This is day 4 of no caffeine and the withdrawal headaches are finally going away.....but I really want a Mountain Dew or Wild Cherry Pepsi right now. Do I get an award for the lamest confession?
You ladies don't believe there's not even a bit of truth to it? Maybe I've been burned in relationships where I seem to be the one putting in the work, but I find myself much more attracked to "pursuers," for lack of a better word. I want to see a little effort upfront.
I wish that the line "he's just not that into you" was never uttered in Sex and the City, and I wish that the crappy self-help industry hadn't taken it and run with it.
In your case, Starry, I don't think there's a thing wrong with calling if you want to. If you don't hear from him, or you do and he's weird, that's one thing. Then it's appropriate to desist. But if you want to call him, call him.
It really gets my goat when women get invested in or paralyzed by the not-so-sound advice of the antiquated femme-bots who wrote The Rules or those who use "he's just not that into you" as a mantra, forgetting it was a line penned by comedy writers for a cable television program.
eye-to-eye.
Oh, I'm a helpless woman just waiting for a man to call me because I am too delicate to dial a number! grr.
I get that if he SAYS he will call and doesn't, fine. But if there is no expectation, just fucking call him!!!
Yah, I totally agree with this. I'm a believer in the "he's just not that into you" theory in the sense that, if a guy likes you, you'll know it. It's not rocket science.
That being said, I don't think you can mess something up by contacting them (ie: scaring him away). If it's going to work out, it's going to work out, regardless of whether or not you waited for him to make the initial contact.
I wish that the line "he's just not that into you" was never uttered in Sex and the City, and I wish that the crappy self-help industry hadn't taken it and run with it.
In your case, Starry, I don't think there's a thing wrong with calling if you want to. If you don't hear from him, or you do and he's weird, that's one thing. Then it's appropriate to desist. But if you want to call him, call him.
It really gets my goat when women get invested in or paralyzed by the not-so-sound advice of the antiquated femme-bots who wrote The Rules or those who use "he's just not that into you" as a mantra, forgetting it was a line penned by comedy writers for a cable television program.
I know it's cliche but I think it struck a chord with so many because it simplifies what women sometimes over complicate. I dont take it to mean that we can never make a move or be the one to call. It's more about the excuses we make when a guy isn't being responsive to us. He's busy with work, has a lot going on, maybe his phone is dead etc etc. Of course sometimes those things are true, but the majority of the time if one person really wants to be in touch with someone, they make it happen. I know I will.
You ladies don't believe there's not even a bit of truth to it? Maybe I've been burned in relationships where I seem to be the one putting in the work, but I find myself much more attracked to "pursuers," for lack of a better word. I want to see a little effort upfront.
I think men can be just as insecure about relationships as women and if they are constantly conacting YOU and you never contact THEM, they will stop contacting you. I think it is ridiculous to expect a man to ALWAYS call, ALWAYS make plans, and ALWAYS pursue while you sit back and wait.
You ladies don't believe there's not even a bit of truth to it? Maybe I've been burned in relationships where I seem to be the one putting in the work, but I find myself much more attracked to "pursuers," for lack of a better word. I want to see a little effort upfront.
I think there's some truth to sticking with your beliefs. If you're old fashioned and you want someone to make the first move, then that's understandable.
What I think everyone is saying is, if you want to know what's going on, take the initiative and make the contact. You have nothing to lose.
My confession is: I spent the whole time at zumba last night being critical of my body b/c I had to stare at it in the mirror for 55 min straight. Then I am critical of myself for being critical. Now you can all flame me for it too. Yes, that is a lame confession.
I wish that the line "he's just not that into you" was never uttered in Sex and the City, and I wish that the crappy self-help industry hadn't taken it and run with it.
In your case, Starry, I don't think there's a thing wrong with calling if you want to. If you don't hear from him, or you do and he's weird, that's one thing. Then it's appropriate to desist. But if you want to call him, call him.
It really gets my goat when women get invested in or paralyzed by the not-so-sound advice of the antiquated femme-bots who wrote The Rules or those who use "he's just not that into you" as a mantra, forgetting it was a line penned by comedy writers for a cable television program.
Oh, I'm a helpless woman just waiting for a man to call me because I am too delicate to dial a number! grr.
I get that if he SAYS he will call and doesn't, fine. But if there is no expectation, just fucking call him!!!
Yah, I totally agree with this. I'm a believer in the "he's just not that into you" theory in the sense that, if a guy likes you, you'll know it. It's not rocket science.
That being said, I don't think you can mess something up by contacting them (ie: scaring him away). If it's going to work out, it's going to work out, regardless of whether or not you waited for him to make the initial contact.
I don't think contacting a guy will mess things up either (unless it's excessive). I do believe, however, that it's easier to figure out just how "into" you he is if you leave the ball in his court.
Yah, I totally agree with this. I'm a believer in the "he's just not that into you" theory in the sense that, if a guy likes you, you'll know it. It's not rocket science.
That being said, I don't think you can mess something up by contacting them (ie: scaring him away). If it's going to work out, it's going to work out, regardless of whether or not you waited for him to make the initial contact.
I don't think contacting a guy will mess things up either (unless it's excessive). I do believe, however, that it's easier to figure out just how "into" you he is if you leave the ball in his court.
And I believe that this is playing games. Like you are "testing" him and that's not cool or fair.
I don't think contacting a guy will mess things up either (unless it's excessive). I do believe, however, that it's easier to figure out just how "into" you he is if you leave the ball in his court.
I don't think contacting a guy will mess things up either (unless it's excessive). I do believe, however, that it's easier to figure out just how "into" you he is if you leave the ball in his court.
As in all the time?
And how do you know he isn't playng the same game? Waiting to see if you like him by contacting him? What if men did this too? It's stupid and childish. This is just my opinion and I know not everyone on this board agrees, though. Why wait and possibly sabotage something when you like the person? Does not compute.
I wish that the line "he's just not that into you" was never uttered in Sex and the City, and I wish that the crappy self-help industry hadn't taken it and run with it.
In your case, Starry, I don't think there's a thing wrong with calling if you want to. If you don't hear from him, or you do and he's weird, that's one thing. Then it's appropriate to desist. But if you want to call him, call him.
It really gets my goat when women get invested in or paralyzed by the not-so-sound advice of the antiquated femme-bots who wrote The Rules or those who use "he's just not that into you" as a mantra, forgetting it was a line penned by comedy writers for a cable television program.
I know it's cliche but I think it struck a chord with so many because it simplifies what women sometimes over complicate. I dont take it to mean that we can never make a move or be the one to call. It's more about the excuses we make when a guy isn't being responsive to us. He's busy with work, has a lot going on, maybe his phone is dead etc etc. Of course sometimes those things are true, but the majority of the time if one person really wants to be in touch with someone, they make it happen. I know I will.
Right. I didn't exactly explain my stance very well in the first comment.
This whole thing was fresh in mind due to a converstaion with my hair stylist last weekend. She was talking about how she doesn't want to ask this guy out yet again because she's afraid he'll have another excuse as to why he can't. IMO, if he wanted to go out with her, he would either a) make it work or b) initiate it himself. Instead, she was making excuses for him. I told her to back off. If he wants to see her, he'll make time to see her.
I don't think contacting a guy will mess things up either (unless it's excessive). I do believe, however, that it's easier to figure out just how "into" you he is if you leave the ball in his court.
As in all the time?
No, just at first. Once you're invovled and you know them better, I think it should be equal. When things start getting one-sided (from either side), I think it's something that needs to be addressed.
I know it's cliche but I think it struck a chord with so many because it simplifies what women sometimes over complicate. I dont take it to mean that we can never make a move or be the one to call. It's more about the excuses we make when a guy isn't being responsive to us. He's busy with work, has a lot going on, maybe his phone is dead etc etc. Of course sometimes those things are true, but the majority of the time if one person really wants to be in touch with someone, they make it happen. I know I will.
Right. I didn't exactly explain my stance very well in the first comment.
This whole thing was fresh in mind due to a converstaion with my hair stylist last weekend. She was talking about how she doesn't want to ask this guy out yet again because she's afraid he'll have another excuse as to why he can't. IMO, if he wanted to go out with her, he would either a) make it work or b) initiate it himself. Instead, she was making excuses for him. I told her to back off. If he wants to see her, he'll make time to see her.
Yes i understand that one and agree with your opinion you gave her.
If I dont hear from my guy today, I will write it off as a lesson learned and move on. I will NOT be one of those girls that is crazy and cant let go and move on (I normally am not, so I should be fine with this)
Right. I didn't exactly explain my stance very well in the first comment.
This whole thing was fresh in mind due to a converstaion with my hair stylist last weekend. She was talking about how she doesn't want to ask this guy out yet again because she's afraid he'll have another excuse as to why he can't. IMO, if he wanted to go out with her, he would either a) make it work or b) initiate it himself. Instead, she was making excuses for him. I told her to back off. If he wants to see her, he'll make time to see her.
Yes i understand that one and agree with your opinion you gave her.
If I dont hear from my guy today, I will write it off as a lesson learned and move on. I will NOT be one of those girls that is crazy and cant let go and move on (I normally am not, so I should be fine with this)
I always get more anxious if I get physical too soon. It's like I worry that I made them think less of me or something. That's why I've just realized I can't do the ONS thing. But I applaud those who can!
Yes i understand that one and agree with your opinion you gave her.
If I dont hear from my guy today, I will write it off as a lesson learned and move on. I will NOT be one of those girls that is crazy and cant let go and move on (I normally am not, so I should be fine with this)
I always get more anxious if I get physical too soon. It's like I worry that I made them think less of me or something. That's why I've just realized I can't do the ONS thing. But I applaud those who can!
Yea that is where I am at too. Definitely wont be doing that again with someone I barely know.
Meh, I would probably would have never ended up w/ DH if I waited for him to pursue me. I saw what I wanted and I went for it. This has actually been the case for almost all my relationships. And his "not pursuing" me wasn't due to a lack of interest.
I always get more anxious if I get physical too soon. It's like I worry that I made them think less of me or something. That's why I've just realized I can't do the ONS thing. But I applaud those who can!
Yea that is where I am at too. Definitely wont be doing that again with someone I barely know.
But don't beat yourself up! I did this back in August and totally was WAY too hard on myself. It's just part of life, you live and learn and no harm, no foul.
And his "not pursuing" me wasn't due to a lack of interest.
What was it due to?
He was with someone else! That's my flammable. I didn't know it until about a year and a half later. It was a dying relationship, but she was nice to him and he cared about her and didn't want to hurt her.
I cannot get excited about wedding planning. I want to hire someone who will do it all for me.
I second this. Fi had some ideas of where he wanted to get married but they would have been more planning intensive. Luckily he came around and liked the compromise I found (still married on the beach in our home town, but at a private beach owned by a restaurant who will also do the meal -- instead of needing to pull city permits and do a ton of rentals for a beach wedding on a non-private beach).