I'm so sorry- this phase sucks so much. In case you are looking for a few more things to try, here are the things that worked for my DD:
Bouncing on a yoga ball 5 Ss (watch the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD) White noise (sleep sheep) Target brand gas drops with every feeding Riding in the car Getting out for a walk
Now that my mind is clear, I think the problem was that she was so tired (she didn't sleep well last night) that she couldn't focus on eating and was so hungry she couldn't sleep. Vicious, vicious cycle.
She's in the Moby, listening to my heartbeat and sleeping. Oh my gosh. Miraculous sleep. I'm taking advantage of this to wash her bottles and pack up for our trip.
Now that my mind is clear, I think the problem was that she was so tired (she didn't sleep well last night) that she couldn't focus on eating and was so hungry she couldn't sleep. Vicious, vicious cycle.
She's in the Moby, listening to my heartbeat and sleeping. Oh my gosh. Miraculous sleep. I'm taking advantage of this to wash her bottles and pack up for our trip.
Good news! I know I'm not a regular or anything, but I live near where you are now and would be happy to help out if you need anything.
Thanks, everyone. Rosie is sleeping and I feel much calmer.
My sister told me that she received a DVD about the purple period of crying thing. I have never heard of this. Rosie was born at the exact same hospital, but I didn't get anything like that. I guess the hospital doesn't get a lot of adoptions and I feel like maybe we fell through the cracks or something with a few things. Like, I received very little "training" about what to expect when we went home and stuff...yet other people did.
Sounds like you're on top of things now! Big hugs. My LO is 8w and the first 2 weeks were a nightmare. Hang in there, it really does get easier.
When my LO is crying due to colic/being over tired, the one fail-safe is to swaddle her tightly with a blanket, put her face down across my lap so that her stomach gets pressure from my legs and to pat and rub her back. Works (for her) every time. There's a lot going on and some babies struggle to sleep even when they're exhausted.
Post by Captain Serious on Sept 6, 2013 10:54:15 GMT -5
You CAN do this. The first few weeks were the worst, and I often thought, "Oh my God, what did I do? I not only ruined my life and family, but if I give up on this kid, he'll be all out of chances, and I would be the only one to blame for that. I can't do this, but I CAN'T do that!" So I forced myself to take each moment by moment, knowing that of I had to do that to get through each day, then at least it was a way to get through the day.
I'm not sure if I believe that infants suffer from the primal wound right away, but honestly, if that's the cause of her distress, it doesn't really matter, since you are doing all you can for her, and there's no way to ease it if that's the source. So, don't get hung up on whether this is her realizing her loss, and just take each moment as it comes. Remember to breathe, try to relax your muscles, and face only what you must in each moment. Don't think of the month, week, day, or even minute. Just deal with what's right in front of you and demanding attention in the very present moment, and you WILL get through this.
You CAN do this. Just take it one moment at a time, and I promise, in time, it WILL get better.
I read through the replies, all the advice I would have given has already been mentioned. But I wanted to give you support and hugs. You're doing great and you're an awesome mom! Rosie is so lucky to have you!
You CAN do this. The first few weeks were the worst, and I often thought, "Oh my God, what did I do? I not only ruined my life and family, but if I give up on this kid, he'll be all out of chances, and I would be the only one to blame for that. I can't do this, but I CAN'T do that!" So I forced myself to take each moment by moment, knowing that of I had to do that to get through each day, then at least it was a way to get through the day.
I'm not sure if I believe that infants suffer from the primal wound right away, but honestly, if that's the cause of her distress, it doesn't really matter, since you are doing all you can for her, and there's no way to ease it if that's the source. So, don't get hung up on whether this is her realizing her loss, and just take each moment as it comes. Remember to breathe, try to relax your muscles, and face only what you must in each moment. Don't think of the month, week, day, or even minute. Just deal with what's right in front of you and demanding attention in the very present moment, and you WILL get through this.
You CAN do this. Just take it one moment at a time, and I promise, in time, it WILL get better.
OMG, I have had that thought..."WTF was I thinking???"
Also, I'm convinced there's no better feeling in the world than when your crying baby falls asleep. It's just like a rush of pure, sweet relief. I can honestly see how people get addicted to a quick high like that.
I am so sorry. You're getting lots of great advice. I will say, though, that there were several times with DS1 when I really did think that we'd simply ruined our lives, and there was no going back, and what have I doooonnnnne?
BUT. It really does get better. Wrap that moby as tight as you possibly can and go for a walk. It sounds like you're getting out of the house for the weekend, which is great.
You should not have to bear the responsibility for your Gma on top of your new baby.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Sept 6, 2013 11:40:49 GMT -5
You can do this. It is going to get so much easier. I promise. She's just learning how to live in this world that isn't as warm and cozy as she's used to.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Sept 6, 2013 11:44:32 GMT -5
Oh, and just putting it out there that I cried every single day for two weeks. Right at 7 pm and the night was looming I would start to lose my shit.
That part got better too. At least some of that was the hormones, but it was also feeling like I had absolutely no control over my life or anything at all anymore. Once he settled into everything, I felt like a human.
Having your husband there is going to make a world of difference. See if you can have him give her a bottle at night so you can sleep a bit. (Confession: This never worked for us because I'm the lightest sleeper in the world so I was up anyway, but everyone else I've talked to who has recently given birth said this was huge for them.)
I also just want to add, as practical advice, don't assume that because something doesn't work right away, that it's a busy. Like LHC said, give everything a good chance to work. If you try took my things, you could overstimulate her and it just escalates. Fake it til you make it, they can smell fear, lol.
This is a good point. DS HATED his swing. Then he needed it heavily months 4-7. They like to keep you on your toes.
Yes, 5 S's (suck, swaddle, sway, shush, side/stomach). Those newborn days are tough, but I promise it'll get better (though I know it feels like it will never end right now). Hang in there!
This. If it doesn't work, rock harder, shush louder.
and have someone tell your grandma to shut it. Seriously. You don't need to deal with her on top of the baby.
I don't know how much caretaking of your grandma you're doing, or if she is just completely and utterly in your way (reading those posts made my breath get shorter, seriously)... but if your mom "can't" help you and you don't want to relinquish too much of Rosie's care to a friend/sister/etc... can your mom hire someone to help with your grandma for the day? Maybe a caretaker can take her out grocery shopping for a couple hours or something to give everyone some peace?
My grandma mostly needs guidance and cues. My mom is in the process of hiring someone to help, but because the state pays for grandma's care, it's a process.
Rosie and I are both dressed, she's been fed, she's dry, and she's pretty content. I'm taking this time to pack up the car so we can get away for the weekend..something I very much need! I'm hoping a change of scenery will do some good for her. At any rate, maybe if I get relax, she will relax.
You CAN do this. The first few weeks were the worst, and I often thought, "Oh my God, what did I do? I not only ruined my life and family, but if I give up on this kid, he'll be all out of chances, and I would be the only one to blame for that. I can't do this, but I CAN'T do that!" So I forced myself to take each moment by moment, knowing that of I had to do that to get through each day, then at least it was a way to get through the day.
I'm not sure if I believe that infants suffer from the primal wound right away, but honestly, if that's the cause of her distress, it doesn't really matter, since you are doing all you can for her, and there's no way to ease it if that's the source. So, don't get hung up on whether this is her realizing her loss, and just take each moment as it comes. Remember to breathe, try to relax your muscles, and face only what you must in each moment. Don't think of the month, week, day, or even minute. Just deal with what's right in front of you and demanding attention in the very present moment, and you WILL get through this.
You CAN do this. Just take it one moment at a time, and I promise, in time, it WILL get better.
OMG, I have had that thought..."WTF was I thinking???"
It's not uncommon for new adoptive parents to feel this way. you go from no kid or any real signs of kid to thoughts of "this is real and I'm failing" in an instant. it doesn't give your mind, body, or hormones any time to prepare. I wish more adoptive parents were open about feeling like this. I've had several confide it to me, but the fear of saying it openly is too great, like somehow they don't deserve they children or something. Not to mention the smug, "but you wanted this" replies. (You'll hear that at some point, regardless, I'm afraid.)
Dude, newborns are HARD. I would take S to the grocery store. I put her carseat in the cart and walked up and down the aisles. She loved the store and she'd fall asleep. Good luck.
Post by emoflamingo on Sept 6, 2013 12:51:58 GMT -5
I'm a lurker (I post on H&G though, so not 100% creepy) and I want to give you hair pats. I'm in Kansas too (not sure what part you're in) but if you come back from your weekend getaway and need someone to just hold a crying baby, I know there are a few posters who I cross paths with on H&G that can vouch I'm not a weirdo. (Okay, I'm definitely a weirdo, but I'm not a "steal your baby" weirdo.)
Post by Glitter Tits on Sept 6, 2013 12:55:49 GMT -5
Oh, no. I'm so sorry. All parents have these thoughts. Newborns are the absolute worst. Especially if you have one with colic. White noise was the only thing that worked. We used the vacuum cleaner, hair dryer, and Baby Got Colic on youtube. She never liked the swing but she liked the bouncy chair. GL and hang in there. It gets better...months from now ((hugs))
ETA: Don't watch the video; it's really creepy. The noise is awful too but it was the only thing that got my kid to shut up.
Sorry I didn't read the whole thing but here is a plan ofattack if this happens again
obvs get the karp book.
bicycle kicks in case she's pushing out maje farts
put her in carseat. Strap in tight. Swing that fucker up back up back. Hard. Like way higher than her swing. Good workout too!
put her face down on your forearm so her face is in your palm. She will look like an airplane. Walk her around. Babies love that shit. Even more so when the vacuum is on and just sitting there.
Go for a walk. Super good for her lungs to scream outside. And you get away from grandma!
Take a bath with her. Floating around is super soothing
Drive drive drive. But only if you're not exhausted.
Crying is normal. Getting a digestive tract to work after months of umbilical nutrition is hard work yo! Might need to switch to gentlease or something
And don't forget the 4th trimester! Swaddle shush swing I forget the rest.
but above all.... Baby cries are not the same as toddler cries. Obviously if your Toddler cries, you want that to stop ASAP. Baby cries are on a different level, sometimes there is nothing you can do, sometimes those little dorks are crying because they're tired. From CRYING. or scared of the sounds THEY are making! So relax. She can totes tell you're worked up. They feel it. Relax. I know. Easier said than done. YOU WILL. SURVIVE
It's due to the fact that in the womb, our heart beat and the sound of our blood flowing through our bodies etc are all really loud to the fetus, much louder than we think, so shushing loudly is comforting because they feel as if they are back in the womb
@otterama get "happiest baby on the block" stat It's a book but comes in DVD form as well Get the DVD because seeing the techniques make it so much easier to mimic than reading it in a book and tryin to mimic while frazzled
Our twins had the "witching hour(s)" at the same time and dh and I did all we could do and nothin worked I heard about this DVD, got it, and that day when the screaming started, we had them calm and quiet literally in under five min instead of three hours
I believe it's the five s's Swaddle Suck (paci) Shush And I forget the other two, its been three yrs, but those seemed to be the best
You SO can do this. It isn't easy for anyone. Please hang in there and when they were little like newborn I felt so badly to leave them in the other room when I needed a moment of semi sanity to myself I would put ear plugs in and lay on the bed snuggling them so I didn't have to hear it but they didn't have to be alone (mother of the year candidate right here)
OMG, I have had that thought..."WTF was I thinking???"
It's not uncommon for new adoptive parents to feel this way. you go from no kid or any real signs of kid to thoughts of "this is real and I'm failing" in an instant. it doesn't give your mind, body, or hormones any time to prepare. I wish more adoptive parents were open about feeling like this. I've had several confide it to me, but the fear of saying it openly is too great, like somehow they don't deserve they children or something. Not to mention the smug, "but you wanted this" replies. (You'll hear that at some point, regardless, I'm afraid.)
Yes, the smug "you wanted this" is utter bullshit.
My twins (IVF) are three (turned three in July) and they skipped terrible twos but have decided on terrible threes
I confided in my mom one day a few weeks ago that I had had a horrible day and the girls were very difficult and extra fresh that day and I just needed to vent. Her reply? "You know, with all you went through to have the girls I would think you'd be more patient with them"
Whaaaat??? Thanks ma for the shoulder to cry on once in three yrs So ya, kids are hard and I wish it were more acceptable to say, out loud, omg I need a break, without it sounding like you are ungrateful for your kids