Totally fine or Bat shit crazy

[SusanBAnthony]

Fine if its my parents, BSC if its the in laws.

[waverly]

Depends if they talked to me about it before and asked if I was OK with it. Neither of our parents would move near us, so it wouldn't happen IRL. But if it did, my MIL is more the demanding gossiper, so she may be more difficult, not to say that my mom is easy.

[cville]

I would not like it.

[tacokick]

I’m thinking if has been fine with him being five minutes away already, it would be fine with him in the neighborhood. If he was the type to intrude, he’d be doing it now imo

It is weird they didn’t give you notice before but now it seems like he is.

[definitelyO]

SS: I'm not sure how you feel about your FIL and having him that close.
But - for me, the house across the street was on the market with DS was young - I asked MIL/FIL if they wanted to buy it.
they moved from 2+ hours away to 10 min away when DS was 2 yrs old and I loved it. SIL (not BSC) lives up the street - I love it.

[scribellesam]

For me, I wouldn’t mind it for either my own parents or my ILs but I recognize that’s probably unusual. It would be nice to be able to keep an eye on them as they get older and neither set is the type to show up all the time without asking first.

[momin2013]

I said BSC but that’s assuming they did it without asking us. If we’d discussed it and we were all ok with it, I guess it’d be fine. I don’t think I’d really ‘like’ it, though.

[wanderingback]

Sept 12, 2024 15:30:55 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I am voting BSC for the fact that it was a surprise & house money changed hands before you were asked/told.

That’s the crazy part. Not the “Hey, we can afford this and here are our expectations. What do you think?”





Also, it might not be “crazy” but it’s really grating they are playing the part of “parent” with their money as they don’t have to consult you even though it’s obviously about you and expectations they have formed about them/you.

Maybe I’m reading it differently but no money has been exchanged. OP says FIL says he might be interested in building in the same neighborhood. I think that is totally fine to express and FIL is being open about it. Plus he already lives super close anyway.

It wouldn’t bother me.

I would not consider this scenario bat shit crazy at all.

I know many people have strained relationships with their parents but people also complain about not having community/support so I don’t think wanting to live near family members is bad shit crazy at all.

[wanderingback]

I know city living is different than the suburbs but my cousin who is like a brother to me, we live in the same neighborhood. He’s been here for maybe 15 or so years. We moved here 5 years ago. I would be a bit hurt if he said it was bat shit crazy to move to the same neighborhood. He and his boyfriend actually just moved and now they’re 2 blocks away. Totally fine with me. Especially since the FIL already lives super close I don’t see it as bat shit crazy.

Obviously if there are underlying things going on like someone wants to move close to spy on you, then that’s different.

[bittybomb]

For me this is totally fine. We lived next door to my parents. lol.

My best friend is one of 10. Her parents still live on the block and her two sisters and one brother live in our block with their families and two of her brothers live on the next block over.

I do recognize we may all be really batshit fucking crazy to everyone else though.

[bittybomb]

And my in-laws moved around the corner from us and stayed for a few years before they headed south in retirement.

[circa1978]

I live 5 minutes from my parents (now my mom), and they moved here first, but I certainly didn't look at/buy the house before being like, hey guys, I'm going to move within walking distance of you. I would be fine with any member of my immediate family (ILs included) buying land near me, but it would be odd if we were close enough for that to happen, but it somehow didn't come up in conversation first.


ETA: It is also very common among past generations in my family to live communally. My great aunt and uncle lived on the other side of a duplex from my great grandparents for 50 years. My mom spent most weekends of her life in her grandmother's kitchen, even once I was born. (Obviously not after my great-grandparents died, but then the tradition moved to my grandfather coming to us.) I think it's nice but it's all what you are used to.

[scm1011]

Sept 12, 2024 15:25:22 GMT -5 jackie011 said:

This literally happened to me. I was 4 months pregnant, we’d been in our house about 4 years and the ILs came to visit. I came home from with and my DH looked out the back door and said “mom and dad just bought that lot” pointing caddy corner to our yard. 10 years later, I cannot imagine our life any other way.

You are a better person than I am. I guarantee hormonal 4 months pregnant me would have either threatened to divorce my husband if he didn’t fix it or immediately put my house on the market. I’m glad it’s worked out in any case!

[meanie]

Regardless of your relationship with them it is super weird if they did this without mentioning it to you first

[jlt19]

In your situation, I don’t think it’s so weird. He’s probably used to being so close to you all and wants to keep it that way. Now, if your SIL starts talking about buying a lot…

[TR]

With details, this doesn’t seem that weird. So he’s going from five minutes away to, what? Two minutes? It doesn’t seem like that big of a difference to me and he hasn’t actually done it yet and he’s already talking to you about it.

[livinitup]

Sept 12, 2024 16:52:33 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Sept 12, 2024 15:30:55 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I am voting BSC for the fact that it was a surprise & house money changed hands before you were asked/told.

That’s the crazy part. Not the “Hey, we can afford this and here are our expectations. What do you think?”





Also, it might not be “crazy” but it’s really grating they are playing the part of “parent” with their money as they don’t have to consult you even though it’s obviously about you and expectations they have formed about them/you.

Maybe I’m reading it differently but no money has been exchanged. OP says FIL says he might be interested in building in the same neighborhood. I think that is totally fine to express and FIL is being open about it. Plus he already lives super close anyway.

It wouldn’t bother me.

I would not consider this scenario bat shit crazy at all.

I know many people have strained relationships with their parents but people also complain about not having community/support so I don’t think wanting to live near family members is bad shit crazy at all.

I wrote this after I voted from the poll question and not the follow-up details —> “Let's say your parent/IL decides to buy a lot in the neighborhood you just bought a lot in. ” I read that as they decided before they told you they were thinking about it.

[sunshineluv]

I would be thrilled, but they would have talked to us about it at length beforehand… hence why I would be thrilled.

[aprilsails]

When we built new in our neighbourhood in 2019 we actively pushed for DHs parents to build on the lot behind us. Our builder specializes in accessible bungalows on 1/5 acre lots. MIL likes her space and wouldn't go for it 5 years ago. Now she's going to have to do significant renovations (add an elevator) for FIL to age in place or he will be going into assisted living sooner and then she will be alone in a 3600sqft house with a 2 acre lot. All of her friends have moved away and the neighbourhood has turned over to younger families. Three of our neighbours are from her street.

She relies on DH heavily for help with the house and FIL and they are a 20 minute drive away. They have done the absolute minimum in home repairs and upgrades and there are lots of problems cropping up as they hit the 40 year mark.

[pinkdutchtulips]

One of the unity horses for J and I is that we prefer NOT to live close to our parents. He prefers to have his 'moat' and I prefer the need to book airline tickets to see my stepdad/dad/stepmom. 

I grew up w/o family handy so having everyone far away is normal to me. 

[loira]

I mean, I would love it, but we're also currently in the process of buying a house with my parents to live together so...

I think it is very dependent on the relationship and also agree with pps that it requires a conversation first.

[gretchenindisguise]

Would be totally fine for my parents. BSC if MIL.

But my parents respect boundaries and are helpful. And they would have asked us first.

[maudefindlay]

I should not have used the term BSC. I should have asked if it would bother you or not. No, FIL has not bought a lot yet. We own a lot and are building. He is now looking at the lots and our builder for himself. It just feels a little like ok, some space please. It's nice to be in the same city, but a little bit of a drive away is more with my comfort level.

[abs]

I think it’s weird that he wants to move just because you are. Presumably you’ll still be close by? How old is FIL? At a certain point a new house is a terrible financial decision.

[wanderingback]

Sept 12, 2024 17:09:57 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I live 5 minutes from my parents (now my mom), and they moved here first, but I certainly didn't look at/buy the house before being like, hey guys, I'm going to move within walking distance of you. I would be fine with any member of my immediate family (ILs included) buying land near me, but it would be odd if we were close enough for that to happen, but it somehow didn't come up in conversation first.


ETA: It is also very common among past generations in my family to live communally. My great aunt and uncle lived on the other side of a duplex from my great grandparents for 50 years. My mom spent most weekends of her life in her grandmother's kitchen, even once I was born. (Obviously not after my great-grandparents died, but then the tradition moved to my grandfather coming to us.) I think it's nice but it's all what you are used to.

I think that was totally the norm for many families/generations and still is in many parts of the world. Obviously now people are definitely more nomadic but still it seems a bit odd to me that people think it’s bat shit crazy to live in the same neighborhood as an immediate relative.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I picked SS because I think it depends on the relationship, but this should absolutely be discussed beforehand. If both parties are not all for it and excited by the possibility, then no.

[cricketwife]

I think it would be very weird to do this without telling you first. If you all love the idea, I don’t think it’s crazy. If you don’t love the idea, then I’d call it invasive, not crazy.

[UMaineTeach]

He already lives across the street? And wants to move with you to the same 20 house neighborhood, but not across the street?

Sounds fine to me.

But, we don’t really have 20 house neighborhoods here. To gets 20 houses you would be 5 streets over.

And then there’s my general definition of neighborhood being basically the houses I can see from my house.

[sandandsea]

Totally depends but weird either way if they never talked to you about it and knew you bought there.

[turkturkleton]

Sept 12, 2024 19:07:12 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Sept 12, 2024 17:09:57 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I live 5 minutes from my parents (now my mom), and they moved here first, but I certainly didn't look at/buy the house before being like, hey guys, I'm going to move within walking distance of you. I would be fine with any member of my immediate family (ILs included) buying land near me, but it would be odd if we were close enough for that to happen, but it somehow didn't come up in conversation first.


ETA: It is also very common among past generations in my family to live communally. My great aunt and uncle lived on the other side of a duplex from my great grandparents for 50 years. My mom spent most weekends of her life in her grandmother's kitchen, even once I was born. (Obviously not after my great-grandparents died, but then the tradition moved to my grandfather coming to us.) I think it's nice but it's all what you are used to.

I think that was totally the norm for many families/generations and still is in many parts of the world. Obviously now people are definitely more nomadic but still it seems a bit odd to me that people think it’s bat shit crazy to live in the same neighborhood as an immediate relative.

I picked BSC because of the wording in the OP, which I interpreted as having your family move into your neighbourhood without telling you about it (I read "decided" as meaning it's already been done and is irreversible). I definitely don't think it's crazy to *want* to live that close to your family, and would do it myself if it was an option.

Based on some other comments in here, I think that skewed the poll for quite a few people!