WWYD Stolen Money Edition

[followyourarrow]

John and Susie had a whirlwind romance and quickly moved in together and comingled some finances.  Susie used John's credit card (his name only) to take out a cash advance of $15,000.  Within a few days of that Susie broke up with John.  Susie is keeping the money.  John reached out to you and asked if you could talk to Susie because he'd like Susie to do the right thing and return the money.  Susie said no, she's not returning the money.  

Susie admits to you that she took the money.  You know where the money is.  The internet says I don't have a legal obligation to report what I know, but that I can't hide information if asked.  Would you report it anyway?

Probably not relevant information, but I'm including anyway - Susie threatened physical violence against John and John has a restraining order against her.  The money has crossed state lines and international lines, but is currently in the United States.

I and my friends have washed our hands of Susie for this and other reasons, and I mostly just want to mind my business, but I also want to make sure I do the right thing here, just not sure what that right thing is. 

[lavenderblue]

I would let John know that you know where it is. Then let him choose to do what he wants with that information.

[wanderingback]

Since Susie admitted to it, Yes I would tell John where the money and Susie are if you know. Then, I would stay out of it and have no further contact with them.

[glw]

I would tell John where the money is and advise him to report the theft (I'd probably start with the credit card company and then follow their instructions as to whether to involve police).

[TR]

I’d tell John where the money is.

[noodleoo]

If the card was in his name only, she totally stole that money. I would tell John where it is.

[TR]

I’m honestly a little confused how not telling John where the money is would be the right thing to do. Like, I was expecting your post to explain why there might be a reason for protecting Susie, but I do not see one at all. Besides the just not wanting to get involved in drama, but I think that ship sailed when you agreed to talk to Susie about it.

[followyourarrow]

Sept 26, 2024 10:40:32 GMT -5 TR said:

I’m honestly a little confused how not telling John where the money is would be the right thing to do. Like, I was expecting your post to explain why there might be a reason for protecting Susie, but I do not see one at all. Besides the just not wanting to get involved in drama, but I think that ship sailed when you agreed to talk to Susie about it.

Susie is a single mom of little kids and depending on how this goes, I know she could lose the kids.  Susie's mom is the one hiding the money, Susie's mom has significant health issues.  Should those be factors?  I don't know, but they weigh on my mind. 

[mcmel]

They should not be factors. Sucks to suck. I’d tell John and the police where the money is.

[InBetweenDays]

I'm confused if John knew she was going to take that money out and if not how she was able to get a cash advance on John's credit card?

But no matter the situation I would most definitely tell John I know where the money is so he can tell the police and they can sort it all out.

[brooke77]

I would tell John. Being a single mom or someone with health issues doesn’t justify stealing $15K from someone. She needs to give John his $ back.

[jennistarr1]

Did John agree to let Susie to do this?
Was there a declared purpose for this money?

[expectantsteelerfan]

Sept 26, 2024 10:44:59 GMT -5 followyourarrow said:

Sept 26, 2024 10:40:32 GMT -5 TR said:

I’m honestly a little confused how not telling John where the money is would be the right thing to do. Like, I was expecting your post to explain why there might be a reason for protecting Susie, but I do not see one at all. Besides the just not wanting to get involved in drama, but I think that ship sailed when you agreed to talk to Susie about it.

Susie is a single mom of little kids and depending on how this goes, I know she could lose the kids.  Susie's mom is the one hiding the money, Susie's mom has significant health issues.  Should those be factors?  I don't know, but they weigh on my mind. 

IMO no, those should not be factors.  Susie needs to be held responsible for her actions, and she should not be teaching her kids that it's ok to steal if you 'need' it.  And if Susie thinks it's ok to steal, her mom may not be the best person to trust to do the right thing, esp. considering she has the money and hasn't returned it herself.  

[jennistarr1]

They should not be factors

[cap]

Susie stole $15,000 from John. Period. It's John's decision to make if he wants to pursue legal action or not, especially given how much money this is.

[sofamonkey]

Wow. Susie sucks.

If I were John, I’d start with the credit card company and going after place that approved the cash advance. Because that was the first illegal act. Everyone else can deal with the lady that stole from the CC company, and committed many other crimes.

He’s got a restraining order for a reason, and I’d be hesitant to try to take matters into my own hands with her. What if he finds her and she agrees to pay, but then doesn’t? There’s about a billion ways this could go poorly for him if he handles it personally. I’d just go straight to the authorities and let them deal with it all.

[sofamonkey]

Sept 26, 2024 10:44:59 GMT -5 followyourarrow said:

Sept 26, 2024 10:40:32 GMT -5 TR said:

I’m honestly a little confused how not telling John where the money is would be the right thing to do. Like, I was expecting your post to explain why there might be a reason for protecting Susie, but I do not see one at all. Besides the just not wanting to get involved in drama, but I think that ship sailed when you agreed to talk to Susie about it.

Susie is a single mom of little kids and depending on how this goes, I know she could lose the kids.  Susie's mom is the one hiding the money, Susie's mom has significant health issues.  Should those be factors?  I don't know, but they weigh on my mind. 

Also, if she needs to commit felonies in order to keep her kids, maybe she’s not the safest place for them.

[simpsongal]

Sept 26, 2024 10:55:46 GMT -5 cap said:

Susie stole $15,000 from John. Period. It's John's decision to make if he wants to pursue legal action or not, especially given how much money this is.

Ditto, John should go to the police.  This sounds like fraud, not just a romance gone bad.

[Aloe Vera]

Susie is a thief and being a single mom and having a scik mom aren't factors. Susie knew what she was doing. She knew she would dump John and took all she could before she left. John should press charges.

ETA: and tell John. This is the right thing to do.

[followyourarrow]

Sept 26, 2024 10:52:19 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

Did John agree to let Susie to do this?
Was there a declared purpose for this money?

I don't know, and it sounds like the money may have been for gambling while on vacation, but I'm not sure.

[hermione]

Susie is a thief and I would tell John where the money is. Then I would stay out of it.

[hermione]

Sept 26, 2024 11:09:15 GMT -5 hermione said:

Susie is a thief and I would tell John where the money is. Then I would stay out of it. ETA: Susie's mom's health is irrelevant. 

[maudefindlay]

Sept 26, 2024 11:10:12 GMT -5 hermione said:

Sept 26, 2024 11:09:15 GMT -5 hermione said:

Susie is a thief and I would tell John where the money is. Then I would stay out of it. ETA: Susie's mom's health is irrelevant. 

This, except I'd tell John that I will back him up to the police etc if he needs it.

[ellipses84]

Did John know / allow the original cash advance? IMO that is different than her secretly taking his card and stealing the money, then breaking up and not giving it back. Obviously it’s a toxic relationship and if John contacts the police and the police contact you, you should tell the truth. I’m assuming this is a relative of yours you’ve had to help out and it will negatively impact a lot of relatives of yours, so it’s not really a black and white hypothetical issue, so I’d probably MYOB to the greatest extent possible. You can tell her to give back the money and tell him you told her that, but I wouldn’t meddle any more.

[followyourarrow]

Sept 26, 2024 10:58:18 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Sept 26, 2024 10:55:46 GMT -5 cap said:

Susie stole $15,000 from John. Period. It's John's decision to make if he wants to pursue legal action or not, especially given how much money this is.

Ditto, John should go to the police.  This sounds like fraud, not just a romance gone bad.

As all of this has been rolling around in my brain, I've been thinking this too.  Which somehow makes it even worse.

[followyourarrow]

Sept 26, 2024 11:11:18 GMT -5 ellipses84 said:

Did John know / allow the original cash advance? IMO that is different than her secretly taking his card and stealing the money, then breaking up and not giving it back. Obviously it’s a toxic relationship and if John contacts the police and the police contact you, you should tell the truth. I’m assuming this is a relative of yours you’ve had to help out and it will negatively impact a lot of relatives of yours, so it’s not really a black and white hypothetical issue, so I’d probably MYOB to the greatest extent possible. You can tell her to give back the money and tell him you told her that, but I wouldn’t meddle any more.

Susie says John okayed the advance, John says he didn't.  So I don't know.  It's not family, but you are correct that it's not as cut and dried as I made it here, there will be impact.  Nevertheless I do think I need to at least give information to John and allow him to pursue it legally if he chooses to. 

[jennistarr1]

Sept 26, 2024 11:12:05 GMT -5 followyourarrow said:

Sept 26, 2024 10:58:18 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

Ditto, John should go to the police.  This sounds like fraud, not just a romance gone bad.

As all of this has been rolling around in my brain, I've been thinking this too.  Which somehow makes it even worse.

Are you being misled as well? Like potentially the custody of kids and mom health and various other whoa is me stories are part of this web she's weaving.

I agree with simpsongal, this seems intentional 

[jennistarr1]

Sept 26, 2024 11:16:27 GMT -5 followyourarrow said:

Sept 26, 2024 11:11:18 GMT -5 ellipses84 said:

Did John know / allow the original cash advance? IMO that is different than her secretly taking his card and stealing the money, then breaking up and not giving it back. Obviously it’s a toxic relationship and if John contacts the police and the police contact you, you should tell the truth. I’m assuming this is a relative of yours you’ve had to help out and it will negatively impact a lot of relatives of yours, so it’s not really a black and white hypothetical issue, so I’d probably MYOB to the greatest extent possible. You can tell her to give back the money and tell him you told her that, but I wouldn’t meddle any more.

Susie says John okayed the advance, John says he didn't.  So I don't know.  It's not family, but you are correct that it's not as cut and dried as I made it here, there will be impact.  Nevertheless I do think I need to at least give information to John and allow him to pursue it legally if he chooses to. 

I honestly know how this is done but curious how she did it? 
Was it an ATM, did he give her a pin #? Was it a blank check sent in mail, did she fill it out?
I think he should start with police and also reporting it to credit card company. 

[midwestmama]

If anyone steals money from a bank, it is a theft, and a felony. This situation is no different - Susie stole money from and threatened physical harm to the victim. Sorry about her circumstances, but that is no excuse. And I agree with others, if she is a violent person, maybe it would be safer for her kids to be elsewhere.

If I needed $15K, I would get a second job, get a loan, sell what I needed to sell, etc. There are legit ways to get money.

I agree with others that you need to tell John, so that he can go to police. Also seems like following up with the credit card company to investigate how the cash advance was approved would be appropriate.

[sofamonkey]

It seems like you’re stuck in the middle and being asked to make value judgements based on partial information on both sides.

I’d really step back emotionally from this. I’d likely also distance myself from John as well as Susie. This is such a damn mess, from both sides.