Can we please talk about this phenomenon some? I feel like a lot of women on the board have this complaint about their husbands. I would honestly flip my shit if my husband were like this.
I 100000% agree with Dorothy Zbornak. I hate to say this, but some of your men make me really appreciate my husband
In total agreement. DH isn't perfect, but if he starts to get whiny/demanding/pouty about anything, starts acting like taking care of his own children is a chore or that he is doing me a favor by helping out, there is a quick discussion and it is squashed. I'm amazed at what people put up with. I figure I'm just less tolerant than many.
Mine is that I am blatantly harassing my realtor and I know but I can't stop.
Guys, they NEVER communicated with us at all! We didn't offer THAT low that they shouldn't even counter offer, ESP with NO other offers in 6 weeks. Yesterday was supposed to be the deadline.
So, I may have both text and emailed the realtor already this morning. But shit, I want to KNOWWWWW wtaf is going on.
I feel like a crazy stalkerish high school girl with a crush.
I couldn't imagine my H not helping out but I also had to put him on a schedule and tell him what he needed to do and when. He actually took 4 weeks off to stay home with her after my 12 weeks of mat leave was up. He knows how difficult it can be and I also had PPD so I struggled for a bit the first few months.
We are done giving L bottles and that was one of his chores- washing bottles nightly and making all bottles for her. I think he thinks he is going to have a lot of free time in the evenings now. Ha!
And just because your DH's do it differently, it's not wrong! Let them make mistakes and figure it out! They will become more confident in themselves and more willing to step up more!
YES! This is a huge one. I think a lot of the reason women don't ask is because they don't like the way their H does something. Let him be the father he is!
I also find that letting them do things differently is good for the child. They learn how to adapt and see that things aren't always going to happen the same.exact.way. They need different ways to play and communicate and interact.
Post by rubber pants on Apr 26, 2013 9:03:49 GMT -5
I dont get the concept of "sleeping in" as an adult. Its probably because "the early bird gets the worm" was instilled upon me at an early age and I feel like if I sleep past 8am (and thats LATE for me), then my day is wasting away.
Of course, if I am sick, then I'll sleep... but otherwise, I could never waste the day lounging and sleeping in bed.
Edited to clarify: Obviously we (mostly) all dont sleep in because we have kids, but some of my kidless friends "sleep in" all of the time and that just boggles my mind. There is so much to do and see in this world. Why would anyone want to spend it in bed sleeping?
I dont get the concept of "sleeping in" as an adult. Its probably because "the early bird gets the worm" was instilled upon me at an early age and I feel like if I sleep past 8am (and thats LATE for me), then my day is wasting away.
Of course, if I am sick, then I'll sleep... but otherwise, I could never waste the day lounging and sleeping in bed.
Sleeping in here means 8 a.m. MAYBE 8:30 if one of the kids is sick.
I agree! I have said this before also! And think of it this way....you are modeling to your children. If you let yourself be walked over, so will they. If you let the men get away with being lazy parents and husbands, your sons will think that's ok. And it's NOT!!
Make yourself be treated how you want your daughter treated or how you want your son to treat his spouse!
My sister has an asshat husband. My dad treats my stepmom like shit and step mom isn't much better. I basically told my sister the same thing. I asked her if she wanted he daughter to grow up thinking it was ok for her to put up with being treated that way and if it was ok for her son to treat women like shit.
The reason she does want to get divorced is because she does want anyone to know about their private lives. She also doesn't want share custody of the kids. I think his lazy ass would never want them anyway. He doesn't even want to be alone with them for two hours, he has guys night out three nights a week and so on.
I dont get the concept of "sleeping in" as an adult. Its probably because "the early bird gets the worm" was instilled upon me at an early age and I feel like if I sleep past 8am (and thats LATE for me), then my day is wasting away.
Of course, if I am sick, then I'll sleep... but otherwise, I could never waste the day lounging and sleeping in bed.
Haha sleeping in is around 8! Actually I wake up around 7:30-8, check my phone, lay around and get up to shower around 8:30-9. It's glorious.
I dont get the concept of "sleeping in" as an adult. Its probably because "the early bird gets the worm" was instilled upon me at an early age and I feel like if I sleep past 8am (and thats LATE for me), then my day is wasting away.
Of course, if I am sick, then I'll sleep... but otherwise, I could never waste the day lounging and sleeping in bed.
YES! Sleeping in for me is anything past 6am........that makes for a great day!
I'm going to have to agree with this husband stuff. Ladies, my dear friend Oprah taught me that you teach people how to treat you. I think it's ridiculous that so many men on this board are happy to go through life without helping their wives more but I also think that the women need to really communicate what they need. I don't ask my husband for things, I TELL him when I'm running out of steam and need a break.
If you haven't slept in ever please TELL your husband that he is waking up with the baby every Saturday morning from now until the end of time. He is equally the parent to your baby. He needs to do as much as he can! Many dads aren't around enough to do 50% of the work so IMO he needs to more than make up for it when he's free on the weekends.
This board makes me appreciate the shit out of my husband. But, I also wouldn't be able to put up with anything less.
Mamas, YOU DESERVE BETTER! You are amazing women. TELL YOUR HUSBANDS WHAT YOU NEED!
This! Â I don;t get the sleep in thing at all when I see people mention it. I told DH that I get up one weekend day, he gets up the other. I even let him pick which day he wanted since I am nice I don;t understand what would happen if you ladies just said that? Would he say no? Kick him in the balls if that is his answer. And those who say "he won;t wake up" whatever, its true that 99% of the time on my sleep in day I wake up first even though the monitor is on DH's side and super low (DH doesn't hear the baby until he is full on freaking out) but I give him a sharp elbow, say "get up!" and pop my earplugs in. Done.Â
So is it that these DHs are dicks/refuse to do it, or that perhaps the communication is just not there?
I don't comprehend the "he won't wake up". Wake the dude up and ask him to get out of bed and meet the needs of the baby.
I have more of a question/confession that's isn't flame worthy, but for the life of me I cannot figure out what GBCN or CH means. I know, call me stupid, I just don't know.
My h isn't the problem in our relationship. It is ME and I know it. I find it impossible to tell him what I need. I always have had a problem expressing that. It isn't his fault that he sometimes doesn't chip in the way I want--he doesn't know!
I have gotten much better over the years and I hope to keep working on it. But, I just want to point out that it isn't always the man who is the problem.
Most of the time I think it would be easier to be a single mom. Dh is harder than my child. He's such a demanding, spoiled, entitled baby. Uggggg
Can we please talk about this phenomenon some? I feel like a lot of women on the board have this complaint about their husbands. I would honestly flip my shit if my husband were like this.
For the record, my DH has been like this since hitting his head. And I have flipped my shit. More than once.
I sleep in on the weekends until 11 or 12 sometimes. I wake up often but just put the pillow back over my head and try my hardest to zone out. I NEED that and look forward to it. I'm positive this will not continue once we have more kids, so in just trying to live it up while I can!
My h isn't the problem in our relationship. It is ME and I know it. I find it impossible to tell him what I need. I always have had a problem expressing that. It isn't his fault that he sometimes doesn't chip in the way I want--he doesn't know!
I have gotten much better over the years and I hope to keep working on it. But, I just want to point out that it isn't always the man who is the problem.
Yea, I don't think it's always the guy. Women need to be clear about their expectations.
I have more of a question/confession that's isn't flame worthy, but for the life of me I cannot figure out what GBCN or CH means. I know, call me stupid, I just don't know.
Can we please talk about this phenomenon some? I feel like a lot of women on the board have this complaint about their husbands. I would honestly flip my shit if my husband were like this.
Truth. I rarely talk about how good my H is because so many people seem to have lazy high maintenance ones and i feel bad.
I would definitely go crazy if my H behaved this way. What happens, ladies, when you try to discuss this behavior with them?
"That's the way I am" and "you knew I was like that when you decided to marry me". The beginning of our relationship had several fights that ended with "that's just the way I am and I'm not going to change" but I love him so I couldn't just be like "oh, peace!".
Mom's of sons: please raise your sons to do chores and cook and be self reliant and responsible and think of others because I feel that's where this problem stems from. At least from my H.
And just because your DH's do it differently, it's not wrong! Let them make mistakes and figure it out! They will become more confident in themselves and more willing to step up more!
YES! This is a huge one. I think a lot of the reason women don't ask is because they don't like the way their H does something. Let him be the father he is!
This is definitely my problem! I feel like I'm getting better though. Now when he does something that I want to say, "No, not THAT way," I bite my tongue and let it slide. I KNOW its NBD, but, I'm crazy.
And, really, I'm crazy. I still watch the video monitor like a hawk, like I did when he was a newborn. Last night, the charger wasn't working and the monitor was about to die. I FREAKED out that I wouldnt have it. DH then asked when I was going to stop using it, or if I was going to watch him sleep until he was 18. Ladies, help me!! He sleeps with a blanket and a pillow. But I'm not nervous about that, because he does awesome, and he's had a blanket since birth, a pillow for almost 2 months. He is fully aware of everything when he sleeps, and moves/takes the blanket off if he needs to, or crawls back up (while asleep) and lays back down on the pillow. But I guess maybe in the back of my mind I think something will happen if I dont watch it. Tell me to relax!!!!!! I honestly lose sleep because I wake up and have to look at it. And he's fine. Always.
You really do have to TELL the men to do things, like others have said. If I waited for my husband to spontaneously do something... he just wouldn't even think of it, he's so oblivious. But if I say "I need you to do xyz" he'll say sure, no problem. He'd never say oh head off out for a few hours why don't you? But if I say "I'm leaving for several hours" he'd be like "ok, cool have fun"
I can't imagine being a single mom who is married, that is just all kinds of wrong. My H is out of town for three days and the house is in a bad way because he usually does the vacuuming, and most of the cleaning. In desperation I HAD To take the the garbage out myself and it made me so annoyed. haha
While I sometimes feel resentment towards him for not being quite amazing enough, I realize I am extremely lucky as he's really awesome.
Also I feel like if you are a SAHM that is even MORE reason to be allowed to lie in on the weekends/have a break after work/weekends. SAHM is freakin hard work, harder than going to work IMO.
Dudes this is 2013, not 1950! TAKE YOUR EQUALITY AND OWN IT
Maybe I am overly sensitive right now or such but I feel so extremely picked on by this thread considering the fact that I decided to share something with you guys. I dont share anything with anyone. If you were in my circle of friends and family, you would think we have a perfect relationship.
For the record- DH is an amazing dad. He was #1 point ALL vacation, allowing me to relax 110%. He gets up with Wy on his one day off. He changes more diapers than most dads. On our vacation we were gone 12 days. I changed... wait for it... one diaper the WHOLE time.
He is a good guy, we are just going through shit and I thought that sharing with you guys would be a safe, easy thing to do. Not every year can be a picture of perfection. Maybe for some of you it is, but unfortunately I was not blessed with the perfect husband. I was blessed with a work in progress who is in fact made for me.
I dont give up. I do get frustrated and needed a place to vent without judgement. But there truly isnt a place like that in real life nor the internets.
Post by puppylove64 on Apr 26, 2013 9:37:00 GMT -5
Here is my funny confession: My dog got fixed last week and his stitched were getting a little infected, so I poured a little antiseptic on it when he jumped obviously in pain, then I blew on his ball sac so it wouldn't sting.