any of my Pugs, but definitely when adding a new cat. The adjustment period between cats can be rough, and I always feel like WTF have I done? I’ve ruined my relationship with my cats and messed up everything. I even felt guilt! But, then they either bond, or tolerate each other and new routines develop and I can’t imagine living without them:)

[nicolewi]

Yeah, people on the dog FB groups call it the "puppy blues" and it's very, very common.

Plus, puppies are really a LOT. I was the driving force behind getting a dog and had done a ton of research (and had a dog as a kid) but it was still SO MUCH MORE than I had anticipated. It gets better.

[icedcoffee]

Totally normal. My dogs are my life, but I felt this with both of them. It's a big adjustment! You'll find your rhythm. The good thing is that it seems to pass quicker than it does with newborn humans.

[icedcoffee]

But also--why isn't there a picture in this thread?

[livinitup]

Normal.

[scm1011]

Sept 3, 2024 13:33:04 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

Totally normal. My dogs are my life, but I felt this with both of them. It's a big adjustment! You'll find your rhythm. The good thing is that it seems to pass quicker than it does with newborn humans.

Honestly, you of all people saying this makes me feel a lot better because you clearly are obsessed with your dogs! I will try to add a photo with the app momentarily. Please note he is badly in need of grooming (happening at 5pm today). Maybe i'll feel less anxious when he's less smelly too lol

[flygirl]

I think whoever feeds them regularly becomes their person, at least in my experience.

I also think what you’re feeling is normal. We’ve had 4 puppies now and this last time H said he wanted to wait 2 yrs before we got a new one, but DS and I bugged him about it and we got our current dog just about a year later. When we got her, I think it took a good month to get used to taking her out all the time and watching her so she didn’t chew on anything but yeah, that first month I was thinking I should have listened to h! Ha

[redheadk]

Shih tzus are very people oriented dogs so he’ll probably bond with your kids soon, too. Once you all settle into a routine, it’ll get easier. They do tend to want to be with you all the time.

With our most recent shih tzu, my husband and daughter did a low-key training class with her and I think that helped a lot with the dog bonding with my dd so just something to consider. They just worked on some basic manners.

[icedcoffee]

Sept 3, 2024 13:56:29 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Sept 3, 2024 13:33:04 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

Totally normal. My dogs are my life, but I felt this with both of them. It's a big adjustment! You'll find your rhythm. The good thing is that it seems to pass quicker than it does with newborn humans.

Honestly, you of all people saying this makes me feel a lot better because you clearly are obsessed with your dogs! I will try to add a photo with the app momentarily. Please note he is badly in need of grooming (happening at 5pm today). Maybe i'll feel less anxious when he's less smelly too lol

Oh yeah, you totally will.  Mila smelled horrendous when we got her and it was a huge buzzkill.

[scm1011]

Trying a photo again…

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[countthestars]

So normal!! He is really cute!

[icedcoffee]

Awww what a nugget!

[mrsukyankee]

Super normal. It usually takes me 2 weeks to a month to adjust and not feel like I made the worse decision in my life.

He's very cute!