"spanking" poll

[laurack]

For the purposes of this poll, lets say the word spanking encompasses any behavior where you are in some way physically inflicting some "low level" pain on the child. So popping, flicking, hair pulling, "biting them back, but not very hard!" is counted.

[irishsara]

I didn't want to definitely say that I never would, but I have never hit any of my kids. So, I picked I couldn't say 100%, because just because I haven't doesn't necessarily mean I can guarantee I wouldn't.

[dixeedeluxe]

I voted "I can't say 100% but I would use it as a last resort", for Adeline.

We've spanked Edie. It doesn't work. I'm also pretty sure she gets spanked at IL's. DH also threatens spanking and I think that's what his parents do too.

[Faevantastic]

I was spanked as a child by my parents with belts and at school with a stick. I will avoid it as much as possible so I voted spanking as a last resort... like if they do something bad that is life threatening.

[oso]

Jun 4, 2013 14:18:08 GMT -5 laurack said:

For the purposes of this poll, lets say the word spanking encompasses any behavior where you are in some way physically inflicting some "low level" pain on the child. So popping, flicking, hair pulling, "biting them back, but not very hard!" is counted.

I love "biting" back, but not very hard.  

[mala]

I voted yes with specific rules in specific circumstances. H and I have discussed this and we are on the same page. we have discussed a swat or two to the behind as a last resort. We agree that if we do need to resort to spanking it will not be for several years as there's no way she will understand the cause & effect principles for quite some time.

[Deleted]

I try to never say never, but I will say never this time.

[laurack]

I am not sure about it. I feel like "in theory" i would use as last resort, but in practice I just can't imagine hitting her at all.

My husband says he isn't fully against it, but he is 100% against reactionary
"spanking"/hitting etc. He says the way his dad did it was, if they had been extra bad they would be told they were going to be spanked. Then they had to go and wait for it. It was all very "structured" and never a heat of the moment thing. He says the actual spanking was certainly not painful but they hated the anticipation of it. Looking back he feels it was a decent way of going about it.

I feel like I like the idea of a last resort punishment but there must be other ways of disciplining kids well with no violence. I'm certainly not into the whole "no discipline" thing either.

[katfco]

I chose okay with certain rules, because when DD was this age, we swatted her on the rear, through the diaper, because the word "no" wasn't getting through, and neither was redirecting. With DS, "no" and redirection work. One day I felt the need to swat him and it didn't register at all. That told me spanking isn't going to work for him.

However, I am firmly in the camp of spanking is only appropriate as an immediate discipline tool; although it can sting, it has to be very temporary; it should be phased out as kids respond to less corporal discipline tools; and only the hands should be used. My mother would use a wooden spoon on us until the day she accidentally hit her own hand and realized how much it hurt. She never used it again.

[dixeedeluxe]

Jun 4, 2013 14:35:22 GMT -5 laurack said:

I am not sure about it. I feel like "in theory" i would use as last resort, but in practice I just can't imagine hitting her at all.

My husband says he isn't fully against it, but he is 100% against reactionary
"spanking"/hitting etc. He says the way his dad did it was, if they had been extra bad they would be told they were going to be spanked. Then they had to go and wait for it. It was all very "structured" and never a heat of the moment thing. He says the actual spanking was certainly not painful but they hated the anticipation of it. Looking back he feels it was a decent way of going about it.

I feel like I like the idea of a last resort punishment but there must be other ways of disciplining kids well with no violence. I'm certainly not into the whole "no discipline" thing either.

This is totally how I was raised!  I don't remember ever really getting spanked.  But I remember the fear!  The fear was terrible!

[laurack]

Jun 4, 2013 14:36:43 GMT -5 katfco said:

I chose okay with certain rules, because when DD was this age, we swatted her on the rear, through the diaper, because the word "no" wasn't getting through, and neither was redirecting. With DS, "no" and redirection work. One day I felt the need to swat him and it didn't register at all. That told me spanking isn't going to work for him.

how could anything like that "work" on a baby though?! I mean, they are WAY too young at this point to understand anything like that

[creamsiclechica]

My mom beat the shit out of us as kids, leaving bruises sometimes we had to hide or explain. Remembering the toll that took on me, I couldn't inflict it. I voted never. I'm not saying I'll never be pushed to the threshold where I feel like I might, but that I will use every ounce of my patience and self control not to hit my child.

I don't hit the dogs either. The few times I have in desperation, I cried and rocked even them.

The memory of getting hit in the face with a belt is a strong enough deterrent for me.

[irishsara]

Jun 4, 2013 14:40:09 GMT -5 laurack said:

Jun 4, 2013 14:36:43 GMT -5 katfco said:

I chose okay with certain rules, because when DD was this age, we swatted her on the rear, through the diaper, because the word "no" wasn't getting through, and neither was redirecting. With DS, "no" and redirection work. One day I felt the need to swat him and it didn't register at all. That told me spanking isn't going to work for him.

how could anything like that "work" on a baby though?! I mean, they are WAY too young at this point to understand anything like that

You need to clarify by what you mean as a "baby."  Because technically, our children are considered toddlers now. 

[SteelCity44]

I was spanked as a kid. I've given a quick swat on the bum of my niece and nephew. If my kid goes to grab for something that he isn't supposed to have or especially something that will hurt him, I'll swat his hand away.

Growing up, it wasn't a physically painful "spank." It was an emotional punishment. A sit down, "why are you getting punished," followed by the swat or two, follwed by a hug, and an "I love you" afterwards. I don't ever remember the physical pain, but I knew how awful it felt to disappoint my parents. Man. That sucked.

We've discussed that spanking isn't 100% out, but I'm pretty sure we'll try lots of other options first.

[Faevantastic]

I would not be okay if someone else spanks my child. I'd probably go ape-shit.

[katfco]

Jun 4, 2013 14:40:09 GMT -5 laurack said:

Jun 4, 2013 14:36:43 GMT -5 katfco said:

I chose okay with certain rules, because when DD was this age, we swatted her on the rear, through the diaper, because the word "no" wasn't getting through, and neither was redirecting. With DS, "no" and redirection work. One day I felt the need to swat him and it didn't register at all. That told me spanking isn't going to work for him.

how could anything like that "work" on a baby though?! I mean, they are WAY too young at this point to understand anything like that

To be honest, I can't remember exactly at what age we started swatting her. It may have been a few months older. It's not like it was a frequent occurrence. It happened very rarely. DS does understand what no means, and frequently responds to it, so yes, at some point they do begin to learn that sometimes they aren't to do things.

[joyhart02]

I am so sorry creamsiclechica no child should go through that

[TrudyCampbell]

I don't get the lesson that they learn though. If I do something wrong then someone will physically hurt me? I just don't understand it. I don't see how spanking can lead to better behavior. I see it leading to your kid hitting other people when they do something wrong.

I'm really against it. I've never even hit my dogs and they can be real assholes.

[oso]

I guess my feeling is that I have seen one of my sisters and many of my cousins get spanked. They all continued to get into a lot of trouble. Trouble like drugs and DWI. My sister and the cousin that is the same age as me where both spanked as a main form of punishment. My sister and my cousin both have extremely low self-esteem. My youngest sister and I were not spanked and are much more well adjusted. I just don't see how in the long run how it made things better.

I also think it takes a lot of work to discipline without spanking, but it's worth it. It takes being consistent and clear.

[muppetinma]

I said I would use it as a last resort. I hate the word never, and can't say that in the heat of the moment, if Andrew was directly disobeying and putting himself or others in immediate danger, I wouldn't do it.

But I think, at 13.5 months, he totally would get it if he were to be spanked for misbehaving. He knows when he disappoints us and gets genuinely sad when we're mad at him. I don't want to say that all kids his age would understand it, but I think he would.

[Deleted]

Jun 4, 2013 14:37:52 GMT -5 dixeedeluxe said:

Jun 4, 2013 14:35:22 GMT -5 laurack said:

I am not sure about it. I feel like "in theory" i would use as last resort, but in practice I just can't imagine hitting her at all.

My husband says he isn't fully against it, but he is 100% against reactionary
"spanking"/hitting etc. He says the way his dad did it was, if they had been extra bad they would be told they were going to be spanked. Then they had to go and wait for it. It was all very "structured" and never a heat of the moment thing. He says the actual spanking was certainly not painful but they hated the anticipation of it. Looking back he feels it was a decent way of going about it.

I feel like I like the idea of a last resort punishment but there must be other ways of disciplining kids well with no violence. I'm certainly not into the whole "no discipline" thing either.

This is totally how I was raised!  I don't remember ever really getting spanked.  But I remember the fear!  The fear was terrible!

same here!

[dixeedeluxe]

Jun 4, 2013 14:47:41 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

I don't get the lesson that they learn though. If I do something wrong then someone will physically hurt me? I just don't understand it. I don't see how spanking can lead to better behavior. I see it leading to your kid hitting other people when they do something wrong.

No, it doesn't work.  I mean, we were at our wit's end with Edie and spanked her.  I mean, there was a time I was also physically sitting on her so she'd do "time out".  So we started to spank.  It didn't work.

Lately, the threat of spanking is working though.  "Edie, you're going to need to follow this rule {state rule} or I might have to smack your butt".  That works.  I don't do that because I'd never follow thorugh.  But I hear DH do it in the calmest voice and it works a lot of the time. 

It's so weird.

As far as hitting other kids, Edie doesn't seem to be a hitter.  But she does say "Oh, Adeline I need to smak your butt" when she does something wrong.  But then she doesn't do it.  I dont' think she knows what "smack your butt" means. 

[creamsiclechica]

Jun 4, 2013 14:47:41 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

I don't get the lesson that they learn though. If I do something wrong then someone will physically hurt me? I just don't understand it. I don't see how spanking can lead to better behavior. I see it leading to your kid hitting other people when they do something wrong.

I'm really against it. I've never even hit my dogs and they can be real assholes.

This is where I'm at with the thinking too. I think that I don't need to go around hitting my adult peers to teach them things I need them to know. Teachers in schools at all ages do not need to resort to violence in order to teach lessons or keep order. It just shows that it can be done. I realize adults are, generally speaking, rational beings, but there are many other examples of non violent ways of disciplining. Look at @music lover. She's an amazing example if you ask me. Not that Adam is deserving of discipline, please don't take it that way, but just in the difficult and trying situations she's been faced with, her and her husband gave taken a unified, proactive, constructive approach and seen some success. That's enough for me!

[irishsara]

Like I said, I've never done it. But I don't see how someone can say it doesn't work. Some people do it, and think it works. Some people see it as a consequence for actions. Same as some people see time out as a consequence. So, while the aspect of hitting them might not work, having consequences for actions does.

[charlielove]

I don't spank and I won't spank. I have a very strong-willed almost 4 year old and it can be a challenge to effectively discipline her, this still isn't an option.

I do not want my children to ever be fearful of me. Even though I was spanked "the right way" when I was little, I was for sure fearful of consequences because I knew I'd get spanked if it was severe enough. A baby or young toddler can not relate their bad behavior to the reason they are being spanked, hit, or swatted.

[Deleted]

We would use it, but in certain circumstances and as a last resort kind of thing if he was continually disobeying.

I was also a child of, 'fearing the threat' more than getting spanked. And I personally hate that. I think if you tell them you're going to spank them, and then follow through (if they continue the behavior), then thats more effective than constantly threatening it but never actually spanking. Also, a spank to me is a light swat on the butt through pants/diapers whatever. I would NEVER spank bare butt or with anything other than a hand or with a lot of force. Also, I suffered emotional verbal abuse as a child. I know that it isnt either verbal or spanking, one or the other, but sometimes I wish my mom would have just spanked me and got it over with instead of the verbal abuse I got.

[oso]

Jun 4, 2013 14:37:52 GMT -5 dixeedeluxe said:

Jun 4, 2013 14:35:22 GMT -5 laurack said:

I am not sure about it. I feel like "in theory" i would use as last resort, but in practice I just can't imagine hitting her at all.

My husband says he isn't fully against it, but he is 100% against reactionary
"spanking"/hitting etc. He says the way his dad did it was, if they had been extra bad they would be told they were going to be spanked. Then they had to go and wait for it. It was all very "structured" and never a heat of the moment thing. He says the actual spanking was certainly not painful but they hated the anticipation of it. Looking back he feels it was a decent way of going about it.

I feel like I like the idea of a last resort punishment but there must be other ways of disciplining kids well with no violence. I'm certainly not into the whole "no discipline" thing either.

This is totally how I was raised!  I don't remember ever really getting spanked.  But I remember the fear!  The fear was terrible!

This is how my middle sister was raised.  She lived in fear, and didn't think she was valued because she was always in fear.  She never knew when she was doing something that was wrong and would get spanked so she just gave up trying. 

[Deleted]

Cream, I am SO sorry you went through that. That is just awful. :-(

[jfh]

Jun 4, 2013 14:47:41 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

I don't get the lesson that they learn though. If I do something wrong then someone will physically hurt me? I just don't understand it. I don't see how spanking can lead to better behavior. I see it leading to your kid hitting other people when they do something wrong.

I'm really against it. I've never even hit my dogs and they can be real assholes.

I couldn't have said it better myself. (I mean, I don't know if your dogs are assholes, but the rest of it).

[oso]

I like this article from Dr. Sears. www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/spanking/10-reasons-not-hit-your-child