My own daughter was told she can't just pen up whatever she wants and eat it. She didn't just get away with it.
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Did she have to apologize to SD?
And to bring back another of your complaints, with the new information that she ate the frosting meant to be used for cupcakes SD made/had - of fucking course SD wouldn't let your daughter in her room. That's a natural consequence of not respecting other people's things.
And really. What you do with a whiny 17 yo is love and understand them. practice restraint. Deep breath. Think of their lack of judgment and understanding at this age, and stretch yours to the limit. this kid needs more love than most, more understanding than most; she's in a bad spot and has some reason to feel like the world is not as she would have it. You will never be sorry for being kind to this kid; and time is short with her in any event.
My very unexpert advice to all step parents ( or cohabiting almost step parents) is to have a ton of pictures around of the step kid. Your house, their house ... Whatever. Just frame and hang the exact same amount of pictures of that kid as you do your own.
Don't have any? She hates having her pic taken? Too bad. Find a way. You'll be surprised how far this goes in the teen wars. She'll know she's important and frosting may still matter but it won't be a hill to die on.
My very unexpert advice to all step parents ( or cohabiting almost step parents) is to have a ton of pictures around of the step kid. Your house, their house ... Whatever. Just frame and hang the exact same amount of pictures of that kid as you do your own.
Don't have any? She hates having her pic taken? Too bad. Find a way. You'll be surprised how far this goes in the teen wars. She'll know she's important and frosting may still matter but it won't be a hill to die on.
Trust me. Pictures...
OMG Yes. This.
Seriously, my stepmother made it a point to get rid of all pictures of me hanging up in the house (in my own house no less) to make me feel as unwanted and invisible as possible. The little touches like this will be reinforcing for SD that she is wanted & welcome the house
My very unexpert advice to all step parents ( or cohabiting almost step parents) is to have a ton of pictures around of the step kid. Your house, their house ... Whatever. Just frame and hang the exact same amount of pictures of that kid as you do your own.
Don't have any? She hates having her pic taken? Too bad. Find a way. You'll be surprised how far this goes in the teen wars. She'll know she's important and frosting may still matter but it won't be a hill to die on.
Trust me. Pictures...
THIS. My dad remarried when I was 14. Their house had pictures of my stepmom's kids only. And looking through the wedding album, there were pics of her and her girls, and my dad with all the kids. Let me repeat: she was with her two kids, Dad was with both of their children. So the whole house was pics of her kids, pics of her and Dad, and one measly picture of all of us as a family from the wedding. Every year/twice a year they'd have family pictures done with Dad, her, and her two kids. Not me and not my siblings.
I know that this is a Dad issue as much as it is her, but we were defensive of him 1)because we didn't want to think our dad didn't love us as much as her kids, and 2) he would listen to us complain about her and take us out shopping because we were spoiled teenagers. So we blamed it all on her.
They are divorced now, not that the picture thing caused it. But still. We were never one big family and that is what tore it down, imo.
Post by mirandahobbes on Oct 27, 2013 14:25:51 GMT -5
This is truly a tough situation. Besides what others have mentioned, I would sit down with S and discuss house rules. And maybe the first rule is "No Whining". Everyone has to follow them, and there have to be clear consequences that must be enforced, while also reinforcing good behaviors.
Then, you both should sit down with the 17 y.o. Is the situation working for her? What could make things better for her (within reason)? Where can you make compromises? Maybe she would like family night where she clearly feels included. Who knows, but nothing gets accomplished by just assuming how she feels.
My very unexpert advice to all step parents ( or cohabiting almost step parents) is to have a ton of pictures around of the step kid. Your house, their house ... Whatever. Just frame and hang the exact same amount of pictures of that kid as you do your own.
Don't have any? She hates having her pic taken? Too bad. Find a way. You'll be surprised how far this goes in the teen wars. She'll know she's important and frosting may still matter but it won't be a hill to die on.
Trust me. Pictures...
THIS. My dad remarried when I was 14. Their house had pictures of my stepmom's kids only. And looking through the wedding album, there were pics of her and her girls, and my dad with all the kids. Let me repeat: she was with her two kids, Dad was with both of their children. So the whole house was pics of her kids, pics of her and Dad, and one measly picture of all of us as a family from the wedding. Every year/twice a year they'd have family pictures done with Dad, her, and her two kids. Not me and not my siblings.
I know that this is a Dad issue as much as it is her, but we were defensive of him 1)because we didn't want to think our dad didn't love us as much as her kids, and 2) he would listen to us complain about her and take us out shopping because we were spoiled teenagers. So we blamed it all on her.
They are divorced now, not that the picture thing caused it. But still. We were never one big family and that is what tore it down, imo.
It makes me so sad when you I hear stories of divorce and remarriage where people kind of "forget" that they already have kids. seriously makes my heart hurt.
My kids dad usually has them every weekend this weekend he's or of town.
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On top of what other shave said about getting your SO on board with some family rules for everyone in the house and be patient I want to point this out. Did it not occur to you that she's used to having Dad to herself on the weekends (or just sharing with her bio sis) and this weekend the 'intruders' are there taking up some of his time and energy? Not reasonabke but she's 17 and its normal to be all Me Me Me.
I've been the SD and it kind of sucks even if SM is amazing the best thing my SM did was ignore some of my more irritating behavior. Kill her with kindness and make her feel welcome and at home. How ling jas she been living there? Hass he been able to personalize her room (paint/bedding/pics/posters) make her certain that she has a home there and be realoze teenagers can be jerks and its not personal.
My very unexpert advice to all step parents ( or cohabiting almost step parents) is to have a ton of pictures around of the step kid. Your house, their house ... Whatever. Just frame and hang the exact same amount of pictures of that kid as you do your own.
Don't have any? She hates having her pic taken? Too bad. Find a way. You'll be surprised how far this goes in the teen wars. She'll know she's important and frosting may still matter but it won't be a hill to die on.
Trust me. Pictures...
OMG Yes. This.
Seriously, my stepmother made it a point to get rid of all pictures of me hanging up in the house (in my own house no less) to make me feel as unwanted and invisible as possible. The little touches like this will be reinforcing for SD that she is wanted & welcome the house
That's horrible. Do you have any kind of relationship with them now?
Seriously, my stepmother made it a point to get rid of all pictures of me hanging up in the house (in my own house no less) to make me feel as unwanted and invisible as possible. The little touches like this will be reinforcing for SD that she is wanted & welcome the house
That's horrible. Do you have any kind of relationship with them now?
We're on pretty thin ice right now. I haven't spoken to my stepmother or father in a few months they cancelled my health insurance abruptly and without telling me. He also had some...not so nice things to say about me. I think I wrote a thread about it a while ago.
That's horrible. Do you have any kind of relationship with them now?
We're on pretty thin ice right now. I haven't spoken to my stepmother or father in a few months they cancelled my health insurance abruptly and without telling me. He also had some...not so nice things to say about me. I think I wrote a thread about it a while ago.
I do remember reading that. That's horrible. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that.
Why does this matter? Why are people still talking about this? WHY??
I want to know if her daughter ate an entire can of frosting. If the daughter ate one teaspoonful with a clean spoon, and didn't stick dirty hands in it, I don't know why the frosting couldn't be used. I' want to know if she ate enough frosting to make it so there really was not enough to use for the intended purpose, which was stepdaughter's cupcakes. \\
and, what Ques said.
In another post she said it was a spoonful, which leaves me confused. Why couldn't the rest of the tub be used if it was a just a spoonful eaten? I eat plenty of the frosting when I frost cupcakes and always have more leftover. Seems like there's something missing
THIS. My dad remarried when I was 14. Their house had pictures of my stepmom's kids only. And looking through the wedding album, there were pics of her and her girls, and my dad with all the kids. Let me repeat: she was with her two kids, Dad was with both of their children. So the whole house was pics of her kids, pics of her and Dad, and one measly picture of all of us as a family from the wedding. Every year/twice a year they'd have family pictures done with Dad, her, and her two kids. Not me and not my siblings.
I know that this is a Dad issue as much as it is her, but we were defensive of him 1)because we didn't want to think our dad didn't love us as much as her kids, and 2) he would listen to us complain about her and take us out shopping because we were spoiled teenagers. So we blamed it all on her.
They are divorced now, not that the picture thing caused it. But still. We were never one big family and that is what tore it down, imo.
It makes me so sad when you I hear stories of divorce and remarriage where people kind of "forget" that they already have kids. seriously makes my heart hurt.
It is so painful to wonder if you are loved as much as some other child, whether it be step-sibling or regular sibling. I remember wondering if he liked them more or if they were more important. I wondered if they were the "real" family and if we interfered on weekends. It was awful.