Post by mrlittlejeans on Apr 4, 2013 21:33:20 GMT -5
I would probably find a family member to babysit that wasn't coming. I wouldn't want to be worrying about the baby all night. But my kids would love that kids party. Sounds so fun!
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
As a bit of an update, not all the people are bringing their kids. So, all thirty kids won't be there :-). At press time, we have seven kids coming to the kiddy party. And I would GLADLY hire more help with the kids if we need it.
I guess I just think it is pretty cheeky and presumptuous to rsvp saying you are bringing someone you know is not invited. Le sigh.
@roxmonster, if the concern is that it is not fair that the kids could come to some things but not all, I would have changed my invites to say no kids at anything. And I would have understood, and been ok, with the fact that this meant not all people with kids would come.
Wait - you invited your cousins whole family right? And they have 3 kids and are sending 2 of them to the kids party? How is the 9mo old not invited?
As a mom of a 2 yr old, there's no way I would leave my 9mo old with 2 random grad students who are also in charge of 7 other kids ranging in age from 4 (or so) - 12! I probably wouldn't even send my 2 yr old (or 4 yr old for that matter) to a separate party like this.
Post by thinkofthesoldiers on Apr 4, 2013 21:44:42 GMT -5
I wouldn't have left any child under say, 5-ish, with strangers, but I am very overprotective and make sure I know my sitters well. Plus, we keep a very tight schedule when it comes to sleep around these parts. If I got your invite, my first response would have been to look for a sitter. If I couldn't find a sitter, I would have declined your invite. However, I am impressed that you went to all this trouble.
As a bit of an update, not all the people are bringing their kids. So, all thirty kids won't be there :-). At press time, we have seven kids coming to the kiddy party. And I would GLADLY hire more help with the kids if we need it.
I guess I just think it is pretty cheeky and presumptuous to rsvp saying you are bringing someone you know is not invited. Le sigh.
@roxmonster, if the concern is that it is not fair that the kids could come to some things but not all, I would have changed my invites to say no kids at anything. And I would have understood, and been ok, with the fact that this meant not all people with kids would come.
Wait - you invited your cousins whole family right? And they have 3 kids and are sending 2 of them to the kids party? How is the 9mo old not invited?
As a mom of a 2 yr old, there's no way I would leave my 9mo old with 2 random grad students who are also in charge of 7 other kids ranging in age from 4 (or so) - 12! I probably wouldn't even send my 2 yr old (or 4 yr old for that matter) to a separate party like this.
Mom and Dad got an invite to the reception. All three kids got their own separate invite to the kid party.
Wait - you invited your cousins whole family right? And they have 3 kids and are sending 2 of them to the kids party? How is the 9mo old not invited?
As a mom of a 2 yr old, there's no way I would leave my 9mo old with 2 random grad students who are also in charge of 7 other kids ranging in age from 4 (or so) - 12! I probably wouldn't even send my 2 yr old (or 4 yr old for that matter) to a separate party like this.
Mom and Dad got an invite to the reception. All three kids got their own separate invite to the kid party.
gottcha.
I still don't think I'd be comfortable leaving my 9mo old. How far away from the adults reception is the kids party? That would play into my decision for an older kiddo.
Mom and Dad got an invite to the reception. All three kids got their own separate invite to the kid party.
gottcha.
I still don't think I'd be comfortable leaving my 9mo old. How far away from the adults reception is the kids party? That would play into my decision for an older kiddo.
I still don't think I'd be comfortable leaving my 9mo old. How far away from the adults reception is the kids party? That would play into my decision for an older kiddo.
Same floor?
I could see it for an older kid. Still not so much for the 9mo old. If you consider that 9mo olds usually aren't eating a large variety of table food & need to be watched more closely (depending on how mobile they are). Plus a 9mo old isn't going to be interested in face painting, movies, games etc. Heck, my 2 yr old would only be interested in a movie for 20 min. Games might hold her attention for 10 min? Coloring -10 min? If all the kids were 1st grade and up, I would be more OK with it. But I know my own kids attention span and I know that with in an hour she'll be making a break for it!
I guess you have to decide if it's worth it to alienate your cousin & family.
I could see it for an older kid. Still not so much for the 9mo old. If you consider that 9mo olds usually aren't eating a large variety of table food & need to be watched more closely (depending on how mobile they are). Plus a 9mo old isn't going to be interested in face painting, movies, games etc. Heck, my 2 yr old would only be interested in a movie for 20 min. Games might hold her attention for 10 min? Coloring -10 min? If all the kids were 1st grade and up, I would be more OK with it. But I know my own kids attention span and I know that with in an hour she'll be making a break for it!
I guess you have to decide if it's worth it to alienate your cousin & family.
Well, that's the thing. At this point, I get to basically suck it up and deal with it, or be the "bad guy" when it was pretty clear that this is a no-kid event. I shouldn't even be put in this position. If they felt that uncomfortable they were welcome to find alternate care, ask me to help them find, alternate care, or stay home. So now in all likelihood I get to say nothing, she'll bring her kid, and THEN I get to deal with my sister (and probably some other moms) who will want to know why other kids got to come and hers didn't. I'm annoyed that my cousin handled this the way she did, because it is making me feel boxed in.
Post by mabelsimmons on Apr 4, 2013 22:13:06 GMT -5
You are 100% correct. You have gone completely out of your way to accomodate everyone. You aren't the asshole here. She wants to flex nuts about it. I bet she was all "Oh I will show her. I AM bringing little Suzie." She has the option of staying home or finding other arrangements.
I'm confused by people who won't leave their 9 month old with a reliable sitter at home. I wouldn't leave my kid at your party that young with sitters I didn't know, but I would totally ask a family member, a close friend, or even his daycare provider if they'd watch my baby while I went to this wedding. Obviously, it's different if you're out of town for them, but then don't come to the wedding.
I'm confused by people who won't leave their 9 month old with a reliable sitter at home. I wouldn't leave my kid at your party that young with sitters I didn't know, but I would totally ask a family member, a close friend, or even his daycare provider if they'd watch my baby while I went to this wedding. Obviously, it's different if you're out of town for them, but then don't come to the wedding.
Thank you for asking this I was wondering the same thing but was scared I would get "you don't have a kid, you don't get it" responses. I am also sitting on my hands to not start a simple human/breastfeeding/casserole level s/o post about people who don't get kid free receptions.
I would have left Freddie at the kiddie party with seven other kids and two adults. At nine months, he was crawling all over the place but would fall asleep in the middle of the party when it was time for sleeping. And if it had been Edith, she would have been awake and cute and not crawling around. Either way, I would have given you a whopping check as a wedding gift, and thrown in extra for having a kid free reception so I could dance with my husband and not have to worry about my children.
Post by flamingeaux on Apr 4, 2013 22:29:07 GMT -5
I just had a coloring table for the kids at my reception, your idea is awesome. Could you talk up the kids party to your nephew, so he'll want to go? Also, as far as making sure the kids leave with the right parents, maybe they could do a picture of the whole family when they go to drop them off, that you could send a printed copy of when you do the thank you cards?
Post by Pixiehollow on Apr 4, 2013 22:34:08 GMT -5
Personally I would not leave my 9 month old there. My Dh and I would probably do shifts.mmost people I know around here consider a baby under a year to be with their mom. For example, when planning wedding, showers etc. my friends have sort of adopted that rule... S maybe it's a regional thing.
Listen, you've bent over backwards for everyone. As the old phrase goes, an invitation isn't a subpoena. People can choose to come to your wedding or not.
I don't get people that expect that the world revolves around them, it's almost like they're offended they've even been invited. It's like people can't go anywhere without their kids for years and are just looking for reasons to be offended.
Post by idkmybffrose on Apr 4, 2013 22:40:47 GMT -5
I would leave my 9 month old with exactly nobody I didn't know. That said, a couple of friends brought their uninvited kids to our wedding...and it wasn't ruined!
I had this same thing happen for my adults-only reception. A friend added her baby to the reply card. I called her and explained that there was a babysitter hired for the best man's 2 kids, who would be in the house just 100 yards away from the reception site. I invited her to leave the baby there, and she accepted, but then she did not show up at all to the wedding/reception. I was just a 23 y.o. who was clueless about kids, but I still think I had a right to be annoyed.
Having said that, I don't think I would leave my 10 month old at a night-time party with 7 other kids. She's super high maintenance; she wouldn't do well at all in that kind of situation and her sleep would get thrown off. But I certainly wouldn't assume I could bring her along to the reception. Maybe call the cousin and ask her if she'd like some other accommodation (if you're feeling generous) or simply reiterate that it's no kids, and not fair to make exceptions.
Post by CheshireGrin on Apr 4, 2013 23:05:24 GMT -5
I don't think the point is whether or not you would leave your 9-month-old with these arrangements. The point is knowing that your child was not invited, and assuming that that rule didn't apply to you.
If you don't like the arrangements that are provided, either make your own or don't come.
Two grad students with 32 kids sounds like a complete nightmare. Hire at least two more people to watch those kids. In WA state childcare ratios (for safety) are 15:1 for school age kids, 10:1 for preschoolers and 7:1 for toddlers. Frankly, (IMO having worked in child care for many years), those ratios are BS and should be lower.
FWIW: 32 kids at a wedding is a lot. You're not as asshole. In fact it's super nice of you to set up an area for kids to go have supervised fun.
ETA: I saw your update about only 7 kids coming so far. I guess in that situation I'd still have extra adults on call in case all 32 show up without rsvps.
I wouldn't leave my 9 month old at the kid's party, but I would either get my own babysitter or not come. I wouldn't just assume I was some special exception to your no kids rule. You are not an asshole.
Agree.
I would email back - "so sorry if there was a miscommunication! The reception is not set up for kids, that's why we've planned the separate kids' party. The sitters are prepped for kids Gretchen's age and there will be a PNP if you want her to start bedtime there."
Post by sherbanator on Apr 4, 2013 23:14:21 GMT -5
I do not think you are being an asshole, I think you are being rather thoughtful for providing babysitters. The parent of the 9 month old she should either have a babysitter she trusts and leave the baby at home or decline the invitation. It is a duck move to bring your child to a place they are not invited to.
You all are nuts. It's not even a different venue. Sprky, quit calling it the kids party and start referring to it as "the children's area at the reception." Tell people you prefer that children stay in the children's area - face painters! Movies! - but of course parents are free to mingle between the two areas and to check on their children. Also explain you don't want children in the main room because or drinking and the loud music. You could even run a video feed into the children's area that feeds onto iPhone or a computer/screen in the main reception. Is your nephew in the wedding? That's a good reason to make an exception for him. And tell cousin she and her husband can switch off kicking it in the kids area for as long as they want, or you can set them up with a sitter, but Baby Princess is NOT coming to the main reception.
FWIW, the only kids at my wedding were the flower girls.
You all are nuts. It's not even a different venue. Sprky, quit calling it the kids party and start referring to it as "the children's area at the reception." Tell people you prefer that children stay in the children's area - face painters! Movies! - but of course parents are free to mingle between the two areas and to check on their children. Also explain you don't want children in the main room because or drinking and the loud music. You could even run a video feed into the children's area that feeds onto iPhone or a computer/screen in the main reception. Is your nephew in the wedding? That's a good reason to make an exception for him. And tell cousin she and her husband can switch off kicking it in the kids area for as long as they want, or you can set them up with a sitter, but Baby Princess is NOT coming to the main reception.
FWIW, the only kids at my wedding were the flower girls.
Elle, I'm touched. I don't think you have had my back this much in the entire history of the Nest/next/etc :-)
Nephew is not a ring bearer. But I like a lot of these ideas! And I'm sure someone in my group could do a video feed. I have a few gadget savants in the bridal party :-)