So what does it say about you that he thinks this won't be the end of your marriage? His parents are running your marriage and your life. Get to a lawyer, find your own place to live and figure out why you put up with this BS.
I suspect his parents don't like you and are hoping DH will initiate a divorce at some point (I've seen parents pressure a fiance in two scenarios and in both cases they disliked the spouse). I also suspect they are in your DHs ear about this house nonsense. Unfortunately your husband isn't a man, he's a little boy and doing everything mommy and daddy say. He doesn't respect you as a partner.
Does he expect you to pay towards the mortgage? Dude. This is seriously fucked up.
Does he think this is good news? Like "Surprise, my parents bought us a house!" Or did his text present it as bad news because he knows how shitty this is?
His first text said that he had some bad news about the house. I was panicking at working thinking that it fell through and on the verge of tears thinking about where we would go. Then he went on to tell me that it would be okay because there was this other house and his parents were willing to help and blah blah blah. He made it sound like it was just an idea until I shot it down and then he told me that he's already closed on it and we were never moving into the rental.
And at that moment you started packing your stuff to leave this guy, yes?
I had some small debt before we got married. H paid it off for me (we were engaged by this point) because we wanted it cleared up before we got married and then i paid him back when I got a settlement. My point is this, if you are getting married and looking at this as a team effort and you don't want to start your joined life with debt and you have the means to help out your future spouse, you do it. Because it is about starting your life together off on better financial footing. Instead, he was only thinking of protecting himself never mind what declaring bankruptcy would do to your credit scores, etc and over $7000.
I think he is shady as fuck and not someone I would want to be tied to for the rest of my life, love or no love. Love is not everything in a marriage. If you don't have trust and each others back and more importantly, if your loyalty is not first and foremost to each other, then what the fuck do you have?
I'm sorry they are jerking you around, but i would seriously look into getting into your own place. Can you afford the little house on your own? What about an apartment? Then you can text him that you have other plans.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Sept 26, 2013 10:23:56 GMT -5
I think straight up refusing to move into the house would be a good first step. Either that or consult a lawyer, and see I folio moving in or not affects your ability to get some percentage of the value of the house when you divorce his ass.
At the very least I would be demanding some serious marital counseling with some financial ultimatums attached (ie putting the house in your and his name, etc, whatever your lawyer tells you).
Post by mrsjuleshs on Sept 26, 2013 10:39:01 GMT -5
I would for SURE be headed to talk to a lawyer. I would assume that he has his own savings account as well? Beause if not, he took some of YOUR money to purchase a house that you did not choose and you will not be on any sort of paperwork? HELL NO! Get into a lawyer with all of your financial information.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
Um, you have bigger issues than finding this out via text. 1) are you now obligated to buy 2 houses?? You said you have a contract on the 1 you thought you were buying. 2) your inlaws suck. 3) your DH sucks too.
Um, you have bigger issues than finding this out via text. 1) are you now obligated to buy 2 houses?? You said you have a contract on the 1 you thought you were buying. 2) your inlaws suck. 3) your DH sucks too.
She clarified that it was for a rental and that it was a ruse perpetrated by her H to get her to consent to moving while he and his parents bought the house.
Um, you have bigger issues than finding this out via text. 1) are you now obligated to buy 2 houses?? You said you have a contract on the 1 you thought you were buying. 2) your inlaws suck. 3) your DH sucks too.
She clarified that it was for a rental and that it was a rouse perpetrated by her H to get her to consent to moving while he and his parents bought the house.
I realize you are probably in shock right now, and that is understandable. But you need to know this is NOT ok. And I hope that you at least start looking for apts in your area to rent, as a first step.
See a lawyer. That's all I've got. This is some seriously shady, man-child bullshit on your H's part and I would not deal with it any longer.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.
ETA: Scratch that, because you do NOT have to deal with this nonsense. I would be enraged if my H bought a house without any input from me. Then throw in the gem that his parents are in on it too? Fuck off with that. I am sorry he did this, but I think you have much better things in your future without this jerk.
Post by game blouses on Sept 26, 2013 12:07:02 GMT -5
As someone who had to sign a prenup and whose inlaws would have ABSOLUTELY pulled this if DH had let them, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It feels horrible for people (your future family) to look down on you because of your finances.
As others have said, your DH has proven who he is married to, and it's not you.
That's not delivering bad news. That is being manipulative and chicken shit in admitting to screwing your wife over.
(I'm not anti-prenup if it is a truly open and fair negotiation. Debt or a proclivity for acquiring debt isn't a bad reason for one. But what he did since? Asshole.)
I texted my BFF when my 5 month old died. Frankly, I felt like a zombie that was in shock and by the end of the day, I was interested in talking to no one. I avoided phone convos for days and let everything go to voicemail.
So like people have said, it depends. But it's not always about you or your worthiness of a phone call.
Oh fuck lemon I'm so so sorry for you Gawd how heartbreaking ((Hugs))
There's a little bit of backstory here. Before we got married his parents wanted me to file for bankruptcy for my ~$7,000 debt. I didn't want to so I has to sign a prenup. I did it because I figured I was actually marrying him because I loved him so what did it matter. He doesn't have money, his parents do.
Long story longer, we are moving on Sunday. We applied and we accepted for this cute little house. Everything's fine. I found out today that that's not where we are actually moving and that he bought a house with his parents as a co-signer and it's been kept a secret from me.
I'm afraid that he's getting ready to leave me or something, and there won't be anything I can do about it.
That's not delivering bad news. That is being manipulative and chicken shit in admitting to screwing your wife over.
(I'm not anti-prenup if it is a truly open and fair negotiation. Debt or a proclivity for acquiring debt isn't a bad reason for one. But what he did since? Asshole.)
Wise sonrisa I'd fuck my dh up if a) he even went alon with a prenup and b) if he bought a different house and had his parents co-sign I'd rather live in a shack than be under my inlaw's thumb (or anyone's for that matter)
Post by VeryViolet on Sept 26, 2013 12:39:35 GMT -5
@vaba I hope I don't sound super condescending but I think it is really great that you are sticking around reading this. I cannot imagine how hard it is to read these things on top of what you are already feeling about a really fucked up situation. Only you know what is the right decision for you moving forward. I don't think anyone at all would fault you for being done with this. The breech of trust and lack of thought at all your husband has shown truly can be unforgivable. If you do decide to move forward with your relationship I hope it is with some serious stipulations about what needs to change and counselling for both of you as couple and individually. Good luck I really hope that everything works out for the best for you no one deserves to be treated that way by the person who is supposed to be their equal partner.
Post by fredaruth on Sept 26, 2013 12:45:08 GMT -5
When I married my H I was in real bad financial trouble with a house in foreclosure. His parents are very very wealthy but they never used this against me and my H and his family are against prenups. My FIL used his connections to find a lawyer who helped me do a short sale and save my credit history from being completely trashed.
Post by speckledfrog on Sept 26, 2013 13:18:48 GMT -5
I am not a lawyer and I have no idea, but my suggestion is to leave things be unless he knows you are planning on leaving. I would make copies of statements and other financial info, though.
I am not a lawyer and I have no idea, but my suggestion is to leave things be unless he knows you are planning on leaving. I would make copies of statements and other financial info, though.
This.
If you ARE planning on leaving, then yes, pull the money before you tell him. He obviously can't be trusted.
((Hugs)) You got this! You are stronger than you could ever imagine.