Thursday Randoms

[lavenderblue]

My TikTok feed is currently courtroom cases and it is fascinating to me the sense of entitlement that some of these people have, especially in the child support/custody cases. It's amazing. 

[blondemoment123]

Walmart tried to substitute Clorox wipes for baby wipes in my grocery order. That's....not going to work.

[Covergirl82]

Tonight is DS's last football game of the season. I don't think we've ever had a football season where every game day the weather was beautiful. No complaints on that from me.

Yesterday DH dropped MIL off and picked her up from her 3-hour long cognitive test. Apparently she goes back today for the results, but DH isn't available to take her, so MIL's sister is going to take her. (Although I am a little surprised that she didn't ask DH to take her to the results appointment, and her sister to do the drop off/pick up yesterday, as it feels like it's more important for DH to be at the results appointment.) I'm hoping they will give her an official diagnosis of dementia so that we can get started with the Medicaid waiver for a memory care facility and also get her on a waiting list to move into a memory care facility.

[sometimesrunner]

Today is the second morning in a row I've accidentally sprayed my feet with texturizing spray rather than my foot spray. lol Guess I'll be triple checking tomorrow morning before I start spraying.

[calamity]

I'm worried about DS15. It is his friend's birthday that passed away. He texted me that he was crying in school. He's hanging out with (in my opinion) these jocky asshole "popular" kids. He has expressed how hard it would be to switch friend groups and I think that's keeping him in it. Lots of toxic 'bro' culture.

I'm going home early and taking him out on a hike to get outside for a little. I wish I could make it all easier for him

[bbdoll]

Oct 24, 2024 9:36:46 GMT -5 calamity said:

I'm worried about DS15. It is his friend's birthday that passed away. He texted me that he was crying in school. He's hanging out with (in my opinion) these jocky asshole "popular" kids. He has expressed how hard it would be to switch friend groups and I think that's keeping him in it. Lots of toxic 'bro' culture.

I'm going home early and taking him out on a hike to get outside for a little. I wish I could make it all easier for him

Maybe tell him to go the guidance counselor.  I know my daughter has went there to cry in private before.

[jinkies]

Question for folks with older kids:

DS just got his driver's license this week. Did your kids start paying for a lot more of their own stuff once they were driving themselves?

DS has worked for few years and has his own money. But I still paid for things like his haircuts and clothes and dinner after an activity bc I was with him. We have never done an allowance.

When your kid started driving themselves, how did you handle paying for things? He doesn't need to pay for his own haircuts yet, and every Thursday night he picks up dinner on his way home from an activity. I was thinking of having him add the app for the restaurant he usually goes to, and loading my payment info? I don't make dinner on Thursday nights bc DD also has an activity so it's every man for himself. But we've always paid since we are with them.

Idk. How do other people handle this?

[calamity]

bbdoll, apparently he "doesn't like her" so that was a hard no. Teenagers are so freaking stubborn.

I need to find him a therapist that he likes. He will talk to us but I know a third party is better.

[lust2hart]

Covergirl82, do you trust MIL and her sister to be honest about the results? Best wishes for the best outcome.

[wildrice]

We leave for vacation in 1 month! We are going to Montego Bay, Jamaica, and this is the most logistically simple trip I've planned in years so I feel like I am missing something. I am not even sure I'm going to plan any activities in advance, since weather can impact things and I don't think there is much chance of things selling out (there are just tons of options and nothing I'm super stuck on). It seems like this is going to be a true vacation - we are staying at the same place the whole time, and it's all inclusive so we don't have to worry about the logistics of finding things to eat/what beach to go to/etc. I think it will be a nice break.

[deadwing]

I've already spent 3 hours in meetings today. I normally spend less than 30 minutes in meetings per day. I don't know how people with meeting-heavy roles do it. I could use a nap.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Oct 24, 2024 9:51:01 GMT -5 jinkies said:

Question for folks with older kids:

DS just got his driver's license this week. Did your kids start paying for a lot more of their own stuff once they were driving themselves?

DS has worked for few years and has his own money. But I still paid for things like his haircuts and clothes and dinner after an activity bc I was with him. We have never done an allowance.

When your kid started driving themselves, how did you handle paying for things? He doesn't need to pay for his own haircuts yet, and every Thursday night he picks up dinner on his way home from an activity. I was thinking of having him add the app for the restaurant he usually goes to, and loading my payment info? I don't make dinner on Thursday nights bc DD also has an activity so it's every man for himself. But we've always paid since we are with them.

Idk. How do other people handle this?

My dad is only 15, but just this year we started giving both him and dd weekly allowances, $1 for every year of their age, so dd gets $13 and ds $15. It gets direct deposited into their accounts and they have debit cards they can use. We started because DS was doing things like staying after school for band practice, getting a ride to a section dinner (often at a fast food place) and then a ride to the game. DD will often get dropped off at the mall with friends and stuff like that. If they pay for something while out that we'd typically pay for, we reimburse them for it. Id prob do that for a hair cut, not sure on the weekly dinner. They often pay for their own food when out of they are missing a meal I would be providing at home. I feel like it's a generous amount and logical so there's no fighting about it, and they both saved up enough right away that they feel comfortable spending when they want something.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I was driving totally on autopilot today and went the wrong way for where I was going.

[spindle92]

Oct 24, 2024 8:57:37 GMT -5 lavenderblue said:

My TikTok feed is currently courtroom cases and it is fascinating to me the sense of entitlement that some of these people have, especially in the child support/custody cases. It's amazing. 

Mine is too and I could watch these for hours if I had the time.

[Covergirl82]

Oct 24, 2024 9:58:08 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

Covergirl82 , do you trust MIL and her sister to be honest about the results? Best wishes for the best outcome.

Thank you!  MIL, 100% no, but her sister, 100% yes.  I feel guilty saying this, but I have wished that MIL's sister was my MIL instead.  So of all of the people to go to the appointment who are not DH, MIL's sister is the best one.  I just thought it would have been better for DH to be there to hear it first-hand, and have the opportunity to ask questions (DH has some sort of POA for MIL, so he can make decisions if it's determined that she is not capable/of sound mind to make them).

[fernweh]

H is driving me nuts. We had 1 chilly day and he turned on the heat. It was followed by a couple unseasonably warm (but not hot) days and he turned on the AC.
Dude - this is the perfect time to save some money and not have either on. If you get a little chilly up on a sweater, if it gets slightly warm open the window and put on a fan, stop with the back and forth.

[rubytue]

jinkies, not a today’s parents response, but when I turned 16 and got a job, I started having to pay for everything. Shampoo, toothpaste, AP tests, college applications. To be frank, I really resented it (and still do lol). It’s not like we needed the money, and my dad was paying the mortgage and a ton in child support (seriously, $850/m in 1990 - and I knew that at the time). I’d suggest finding a happy median. Like, keep what you would normally do for necessities, but extras on him. If he wants to go out for dinner when you have cooked dinner, that’s on him. If he wants hair product you don’t normally buy or a between visits hair cut, that’s on him.

[karinothing]

DS1 turns 13 today! I am not sure how this happened. Feeling lots of emotions.

[definitelyO]

Covergirl82 - could you explain to me more about the Medicaid waiver for a memory care facility? I will research as well. My MIL (86) has dementia. She and FIL are moving into independent living that has assisted and memory care on site. I hadn't heard of the waiver before and would be interested to see if it can apply for her. Thanks!

I found this - is this aligned with what you're doing? 

www.dementiacarecentral.com/medicaid/assisted-living-waivers

[definitelyO]

Oct 24, 2024 9:51:01 GMT -5 jinkies said:

Question for folks with older kids:

DS just got his driver's license this week. Did your kids start paying for a lot more of their own stuff once they were driving themselves?

DS has worked for few years and has his own money. But I still paid for things like his haircuts and clothes and dinner after an activity bc I was with him. We have never done an allowance.

When your kid started driving themselves, how did you handle paying for things? He doesn't need to pay for his own haircuts yet, and every Thursday night he picks up dinner on his way home from an activity. I was thinking of having him add the app for the restaurant he usually goes to, and loading my payment info? I don't make dinner on Thursday nights bc DD also has an activity so it's every man for himself. But we've always paid since we are with them.

Idk. How do other people handle this?

We did not tie DS paying for things to him having his license.  Just because he can drive himself didn't mean he had funds to pay for things.   I would tie it to having a job where he has access to his own money.   IMO - this could be a great financial discussion and give him a heads up around timing.   What most of my friends did if their kid had a job and a license was that they had to pay for gas, and then a portion of insurance or other car expenses.

Honestly, I still pay for DS's haircuts and he's 18.  He pays for his own fast food and door dash, etc...  but that wasn't based on his ability to drive it was based on me having food at home.   

[ssmjlm]

jinkies, we're not at the driving stage, but she has a cap360 debit card for her allowance. It's been helpful already for budgeting.

I would think you could do that and load pre-set amount or if you know he goes to a specific restaurant, maybe giving him a gift card if you don't want your payment info in there?

When I turned 16 I had a debit card with my allowance and then a credit card as an AU for gas and food. I think my parents did that because I would have to drive my sister places as part of the whole we gave you a car thing.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 24, 2024 11:28:53 GMT -5 rubytue said:

jinkies , not a today’s parents response, but when I turned 16 and got a job, I started having to pay for everything. Shampoo, toothpaste, AP tests, college applications. To be frank, I really resented it (and still do lol). It’s not like we needed the money, and my dad was paying the mortgage and a ton in child support (seriously, $850/m in 1990 - and I knew that at the time). I’d suggest finding a happy median. Like, keep what you would normally do for necessities, but extras on him. If he wants to go out for dinner when you have cooked dinner, that’s on him. If he wants hair product you don’t normally buy or a between visits hair cut, that’s on him.

I had a similar experience. Once I started working (babysitting then my job at the fish market) I had to pay for everything as well. College applications (I applied to 2 schools so they each paid for one, my dad paid the fee for his alma mater that I applied to as well) and the SAT were the only things they paid for but everything else was on me. I agree there is a happy medium - everyday essentials I'll still pay for but extras .. those can be on her. 

[ssmjlm]

We are coming up on the one year anniversary of the whole BIL volunteering our house for a surprise party for FIL that he didn't want.

I was triggered because I moved offices and found a couple of the leftover plates that I brought to work because I hated seeing them at home.

I will never stop holding that grudge. #pettyAF

[shauni27]

Oct 24, 2024 9:08:27 GMT -5 blondemoment123 said:

Walmart tried to substitute Clorox wipes for baby wipes in my grocery order. That's....not going to work.

once the grocery store subbed onion powder for garlic powder which is in no way similar and I am still bitter about it 2 years later, lol.

But yours is worse.

[shauni27]

super random Q: does anyone have experience with life alert or an alternative? I would like to get one for my mom, as she just found out she was having "mini strokes," and she cannot be treated until mid-December. Can we do it and cancel any time? It seems like there are lots of different brands and such, anyone want to share what they are familiar with?

[mrsslocombe]

Ugh, my H got a text today from his parents' neighbors that there's been "people" wandering the neighborhood and looking into people's homes. Someone came onto their back deck and looked in the windows while he daughter was home. The houses are set back from the road and the lots are 1-2 acre+ so it's not a tightly packed suburban neighborhood with a lot of foot traffic.

His parent's house is mostly unoccupied, he/we go there very 1-2 weeks (his father is in assisted living). We have a Simply Safe system. When H is there next week he's going to remove the cash that's there and the one box of valuables we have left. Everything else is just the basic needs like plates, utensils, pots/pans, towels, sheets. But I really don't want to deal with the stress of the home having a break in. Or being worried about a break-in.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Miss R came w me to the office on tuesday .. unbelievably she was ready ON TIME! for me to get to work on time. She behaved herself playing on her phone in a conference room, hanging out at Peet's downstairs, exploring the few blocks around my office and was nice and polite to everyone! Even I was allowed to work and make calls in peace.

I think she wanted to come bc she's truly tired of being at home (school tentatively starts on monday) and hanging out at my office allows her to be out.of.the.house. 

[orval]

jinkies , I got my ds a credit card as an authorized user on one of my cards. I was able to set a limit ($200) so he can't go crazy. This will also build his credit. I pay that bill. He needed it for school trips/sporting events as apple pay/cash isn't always accepted.
Mine doesn't drive or have a job so that isn't a factor. He does have money he has earned from side jobs/bonuses that he will use if he needs cash for something. I pay for all personal clothes/hygiene etc.

[circa1978]

After more than 17 years, I am tired of dragging holiday plans out of my husband and ILs. My side of the family is made of up planners. Each year around this time, texts and emails and calls to me about what we're doing reach a fever pitch. Each year, it seems like a TOTAL FUCKING SURPRISE to my H, MIL/FIL and SIL that the holidays occur at the same time each year and involve travel and planning. My SIL has basically offered to host the holidays once in all that time but I cannot easily host in a city I don't live in. MIL and FIL are 85. And H keeps making noises about how his parents might die and we won't have spent the holidays with them but ALSO acts like I'm insane when I suggest we may want to make those plans before the last minute. I honestly do not understand people who like fall and Christmas for this reason.

[jinkies]

Oct 24, 2024 11:50:30 GMT -5 orval said:

jinkies , I got my ds a credit card as an authorized user on one of my cards. I was able to set a limit ($200) so he can't go crazy. This will also build his credit. I pay that bill. He needed it for school trips/sporting events as apple pay/cash isn't always accepted.
Mine doesn't drive or have a job so that isn't a factor. He does have money he has earned from side jobs/bonuses that he will use if he needs cash for something. I pay for all personal clothes/hygiene etc.

Yeah I'm thinking the credit card might be the way to go. 

He does have significant money saved up and his own debit card tied to his account. Up until now, we have had to drive him if he is going out. So we sort of decided on a case by case if the cost is on him (snacks at a football game) or on us (buying dinner after an activity). I just don't want him to be using his own money for things that I think we should be covering as his parents. He is the type of kid who will quietly start paying for everything on his own unless we make an effort to notice and reimburse him. But I don't want that burden on him.

He's getting a haircut this afternoon, which is what made me think of it.