Middle School updates

[librarychica]

My 7th grader texted me that she had a zero on her homework, very upset that her math teacher thinks she cheated. He had included a note that she had solved the questions too fast and with no mistakes.

I suggested she talk to him and offer to do a sample question in front of him, she has never said this teacher is unreasonable or anything. She did and texted during lunch that he has offered to restore her grade if she does the work out by hand on paper, showing the steps. There is no disciplinary action.

So it’s all solved but I am putting it out there to the universe — and this thread — that I am peeved because I suspect that if it had been my daughter’s male BFF and study buddy or even her more serious and loudly geeky younger sister that the issue of “solved math problems too fast” never would have even come up. Also if you understand the distributive property— which she does — it is very reasonable to solve these problems in less than 15 seconds. These weren’t complicated multi step problems here.

[waverly]

librarychica, I am rolling my eyes. Distributive property is not difficult especially in those more simple type problems.

[sdlaura]

Wow librarychica, that teacher has some nerve accusing a kid of cheating with no evidence! I'm glad it is solved, but I don't think I'd be as forgiving as you.

[librarychica]

Oct 15, 2024 12:48:14 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

Wow librarychica, that teacher has some nerve accusing a kid of cheating with no evidence! I'm glad it is solved, but I don't think I'd be as forgiving as you.

I saw the note and he never outright accused her, it was all implication. I would be more worked up if he had involved the school discipline admin. I was really thrown because he’s an excellent teacher and she’s blossomed an interest in math she hasn’t shown before under his instruction, has done really well, so this just seemed to be out of left field. I’m willing to chalk it up to a weird moment in time/hurricane stress.

But I maintain that if it was someone other than my frivolous, makeup-living, “silly” 13yo daughter he’d probably not have thought anything of it

[186momx]

librarychica, I would be annoyed because DD does so much of her math in her own head. It drives me bonkers that she doesn't write down the steps. This year her math teacher is grading them on concepts not just answers so she meets with the kids 1-on-1 and asks them how to solve this negative exponent equation and the answer of "I did it in my head" doesn't count unless you can explain what steps you took in your head.

[waverly]

186momx, DS is guilty of this habit too. It's kind of a bad habit for him because the math is getting more complicated. Not to mention that he will probably have to write out all the steps when he does proofs for geometry, if that is still a thing.

[waverly]

I don't have RSD, but I did score higher than some on the online test. Everything is a scale. It is difficult for me to put myself out there to ask people to go out and have fun, and get no response or they only respond because they want to borrow something or want a carpool favor.

I started following someone on relational agression, and it has been interesting regarding the manipulation. I will say, Karma has been alive and well for us lately. Kid was mean to DD, got impetigo. Kid's parents form exclusive roommate situation for school field trip, one of them gets injured and can't go.

Relational aggression seems to be more common in more afluent areas, and it kind of makes sense if they are spending X amount of money for child's experience that they want a level of control over it. Choices can be made, but ultimately control is an illusion when it comes to injuries or illnesses, for example. 

[dglvrk2]

Is it just my house, or do the most idiotic but brutal of fights erupt between middle schoolers and their siblings when we're trying to get out the door in the morning?
This morning, I could tell both of my daughters were not in the best of moods when they woke up. DD2 started groaning as she ate her breakfast. DD1 got really frustrated when her toast burnt and started yelling at DD2 to be quiet. This sent them into a spiral of insults, yelling and, eventually, hitting.
I stayed calm, told them to leave each other alone and what they needed to be doing- eg getting on their shoes and putting lunches in backpacks. But getting the last word in a fight totally overroad all of this...

[mae0111]

dglvrk2, omg every day. Today's fight was about the position of the front passenger's seat in the car. DD2 has been a total grouch all week. If I didn't have a bunch of kids coming tomorrow she would NOT be ToTing this year.

[k3am]

dglvrk2, the fighting rarely happens in the morning between my own kids, but the neighbor's son comes over and walks with DD to school. Her bad moods get taken out on him and it is impressively awful. Like the day she was running behind and he showed up at 7:35 instead of 7:30 like she'd requested... nevermind the fact that if they leave at 7:40, they'll be there by 8:10 at the latest and school doesn't start until 8:20.

[waverly]

Mine fight so much that I have resorted to a warning system. 3 warnings for disrespect or fighting means DD loses her iPad and DS loses his phone for the day. Usually they are on warning #2.9999999999.

[mommyatty]

Speaking of middle school karma, the boy who was following DD around telling her Jesus didn’t want her to be gay? Got tackled in a middle school football game and broke his arm. The kid who broke his arm wasn’t flagged AND he got up and laughed at The little shit. I wasn’t sorry.

[librarychica]

My kids don’t fight nearly this much — much less than my brother and I did when I was DD1’s age. Maybe it’s the 3 year age difference vs my brother and I’s 18 months. And they definitely do not hit one another. DD1 has 30lbs and nearly a foot on DD2!

They do bicker of course. But I feel lucky. They went through more of a fighting spurt when they were 6 and 9.

Now; morning mood, we have those. The sulking when H suggests that DD1 prioritize a morning chore over fixing her curls for a full 20 minutes. The grumpiness and door slamming if DD2 didn’t sleep well. Kid needs 10 hours. But they direct it all at us.

[librarychica]

I have a middle school conundrum. My always low-key DD1, 7th grade, has pretty much opted out of anything unnecessary. She keeps up with schoolwork and mostly her chores but is otherwise disengaged. No interest in riding her bike or going to the Y with H, never talks about her school dance class anymore. She will scroll on her phone until she runs out of time, read, doodle, but she never seems to want to move. It’s weird for her. When she was younger she was always bouncing off walls.

That’s all. It’s weirding me out.

[sdlaura]

librarychica we insist that our kids have at least one activity at a time - whatever it is…

[k3am]

librarychica if it were my kid we’d.. observe and do nothing for a while. It might just be a phase.

I go through the same thing myself where sometimes all I want is to be still and lazy and I get done what has to get done and that is enough. But definitely keep eyes on it in case it’s something else.

[erbear]

Oct 30, 2024 17:31:26 GMT -5 librarychica said:

I have a middle school conundrum. My always low-key DD1, 7th grade, has pretty much opted out of anything unnecessary. She keeps up with schoolwork and mostly her chores but is otherwise disengaged. No interest in riding her bike or going to the Y with H, never talks about her school dance class anymore. She will scroll on her phone until she runs out of time, read, doodle, but she never seems to want to move. It’s weird for her. When she was younger she was always bouncing off walls.

That’s all. It’s weirding me out.

Normal. She’ll come back.

[rere]

Oct 30, 2024 17:31:26 GMT -5 librarychica said:

I have a middle school conundrum. My always low-key DD1, 7th grade, has pretty much opted out of anything unnecessary. She keeps up with schoolwork and mostly her chores but is otherwise disengaged. No interest in riding her bike or going to the Y with H, never talks about her school dance class anymore. She will scroll on her phone until she runs out of time, read, doodle, but she never seems to want to move. It’s weird for her. When she was younger she was always bouncing off walls.

That’s all. It’s weirding me out.

I'd observe for a while to make sure it's just a phase. Probably normal pre teen behavior. We did have the expectation that they had to have at least one club or sport of their choice. If not, once they were old enough to work, they need to get a job.

[librarychica]

Oct 30, 2024 19:57:50 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

librarychica we insist that our kids have at least one activity at a time - whatever it is…

I respect this, but it’s never been an expectation here and I’m afraid if I suddenly pulled that out now she would feel targeted. She’s also started to comment on/feel more of that social pressure regarding weight and appearance and I definitely don’t want her to interpret any requirement to do an activity/sport as a comment on her weight from me. I’m a bit hypersensitive to that because of family history.

She does technically have an activity — she’s in coding club — but it’s like a monthly thing so very low commitment. Her other engagement is all through school electives. In-school dance class, for example.

[librarychica]

Oct 30, 2024 20:00:37 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica if it were my kid we’d.. observe and do nothing for a while. It might just be a phase.

I go through the same thing myself where sometimes all I want is to be still and lazy and I get done what has to get done and that is enough. But definitely keep eyes on it in case it’s something else.

Observe and do nothing is my primary parenting strategy, honestly

[librarychica]

And I don’t want anyone to think I’m calling her lazy — she isn’t. She does her chores with only mild griping, she comes along with family volunteer events, she is taking high school Spanish and science in the 7th grade. She’s a good kid.

It’s just weird not to see her running around like crazy.

[waverly]

My middle school update is that we are registering for high school. I love our elementary district.

Our high school distict seems a bit more of a in your face type of communication style. For example, we got many multiple emails to register and many more for the orientation which is next week. After I registered I was told that my registration is not complete without the physical and immunizations. Legally, I have until October of 2025 to submit that. But OK high school, go ahead and aggressively tell me it is not complete without. Hmmm, could you give me some time to take my child to the doctor? His 2023 physical was not within the time requirements.

[abs]

Oct 31, 2024 12:33:33 GMT -5 librarychica said:

And I don’t want anyone to think I’m calling her lazy — she isn’t. She does her chores with only mild griping, she comes along with family volunteer events, she is taking high school Spanish and science in the 7th grade. She’s a good kid.

It’s just weird not to see her running around like crazy.

If this is a change from normal I’d personally monitor very closely. This is the age depression can show up in teens. My DD went through this in 7th grade, too. Her grades were still good and she talked positively about school so I thought everything was ok. It wasn’t and she was actually suicidal. So follow your gut here. Check in with your pediatrician if at all in doubt.

A year later my DD is doing great but I really regret waiting as long as I did to reach out thinking it was just a normal phase.

[sdlaura]

librarychica I totally think coding club is an activity, or music, or like volunteering at an animal shelter or whatever. I just want my kids to get out of the house and interact with people outside of classes and family. But agree that it might seem weird all of a sudden if it was never an expectation before.

[librarychica]

abs, I hope your daughter is doing better now.

[mae0111]

I have like a weird middle school parent situation going on...

DD2 is friends with a kid, S. S is polite, a little wild, and extremely socially awkward. There have been many situations where the kids get really annoyed with her because she misreads situations and misunderstands sarcasm. DD2 is kind to her and tries to help her through these situations - I've received calls and texts from teachers and head of school about this.

Anyway, S's mom has approached me several times about her kid being bullied at school. I've tried to listen and reassure. It's sad, but it's getting to a point where she seems to be asking me/my kids to step in and solve a situation with another student. She pretty much asked me to make my kids befriend someone who has gotten physical with S several times, to kind of get her away from S. I'm... not going to do that. I don't even know the other student. It's getting weird.

There are other weird things happening that are really hard to explain without writing a book. She's talking poorly about other parents to me, which means that she's also talking poorly about me to other parents. Our kids can be friends. I don't want to be friends. I want to be kind, but not friends.

How do I manage this weird, awkward situation???

[waverly]

Has S’s mom talked to the school? I would keep referring her back to the teacher, social worker, counselor and even principal. “An adult would be better in this situation, please reach out to the teacher for help” or “The social worker has a social skills class that might help with this” or “check the school handbook about bullying and report it to X”.

It sounds like the mom also doesn’t have good social skills based on the repetitive behavior. Since I’m working on boundaries, I’m assuming this is a boundary situation where you have to just keep repeating the boundary that the school needs to handle it.

The talking about others is mean girl behavior and I started following drnoellesantorelli on instagram for dealing with that.

[mae0111]

waverly - yes, she has spoken to the head of school. Apparently they have a beef back to their college days - claims of a stolen roster spot on a D3 basketball team? I don’t know - couldn’t follow and BS meter was pegged in the red zone…

[waverly]

Nov 10, 2024 14:10:21 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

waverly - yes, she has spoken to the head of school. Apparently they have a beef back to their college days - claims of a stolen roster spot on a D3 basketball team? I don’t know - couldn’t follow and BS meter was pegged in the red zone…

Yup sounds like the lady has issues. She is the one that chose to enroll her kids in a private school where she has beef with the principal. Not your problem.

[dglvrk2]

Another challenge: how can I encourage my 13-year-old to attend another kid's birthday because it's the nice and kind thing to do? (And it could be fun.)

A girl DD1 likes but doesn't feel she has much in common with invited her to her birthday next weekend. Several mutual friends are going. The catch is it's an 60's/70's/go go themed party. She could not find anything to wear today -that she liked -at our thrift store. I don't have any real 70's garb either. Hence, she's not super stoked right now notably because of the theme. I could come up with some jewelry and straighten her hair.

Any words of wisdom to get her more enthusiastic and/or see how she's doing something kind for another person?