give to coworker collection death in family?

[pitterwoo]

At my work when a coworker has a death in the family a lot of the time a supervisor will email that they are taking up a collection for that person if you want to contribute.

I haven't contributed because usually the person who died is like a BIL or someone not as immediate.

On Friday the maintenance guy's wife died and they sent out the email for collections. Would you contribute? How much?

[Willis Jackson]

I don't understand this. Do they use it to buy flowers or donate to a favorite charity? Or do they just hand this person a wad of cash?

If it's the latter, I think that's weird and I wouldn't do it.

If my H died, I would be swimming in dolla bills Scrooge McDuck-style because we have tons of life insurance. It would be weird if my coworkers gave me money.

[pitterwoo]

I've never contributed before, but as far as I know they just give them the cash. I never heard of it before, but this place is weird about deaths.

[ssmjlm]

We do envelopes for that type of thing to keep it anonymous. Flowers or a plant is standard for our office.

I give btwn $1-5 depending for deaths usually based on if they were in my division or not.

[Becca]

After my sons death, my firm did this and I was handed a wad of cash. People didn't know what to say/do, and giving money gave them something to do. I was/am incredibly appreciative of their thoughtfulness and generosity. That said, it was really awkward to be handed a big wad of cash.

I would do a sincere card, and depending on how well you know him, some sort of gift - ie, meal or grocery delivery.

[Deleted]

I gave $100 a few months ago when my co-worker's wife died.

We used the money to buy a gift certificate to a food delivery service.

[Roc A Bee]

Ive given cash to buy a plant when a coworker's wife died.

[dexteroni]

Oct 21, 2012 20:59:53 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

I can understand flowers or a card. But handing over money? I don't see the point.

Some people sent my mom money when my dad died. We were surprised at the time too - it seemed old-timey or small-town-ish, like from back in the days when the townspeople all show up to put out fires, raise barns, bury the deceased, etc. - but apparently it's just something that some people do.

[jillboston]

For some people the cost of a funeral is a huge burden. It is not something I was aware of growing up but have learned about in the last few years - anything you can give is welcome I would think.

[jillboston]

Oct 21, 2012 21:06:00 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Oct 21, 2012 20:59:53 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

I can understand flowers or a card. But handing over money? I don't see the point.

Some people sent my mom money when my dad died. We were surprised at the time too - it seemed old-timey or small-town-ish, like from back in the days when the townspeople all show up to put out fires, raise barns, bury the deceased, etc. - but apparently it's just something that some people do.

In my town it is food. Lots of food. It was kind of funny because when my parents died us kids had been long gone for years and years (like 20 years) but the food came along to my sister's houses etc. It was really touching actually.

[heygrey]

I'd donate for the death of a spouse.

Deaths/funerals can be a really expensive time if you don't have savings and every little bit helps.

[Deleted]

Funerals are expensive. Money makes sense.

Our co-worker did not need money.

He needed help feeding himself and his kids. He was so distraught that food fell by the wayside. He lost so much weight. I'm so sad just remembering this.

[SusanBAnthony]

He might be getting life insurance, but it might not come for awhile. He might need cash for funeral expenses, etc, now. He might want to take some unpaid time off work, depending on how much vacation time he gets, and it might help with that.

Doesn't seem wierd to me. I would give 100$ probably.

[Deleted]

I would if I knew there was a specific need for money. I would not if it was someone who was not immediate family or if I knew the coworker's general financial picture (i.e. makes a good wage, has a spouse that also works, lives in a nice home, drives a nice car, whatever). I'd assume a person in that situation would also have life insurance. IDK maybe that's wrong of me.

My family has life insurance and money would be unnecessary if someone died. I would think food or some other gesture to help and show support would be more appropriate for many people.

In my office, we send around a card for a death. My company sends flowers to the funeral on behalf of the company. I guess if it was someone I was particularly close to I'd want to do more, but so far that hasn't happened in my life.

[speckledfrog]

I would definitely give. I gave to my former director when her son died. Many of our families did (I worked at a preschool). The money we gave them went towards funeral expenses.

[bleubook]

Cash can be very helpful. Funerals cost a lot and you have to feed tons of people who come to grieve with the family the days right after a death. Also it can take some time to sort out accounts and insurance policies. When dh's dad died so much food was dropped off we had to give it away.

[hereonceagain]

I was given cash when my dad died. I thought it was very thoughtful. I donated it to cancer research and then sent my work a thank you note stating that the money they gave will hopefully contribute to saving others one day.

I always give for deaths as long as I know the person. Who knows their financial situation. I do any where from $5 to $100.

[bleubook]

Also, people often miss work when a close loved one dies. Sometimes this means they can miss out on pay. And insurance can take weeks or months to pay. Also estates can take literally years to distribute money.

[dexteroni]

Oct 21, 2012 21:10:49 GMT -5 jillboston said:

Oct 21, 2012 21:06:00 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Some people sent my mom money when my dad died. We were surprised at the time too - it seemed old-timey or small-town-ish, like from back in the days when the townspeople all show up to put out fires, raise barns, bury the deceased, etc. - but apparently it's just something that some people do.

In my town it is food. Lots of food. It was kind of funny because when my parents died us kids had been long gone for years and years (like 20 years) but the food came along to my sister's houses etc. It was really touching actually.

Yes, people sent food too; that's to be expected. The cash was a surprise. My mom split it between a couple charities and it was a nice experience after all the fuss had died down.

[pitterwoo]

Oct 21, 2012 21:15:04 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I would if I knew there was a specific need for money. I would not if it was someone who was not immediate family or if I knew the coworker's general financial picture (i.e. makes a good wage, has a spouse that also works, lives in a nice home, drives a nice car, whatever). I'd assume a person in that situation would also have life insurance. IDK maybe that's wrong of me.

I imagine there is a need for money. His wife had been sick as long as I can remember. He lives in the building, so obviously free rent is part of his compensation as the maintenance person. On the other hand, I don't make much and I don't know him well except to say hi to him when I'm coming and going. I was thinking $5 or $10 but wasn't sure if it would be offensive or an every-little-bit-helps kind of thing.

eta: in this case he's not really my "coworker" as I put in the title, but in the past collections have been for coworkers on my floor.

[hereonceagain]

I think $5 to $10 is totally appropriate in that situation.

[Deleted]

Agree.

[MadamePresident]

It never hurts to be generous. I would give something and not feel bad if it wasn't a huge amount.

[Deleted]

We did that at one of my jobs. It was a factory and many people did not have savings or life insurance.

I would put in as much as I could afford. Funerals are expensive.

[drloretta]

I would give, and I wouldn't give a rat's ass how it was given to the survivor. There are usually bills before LI kicks in, there are a myriad of funeral expenses, sometimes you just want to run out and get food (or have it delivered) instead of dealing with cooking, etc.

We donated every time someone died. We often got a garden center GC so they could plant something in their yard in memory of their loved one.

I'd chip in somewhere between $10 and $25.

[mollybrown]

I'd give what I could afford. I think $5 or $10 is fine. I think it's crazy that some people don't understand why taking up a $ collection would be necessary. I would guess most Americans don't have life insurance. If his wife was sick, they may have medical bills on top of the funeral and immediate expenses as well.

[jennistarr1]

Oh yes, I would give...flowers and plants and gift baskets are nice sentiments but especially when it comes to unexpected death, the money itself is so useful for funeral expenses...even buying an appropriate funeral outfit.

I would give 10.

[dapotato]

i'd give whatever you can afford.

[KaraOrNot]

I would donate. Also, while plants and flowers are nice, they can be overwhelming to deal w/. As mentioned above, cash can be used in so many different ways.

[hannamaren]

I think immediate family is good to give, but someone'sBIL? I could see giving less or just sending flowers for that.

Whatever you give $5.00 or $50 will be nice.