If you married your HS sweetheart

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Get rid of her

[pinkly]

My parents dated in high school. My dad is 2 years older. They broke up when he left for the navy. She eventually went to college, got engaged to someone else who cheated. When my dad returned he ran into a hs friend of my mom’s and asked that woman on a date. She asked my mom to go with her, and my parents were together by the end of the time. Eloped after 3 months. 51 years married.

My oldest is a freshman in college, as is her boyfriend. They started dating October of junior year. They haven’t come out and said it to us, but I’m certain they feel they will get married one day. He is playing baseball at a juco locally, and she is in college 4 hours away. He’s a great kid thankfully and they seem to genuinely adore each other.

Time will tell.

[mysteriouswife]

Crawled through the doggie door means you can rehome them both.

[atlas]

My H and I dated our senior year of HS. We went to different schools but met at a community theater while both were involved in this one show.

We were still friendly and even did NYE one year together.

We then reconnected after dating plenty of other people (and some engagements) about 10 years later. Started just dating right away and it felt happy and easy. Married about 3 years after that and are about to have our 7 year wedding anniversary.

I will say if he had grown/evolved differently than I had there is no way we would have gotten back together. But I could tell that we had grown up in a very similar direction.

But I'll never know what would have potentially happened if we married out of HS or like stayed together and then got married later. The world just is a lot clearer when you are 30 years old getting married, you know?

[mofongo]

Oct 26, 2024 18:56:36 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

eb777888 , yeah a junior. He should spend every Saturday night studying not faffing around having fun. 😭

vasc Are they having sex? Lalalalala 🙉.
I assume they've done everything but, he insists they will wait until marriage to bang. 🙄 I'd rather they fuck than get married during college though.

The latest: we were out and he forgot his key, she crawled through the doggie door. Can I have her put away for breaking and entering? 😵‍💫

Ohhhh I love this for you!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You know I’m here for you!!! 😅 

[DotAndBuzz]

Ok so since she's a senior, and he's still got one more year - this could totally tank next year. Fear not.

If it *doesn't* tank, this is where it gets a little dicier, because he's going to be looking at college/next steps wherever she is. You can't be overt about "don't follow her just to follow her," because if you are, he'll DEFINITELY follow her. I was about to bail on my university acceptance plan because my HS boyfriend was staying in town, and I was getting serious pressure from him to change to the local university to stay with him. My parents threaded that needle masterfully (even though, looking back, they despised him), and I remember them saying things like: you're only 2 hours away, you can still come see him, he can come see you. Give the school one year, if you hate it you can transfer. If he does well at HIS school, HE can transfer. That kind of thing.

In hindsight, I think they knew if they could get me away from him, it would take care of itself. It did.

In your case, since she's not a complete train wreck (doggie door incident aside), it's not like you have to nudge him away from her, but be kind of subtle in encouraging him to look around and do what *HE* wants to do. "If it's meant to be, you'll find ways to be together," that kind of crap.

[DotAndBuzz]

Oh, and the rules for getting married in the Catholic Church are, at best, flexible, from what I've seen.

BIL got married in a basilica. He wasn't even baptized, and had never been to church in his life. His FI was catholic, but not practicing. Her grandma made a donation, and walla. Wedding at basilica.

My brother got married in the Catholic Church in rural Indiana. My entire family is Presbyterian or Lutheran, but this priest was basically like, yeah, fuck all the "rules," you're all encouraged and welcome to take communion during the ceremony (my dad actually told me "get up there and take communion" when I hesitated, lol). If you want to raise you kids Catholic, great, if not, just don't be assholes.

[nicolewi]

My SIL and BIL were HS sweethearts and are doing great. She is 2 years younger and they married after she graduated from college. She is very much a planner/type A/focused and he is much more laid back and I think that has worked somehow for them over time.

I didn't meet DH until I was 27 and we got married when I was 32. So totally not HS sweethearts. Yet there is something in me that sees how this CAN work and sometimes people might just legit be a really good fit and just happen to find each other early. But it's a crapshoot, like any relationship really, and it does depend a lot on growing in the same directions over time in those formative HS/college years.

I'd rather not see anyone get married until one year past college minimum, to get through those huge transitions between HS and college and then college and career/grad school, and all the experiences you have along the way. I think if they make it to one year past college still going strong, that's an achievement and maybe they just really are a good fit.

I agree that I would be freaked out by serious marriage talk in HS!

[sonrisa]

Oct 25, 2024 11:15:53 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

She's sweet and gentle (so, not like us 😂), sings in the church choir, does well in school, wants to be a lawyer, so that's all good.

Looking back, my brother has two friends who married their high school sweethearts after college ended and both worked out. In both cases the girls were much like you describe (hard working, ambitious, good kids) but the boys' moms were sooo nasty about it. In their minds, these girls wanted to trap their amazing too-good-for-any-girl sons.

I'm so glad that isn't your lens. 

[wesleycrusher]

I married my HS sweetheart. We were in middle school orchestra together, but didn't become friends until high school, then started dating our senior year. We both went away to the same city for college, but different schools and got married at 23. I don't think that we have changed much in that time- our values and goals have stayed the same. We just celebrated our 16 year anniversary.

My mom and dad, on the other hand were friends in high school and went to prom together. They got married, had me at 23, then a year later my mom found out my dad was gay and they divorced.

So YMMV.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I still give props to hs me and my hs boyfriend because we had the maturity to sidestep this dumpster fire. We were IN LOVE and together for the last 2 years of hs. We were the same grade, so we decided to apply to at least some of the same colleges, but ultimately pick the schools that were best for us individually. And when the choice ended up being different schools many hours away, we decided not to even try to do long distance, and to break up and see where life took us. And other than reconnecting the summer after freshman year of college for a few casual hookups, life took us in separate directions and that was that.

I feel for you because oof. I agree with the poster who said to tread carefully in being supportive but also reminding him to make the best choices for HIS future. And try to remember that even if he follows her, chances are he can be successful no matter where he ends up, and who knows what will happen even if they stay together initially. If they do manage to stay together through the rest of their young adult lives, then maybe they will live happily ever after.

[winnied]

H and I met as teens but we met a work, didn't go to the same HS, didn't go to the same college. Neither of us expected it to last, ha! I'm a year older than him and when each of us started college we agreed that if one of us found someone else we wanted to date, to just tell the other person and don't cheat/be a dick. Turns out most people suck, so after a few years we realized we really did like each other a lot.

We broke up once for 3 hours.

I have another friend who married someone she's known since she was 5 and dated since HS.

At least in both our cases, we're all pragmatic and direct people. While we've all changed a lot since we were CHILDREN, we've grown together with a mutual respect for one another. In the case of my marriage, we had good examples of marriage, knew how serious it was, and it's not uncommon at all to get married relatively young where we live and we have a low divorce rate (no, it's not a bunch of people trapped in marriages they resent.)

There's no way to tell who will stick and who won't. While my H barely dated anyone other than me I dated a lot, got started (too) early, and dated some serious pieces of shit. By him not having a criminal record or heavy drug usage, I was pretty smitten. IDK why he liked me though lol.

[glw]

Not HS, but MH and I got together when I was a college freshman and he was a junior, we got engaged on my 21st birthday and married at 22/24. We had both dated other people in HS and college but as soon as we got together, like you said, we just knew. We have had a very "easy" relationship-- we never fight, no doubts or regrets at all.
I will say that I don't feel like I have changed as a person since HS, I've always been the me that I am now.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

DH and I went to middle school and high school together, but never dated. Our social circles mixed more in high school and I actually dated one of his friends lol. We broke up when I was a freshman in college and I crossed paths with DH at random college parties (a bunch of friends went to the same state school together while I was at a smaller more local school). I graduated and started working and he went to the police academy. We all met up the night he graduated and went out downtown and that's when he decided he wanted to date me lol. So I knew him pretty well since high school, but we never dated back then.

ETA: I also made a pact with a childhood friend that if we both weren't married by 30, we would get married lol.  It was his idea.  I wonder if he remembers that???  I need to ask him.

[shauni27]

Oct 29, 2024 8:35:19 GMT -5 donutsmakemegonuts said:

ETA: I also made a pact with a childhood friend that if we both weren't married by 30, we would get married lol.  It was his idea.  I wonder if he remembers that???  I need to ask him.

ha! My H and I did something similar because we were best friends before we started dating.

We said when we were 40 that if we were married we would go away on a big special trip together. If we were not married, we should reconnect with our families and go together on a big group trip.

2025 starts with us both turning 40, plus it is our 15th wedding anniversary. We are doing a big trip, though not as big as we discussed back in high school, as we are not rich lol.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

Oct 29, 2024 9:02:58 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

Oct 29, 2024 8:35:19 GMT -5 donutsmakemegonuts said:

ETA: I also made a pact with a childhood friend that if we both weren't married by 30, we would get married lol.  It was his idea.  I wonder if he remembers that???  I need to ask him.

ha! My H and I did something similar because we were best friends before we started dating.

We said when we were 40 that if we were married we would go away on a big special trip together. If we were not married, we should reconnect with our families and go together on a big group trip.

2025 starts with us both turning 40, plus it is our 15th wedding anniversary. We are doing a big trip, though not as big as we discussed back in high school, as we are not rich lol.

That's too funny!  This friend and I basically grew up together, so I have known him for forever.  I got married to DH when I was 25, turning 26, so it wasn't in the cards for us lol.  He is also married with kids, not sure exactly when he got married.

[jillybean222]

I did not! But I came here to say my 17yo senior has been with he BF for 2 years. They are both heading to college in the fall (neither knows where yet) so we shall see what happens! I may have thought about it more than they have!!!

[chedifuen]

I did not but my sister married hers at age 20. They've now been married for 31 years and have one of the happiest and healthiest marriages I've ever seen. They started dating when she was 15 and he was 17. They have never broken up, it was all in from the very beginning.

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

I only know 2 couples who are married that were high school sweethearts and they're both still together after 20-ish years.

[wambam]

We grew up together and fortunately, in similar ways. He’s also super laid back so when I’ve made major changes, he just kind of rolls with it.

[fivechickens]

I didn’t date in HS.

My mom and dad were HS sweethearts and well, 9 years and two kids later they divorced.