Totally fine or Bat shit crazy

[jackie011]

Sept 12, 2024 17:23:07 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Sept 12, 2024 15:25:22 GMT -5 jackie011 said:

This literally happened to me. I was 4 months pregnant, we’d been in our house about 4 years and the ILs came to visit. I came home from with and my DH looked out the back door and said “mom and dad just bought that lot” pointing caddy corner to our yard. 10 years later, I cannot imagine our life any other way.

You are a better person than I am. I guarantee hormonal 4 months pregnant me would have either threatened to divorce my husband if he didn’t fix it or immediately put my house on the market. I’m glad it’s worked out in any case!

There were some tears. I remember crying to DH saying “they think we can’t do this without them.” He said “no, they don’t want us to have to do this without them.”

My MIL just passed away last month after a nearly 7 year experience with dementia. I cannot imagine going through everything that we’ve gone through these last few years with them still living four hours away from us. We never really needed to establish firm boundaries, and my FIL refers to his house as my son’s “other house.” I would consider moving in with my FIL if we could sell both houses and find the right set up for multigenerational living.

[livinitup]

maudefindlay I hope this makes sense - You may feel a bit more independent if your street and FIL’s street have different egress points.

In my neighborhood (the streets have a lot of curves and are not on a grid) you can feel “far away” from houses in easy walking distance simply because we drive on different streets to get out of the neighborhood.

My H’s brother built a house on the same road as their parents. It’s the last house on a long dead end. It’s an easy walk to each other but it feels far for privacy. The only hitch (that I didn’t realize before he built) was that he has to pass his parents house every time he leaves or comes home. They don’t have to pass his house (obviously). So, that little bit of “seeing” him and his wife come and go feels different than the houses that are technically closer to us in our neighborhood.

[lostrn]

Sept 12, 2024 15:31:29 GMT -5 SusanBAnthony said:

Fine if its my parents, BSC if its the in laws.

Exactly this and my DH would agree lol

[felicity]

I'd be upset that he just assumed you'd be okay with him moving into your very small new neighborhood. You mentioned your SIL has boundary issues, but it sounds like maybe he does too? It would make sense that SIL picked it up from somewhere.

My mom is a boundary crosser, and I could see her trying to pull something like this one day, like just assuming it'd be okay because she knows other families that live down the street from each other (completely ignoring the fact that we don't have this kind of relationship). Nope nope nope. It's crossing a line if they don't ask you first and then respectfully take your NO with grace and understanding.

[stemmie]

I feel like it depends on the circumstances.

As an ambush? Nope. Agreed upon, with boundaries, to make mutual assistance easier? NMS, but I get it. As an investment? Reassuring because it means someone thinks I chose well.

I help my elderly mom a lot. People ask why I didn't move her to my neighborhood which has mixed housing-- singles, THs and condos. She's in a walkable neighborhood to foster independence and the distance gives me a buffer zone to decompress in between.

[maudefindlay]

Ok, I'm listening to all the voices of reason here and going to sit with this one. I just hope this isn't something that opens the gateway and next thing we know it is SIL is building by us too. She has major FOMO, to the point she could be ill and will drag herself somewhere so she doesn't miss it.

Thank you all!

[glw]

I agree that it depends on the behavior of the ILs. If they are the type to stop by unannounced, I'd have to move.

[cmeon]

Sept 13, 2024 8:51:33 GMT -5 maudefindlay said:

Ok, I'm listening to all the voices of reason here...

I wondered if this wasn't more about the other people that you feared would follow your FIL- that sounds like a valid concern, but try not to borrow that trouble for now.

Building a new house is so exciting, and it sounds like you are very happy with your neighborhood even without this unnecessary confirmation (ha)! Enjoy this! Hopefully FIL seals his lips like he said he would and changes his mind.