THe only time I think it is nice for the bride to make an exception to the "no kids" rule is when the baby is a tiny newborn. It is pretty hard for mom to be away from that tiny of a baby, especially if nursing. And they normally just sleep the whole time.
BUUUT this baby is older. You are being very nice and accommodating. Hold your ground. You are not an asshole.
Also DD had horrible separation/stranger anxiety from 8-10 months and would loose her shit if we tried to leave her, this is pretty developmentally normal for that age so they may be dealing with that and know there is no way the LO will stay with a strange sitter and that one of them won't be able to come if they can't bring her. which would suck since it sounds like they would be traveling for the wedding.
But IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. I swear, this attitude goes hand in hand with "everyone gets a trophy" with kids. Not everyone can get what they want, or is most convenient for them, all the time.
Very true. :-) and I don't remotely think the OP is being an asshole just wanting to point out that the couple may be thinking of it from a different perspective. Especially since the kids are welcome at the ceremony I wouldn't see a baby at the reception as a big deal since the baby won't need a meal/with music etc any noisy won't be a big deal or disruptive if they need to step out for a few.
I also admit that I have never been to a no kids wedding so they just seem weird to me since no one in our family/circle have ever done that. Weddings are always family events and include the kids. At most they have the church nursery staffed for the ceremony. So it's just a very different mindset then I'm used to.
Absolutely. I would have asked the mother (not my relative, her husband is my second cousin once removed) to take the baby back to the hotel if my grandmother had not intervened. I sure as hell was not going to have my friends and other family, who graciously followed my request for no children, feeling slighted or like they left their babies behind to attend my OOT wedding while others were welcome to bring their baby. No.
And it is not about one baby ruining the party. It is about being fair to the parents who play by the rules. And the slippery slope. Always the slippery slope. Sprky is putting the kids I the next room over. It will take 5 minutes for her wedding to be overrun by children if people see other kids there.
Listen, I think the person is a jerk for bringing a baby when you obviously didn't want any kids are your reception, but it seems odd that on your wedding day, one would be preoccupied with making a big "thing" out of it. Yes, it wasn't fair to the other parents, but I just don't get as the bride, going on a freak out about it once its already been done.
I kind of feel like a bad parent in this thread, because I wouldn't hesitate to leave my 9mo one room down with 2 adults and 7 other kids. She was crawling at that age, loved watching other kids, etc. She would have been fine. And I would have been 20 seconds away- no big deal.
Me too. Granted DS was a super easy going and mellow baby with no stranger anxiety. I would have really enjoyed this option, particularly if it was an OOT wedding. If it was local, I probably would have just left him home with my own baby sitter.
Absolutely. I would have asked the mother (not my relative, her husband is my second cousin once removed) to take the baby back to the hotel if my grandmother had not intervened. I sure as hell was not going to have my friends and other family, who graciously followed my request for no children, feeling slighted or like they left their babies behind to attend my OOT wedding while others were welcome to bring their baby. No.
And it is not about one baby ruining the party. It is about being fair to the parents who play by the rules. And the slippery slope. Always the slippery slope. Sprky is putting the kids I the next room over. It will take 5 minutes for her wedding to be overrun by children if people see other kids there.
Listen, I think the person is a jerk for bringing a baby when you obviously didn't want any kids are your reception, but it seems odd that on your wedding day, one would be preoccupied with making a big "thing" out of it. Yes, it wasn't fair to the other parents, but I just don't get as the bride, going on a freak out about it once its already been done.
i didn't want kids at my wedding (no one had babies/young kids at the time--for real--although 2 friends were pregnant). my aunt got around the prohibition by bringing my cousin (then 9) to my wedding as her +1. without telling anyone. because she was mad that i hadn't asked my cousin to be a flower girl. which made my OTHER aunt, who had asked to bring my male cousin and been denied (by my mom) HELLACIOUSLY ANGRY.
it was aces. i was nice to my aunt and to my cousin, but my mom and i totally made jokes about stuffing my aunt into a vat of wine that night (i got married at vineyard).
i didn't want kids at my wedding (no one had babies/young kids at the time--for real--although 2 friends were pregnant). my aunt got around the prohibition by bringing my cousin (then 9) to my wedding as her +1. without telling anyone. because she was mad that i hadn't asked my cousin to be a flower girl. which made my OTHER aunt, who had asked to bring my male cousin and been denied (by my mom) HELLACIOUSLY ANGRY.
it was aces. i was nice to my aunt and to my cousin, but my mom and i totally made jokes about stuffing my aunt into a vat of wine that night (i got married at vineyard).
This would kill me! The fucking nerve some people have.
I caught wind that someone threatened to do this at mine so you know what, they didn't get a plus one. If you are going to be an ass, make sure I don't know about it before the invites go out. And, go eff yourself for not having the balls to discuss it with your soon to be daughter in law or son.
Soooooo maybe my advice should be taken with a grain (or several) of salt. Bear in mind my MIL was going to make my BIL bring his 9 y/o cousin as his date.
i didn't want kids at my wedding (no one had babies/young kids at the time--for real--although 2 friends were pregnant). my aunt got around the prohibition by bringing my cousin (then 9) to my wedding as her +1. without telling anyone. because she was mad that i hadn't asked my cousin to be a flower girl. which made my OTHER aunt, who had asked to bring my male cousin and been denied (by my mom) HELLACIOUSLY ANGRY.
it was aces. i was nice to my aunt and to my cousin, but my mom and i totally made jokes about stuffing my aunt into a vat of wine that night (i got married at vineyard).
Ooh, she's got some BALLS, that one.
I was also the bitch that did not invite plus one's for my single friends. My motto has been "If you don't have a plus one in your life, I am not inviting a plus one for you to my wedding. You do not need a bridal buddy." Bridezilla, party of one! :-)
I'm good, thanks. Our vacation was fun, even though it was crazy busy.
We are going away for the night tomorrow, just the 2 of us! It's the 2nd time I'll be away from Ella overnight and I am counting down the minutes!! It's much needed.
Things are looking up and I'm optimistic we're on the right path. If not, I'll just try for baby #3, that'll help things, right?
Enjoy the rest of your wedding planning!! Hope the cousin/baby thing doesn't stress you out too much.
I think the worst part about baby-wedding-crashes is the people (like me) who have missed weddings b/c my baby was too young to be left alone and not invited and then H comes home all "there were like 5 kids at the wedding...so...I guess they just didn't want OUR kid there...?" It causes way more issues!
I think what you're doing is above and beyond. If my FIRST kid at 9 months wasn't invited to a wedding, I probably wouldn't have made it. With DS2 I would have jumped at the chance to leave him with my own sitter.
Parenting is a moving target - people need to just ask / not break the rules. It does suck to sit out a wedding b/c of your baby though. It really does. I've had to do it twice and I was pretty disappointed. Especially when DS was 6 weeks old and would have slept in a sling the entire time. But whatever, I stayed home.
Post by Saint Monica on Apr 5, 2013 10:08:38 GMT -5
It seems like your cousin (or whoever it is with the baby) is trying to start something. It is really cool you are doing something fun and special for the children. And when I say children I mean for the parents. lol.
H and I will look for any excuse for a night out alone, so we would be happy to leave our DD with a pre-arranged sitter or our parents. We're invited to 3 weddings this summer and have already arranged for someone to watch DD (we don't even know if kids are invited or not, but we'd rather go without her). I don't understand any parent that insists on brining their baby, other than a newborn.