What do you do with a whining 17 year old

[joyfull]

who cries and whines when she doesn't get her way? Scott's 17 year old lives with us, she just got done whining because Jill opened the frosting container and ate out of it. Which I know is wrong but give me a break. She then treats my kid like shit and says nothing is ever good here. Then go back to your moms if it sucks so much here. Jill is 5 she doesn't know better. Oh and she never eats what I cook she then whines she's hungry and expects her dad to go out and get her food.

[gretchenindisguise]

I agree. At 17, I'd defer it to your H.

And your 5 year old should know better.

[verypunny]

She probably knows she's not wanted there and lashing out. Make her feel wanted and welcomed. Is she your stepdaughter? I couldn't help but noticed you called her Scott's daughter. Do you treat her different than your daughter? ( as in your daughter can do no wrong?). My 4 yo knows not to eat frosting from a can.

[verypunny]

Oct 26, 2013 19:57:31 GMT -5 verypunny said:

She probably knows she's not wanted there and lashing out. Make her feel wanted and welcomed. Is she your stepdaughter? I couldn't help but noticed you called her Scott's daughter. Do you treat her different than your daughter? ( as in your daughter can do no wrong?). My 4 yo knows not to eat frosting from a can.


ETA: do not take on a disciplinary roll.  It will help nothing.

[papie]

Stay out of it. But your kid should know better.

[joyfull]

No I don't treat her any different. OK my 5 year old should know better but R shouldn't be whining like she does at 17. She lives with us because she can't get along with her mother, or her mothers boy friend.So no matter where she is she feels things suck.

[iamgrace]

I have nothing to add except to say that I eat frosting from the can and I'm 38, so....

[snickers]

Yup, leave it to DH!

[joyfull]

He tells me to take more proactive role and say something to her because he disciplines my kids.

[papie]

Oct 26, 2013 20:00:51 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

I have nothing to add except to say that I eat frosting from the can and I'm 38, so....

I hold the kids to different standards than myself.

[bex1973]

Oct 26, 2013 20:01:23 GMT -5 joyfull said:

He tells me to take more proactive role and say something to her because he disciplines my kids.

Sorry but it sounds like he doesn't want to deal with a whiny 17 yo. It's what teenage girls do. It's a drama filled world they live in.

[papie]

It just sounds like you dislike her and you'd rather she lived with her mom. Am I wrong?

[joyfull]

Oct 26, 2013 20:01:56 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

You sound like an awesome stepmom.

I'm not a bad stepmom. I treat her no different than I do my own kids. Like I said she doesn't eat what we cook and expects that someone should go out and get her something else. Her father has allowed her to act like this. She just ordered him to go get new frosting and he went out to do it. She wouldn't even go with him and now she is letting my son in her room but not my daughter.

[flex]

Oct 26, 2013 20:01:23 GMT -5 joyfull said:

He tells me to take more proactive role and say something to her because he disciplines my kids.

I can see his point, but dealing with an 8 and 5 year old is EONS different than dealing with a 17-year-old woman.  She sees you and your children as competition.  I'm afraid it's up to Scott to deal with this--not you.

[flex]

Oct 26, 2013 20:00:51 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

I have nothing to add except to say that I eat frosting from the can and I'm 38, so....

APOLOGIZE!



lol

[joyfull]

Oct 26, 2013 20:04:50 GMT -5 papie said:

It just sounds like you dislike her and you'd rather she lived with her mom. Am I wrong?

Papie that's not true I am the one that gave her keys to the house so that she could come here when she had problems with her mom.l

[angelaa73]

give me a break, joy. Jill is totally old enough to know not to open a freaking container of frosting and start eating out of it!

but, hugs, for having to deal with any teenager living under your roof. hahah

[joyfull]

And I say Scott's daughter because we are not married.

[joyfull]

Oct 26, 2013 20:08:00 GMT -5 angelaa73 said:

give me a break, joy. Jill is totally old enough to know not to open a freaking container of frosting and start eating out of it!

but, hugs, for having to deal with any teenager living under your roof. hahah

Thanks Angela 

[hisno1girl]

If he's not going to do anything or say anything for her behavior, nothing you say or do is going to make a difference. You and he need to get on the same page about discipline.

He shouldn't expect you to hand out discipline if he's not willing to do it either.

[mushmouse]

Oct 26, 2013 20:00:31 GMT -5 joyfull said:

No I don't treat her any different. OK my 5 year old should know better but R shouldn't be whining like she does at 17. She lives with us because she can't get along with her mother, or her mothers boy friend.So no matter where she is she feels things suck.

She's got that in one place and an adorable 5 year old to compete with.  That does suck.  You should ignore and her father should make her feel important when he can.

[joyfull]

Oct 26, 2013 20:08:28 GMT -5 @letshike said:

Why would she change when her dad keeps going out to get her special dinners and new icing?

EXACTLY

[lola]

Oct 26, 2013 20:05:12 GMT -5 joyfull said:

Oct 26, 2013 20:01:56 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

You sound like an awesome stepmom.

I'm not a bad stepmom. I treat her no different than I do my own kids. Like I said she doesn't eat what we cook and expects that someone should go out and get her something else. Her father has allowed her to act like this. She just ordered him to go get new frosting and he went out to do it. She wouldn't even go with him and now she is letting my son in her room but not my daughter.

He teaches her that behavior is acceptable and then expects you to handle correcting it?! Uh, not how it should work. I think I would start there, if I were you.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Oct 26, 2013 20:05:12 GMT -5 joyfull said:

Oct 26, 2013 20:01:56 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

You sound like an awesome stepmom.

I'm not a bad stepmom. I treat her no different than I do my own kids. Like I said she doesn't eat what we cook and expects that someone should go out and get her something else. Her father has allowed her to act like this. She just ordered him to go get new frosting and he went out to do it. She wouldn't even go with him and now she is letting my son in her room but not my daughter.

Ah the "DH problem." Right.

[papie]

Sorry I was just going by the tone of your post. Talk with Scott about the dinner thing. Find a common ground. Then explain to her the house rules in a friendly way with him.

[hisno1girl]

Also, dealing with a 17 y/o girl is not far off from dealing with a 5 year old. There are outbursts, temper tantrums, and childish behavior by both age groups.

Good luck. Teenage girls are the devil!!

[wannabe]

Oct 26, 2013 20:08:52 GMT -5 joyfull said:

And I say Scott's daughter because we are not married.

I don't get how this matters.

[flex]

Joy, this is a Scott problem, not a 17-year-old problem,don't you think?

[gretchenindisguise]

8/5 is different than 17. What did you guys talk about between you and H and you and the kids before you got married? What was the plan?

She's allowed not to eat your food, but she is on her own if she doesn't like it.

I also eat frosting out of the can, but it's not a communal frosting or one that's intended to be used in the future. Plus I'm 32 I do what I want. My 4 year old doesn't. When she's 32 she can.

[hisno1girl]

Oct 26, 2013 20:13:24 GMT -5 wannabe said:

Oct 26, 2013 20:08:52 GMT -5 joyfull said:

And I say Scott's daughter because we are not married.

I don't get how this matters.

Because of she would have said "SD" people would say, "When did you get married??" and then "Ohhhh, you're not really her stepmom, let your DH handle this."