If you married your HS sweetheart

[HRH Queen Dick I]

Wtf were you thinking. How did you KNOW.

Did you exclusively date from the start or did you date other people down the road then come back to each other.

Tell me what happened. Because my kid is all in with this girl and it's astonishing to us because that was not our thing at all.

[bex1973]

I didn't but a previous co-worker did and they just celebrated their 50th anniversary. Also - they have 2 girls who also married their HS sweethearts and one has been married about 20 years and the other around 15 years.

I can't imagine it but there are some that it works out for.

[shauni27]

I am married to my HS sweetheart and he and I will both tell others "it is hard and would not work for 99% of people." Even for us, who never broke up though we purposefully went to different colleges, it is not something I would recommend.

We are drastically different people now than we were 25 years ago when we started dating. In therapy we explore the idea that maybe the only reason we are together still is because we literally do not know anything other than being together, but in the end, so far (ha!) we have decided that we do still love each other even when it is hard, and that it is worth it for us to put in the work to keep going.

But, yeah, do not recommend for 99% of people.

Ironically, there are 3 couples from our (pretty small--less than 200 people) graduating class that got married and are still together, which I think is wild.

[pugz]

I know a few people that did and it's worked out. But for most it doesn't.

You can't reason with teenagers in love

[waverly]

I did not, but my sister had a very serious relationship at age 14 stayed with him, married him, and they are still married 25 years later. I personally thought 14 was way too young, but she vehemently disagreed. And he was 17. I would never get serious that young, but it isn't my life.

My friend married hers, but did break up and date each other again (still in high school) and got married while in college.

[shauni27]

Oct 25, 2024 9:42:08 GMT -5 bex1973 said:

I didn't but a previous co-worker did and they just celebrated their 50th anniversary. Also - they have 2 girls who also married their HS sweethearts and one has been married about 20 years and the other around 15 years.

I can't imagine it but there are some that it works out for.

woah that is weird. I will certainly not encourage our child to stay with their HS sweetheart. GO OUT! EXPLORE! DATE AROUND! BE ADVENTUROUS MORE THAN US!

[shauni27]

my husband told me he knew how he was going to propose to me from the day he met me. He literally kept something from that day and used it in his proposal 10 years later, which I do find romantic, because when I met him I thought he was cute but I FOR SURE was not thinking about marriage, lol.

Also, today someone tried to insult me in a comments section of the online newspaper by insulting my husband and calling him a "brown haired Ellen Degeneres" and I cannot stop laughing.

[pugz]

Oct 25, 2024 9:46:28 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

Oct 25, 2024 9:42:08 GMT -5 bex1973 said:

I didn't but a previous co-worker did and they just celebrated their 50th anniversary. Also - they have 2 girls who also married their HS sweethearts and one has been married about 20 years and the other around 15 years.

I can't imagine it but there are some that it works out for.

woah that is weird. I will certainly not encourage our child to stay with their HS sweetheart. GO OUT! EXPLORE! DATE AROUND! BE ADVENTUROUS MORE THAN US!

so I was (am?) my husband's first girlfriend. We met at 19, married at 22. His mom was like "ok you've dated one person, now go date other people!" within like a month of us being together, lol. 

To be fair his older brother did that and then went back and married his girlfriend from high school. His oldest brother also married his first and only girlfriend. 

[mofongo]

I had 3 friends marry HS sweethearts. One divorced, one experienced infidelity, but made it through and are doing great, and the 3rd are ok but have definitely struggled.

It's not for me, I don't think it works for most, but clearly there are some.

I changed so much as a young adult!

[NewGirlNic]

I did not, but my brother and SIL are HS sweethearts. They did break up for about a year I think (in college). They've been married 15 years now. 

My parents are also HS sweethearts... still married, 40 years. But I think for their generation it was more common.

[Covergirl82]

We know a few people. Sometimes I wonder if DH and I had met in HS, if we would have gotten married. We met at work, after college (I had just graduated), and I knew immediately that he was my future husband. So that's why I wonder if we had met in HS or sooner in life, if we would have still gotten married.

[simpsongal]

My SIL and her husband were HS sweethearts, from like ages 15/16 - they've been together ~20 years now (they were married in their early 20s. They're still very much in love and doing well as couple. On paper they're incredibly successful, but I do think they're a little codependent and some independence/experience may have helped them develop coping skills and street sense. Sort of a chicken/egg thing though b/c they just may be wired for this, hard to say if they would have changed had they lived more independently.

[sandandsea]

I married my college sweetheart. We met in college on my 18th birthday and started dating a couple months later after becoming really close friends. We married after grad school and it’s been over 20 years married so far. We just knew. We were literally best friends and our Values, goals, commitment and all just aligned and we really built our lives and futures together and were able to kind of grow up together.

[Susie]

My BIL & SIL did.  They've been married now for around 20 years, 3 kids, seems to be working for them!

I was all in on a relationship in HS but omg, thank god it was not a permanent part of my life.  Same goes for my one serious undergrad BF.  

Particularly in the undergrad relationship... younger me was not good at identifying whether or not our lives would ultimately be compatible, whether we wanted the same things, at least close enough that we would both be happy.  He was from the west coast, and was very firm that he wanted to end up in a particular city (midwest).  I was from east coast, said I could compromise on west coast where his immediate fam was, but not midwest.  He was unwilling to compromise on anything, it was only ever that one city for him.  It was that way about so many things.  He just got married this year (I got married to someone else 17+ years ago), and they are in that city.  Good for them, although he was an ass about our breakup I don't wish him ill.  It was just never going to work, and I wish I'd understood that sooner.

[penguingrrl]

H and I are HS sweethearts, but barely. He was my best friend and a year younger, I asked him to prom just as friends and we got together that weekend. We went to different colleges for our first year then I transferred to his school, but not because he was there. It was the best school in the state for my major (Rutgers) and I hated the school I was at with a passion, but couldn’t afford anything but in state tuition. We led very separate lives in college and our dorms were much further apart than our parents houses.

During our engagement we actually lived several states apart because he had a job in NJ and I was in grad school in MA. That was critical to our independence and also solidified our happiness in our relationship.

We’ve been married for 18 years, together 25, and have a very happy marriage.

[killercupcake]

I did. We’re about to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary but we’ve been together 21 years (MY GOD). And we got married young: 20 and 21.

It worked out for us but we both agree that we should have at least waited for a long time. Lol

I think the fact that we were also very religious and were pressured by people in the church and purity culture contributed a LOT to that. We are not raising our kids the same way.

[mala]

My h and I were collage sweethearts. Not quite the same. Met at 18, started dating at 19, married at 23. Now 40, married for 17 years. It's astonishing to me TBH. Hasn't all been sunshine and Rainbows, but a big reason I think it's worked is that we have allowed each other to grow and change, neither of us is trying to hold the other to who we were in collage. I didn't know as soon as I met him we'd end up together, but by a few months after, when we'd become really good friends I knew if/when we got together that was going to be it. I knew I wasn't ready for that so helf off until I just knew it was time. Never looked back.

[wildrice]

My parents went to different high schools and met when they were seniors, so they don't call each other high school sweethearts but I guess that's what they are? They are now 66 and still happily married. I am glad they went for it, obviously, but I also think they were insane. They actually married when they were 18!

They are very similar in many ways, though I have wondered how much of that is by nature and how much of that is by the fact that they literally grew up together. One thing they have always done well is prioritizing their relationship, and I think doing that from the start is probably why they are successful. They were purposeful about growing together in the same direction.

But, I also think it was mostly luck that they happened to meet the right person so young. I don't know how they knew, they just did. I never really bought into the "when you know, you know" until I met my H in my 30s, but I guess that's how they felt when they were 17? Idk. They are nuts. My mom did date a few people before my dad, but I don't honestly know if my dad did or not - he's never mentioned it that I recall.

I had a close friend who married her HS sweetheart and they divorced in their 30s because he cheated on her. So I guess having 1 girlfriend in his life wasn't enough for him.

[bears]

My husband and I dated in high school, then broke up for about nine years and started a long distance relationship.

I never envisioned marrying him when we started dating. I was 14 when we met and that was not on my radar. We broke up (multiple times), went to college, dated other people, and when we saw each other post-college we pretty much immediately knew this was it.

We moved in together when we were finished with grad school and could both relocate. On paper it was a terrible idea, but financially was the only way to make it work. We did fine and got married a few years later.

[rubytue]

Long brain dump ahead. Because I have feelings on this topic

We dates my senior HS year, and I thought we were still dating my freshman year on college. By spring, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t so sure lol. We broke up officially the day I came home for the summer. He was my first love, in that way that always holds a crazy spot in your heart.

La la la. I finished college, moved in with a guy, almost got married. Went to grad school after that ended. Was in a terrible, horrible relationship with a guy who was an asshole. Moved to DC in Sept 2001. It got back to his brother, who gave HS guy my email address. So, we started dating again when I was 27.

The craziest part. The weekend before I started my post grad school job, I flew to CO to see the asshole. It was meant to be a “can we make this work” trip. We decided no the middle of the afternoon the day before my flight home. So there was some “well, WTF do we do with the next 12 hours” awkwardness. I sat down at assholes computer to waste time, check email. And I’m not fucking kidding, that was when I got the email from HS guy saying he heard I moved to DC and he just did to, we should meet up some time.

So, to the “WTF were you thinking?” question… frankly, something like fate, the universe, and everything. To my detriment. I do think of one moment in particular, spring 2001 (roughly 6 months after we restarted dating) when I really should have ended it. No sane woman would have found out he was still getting/sending love letter with his ex and continued. But… I was insane lol My 20-something brain was seriously set in fate, soul mates, “if you love someone set the, free, if they come back to you, they are yours forever” mindset. Oh, and we I was 16, a Russian palm reader told me I had already met the guy I would marry and he was younger than me. Which was not the guy I was dating at that time, but H does fit that. I’d be lying if didn’t admit mysticism played a role in my feelings.

His younger brother also marries his HS girlfriend. Right after HS. They had a kid a couple years later. And divorced by 30. From what I have seen, that’s how many work out. H and I have commented that we have the benefit that we did get our chance to “play the field.” Both were engaged/living with another partner at some point. I it perfect? No. Are we still married after 19 years (35 years after we met)? Yes. Is it perfect? Far from it. But, even at my lowest point about a year ago, I was stuck in the “I don’t want to be here, but I can’t image growing old with anyone else.”

[penguingrrl]

Oh, I’ll add that we didn’t think we would make it. Before we left for college we talked about being honest with each other about it if the relationship wasn’t working anymore and knew that it was unlikely we’d make it through. With that in mind, we only saw each other maybe once or twice a week in college and both had busy social lives with our own groups of friends.

It wasn’t until the end of senior year that we agreed it actually was working long term. I think not feeling like we could/would/should make it through college as a couple put less stress on things and kept us happy.

[eb777888]

My sister did. She was the "all-American girl" type, captain of the cheerleading team, great grades, homecoming queen, etc. who got pregnant in HS. They didn't get married until four years after she had my niece because she didn't want to do anything rash just because she got pregnant. She was really smart about it. They broke up for a couple years, then got married. They just celebrated their 27 year wedding anniversary. But yes, that life definitely wasn't for me, lol.

Is your son talking about getting married? omg

[mcmel]

We just kept dating and nothing big enough ever happened to where we broke up. We were never madly in love. We recently divorced and it’s been so wonderful.

[shauni27]

I also have this picture in my head of HS sweethearts like always getting married right after school, never exploring the world, just staying home and getting married young and starting your family.

Which was NOT my experience at ALL and I feel like I always need to clarify that, for my own stupid reasons.

[smock]

One of my HS friends married her freshman year boyfriend––but they were always the no-drama couple, and they both moved out of state for college and waited over a decade to get married.

Now that her daughter is a HS freshman, my friend is like "WTF that's CRAZY!" So even people who marry their HS sweetheart think it's a little nuts. 🤪

[sproctopus]

If I had, I'd be spending a lot of money on the prison phone system and possibly featured on Dateline. It's embarrassing enough to be married to a man in 2024, but a good reminder that it could always be worse.

[definitelyO]

My brother married his HS sweetheart and they just celebrated 25 or 26 years of marriage. They got married at age 20.

like all marriages there are times of work and patience. They never dated anyone else and I guess I would say they "grew-up" together.

[definitelyO]

but..when I read the post title "If you married your HS sweetheart" I finished it in my head as - I would be divorced after living in a trailer park with his parent's furniture and still in our small rural town with a few kids... Glad I dodged that.

[AdaraMarie]

I did and it was bad. I think part of the reason was because he was enough older than me for there to be a power differential as teenagers (18/19 when I was 16), as a young adult I was desperate not to be single like my mom and thought he was "good enough." By the time I grew up as a person, had kids, and started expecting him to be a real partner, I realized he was abusive and I couldn't let my kids learn that.
So yeah, not great.
But I know other people who did and are happy so, like everything YMMV.

[sparty04]

I did. We've been together since we were 16. We've never broken up but almost did once in college. It's crazy that I've been with the same person for well over half my life. The only other couple I know that have been together as long as us broke up for awhile after college but they did end up getting married and are very happy.