She sucks. Don't let her pressure you into bending so she gets her way. You made very generous arrangements. If she's uncomfy with them, she can make her own arrangements... and bringing little Gretchen to the adult reception is not an arrangement.
I despise baby wedding crashes. My cousin showed up at my "no kids" wedding with his baby. Actually, my second cousin once removed. Anyway, my grandmother wouldn't let me throw them out but I talked lots of shit behind their back and personally apologized to and made sure the other parents all knew that baby was a CRASHER.
Just pointing out that it is very possible the mom can't leave the baby at home if she is breastfeeding. I know my daughter( 9 months old) won't take a bottle, or go to bed for someone else yet.
Having said that the parents could have just declined the invite. I'm missing out on a friends wedding this month even though I would have loved to have gone. I probably could have brought her along to the wedding, but that doesn't sound fun at all to me.
You will be the hero of all heroes if you arrange for a crib to be wheeled into a corner of the reception. I doubt the baby will last long with all that going on and if that baby is like the ones in my family, would sleep just fine with the noise
sent from my I crashed my car into a bridge. I don't care. I love it.
I'm confused by people who won't leave their 9 month old with a reliable sitter at home. I wouldn't leave my kid at your party that young with sitters I didn't know, but I would totally ask a family member, a close friend, or even his daycare provider if they'd watch my baby while I went to this wedding. Obviously, it's different if you're out of town for them, but then don't come to the wedding.
I don't get it either. We left dd at three weeks to go to a wedding (with sitters we trusted). AND I was BFing. It was NBD.
I don't think the point is whether or not you would leave your 9-month-old with these arrangements. The point is knowing that your child was not invited, and assuming that that rule didn't apply to you.
If you don't like the arrangements that are provided, either make your own or don't come.
I despise baby wedding crashes. My cousin showed up at my "no kids" wedding with his baby. Actually, my second cousin once removed. Anyway, my grandmother wouldn't let me throw them out but I talked lots of shit behind their back and personally apologized to and made sure the other parents all knew that baby was a CRASHER.
you are def not being an asshole, i think what you have provided is MORE than enough.....i like elle's idea. You specified its adults only, you are providing services for the children, i think its pretty crappy on their end to just assume its ok..
Call your cousin and tell her she must have misunderstood. It is an Adult only reception....no kids. period.
Tell your sister the same thing. NO kids.
You are not telling them that they HAVE leave their kids at teh kiddy party...just that it is an option other than leaving them home with someone else or not coming at all.
I think it sounds great. I would not have left my 9 month old there, but that would be MY problem. I think you are being great having a separate party! I don't understand not having kids at weddings either - but even then for me that stops with my own siblings. I wanted my niece and nephews with me. My second cousins? No. So even though I think kids absolutely "belong" at weddings, I don't get bringing babies to random weddings. There has to be a tight relationship between the child and the couple. So you don't want to leave your baby? Figure something else out. It is totally inappropriate to say that you're bringing them anyway. And I would tell them "sorry, that isn't going to work" and then let them get a sitter or change their rsvp.
Your sister could be trickier. What happens if the 4 year old just won't stay in the room? It's a definite possibility. I'm sorry your family is giving you such a hard time.
I totally love elle's spin on this but, in the end, no one should be asking you to bend the rules that you set yourself. This is an adult-only reception and if anyone has a problem with that, then they need to make their own arrangements. You're going above and beyond to accomodate guests with kids
Post by TrudyCampbell on Apr 5, 2013 7:40:52 GMT -5
I apologize because I haven't read the other responses yet.
I had a similar scenario at my wedding and my two cousins INSISTED on bringing their 8 month olds even though no children were allowed and they had previously agreed to it. It caused a huge fight but in the end we held our ground and the babies didn't come. We had already told so many other people that they had to leave their babies/children at home that it would have been unfair and annoying for them to see that some kids were allowed. Plus, it was an evening wedding with a loud band and was no place for a small baby. It's YOUR wedding and if you don't want kids then people should figure out other options.
I now have an 11 month old and there is no way I'd just assume she was coming with me to a wedding. And, I wouldn't want her to come. I would want a fun adult night.
I think it's awesome you're providing a kid party.
Stick to your guns! If they have Gretchen in the reception then Becky, Susie, Grant, Taylor, Jim Bob, and Jinger will all be over at the adult reception too. It is a slippery slope. You know your sister will go over and bring your nephew in to the adult reception.
They are being jerks and I would rather alienate a cousin than my sister.
Haven't read responses so forgive me if these are answered but... Is she nursing? What time is the reception? My kid was nursing for 30 minutes every 3 hrs at that age and it was easier to have me with her and she would sleep anywhere she was held when it was bedtime. If it was my 9 month old and it was bedtime I would've wanted her wi me so I could nurse and then have her sleep so I wasn't in for a rough night post party because of she went down late she wouldn't settle and would be up off and on all night and I wouldn't trust a stranger to get her to sleeping time.
As a mother of 3, I agree with PP that said this is not about if cousin is comfortable leaving Gretchen, it's about the complete disregard by cousin of OP's request for NO kids. If OP wanted kids under X age there, she would have said so in the invite, but she didn't. Cousin doesn't get to decide those rules don't apply to her, period. Rude, self serving and blatantly disrespectful.
ETA: I have been invited to weddings when my kids were babies, EBF and I either declined and sent DH or we shared baby duty. NBD, it's not my place to change rules for me.
Haven't read responses so forgive me if these are answered but... Is she nursing? What time is the reception? My kid was nursing for 30 minutes every 3 hrs at that age and it was easier to have me with her and she would sleep anywhere she was held when it was bedtime. If it was my 9 month old and it was bedtime I would've wanted her wi me so I could nurse and then have her sleep so I wasn't in for a rough night post party because of she went down late she wouldn't settle and would be up off and on all night and I wouldn't trust a stranger to get her to sleeping time.
In that case, decline the invitation. It's not about you or your baby, it's about the bride and groom. If you feel you can't leave baby, don't. But don't expect the bride and groom to change the rules for you. It's not your wedding.
Also DD had horrible separation/stranger anxiety from 8-10 months and would loose her shit if we tried to leave her, this is pretty developmentally normal for that age so they may be dealing with that and know there is no way the LO will stay with a strange sitter and that one of them won't be able to come if they can't bring her. which would suck since it sounds like they would be traveling for the wedding.
Also DD had horrible separation/stranger anxiety from 8-10 months and would loose her shit if we tried to leave her, this is pretty developmentally normal for that age so they may be dealing with that and know there is no way the LO will stay with a strange sitter and that one of them won't be able to come if they can't bring her. which would suck since it sounds like they would be traveling for the wedding.
This is unfortunate, but in that case it would probably be best to decline the invitation.
Sparky, I think you are being more than accommodating here.
Also DD had horrible separation/stranger anxiety from 8-10 months and would loose her shit if we tried to leave her, this is pretty developmentally normal for that age so they may be dealing with that and know there is no way the LO will stay with a strange sitter and that one of them won't be able to come if they can't bring her. which would suck since it sounds like they would be traveling for the wedding.
This is not the bride and groom's problem though. If your child has seperation anxiety and you can't leave her for a few hours then you decline the invitation. Plus, if her cousin shows up with her baby then there will be other angry parents at the reception wondering why they didn't get the same flexibility. It's not fair. When you are forking out thousands of dollars for a nice wedding reception you should be able to call the shots, not parents who can't separate from their kid for 4 freaking hours.
This is sore subject for me LOL. My BIL's gf acted like this with her kids and it tore me up.
sparky you are not even close to being an asshole. You are providing an awesome party for kids RIGHT DOWN THE HALL from the reception with adult supervision. I think you need to tell the cousin, though, she can't bring the baby so you don't have to deal with the backlash of other angry parents.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Apr 5, 2013 8:43:03 GMT -5
Thanks guys!
I deleted the OP, but the thread seems to still be open, which is fine. I don't know the folks invovled well enough to know for certain she doesn't lurk here, and I don't want there to be any more fall out.
This is one of those times I really wish my Mom were here. She would know how to deal with this side of the family and make it happen. I'm going to call my aunt (Mom's sister) and see what she suggests.
And I love the idea of talking my kid party up to the nephew. In fact, we're having lunch next week! Great time to do that!
Those of you who are moms gave me stuff to think on, which I do appreciate :-)
I despise baby wedding crashes. My cousin showed up at my "no kids" wedding with his baby. Actually, my second cousin once removed. Anyway, my grandmother wouldn't let me throw them out but I talked lots of shit behind their back and personally apologized to and made sure the other parents all knew that baby was a CRASHER.
Are you serious?
Absolutely. I would have asked the mother (not my relative, her husband is my second cousin once removed) to take the baby back to the hotel if my grandmother had not intervened. I sure as hell was not going to have my friends and other family, who graciously followed my request for no children, feeling slighted or like they left their babies behind to attend my OOT wedding while others were welcome to bring their baby. No.
And it is not about one baby ruining the party. It is about being fair to the parents who play by the rules. And the slippery slope. Always the slippery slope. Sprky is putting the kids I the next room over. It will take 5 minutes for her wedding to be overrun by children if people see other kids there.
Also DD had horrible separation/stranger anxiety from 8-10 months and would loose her shit if we tried to leave her, this is pretty developmentally normal for that age so they may be dealing with that and know there is no way the LO will stay with a strange sitter and that one of them won't be able to come if they can't bring her. which would suck since it sounds like they would be traveling for the wedding.
But IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. I swear, this attitude goes hand in hand with "everyone gets a trophy" with kids. Not everyone can get what they want, or is most convenient for them, all the time.