all throughout this post, when ever someone asks you "what did DH say about this" or "how does DH act about that" you always answer with "THEY think that..." Seems like you are so used to thinking of them as a threesome that you can't even separate your DH from his parents in your own mind. No wonder your DH thought he could get away with this, you signed off on this long ago. Your DH has raised the ante but it's still the same old game.
He has lost his fucking mind. Seriously. His parents are never going to cut the apron strings and he is always going to think the lifestyle he "deserves" is higher than it is because his parents will continue to fund him.
OH! You met my ex? LOL
Seriously though, you just put into words exactly what I have been trying to explain for YEARS. Explain isn't the right word. More like rationalize. Rationalize staying with him and hoping he grows out of it.
HINT: He didn't. Instead, he started banging a 19 year old.
But what did he say when you asked him why he did it? Or why he thought it was a good idea to trick you and sneak around behind your back?
The lifestyle that he thinks we should have is unrealistic. The house that he bought is unnecessary and impractical. I don't care that his parents were trying to find our "forever home" because if it's something that we would struggle to afford on out own or in this instance only be able to afford with help than it's not for us.
He knows that I am strongly against asking his parents for anything which is why he went behind my back to do this. I don't know how he thought this would turn out or if he thought I would love the house too much once I saw it to really care how we were affording it.
The lifestyle that he thinks we should have is unrealistic. The house that he bought is unnecessary and impractical. I don't care that his parents were trying to find our "forever home" because if it's something that we would struggle to afford on out own or in this instance only be able to afford with help than it's not for us.
He knows that I am strongly against asking his parents for anything which is why he went behind my back to do this. I don't know how he thought this would turn out or if he thought I would love the house too much once I saw it to really care how we were affording it.
Have you said this to him? Like, precisely this.
Do it, if you have not.
That is pretty much the summarized version of what I told him last night.
Ask him if he is seriously sorry and if so to void the prenup. Then see a lawyer or move in and bank ALL your income. When you are good and ready move out and leave him.
Ask him if he is seriously sorry and if so to void the prenup.
Ummm. No.
He took on serious debt without her consent or participation. Right now, the prenup is the only thing standing between her and being sucked into this multiparty disaster. That piece of paper is the dutch boy's finger in the dam.
I do not think this necessarily means you should divorce. It might just be one screw up of huge magnitude. P
What I would do is demand a post-nup rescinding the pre-nup, and insist both your names be on the title to the house and, in the post-nup, state you jointly own the house and all equity. How he reacts to that will tell you whether you should stay. If he refuses, leave.
What I would do is demand a post-nup rescinding the pre-nup, and insist both your names be on the title to the house and, in the post-nup, state you jointly own the house and all equity.
I thought she didn't want to own the house, live there, nor have any responsibility for being part of it (nor any other endeavor with her ILs). I also don't know that this has to end in divorce. However, right now that prenup is working for her, rather than against her.
(Not so much on the day a bank let him take on major debt without her consent or knowledge, but that already happened. Today it's her safety blanket from that folie a deux).
I think we would need to see the prenup, but what I would want to live in the house is knowledge the 20% equity is theirs, not his. I was starting with the idea that she thinks he is leaving her. If she genuinely doesn't want the house at all, that's a different issue.
Post by sugarbear on Sept 27, 2013 10:44:38 GMT -5
@vaba, have you had any more conversations with your DH? Did he honestly, genuinely think you'd be happy about this development? Has he gotten his parents involved in your reaction?
I think we would need to see the prenup, but what I would want to live in the house is knowledge the 20% equity is theirs, not his. I was starting with the idea that she thinks he is leaving her. If she genuinely doesn't want the house at all, that's a different issue.
She said they can't afford it.
And honestly, whether she liked the house or not, her husband purposely deceived here and pulled a bait and switch. I don't know how you come back from that. And by the sound of it, he is controlling and manipulative in other areas too.
As to the prenup I will let you lawyers figure that out lol