I think JuliaGulia is just angling to get pube pics. Oh, no, I don't want to see, I just don't believe in them....sure, lady. I see right through you like a window.
puppylove64 sometimes you have blow on your dog's balls, and it's not pretty, but it's just the right thing to do.
@smudgee and Faevantastic, I'm so sorry for what you guys are going through. I don't have advice but just want to say that you guys are both wonderful people, and I hope that YHs are able to sort through their issues so that they can be the partners you deserve. (hug)
rubber pants that is so flameworthy!!! Sleeping in is the most amazing invention known to man. I can appreciate the idea of not wanting to miss any time in the day, but on the other hand, I enjoy life about 1000x more when I'm well-rested. And I don't have the willpower or, often, the physiology to fall asleep early in the evening. So when I have a chance to catch up on sleep, I'm going to take it! Also, it's not like you actually have fewer hours in the day....you just use them at night instead of the morning.
My FFFC is that what I really want is to be a SAHM who still sends their kid to daycare. I want to do productive things outside of raising Kai, but I want to do them on my terms and at my pace. I guess what I'm saying is that I want to be independently wealthy. When I put it that way it doesn't seem so flameworthy. I wanna be rich! Flame away!!!
rubber pants that is so flameworthy!!! Sleeping in is the most amazing invention known to man. I can appreciate the idea of not wanting to miss any time in the day, but on the other hand, I enjoy life about 1000x more when I'm well-rested. And I don't have the willpower or, often, the physiology to fall asleep early in the evening. So when I have a chance to catch up on sleep, I'm going to take it! Also, it's not like you actually have fewer hours in the day....you just use them at night instead of the morning.
I am totally with you on this one, JFH. Sleeping is like crack to me.
My H and I had a fight this a.m regarding communication. He is constantly saying I need to tell him what I need, which is hard for me. So, this morning, I tried telling him that I needed something and I got a huge eye roll and a huffy attitude. I told him THAT is why it is hard for me to tell you what I need, because he makes it clear that he's not really interested in helping. Communication is not always cut and dry. Its difficult and evolving. I think that a lot of us see this as a safe place to vent, and the rest of us get a snapshot in an emotional moment. I don't necessarily think that that means the vented about husband is a dick or an asshole, it more like he just did a dickish assholish thing.
You guys made me teared up. DH is depressed. He travels a lot for work during the week. He hates his job. He's pretty much miserable all the time. When I ask him to help, he groans and complains. He doesn't help with Evan's night wakings unless if he just happens to be up to go to the bathroom and so on. When he's not in a mood, eveything's great... like it used to be. I'm tearing up because you have idea how I'd LOVE to tell him off but I'm just so emotionally exhausted that I just can't stand another miserable moment in this house. I just can't. I know the problem isn't going to fix itself. We need counseling. It really sucks.
(hug)
See this is why this crap is so hard. Now I feel shitty. It's easy for me to be all "oh just tell him to get up!" When my situation is so different to others. It's just like the skinny person giving dieting advice again.
Im sorry you guys are struggling and I hope you can figure something out soon. It's so hard when they are down/depressed because the last thing you want when you are depressed and feel like worthless scum is for someone to say hey btw you are worthless scum for this new list of reasons I came up with.
Post by muppetinma on Apr 26, 2013 11:09:43 GMT -5
I am shocked by all the sleep haters around here! Here's my FFFC - I don't get out of bed before 8 unless I'm going to do something super fun, or am getting paid. Andrew stays in his crib until 8. It's the house rule. And every other day, when DH is home, I sleep in. I'll usually get up around 10 and shower. I time it so that I can get dressed and come downstairs to have breakfast while Andrew is still napping.
I've spent my life in a career where people don't go out to dinner or the bar until 11. This whole "I always get up at 5" shit baffles. me.
Also I feel like if you are a SAHM that is even MORE reason to be allowed to lie in on the weekends/have a break after work/weekends. SAHM is freakin hard work, harder than going to work IMO.
Dudes this is 2013, not 1950! TAKE YOUR EQUALITY AND OWN IT
I wanted so badly to SAH once my DD was born, but now looking back, I do not know how you SAHM do it! It IS much harder than working, imo and you ladies are Amazing to me!
Also I feel like if you are a SAHM that is even MORE reason to be allowed to lie in on the weekends/have a break after work/weekends. SAHM is freakin hard work, harder than going to work IMO.
Dudes this is 2013, not 1950! TAKE YOUR EQUALITY AND OWN IT
I wanted so badly to SAH once my DD was born, but now looking back, I do not know how you SAHM do it! It IS much harder than working, imo and you ladies are Amazing to me!
I'm not a SAHM, and I don't think I ever could be! It seems it would be much harder
I've got one. I was nominated by someone for Teacher of the Year. You can decline the nomination and I plan to. Partly because the process involves a ton of paper work and essays. Getting selected involves even more essays and a speech. I am way too unmotivated to have any part of that. Also, while I think I am a pretty good teacher, I am far from the best. Definitely not Teacher of the Year.
I don't plan to tell anyone about the nomination because H will try to convince me to do all of the paperwork for it.
Congrats on the nomination! That's pretty awesome.
Post by Regina Philange on Apr 26, 2013 11:18:08 GMT -5
Faevantastic- I'm sorry. Vent as much as you want. Did things ever get better after you found those texts about you to his friend? I hope he agrees to counseling and you guys can start to mend. Hugs!
I think JuliaGulia is just angling to get pube pics. Oh, no, I don't want to see, I just don't believe in them....sure, lady. I see right through you like a window.
puppylove64 sometimes you have blow on your dog's balls, and it's not pretty, but it's just the right thing to do.
@smudgee and Faevantastic, I'm so sorry for what you guys are going through. I don't have advice but just want to say that you guys are both wonderful people, and I hope that YHs are able to sort through their issues so that they can be the partners you deserve. (hug)
rubber pants that is so flameworthy!!! Sleeping in is the most amazing invention known to man. I can appreciate the idea of not wanting to miss any time in the day, but on the other hand, I enjoy life about 1000x more when I'm well-rested. And I don't have the willpower or, often, the physiology to fall asleep early in the evening. So when I have a chance to catch up on sleep, I'm going to take it! Also, it's not like you actually have fewer hours in the day....you just use them at night instead of the morning.
My FFFC is that what I really want is to be a SAHM who still sends their kid to daycare. I want to do productive things outside of raising Kai, but I want to do them on my terms and at my pace. I guess what I'm saying is that I want to be independently wealthy. When I put it that way it doesn't seem so flameworthy. I wanna be rich! Flame away!!!
I think this way A LOT too! Only maybe, to be "more" realistic, I'd send them to DC till right after lunch, then go get them and spend the rest of the day with them. But keep my mornings to myself to be that productive person.
Post by Regina Philange on Apr 26, 2013 11:22:13 GMT -5
I have a hard time venting about my H because I'm the only person that can call my H an asshole. Same thing for any other member of my family. Like I can talk smack about my sister but if anyone else does I will literally flip my shit.
I wanted so badly to SAH once my DD was born, but now looking back, I do not know how you SAHM do it! It IS much harder than working, imo and you ladies are Amazing to me!
I'm not a SAHM, and I don't think I ever could be! It seems it would be much harder
I've done both. They are both hard in their own ways but being a SAHM is more enjoyable to me so it seems easier, if that makes sense? And I also have an entire nap a day where I can do what I want!! I never had that before. And I get to sleep in until 7 everyday, which is bliss.
I do however think having 2 kids at home would be harder than working, which is why I'm scared to have a second!
Post by Regina Philange on Apr 26, 2013 11:30:26 GMT -5
And no communication is not always the answer. And no its not cut and dry because everyone has different styles of communication and nobody knows what goes on in a relationship except for the people in it. What i am saying is communication is the key to opening the door to fixing said issues.
I'm saying this and I know I have communication issues myself. It's hard.
Lady wood for TrudyCampbell. Also, the "my H works while I SAH so I don't ask him to get up" is sad to me. He signed up to be a parent too so he needs to take part in the responsibilities. That means waking up when you don't want to
I agree, but its also different for each family.
I get up with Cam 90% of the time. I do it because I don't mind it, I'm used to it. DH goes to work a little 7. Camden sleeps until 8 or later on average. So, generally I get to sleep in longer than DH. So, to be nice, I still get up with Cam on the weekends. I dont think thats bad. If I was exhausted/needed sleep, he'd gladly get up with him. But I dont think theres anything wrong with saying, I SAH so I dont ask him to get up. Plus, I guess we dont REALLY count, because once Cam is up, DH is forced to get up too because we live in a teeny apartment and its impossible for sleeping in to happen.
Lady wood for TrudyCampbell. Also, the "my H works while I SAH so I don't ask him to get up" is sad to me. He signed up to be a parent too so he needs to take part in the responsibilities. That means waking up when you don't want to
I agree, but its also different for each family.
I get up with Cam 90% of the time. I do it because I don't mind it, I'm used to it. DH goes to work a little 7. Camden sleeps until 8 or later on average. So, generally I get to sleep in longer than DH. So, to be nice, I still get up with Cam on the weekends. I dont think thats bad. If I was exhausted/needed sleep, he'd gladly get up with him. But I dont think theres anything wrong with saying, I SAH so I dont ask him to get up. Plus, I guess we dont REALLY count, because once Cam is up, DH is forced to get up too because we live in a teeny apartment and its impossible for sleeping in to happen.
This is different though. You aren't posting and saying you wish you could sleep in and it's all you ever want but your DH won't do it. What you're doing is working for you and that's great. If you were unhappy I'd suggest you speak up.
Can we please talk about this phenomenon some? I feel like a lot of women on the board have this complaint about their husbands. I would honestly flip my shit if my husband were like this.
Truth. I rarely talk about how good my H is because so many people seem to have lazy high maintenance ones and i feel bad.
I would definitely go crazy if my H behaved this way. What happens, ladies, when you try to discuss this behavior with them?
Yep, this makes me feel so bad for so many of you My DH is amazing, such a great partner and if always puts me first. He pulls more than his weight and he drives 3 hours total for work everyday. Then he covers more of the house work when I go to the gym 3-4 nights a week....never complains.
I just wanted to say that my h doesn't do much at all to help me or ds out besides being the sole provider. I wish it was as easy as telling him hey, you need to do x,y,z and then he would do it. He works 7 days per week, so when he gets home from work, he's tired and lazy. I wish he was more helpful, trust me, but he always working and I do understand that he wants to rest some. He does do most of the yard work at least and he's making it capable for me to be a SAHM. Just trying to show that every situation to unhelpful husbands can be very different.
I'm going to have to agree with this husband stuff. Ladies, my dear friend Oprah taught me that you teach people how to treat you. I think it's ridiculous that so many men on this board are happy to go through life without helping their wives more but I also think that the women need to really communicate what they need. I don't ask my husband for things, I TELL him when I'm running out of steam and need a break.
If you haven't slept in ever please TELL your husband that he is waking up with the baby every Saturday morning from now until the end of time. He is equally the parent to your baby. He needs to do as much as he can! Many dads aren't around enough to do 50% of the work so IMO he needs to more than make up for it when he's free on the weekends.
This board makes me appreciate the shit out of my husband. But, I also wouldn't be able to put up with anything less.
Mamas, YOU DESERVE BETTER! You are amazing women. TELL YOUR HUSBANDS WHAT YOU NEED!
Dylan was easy. Lyla was above and beyond easy. just fartin'
That makes me feel so much better. TY rainbow!
Honestly, I have two easy kids. I am very lucky, this is partially why I wonder if I should try for a third, haha. Both of my kids eat well, sleep well and are very happy, easy going kids.
I just wanted to say that my h doesn't do much at all to help me or ds out besides being the sole provider. I wish it was as easy as telling him hey, you need to do x,y,z and then he would do it. He works 7 days per week, so when he gets home from work, he's tired and lazy. I wish he was more helpful, trust me, but he always working and I do understand that he wants to rest some. He does do most of the yard work at least and he's making it capable for me to be a SAHM. Just trying to show that every situation to unhelpful husbands can be very different.
Yes but there is no rest for you, from your job then? You work seven days a week too and for longer hours than him?
I just wanted to say that my h doesn't do much at all to help me or ds out besides being the sole provider. I wish it was as easy as telling him hey, you need to do x,y,z and then he would do it. He works 7 days per week, so when he gets home from work, he's tired and lazy. I wish he was more helpful, trust me, but he always working and I do understand that he wants to rest some. He does do most of the yard work at least and he's making it capable for me to be a SAHM. Just trying to show that every situation to unhelpful husbands can be very different.
Yes but there is no rest for you, from your job then? You work seven days a week too and for longer hours than him?
no, not really but I guess as much as I can complain about it, I realize that I became a SAHM knowing this was going to happen.
I just wanted to say that my h doesn't do much at all to help me or ds out besides being the sole provider. I wish it was as easy as telling him hey, you need to do x,y,z and then he would do it. He works 7 days per week, so when he gets home from work, he's tired and lazy. I wish he was more helpful, trust me, but he always working and I do understand that he wants to rest some. He does do most of the yard work at least and he's making it capable for me to be a SAHM. Just trying to show that every situation to unhelpful husbands can be very different.
You need a break, too! When do you get to rest and be lazy?
My husband is ALWAYS working. He comes home from work, helps out a bit, and works more. He goes to bed later than me and wakes up earlier than me. And he still thinks I need time to myself. I'm not trying to back you into a corner or anything, I truly want to help and for you to realize that you DESERVE these things!
Post by Regina Philange on Apr 26, 2013 12:07:39 GMT -5
Huahua- You deserve a break too. It's hard because your H works seven days a week. That is nonstop. But you are in a situation where nobody gets to sleep in so it's different.
My hubs was a SAHD for 2.5 months with her and I think this was really helpful, because he now "gets" what that is like. I think before he had this idea that staying at home was all fun and games and why wouldn't someone be able to clean the house and cook dinner too?! So then he knew why I was such a useless POS during my maternity leave ha.
He always said,I'd LOVE to SAH with the kid(s) but I can tell you that he started looking for a job very quickly as soi as he realized what it was like. Lol
I've got one. I was nominated by someone for Teacher of the Year. You can decline the nomination and I plan to. Partly because the process involves a ton of paper work and essays. Getting selected involves even more essays and a speech. I am way too unmotivated to have any part of that. Also, while I think I am a pretty good teacher, I am far from the best. Definitely not Teacher of the Year.
I don't plan to tell anyone about the nomination because H will try to convince me to do all of the paperwork for it.
Congrats on the nomination! That's pretty awesome.
Yeah!
Even if you decline, it is so cool that you were nominated. Go you!!!
I just wanted to say that my h doesn't do much at all to help me or ds out besides being the sole provider. I wish it was as easy as telling him hey, you need to do x,y,z and then he would do it. He works 7 days per week, so when he gets home from work, he's tired and lazy. I wish he was more helpful, trust me, but he always working and I do understand that he wants to rest some. He does do most of the yard work at least and he's making it capable for me to be a SAHM. Just trying to show that every situation to unhelpful husbands can be very different.
You need a break, too! When do you get to rest and be lazy?
My husband is ALWAYS working. He comes home from work, helps out a bit, and works more. He goes to bed later than me and wakes up earlier than me. And he still thinks I need time to myself. I'm not trying to back you into a corner or anything, I truly want to help and for you to realize that you DESERVE these things!
I wish dh was like that more! I can get breaks in the evening but there really isn't anything for me to do. I went to target the other night but honestly, most nights I don't feel like going out after William is asleep, I would rather sit around the house.
Post by christidee on Apr 26, 2013 12:16:35 GMT -5
I leave for work at 6:30 am Monday-Friday. My trade off is that I am usually home by 3. Sleeping in is anything past 6. On the weekends, if J wakes up after 6:30 I am happy. If he wakes up at 7 I am on cloud 9. Usually though, I naturally wake up at 6:30ish, so I get up anyways.
Post by musiclover on Apr 26, 2013 12:16:53 GMT -5
Sorry Faevantastic, I had no idea...sendind you big creepy hugs my friend. It's not easy, a marriage is never perfect all of the time IMO. It's so tough when one person is going through a dark time, it really affects the marriage. I've been married for almost 9 years so I get it, it can be tough sometimes. I hope you guys can figure out a way to make things better, it sounds like he needs to find a job that makes him happy. Please lean on us for support if/when you need it.
Mine: Adam has sooo many pairs of underwear, but for some reason I got behind on laundry and this week he had run out, I did not notice it until it was morning and he was getting naked and looking for fresh undies. I was like and had to dig into the overflowing pile of dirty laundry and look for a pair that was cleanish (keep in mind this is a 4 year old boy...). Not one of my proudest moments, but I did have to hand him the undies as if they were fresh out of the drawer. Please note we have since done laundry