Contractor acting inappropriately

[lucygoosey]

I am so frustrated.

I finally convinced DH to have some home renovations done in our kitchen and bathroom. The kitchen is done and the bathroom should be finished next week. I have been handling the communication without DH involved.

The GC got great reviews from neighbors and our town page. The quality of the work is great from the subs but he is now hitting on me, which ai didn’t initially realize.

Not sure what I am looking for here but had to get this out.

After the kitchen countertops were done, he and I were waiting for the plumber. He started asking me about my experience as a customer and I gave him some feedback about maybe doing some surveys or some marketing initiatives. He just kept saying ‘wow! I feel so comfortable talking to you.’ So I thought it was an honest attempt to improve his business.

Today, I text him asking when the tile person is coming and he replies ‘sure thing, cutie’, which I showed to DH. I haven’t written back. So now, DH is going to be handling communication and such.

I am not sure what else to do while still making sure the job gets finished. I just hate that this business thing was going well and now it’s not, due entirely to nothing I could have prevented.

[underwaterrhymes]

Ew. That makes me so mad. Cut that shit out, assholes. If you wouldn’t talk to a male client that way, don’t talk to a woman client that way. I’m sorry he treated you like that. It’s unacceptable.

[countthestars]

Gross. Not making excuses for him, but are you sure he didn’t miss type or have a bad voice to text (like is your name Katie)? Either way, I think I’d reply and say - thanks! I prefer you call me Katie though. And then I’d make my H do the rest of the communication with him. Blech.

[lucygoosey]

Oct 30, 2024 20:34:39 GMT -5 countthestars said:

Gross. Not making excuses for him, but are you sure he didn’t miss type or have a bad voice to text (like is your name Katie)? Either way, I think I’d reply and say - thanks! I prefer you call me Katie though. And then I’d make my H do the rest of the communication with him. Blech.

I wish! I share my first name with actresses Alba and Biel so it’s not really close.

[emilyinchile]

I'd reply something like "oh, that's an embarrassing predictive text/typo. Appreciate the confirmation." Shut it down while giving him an out to save face which he will hopefully take and then go back to being normal.

[InBetweenDays]

That's such BS and pisses me off. At one of my first conferences at my current job someone called me "honey" (and I run a program that approves certain devices, and this person had a device he wanted approved so I *should* have had the upper hand here!). Different, because he wasn't hitting on me. But to this day I wish I'd said something to him. So personally I'd probably text him back and tell him you only want to have discussions related to the renovation projects and ask him to only address you by your first name.

[thejen626]

My mom is/was a badass in the 80’s. She was the only female VP in her international firm. When men would talk to her like this, she’d reply back “sure thing sweetie” or “that sounds good. Be a dear and let my assistant know.” Etc.

I don’t necessarily agree with her actions BUT she felt like it made them stop and realize how absurd it was to talk to someone like that.

[lostrn]

Oct 30, 2024 21:59:31 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

My mom is/was a badass in the 80’s. She was the only female VP in her international firm. When men would talk to her like this, she’d reply back “sure thing sweetie” or “that sounds good. Be a dear and let my assistant know.” Etc.

I don’t necessarily agree with her actions BUT she felt like it made them stop and realize how absurd it was to talk to someone like that.

I kind of like that approach. I don't think I could do it but I like it.

[ellipses84]

I would address it directly and say something like:
I expect you to keep things professional and only address me as Mrs. X or Firstname. You can contact my husband about following up on Y.

[dirtyred]

Oct 30, 2024 21:59:31 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

My mom is/was a badass in the 80’s. She was the only female VP in her international firm. When men would talk to her like this, she’d reply back “sure thing sweetie” or “that sounds good. Be a dear and let my assistant know.” Etc.

I don’t necessarily agree with her actions BUT she felt like it made them stop and realize how absurd it was to talk to someone like that.

I used to do this as well. VERY effective.

[6fsn]

My name is blank.

That’s all you need to say.

[Deleted]

Wow, I’m so sorry this happened. There are lots of right ways to respond. Even just “No” or “That was inappropriate” or “From now on, direct all communication through my husband (I recommend you don’t call him cutie either).”

[honeydew1894]

I love the oops autocorrect response. Yikes...

[lavenderblue]

I don't think that being passive aggressive is the correct route to take here. Men have been getting away with this crap for forever. Call him out on his bullshit. "My name is Carrie. You may call me that or Mrs. Bradshaw".

[starburst604]

Please call this man out in some way. I don’t say this because I’ve always been brave enough to do that myself, quite the opposite. It’s only now that I’ve arrived at a place in life where I will not politely wiggle out of a situation where a man makes me uncomfortable with something he says or does. The audacity of men needs to be corrected.

[ECB]

As you want the job to get done.... I'd be nervous about saying something right now (WHICH SUCKS!!!!!!).  Having your DH handle communication is a good idea, but if you choose to not say anything right now, when the job is done, I'd ABSOLUTELY address it then.  Dont let this guy off the hook 

[shauni27]

Oct 30, 2024 21:59:31 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

My mom is/was a badass in the 80’s. She was the only female VP in her international firm. When men would talk to her like this, she’d reply back “sure thing sweetie” or “that sounds good. Be a dear and let my assistant know.” Etc.

I don’t necessarily agree with her actions BUT she felt like it made them stop and realize how absurd it was to talk to someone like that.

I would worry in this case that if she texted back with something like this, he would think that she was flirting back.

I HATE confrontation, so until the job was done I would just respond as normal and then afterwards text or email saying it was totally inappropriate for him to call you cutie and that he should speak to you the same way he speaks to his male clients. If he does not apologize I would tell him you will make sure any reviews of his work include the inappropriate comment.

[waverly]

Why can't she say, "please don't call me cutie?" Is the contractor really going to retaliate and ruin the whole project over that one question/ boundary? I mean, do we actually want this person as a contractor anymore?

[lucybrown]

He is under contract for a job. He is legally obligated to finish it. It's not OP's job to keep him comfortable when he gave zero fucks about being professional.

Call him on it. I like lavenderblue's statement above. Brief, simple, to the point. Let him stammer and blame autocorrect instead of doing this work for him.

[circa1978]

I think I'd be comfortable with replying "Call me First Name, thanks." But maybe don't listen to me because one time when I was the grown age of like 40 my vet (who I did not know well) actually kissed me on the head when I was crying over my dead cat and I never did anything at all except never go back and be super fucking creeped out. So I do a lot of things in my head that I can't muster IRL.

[dexteroni]

Oh gross, dude. Please respond and be direct. I’d go with a brief objection like “That wasn’t appropriate” or “Excuse me?” or “Woah, what? No.” And then “Please call me by <first name> or Mrs. <last name>.” A direct response doesn’t have to blow the entire job up. If he wants to engage more about it you can cut that off with something like “Let’s stick to business topics and get the job finished.” And if you’d rather not deal with him anymore, that’s totally understandable.

Do *not* call him a flirty name back, omg. I’m sorry to those who suggested it but that’s no longer a good approach. And don’t sweep it away as a typo. He knew what he was doing. If it was a typo or he slipped and used his wife’s pet name or something, he’d have corrected it and apologized immediately. Brief but direct is the way to go. Good luck.

ETA: And FWIW I probably wouldn’t have caught on to “I feel so comfortable talking to you” either. My mind just doesn’t look for that kind of thing and that wasn’t super blatant. So don’t feel like you should have been more on alert or whatever.

[maudefindlay]

Yeah none of this is on you and that wasn't a typo. He was flirting with you in person before that text. You handle this however you are comfortable with, but I also recommend if you do respond that it be direct. I'm 48 now and all about calling out what is what, but it took me a while to get there. Now that I'm here I am in burn it down mode on anything that smells of "boys will be boys" and "can't blame a guy for trying". It's not all men, but it's always a man.

[livinitup]

I bet if you hired the bear for the contracting job we wouldn’t all have to give you advice about how to shut down his advances while protecting his ego so he doesn’t get overly emotional and do something stupid and unprofessional.

ANYTHING YOU DO by way of a response is the best response because you are a great person and he’s a dick.

Also, here is a list of things you are NOT:
- misunderstanding something
- mean
- emotional
- without a sense of humor
- imaging things
- asking for it
- full of yourself
- unreasonable

[rachers]

Ew, ick. Why are men.

I'd probably say "oh that's what my husband calls me, you can call me LucyGoosey" or something like that. I'd love to say I'm suprised he has the gall to talk to you like that, but again, why are men.

eta: I'm dealing with something similar with a potential client. He keeps asking me to give him a call because "he can't find my number" and I'm like..yea..because I didn't give it to you. He was overly flirty in person and it sucks. 

[eddy]

I would just respond "My name is Claire. And thank you for confirmation that the tile guy is on his way."

I agree with others, that if you are weird enough to type this out you are not going to be able to pick up on a joke or a nuance. Just correct him and move on.

[lucygoosey]

Thanks all. I didn’t end up writing back.

He came back to the house while I was on a work call and DH said something to him.

Then I got this non-apology text that was all about him. Not writing back to that either because it’s so not the point. Of course it’s crossing the line!

‘Hi sorry if I crossed the line, I just love make people happy i didn't mean anything else by it, but if you can plz send me your husband's number i can keep him posted on whos coming and going, both of you are nice people i just love to make people happy thats all it is!’

[dexteroni]

Gotta love the non-apology followed by confirmation of completely missing the point. “I don’t like this.” “I like to make people happy.” Ok except you did the opposite of that. Sigh. Oh well, it’s handled. Hopefully he’ll finish the work satisfactorily and be gone quickly.

Also it’s a good thing you didn’t take the “call him sweetie” advice because he’d have loved it!

[somersault72]

WTF? No. Most women, especially most married women, don't want to be called "cutie" by some rando. Nice try, buddy. He's going to continue this behavior and then think everyone else is the problem.

[cap]

I'd be very tempted to reply "Pro tip: if you want to keep your female customers happy, don't call them things like cutie."

[fivechickens]

It’s really fucked up that he thinks calling a woman ‘cutie’ will make them happy.

I would block his number too.