Post by cinderbella on Sept 6, 2013 8:42:06 GMT -5
I don't know if this has already been mentioned - but does she like her car seat? Can you give her a pacifier and go for a drive to try and calm her down? Or else put her in her carseat (buckled in) on top of the dryer - the noise/warmth/motion often puts babies to sleep.
Call someone over to help you. They have all been there and it is helpful to have someone who has recently (last 10 years) gone through this. They have tricks, they won't get worked up/bothered by the crying and you can get a break.
Plus they can give you hair pats, tell you their war stories and convince you it will get easier.
Some days I feel like there should be be a It Gets Better campaign for new moms. I think you can probably tell from all these responses that we all remember how much this can really suck.
Outside is good for both of you. Sometimes I would just stand on the back porch with my son when he was like that. Fuck the neighbors.
A walk, swaddle, bicycling the legs - these are all good suggestions. And even if none of it works, all is not lost. I promise you she will stop crying and you will stop crying and everything will get better.
Have you tried doing all of the five S's at once? My daughter was colicky and that was the only thing that worked sometimes.
(swaddle tightly, hold her against your stomach, put a pacifer in her mouth and keep it in there by wedging it against your stomach or chest, rock or jiggle her in your arms, and put some white noise on high).
Big time YES on the white noise. DS did the SAME EXACT THING. I got frustrated and said well if he's going to cry I'm going to do something productive, so I started vacuuming. Within a few moments - silence.
I'm sorry. The newborn thing is so hard. Everyone here has great suggestions. When I got desperate I would put her in her wrap, turn on the white noise, and just let her scream in my face until she fell asleep. Take deep breaths if you can. I know this sounds unhelpful, but she would be out in 10 minutes, tops. It was the easiest way for me to eliminate all stimulation to help her settle.
Oh yeah, and stepping outside with her in the wrap was like an off switch. She was born in February, and we'd be out there in the cold like two jackasses.
i would go outside when L got like this. the outdoors provided white noise, an escape for me, and since the kid was strapped in the snap'n'go, if i need to clutch my face and rip out my hair in frustration, my arms were free.
and you need LOUD white noise. a vacuum or a hairdryer.
but in any event WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS? someone needs to manage grandma right now because you can't do both. YOU CANNOT DO BOTH. do not be afraid to ask for help. DEMAND HELP. now.
i would go outside when L got like this. the outdoors provided white noise, an escape for me, and since the kid was strapped in the snap'n'go, if i need to clutch my face and rip out my hair in frustration, my arms were free.
and you need LOUD white noise. a vacuum or a hairdryer.
but in any event WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS? someone needs to manage grandma right now because you can't do both. YOU CANNOT DO BOTH. do not be afraid to ask for help. DEMAND HELP. now.
My mom is at work and I couldn't get a hold of her. My dad is deceased.
You are in the weeds right now and it will get better. I promise. Put the baby in a car seat or bouncy seat and turn on the blow dryer. It should help to quiet her down and probably fall asleep. Take deep breaths. You're doing everything right!
Post by rondonalddo on Sept 6, 2013 8:54:04 GMT -5
Seconding the yoga ball, if you have access to one. My daughter was colicky and had reflux, and a lot of the time the best option was to wrap her up, turn a loud fan up on full blast, and bounce vigorously (not dangerously hard, and I held her close to my body with her head and neck supported but I'm sure it didn't appear terribly gentle). She would get too angry to eat, too, so at one point I tried walking around with her and bouncing while trying to nurse and sometimes that worked, so you could try that with the bottle.
And if it's too upsetting to read the advice-- I remember getting kind of pissed when people would suggest "Oh, go for a ride in the car!" because I thought, "No she hates the car. She HATES EVERYTHING."-- I'll just offer my sympathy. I've been there, and it's miserable. It does eventually get better, but it is hard going in the meantime. You can get through it.
Ask your sister to go get your "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD from the library or look it up online. Do the 5 S's, and remind yourself that you can do this. She is okay. YOu will get through it.
Post by sineadorebellion on Sept 6, 2013 8:55:05 GMT -5
I think everyone has given all the advice I could think of but just giving you hugs. The first few weeks are the worst, and especially since you're not at your place, and with grandma around. .. You're doing better than I could! You can do this. FWIW though the white noise app was never loud enough. We still use a hair dryer for V. I hope she settles down for you.
i would go outside when L got like this. the outdoors provided white noise, an escape for me, and since the kid was strapped in the snap'n'go, if i need to clutch my face and rip out my hair in frustration, my arms were free.
and you need LOUD white noise. a vacuum or a hairdryer.
but in any event WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS? someone needs to manage grandma right now because you can't do both. YOU CANNOT DO BOTH. do not be afraid to ask for help. DEMAND HELP. now.
My mom is at work and I couldn't get a hold of her. My dad is deceased.
ah, i see. can your mom take time off? THIS is when you'll need her. not when your daughter is 3 weeks old. i mean, you might need her then too, but really it's the first few days/nights/weeks where you're all "wtf have i done i'm never going to make it i want my mommy."
i'm not trying to be pushy here (well, actually i am. i'm very pushy.), but you alone with a newborn and a grandmother with dementia all day is NO BUENO.
My mom is at work and I couldn't get a hold of her. My dad is deceased.
ah, i see. can your mom take time off? THIS is when you'll need her. not when your daughter is 3 weeks old. i mean, you might need her then too, but really it's the first few days/nights/weeks where you're all "wtf have i done i'm never going to make it i want my mommy."
i'm not trying to be pushy here (well, actually i am. i'm very pushy.), but you alone with a newborn and a grandmother with dementia all day is NO BUENO.
Agreed. You've been tasked with caring for 2 very needy people, and that just sucks. I hope you and baby can step outside, if only to get away from grandma for a bit.
My mom is at work and I couldn't get a hold of her. My dad is deceased.
ah, i see. can your mom take time off? THIS is when you'll need her. not when your daughter is 3 weeks old. i mean, you might need her then too, but really it's the first few days/nights/weeks where you're all "wtf have i done i'm never going to make it i want my mommy."
i'm not trying to be pushy here (well, actually i am. i'm very pushy.), but you alone with a newborn and a grandmother with dementia all day is NO BUENO.
She said she can't. I'm so mad. She swore she would be able to help me and its nothing now.
ah, i see. can your mom take time off? THIS is when you'll need her. not when your daughter is 3 weeks old. i mean, you might need her then too, but really it's the first few days/nights/weeks where you're all "wtf have i done i'm never going to make it i want my mommy."
i'm not trying to be pushy here (well, actually i am. i'm very pushy.), but you alone with a newborn and a grandmother with dementia all day is NO BUENO.
She said she can't. I'm so mad. She swore she would be able to help me and its nothing now.
want me to kick her ass for you? no joke. i'll do it.
i'm glad your husband is coming. i'm not sure what the restrictions are on you traveling with this little one (health and legal), but i hope you get home soon.
remember, you CAN do this. i promise you can. think of the lamest-ass parent you know (picture him or her in your mind). got it? okay. if that sucktacular bag of crap can survive the infant stage, SO CAN YOU.
Oh oh oh Jake used to bounce on the yoga ball w them and read anything. His lower voice vibrated or something and it helped them. It didn't work w me, the kids were just like "what is going on with all the bouncing?!" So maybe try your lowest vibratey voice too.