Middle School updates

[mommyatty]

dglvrk2 , the wardrobe for this one is easy. There are lots of bell bottom jeans available and Old Navy and Target both have tee shirts that are 70s throwbacks with the big bubble letters and stuff.
ETA Old Navy currently has a cropped tee that says Woodstock Power to the People. How perfect is that?

[mommyatty]

DD had her first middle school dance last weekend. She had a great time. She’s on student council, but she’s also generally her mother’s sarcastic, introverted eye-rolling little beast, so I was surprised when she told me she had chosen the dance planning subcommittee to join for student council. Lots of kids showed up and it seems there was little to no drama.

[mae0111]

dglvrk2, I was thinking the same as mommyatty - DD1 went to school today and wide-leg jeans (used to be called stove pipe jeans in the 70s) and a crop top. When I dressed up as a hippie in HS, I used all of my mom's old stuff, including her wide-leg jeans. I feel like if she found some big glasses, a flowy flowery shirt or a shorter rainbow shirt, maybe some big necklaces or beads, and whatever shoes she wants (I wore birkenstocks because that's what I wore in good weather in high school anyway, doc martens in bad weather).

I feel like DD2 gets like this sometimes... Sometimes the encouragement works, and sometimes it doesn't. She's a kid that is very resistant to being pushed out of her comfort zone, so I have to pick and choose... I hope she decides to go because it sounds like a lot of fun!

[twinmomma]

We had parent teacher conferences this week and I'm feeling such a sense of relief. Last year was the first year of middle school and it was a huge struggle for the girls. They're strong academically and behave well, but they kind of just shut down last year. They "circled the wagons" and only hung out with each other if at all possible, didn't try many new things, and DD2 especially complained a lot about how much she hated it. This is a kid who has always loved school so it was worrisome. They also had continuing drama with a frenemy from elementary school that colored everything.

This year, the teachers pointed out that the girls are each coming into their own, their confidence has grown by leaps and bounds, and the guidance counselor said that she's been so happy to see them find themselves this year and get out of the drama cycle that they were in last year. They're making friends and doing activities apart from each other, which is huge. The drama teacher said that last year they were attached at the hip and walking around like deer in the headlights, but this year they're outgoing and having fun.

I know they're good kids and great students so I don't worry about them generally, but last year it was so hard to watch them struggle with the transition. I'm so glad that this year seems to be heading in a very positive direction for both of them.

[dglvrk2]

mae0111 and mommyatty I live in a rural mountain community. Our closest Target and Old Navy are nearly 50 miles away. Most of our stores here cater to tourists and/ or only sell outdoor gear. Hence, we have to go to the one clothing store, a thrift store, to buy anything of this sort. The good thing is, all the other girls are in the same position. I think I was overthinking it. DD1 Said last night if she doesn't have anu theme clothes, the likelihood of anybody else having them is pretty low.

[waverly]

Nov 11, 2024 22:26:27 GMT -5 dglvrk2 said:

Any words of wisdom to get her more enthusiastic and/or see how she's doing something kind for another person?

I would encourage her to go, but as long as her attitude is nuetral or slightly positive, I think it's fine and she will most likely have fun once she is there.  

Is attending a birthday party kind to others?  Maybe in elementary school.  I would venture by middle school, there are more factors at play here.  Factors being, yes attend things if your schedule allows because it is being social which is good for mental health and in general, when you RSVP yes it is important to honor that committment that you made, opportunity to have fun, opportunity to deepen friendships with the host and mutual friends.  

[mommyatty]

dglvrk2, is it pretty easy to get deliveries where you are? (I ask because I have friends in rural Colorado where they can’t get deliveries in poor weather and have to drive down the mountain to a post office or pick up center. I swear that’s not snarky!) I only get Old Navy/Gap by delivery. We don’t have a Gap and our Old Navy is a shitshow to get to.

[dglvrk2]

mommyatty, deliveries take 5-10 business days to get here. Not soon enough.

twinmomma, I'm so happy for you and your girls!! Glad to hear they are having a great year

[dglvrk2]

The party ended up being a lot of fun! DD1 made an outfit out of some of my clothes.

Onto the next challenge. DD1 goes to a small school. There are 100 students at her grade level. There is one Queen bee who has been a thorn in D"s side since the beginning of the year. D reports she gossips non-stop about anyone and everyone when they're not around. She excluded DD1 and two other girls from a ride on Halloween and gives DD1 side eyes all of the time in school, according to DD.

I know DD can perceive things inaccurately at times....

Nevertheless, yesterday DD1 was picked last for teams for a pick up volleyball game during lunch. Queen Bee kept commenting on DD1's sets. Queen Bee is a better volleyball player than DD, so this got to DD.

Later that day, in PE, DD confided in a friend that Queen Bee is being a b*&#$ and that she's only going out with her current boyfriend to get more popular.

Some boy recorded DD saying this and sent the recording to Queen's boyfriend, apparently. Word quickly stored about what DD said and Queen bee told several people that DD is a b**** and sucks at volleyball.

DD is scared of the reproductions this girl could carry out. We had to almost drag her to school today. She also knows she said some inappropriate things about Queens Bee and is this not totally innocent.

A few friends texted DD1 last night encouraging her and suggesting it was good for Queen Bee to finally hear what someone thought of her.

DD even said she's not sure if she wants to play school volleyball this year because this girl will dominate the team. This stings because volleyball is a sport DD, who is not by nature athletic, has dedicated much time to and otherwise enjoys.

Perspectives?

[waverly]

dglvrk2, I may spin it as a good life lesson to your DD not to talk bad about other people behind their back. In addition, if she is going to say something to a friend about someone else to do it in their own home not at school and not via text where it can be screenshotted, but probably best to stick to rule 1.

I feel like you may be having more issues because this is a small perhaps more "exclusive" community. It's hard to get away when the class size is so small. And perhaps there is a feeling of competitiveness or scarcity (popularity) that is more prevalent in affluent areas.

Did you all read Queen Bees and Wannabes? I did not think it was the greatest book ever, but since you mention Queen Bee, there might be some insights there especially for your DD.

[librarychica]

She should definitely play volleyball. There’s always someone who is better at you in most things — that is life. If she enjoys it, she should play. A volleyball team of one is not a team so she is contributing, she should not let this girl discourage her.

Gossip is bad and is to be avoided. It is TEMPTING and honestly it probably doesn’t hurt for girl to get a taste of her own medicine, but it never ends in anything but hurt feelings. I always tell DD1, gossip is the conversation style of boring people. Don’t be boring. Or in more serious conversations (with her and her cousins about commenting on peoples appearances specifically but could apply here), “how would you react if someone said that about your sister or your best friend? Badly? Then you should not say it. Not every thought needs to be made public.”

But there is nothing to be done now, she just has to wait for it to blow over. Most things eventually do.

[rere]

I told dd the most liberating thing I've realized is not to stress about people like this, because I don't care about people liking me who I don't like in the first place. She should own up to what she said and then just coexist with this person, because she's not someone worth worrying about. Easier said than done with kids. Plus if her friends waffle back and forth.

She should definitely play. And just roll her eyes at ant negative comments.

[186momx]

Just wanted to add that our own Queen Bee has had karma come back and bite her. She got into a fight with another student outside of school and the police were called and got school involved. Got in another fight with same student at school and got suspended and when she returned, she had to have an adult shadow for an entire week to show she could control her behavior. She broke her foot/ankle at the school volleyball game and is now on a knee scooter after tripping another student with her crutches so is back to having an adult shadow. DD says lunch is so much more enjoyable without Queen Bee and the other girls will talk and include her when she is not there. There are only 58 8th graders at DD's K-8 school and I found out from another parent that this girl has been like this since K. We can't wait to go to high school where there are 5 groups of 8th graders being forced to commingle.

Your DD should play volleyball and hopefully the coach will play all fairly.

[erbear]

Oof. Lesson learned about gossip.

She should play anyway. Middle school friendships shift all the time. If she likes the sport, she should do it and ignore the mean girl.

[waverly]

Nov 20, 2024 14:49:35 GMT -5 erbear said:

Oof. Lesson learned about gossip.

She should play anyway. Middle school friendships shift all the time. If she likes the sport, she should do it and ignore the mean girl.

Ignoring is such an important life skill.  We had a work bully, I ignored her 99.99% of the time.  I only spoke to her when spoken to and the whole hi, and keep it moving in the morning thing.

She eventually got fired when someone filed a sexual harassment claim against her, but before that her offenses were not quite enough to get fired even though she was a manager that picked one person out on her team and bullied them until they quit or retired.  After they left, she picked another person to bully until they quit or retired and so on and so on. She did this to at least 5 people.