I have a hard time remembering the specifics of what started any fight. The thing that sticks in my head is what happens the second I finally snap and freak the fuck out on him.
Like the time I threw a ball of steel wool at his head and hit him in the eye and he leapt to his feet and I cringed like was going to hit me and then he REALLY lost his shit because he couldn't believe I thought he'd hit me. One of the few times I really hurt his feelings. There were many doors slammed that day (and then yanked back open by the other person so the screaming could continue). Our neighbors probably thought we were killing each other.
Or the time I actually pulled over on the side of the highway and told him to get the fuck out of the car. (he didn't) He'd been giving me the silent treatment like a fucking baby for about 20 minutes and I finally snapped.
Or the time I just started screaming at the top of my lungs, "Just apologize! what the fuck is wrong with you! say you're sorry! say you're sorry! Why didnt' your mother teach you to say you're FUCKING SORRY EVER!!!! SAY IT! JUST FUCKING SAY IT!!!!!!!" (he did in fact say he was sorry at the end of that one)
Our fights tend to start because he says or does something mildly shitty and then when he gets called out on it either tells me to calm down or gives me the silent treatment. Which then causes me to go into a full on rage spiral where I have to occasionally leave the room before I start throwing shit. He's kind of an ass who likes to push my buttons and usually this just leads to both of us laughing, but sometimes it leads to shit being thrown at his head because he picked a bad topic or a bad moment or didn't know when to just let it go.
THIS IS SO US. 99% of the time I ignore his shit, but 1% of the time it sets me off and I will go from 0-60 in the blink of an eye (or I'm looking for a reason to fight with him). And he's all, "Why aren't you laughing this time?" NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS IT IS NOT FUNNY I HATE YOU I WILL KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.
I was reading yours nodding along too. It's funny because I think of myself as having a bad temper, but I've found that most people actually see me as cool as a cucumber since I'll just laugh at damn near anything and have a super thick skin. It's just that when I do actually lose it, I fucking LOSE IT.
A friend of mine set me off the one day making a shitass comment about something in the news and I demanded an instant topic change. She got all confused and was like, "dude, what?? Just tell me! I want to know! We can talk about it!" and I just adamantly refused to discuss it. She saw MH the next day when I wasn't there and asked him why I got so squirrely and he told them (with 100% accuracy) that I refused to discuss it because I didn't want to have to call her stupid or scream at her. My friend and I did actually talk about it a few days later and I did not get mad.
But MH - him I'll just unleash. Usually. Last night he was getting on my nerves with some bullshit classist nonsense and I had to tell him to change the subject because I didn't have the energy and the baby was sleeping. At least now after many years he knows that when I tell him to change the topic that I very much mean it.
THIS IS SO US. 99% of the time I ignore his shit, but 1% of the time it sets me off and I will go from 0-60 in the blink of an eye (or I'm looking for a reason to fight with him). And he's all, "Why aren't you laughing this time?" NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS IT IS NOT FUNNY I HATE YOU I WILL KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.
I was reading yours nodding along too. It's funny because I think of myself as having a bad temper, but I've found that most people actually see me as cool as a cucumber since I'll just laugh at damn near anything and have a super thick skin. It's just that when I do actually lose it, I fucking LOSE IT.
A friend of mine set me off the one day making a shitass comment about something in the news and I demanded an instant topic change. She got all confused and was like, "dude, what?? Just tell me! I want to know! We can talk about it!" and I just adamantly refused to discuss it. She saw MH the next day when I wasn't there and asked him why I got so squirrely and he told them (with 100% accuracy) that I refused to discuss it because I didn't want to have to call her stupid or scream at her. My friend and I did actually talk about it a few days later and I did not get mad.
But MH - him I'll just unleash. Usually. Last night he was getting on my nerves with some bullshit classist nonsense and I had to tell him to change the subject because I didn't have the energy and the baby was sleeping. At least now after many years he knows that when I tell him to change the topic that I very much mean it.
Yes, that is totally me. Very little actually bothers me, but when it does, I really go nuts. And the only person I really unleash on is MH. I'm getting better at walking away from him or getting him to shut up if it's something that is setting me off. But he is really bad about gauging my moods or timing his assy comments. I know some of it is me, because I will usually laugh, but I do think he doesn't even really try to determine whether I am not in the mood or not.
Post by downtoearth on Oct 29, 2013 11:38:51 GMT -5
Just last night at 4:30 am, I yelled expletives at my husband. Yup, I'm an awesome wife. I actually feel pretty crappy about it. He was a dickhead to me in the middle of the night b/c the baby woke him and not me - and I was closer and he felt sick, so I snapped back and was super rude. It doesn't help that I had wicked insomnia and the baby had woken up 3 times last night every time I fell asleep again. However, I still always wish I wouldn't snap and swear at him - it's totally rude and I really should be able to take a breath and avoid that. I feel like an a$$.
Then again, I watched like 3 episodes of Orange is the New Black on Netflix and seem to really like that show for some reason. I guess I like watching train wrecks.
Oh and there was the one time we were fighting about all the crap in our house that he wouldn't give up, so I threw his Bart Simpson pillow on the roof.
I said something along the lines of "You want it? Go get it!" and threw it up there. So he was out there with a ladder in the middle of the night getting his pillow off the roof. And the worst part is we still have the fucking thing!
I know I shouldn't be laughing at any of these fights but this one has me on the floor.
He also pissed me off so badly one day I started jumping up and down on one of his suits and proceeded to slide it across the floor like it was a magic carpet. At the end I had jumped around so much I looked like a troll doll.
We had a fight over feminism that almost ended in divorce.
Oh, I totally forgot about our fight that he was total sexist and was raising our kids to be sexist. He's not, I was taking things out of context and he was falling into stupid stereotypes, but that pissed-off-ness of mine has lingered and I am super sensitive to him saying anything remotely sexist - might be b/c I'm the only woman in a 4 dude family.
The worst fight we ever had went like this: I asked DH to help me clean the house because it was gross and I had other errands I needed to finish. He said he would help and then proceeded to watch football all day. Rather than remind him, I cleaned everything by myself, getting increasingly pissed as the day went on, and waited for him to realize he had screwed me over. But he never remembered. That night I was REALLY pissed and oblivious DH tried to put the moves on me. And I said "no thanks. I'm a bit tired from cleaning the house BY MYSELF ALL DAY." And rather than realize he fucked up he told me he regularly does more housework than I do so I shouldn't be mad at this one day. That was BS and I straight up lost my sanity on him. Like I screamed and tried to slap him and/or claw his eyes out. I really lost it. We were in bed in the dark while this went on and he pinned my arms down under the sheets to stop me from attacking him. All because he thought doing his own laundry made him a man hero. We now have a cleaning lady.
Oh no...I should have never read this b/c now I know that comment is going to come out with a snide remark when we next fight over cleaning duties!
Oh and there was the one time we were fighting about all the crap in our house that he wouldn't give up, so I threw his Bart Simpson pillow on the roof.
I said something along the lines of "You want it? Go get it!" and threw it up there. So he was out there with a ladder in the middle of the night getting his pillow off the roof. And the worst part is we still have the fucking thing!
I know I shouldn't be laughing at any of these fights but this one has me on the floor.
This and iammalcolmx using her husband's suit like a pair of ice skates.
Oh and there was the one time we were fighting about all the crap in our house that he wouldn't give up, so I threw his Bart Simpson pillow on the roof.
I said something along the lines of "You want it? Go get it!" and threw it up there. So he was out there with a ladder in the middle of the night getting his pillow off the roof. And the worst part is we still have the fucking thing!
We will fight from time to time because usually we roll with it (or occassionally bicker if we are tired or traveling as DH can be a big baby in traveling), but I remember one a few weeks ago where I don't remember what started it, but DH said "I worked all weekend to do X and you didn't even thank me." I thought I did and instead of being a grown-up and saying it again, I avoided it and finally just screamed "Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you. There, better?" Yup, proud moment there.
Another (him)--we were talking about moving/the new house/decisions on flooring, etc and DH changed his mind the 10th time. I was all "That sounds good" and he took it to mean I didn't care, didn't want to move, put it all on him...it devolved much like others above of dredging up some annoyances of late. I ended with "Seriously, shut up because this is stupid." He agreed that it was ridiculous and we were good again. I think we need these cleansings every once in a while as we are then very good after.
Post by orangeblossom on Oct 29, 2013 12:10:03 GMT -5
Just one. We have definitely had some doozies.
I think the worst one, he truly must have temporarily lost his mind.
We were getting ready to head back home after visiting my family. I would say it was maybe a y ear, but definitely no more than two years since my mother passed. I really wanted to do brunch with my family before getting on the road and he was ready to go. To be fair, it was winter and we like to leave earlier, so we're not on the road in the dark that late.
He knew about brunch, but never said anything about leaving at a specific time the day before. We get to arguing, and somehow he's like "we always see your family". Uh, what , back that up. Yes, we do tend to see my family more, but I have never ever stopped you from seeing yours. You don't make the effort, and I ask you if you'd like to see yours and no planning gets done.
Then this is where he really lost his mind, and said something about me coming to Thansgiving with his family the day after, the year my mother got out of stroke rejab, and ended up being her last Thanksgiving. I asked him was he crazy and had he lost his effing mind. I would do it again if the circumstances arose again, my mother just survived a stroke and I'm supposed to be worried about eating Thanksgiving dinner with your family on that day. I went the next day and didn't even have go do that.
It's not that he's not supportive, but I think he was looking to place the blame on me for him not seeing his family as much. I wasn't having it AT ALL. He now makes more plans with his family.
We fight pretty fair and mildly for two reasons - a) MrP has zero patience for dirty and made it clear super early. By the time we were out of college he had trained me out of silent treatment, names, most yelling, and into more constructive conversation (which is still difficult to have when we're hot, but we try). b) I catastrophize and have no frame of reference for relationships that come back from fights, so we absolutely never go to bed angry, there is no sleeping on the couch etc. It freaks me the fuck out. We have stayed up way too late and gone to sleep bruised, but resolved.
That said, we still fight plenty. It's usually my fault, but that's because I make him call me out on the little things instead of festering and blowing up, and also because he's even more practical and literal than I am, so he can be unforgiving. I'm practical and literal enough that I see his point and beat myself up over it, but Irish enough that I get defensive first.
Like our last fight was because MrP yelled through the closed door while I was pumping, "You left Advil open where A can reach it", which was true and was my fault, but when I told him I beat myself up enough for being so shitty and I don't need to be told "YOU could have killed your child", he was like "well, in this case that's true". He just has no sense for tone or how to approach things in a way that won't set me off, and of course to him I'm very sensitive to that stuff and of course, technically (which is the only way that matters) wrong.
Post by decemberwedding07 on Oct 29, 2013 12:31:11 GMT -5
I think the angriest I've ever been at him was years ago, when we had been dating less than a year. We were in Hawaii on the Big Island, and had been told by multiple people to pay attention to the signs posted around the island, warning you that you're on unstable ground that can basically break away and drop off into the ocean at any moment. Anyway, some people at our B&B had said that they went to this really cool beach that had all these coconut trees, the locals had planted the coconuts, you can plant a coconut, blah blah blah. We got there and the beach was full of those fucking signs! And I said, "I don't think we are supposed to go past that sign." He then got totally exasperated with me and said, "Didn't you hear those people at the B&B? This is the beach they were talking about. The signs mean we can't go farther to the right." And I said, "But the signs are parallel to the beach, so..." And then he cut me off and said, "Do you want to wait in the car?" I walked off, I was so angry.
I like how all the fights mentioned are about something our SOs did wrong, and not what we did. I'm sure there have been those, but I choose not to remember them.
i never put a new roll of TP in the holder. i will admit that. everything else? you all see how perfect i am
DH always leaves the empty TP roll sitting in the bathroom and doesn't throw it away or get a new one. One time I was so annoyed that I grabbed it, threw it at him, and said, "Here it is, since you obviously want to keep it for some reason."
I think the worst one, he truly must have temporarily lost his mind.
We were getting ready to head back home after visiting my family. I would say it was maybe a y ear, but definitely no more than two years since my mother passed. I really wanted to do brunch with my family before getting on the road and he was ready to go. To be fair, it was winter and we like to leave earlier, so we're not on the road in the dark that late.
He knew about brunch, but never said anything about leaving at a specific time the day before. We get to arguing, and somehow he's like "we always see your family". Uh, what , back that up. Yes, we do tend to see my family more, but I have never ever stopped you from seeing yours. You don't make the effort, and I ask you if you'd like to see yours and no planning gets done.
Then this is where he really lost his mind, and said something about me coming to Thansgiving with his family the day after, the year my mother got out of stroke rejab, and ended up being her last Thanksgiving. I asked him was he crazy and had he lost his effing mind. I would do it again if the circumstances arose again, my mother just survived a stroke and I'm supposed to be worried about eating Thanksgiving dinner with your family on that day. I went the next day and didn't even have go do that.
It's not that he's not supportive, but I think he was looking to place the blame on me for him not seeing his family as much. I wasn't having it AT ALL. He now makes more plans with his family.
The bolded is a fight we've had too, usually around holidays and almost always Christmas. My family is very routine oriented-we do dinner at OG on Christmas Eve (classy I know, but its been like this since I was 14) and my mom makes spaghetti and meatballs for dinner on Christmas (yes, the day after a big faux Italian restaurant dinner. Don't ask me why.) while FIL and (STBX)SMIL are very last minute. Last year before we met my family at OG, we talked about going back to my parents for a bit after dinner and were in agreement on doing so when we left the house, but in the course of driving to the restaurant J got a call from FIL about us going over there for a bit...which J did not bring up until we were getting ready to leave the OG, and told me that we should go there instead. Not that he wanted to, because he fully admitted that he'd rather go to my parents' (long story short, he has always felt more like a guest at FIL and STBXSMIL's than at my parents' where he can just relax and do whatever), but because we see my parents more and because we SHOULD because it's Christmas. Cue 15 minutes of fighting in the car in the OG parking lot about suddenly changing his mind about plans (not the first time this has happened with different events) and the fact that he needs to remember that he has to INITIATE CONTACT with his dad about making holiday plans so that we don't run into another situation of telling someone we'll be somewhere and then have to back out at the last minute.
So far the Thanksgiving routine should be the same but between this being the first holiday season since MIL passed and AJs presence, Christmas could get interesting...at least FIL and STBXSMIL are apparently splitting (FIL has not told us this, but STBXSMIL ran into my mom at the grocery and told her) so we don't have to deal with her BS.
Post by decemberwedding07 on Oct 29, 2013 12:42:08 GMT -5
Oh! Then there was the time on Catalina Island that I was talking about the George Zimmerman trial (it was still going on at that time), and I was saying how frustrated I was, and how I thought he was going to get off and how I just couldn't believe it, and DH said in a raised voice, "Oh my God. I don't care. Do you know how often this sort of thing happens? All the time. Why do you only care about this one case? I'm sorry I'm so boring that you need to do this to fill your time." He has thyroid issues and gets overly irritable when it acts up, and I was pretty sure that's what was going on, so there really wasn't anything I could say.
We left our room to go to the tour of the theater there, and I was holding his hand, but not talking because I was on the verge of crying (partly because he yelled at me and I couldn't say anything about it, and partly because I was worried about his thyroid) and he said, "If you don't want to talk to me, you don't have to come with me. I understand if you hate me and don't want anything to do with me." At which point I used up the very last of my ability to keep from crying, so I spent the next 30 minutes of the tour trying not to cry in front of everyone, before breaking down sobbing once we got outside.
I went to the women's bathroom, and this really sweet woman who didn't speak a whole lot of English saw me and hugged me. It made me feel so much better. I would never offer to hug a stranger who was crying, but I'm so glad she did. After that, I was able to have a coherent conversation with DH about how much his refusal to be honest with his doctors was affecting me and driving me insane.
ETA: Most of our "fights" lately have followed this pattern, his thyroid or blood sugar make him act like a dick, he says he hates himself, I can't do anything but try to calm him down, then he has a doctor's appointment and somehow manages to keep me out of the room (at the last one he didn't fill out his paperwork, so when the nurse called him back, he said he needed me to stay in the waiting room and fill it out, which took the entire appointment time), or he doesn't keep me out, and we get in there and the doctor asks how he's been and he says, "Oh, just fine." And I'm over there going, "Bullshit! You say you're hurting every hour of every day!" And the doctor is all, "Is that true?" And he's all, "Mmmm... Not really, it's just every now and then I'll have some stiffness that bothers me." And we leave and I start crying because I don't know to help him. If you're noticing a pattern with me crying, you're right. I cannot yell, or be yelled at. My emotional response is the same no matter the emotion-- if there's a lot of it, I'm crying, and barely able to talk. It's a problem, but I've always been that way.
I think the angriest I've ever been at him was years ago, when we had been dating less than a year. We were in Hawaii on the Big Island, and had been told by multiple people to pay attention to the signs posted around the island, warning you that you're on unstable ground that can basically break away and drop off into the ocean at any moment. Anyway, some people at our B&B had said that they went to this really cool beach that had all these coconut trees, the locals had planted the coconuts, you can plant a coconut, blah blah blah. We got there and the beach was full of those fucking signs! And I said, "I don't think we are supposed to go past that sign." He then got totally exasperated with me and said, "Didn't you hear those people at the B&B? This is the beach they were talking about. The signs mean we can't go farther to the right." And I said, "But the signs are parallel to the beach, so..." And then he cut me off and said, "Do you want to wait in the car?" I walked off, I was so angry.
If your worst fight was about a coconut beach in paradise I think you're OK.
The biggest fight we had (that I can remember) is when H told me I had to quit my freelance writing when I started working part time. He just told me I had to quit. I was PISSED over that. And I didn't quit... until the company went under a month later. So there!
We're about to be in a fight because he told his family we could go to their pre-Christmas get-together that hasn't even been set in stone yet, but might fall on the same weekend as MY family get-together that has been planned for 6 months and happens every year. NO.
We fight pretty much anytime we see my family. Make that every time.
Oh boy the holidays really can amp up the arguments, his family pulls guilt trips like no other and it drives me crazy.
Post by MixedBerryJam on Oct 29, 2013 13:13:30 GMT -5
I'm really sorry you're feeling off kilter. The fact that fighting brought you to therapy tells me you take your marriage seriously, which is the healthiest way to handle the union between two imperfect humans.
We had very few fights, to be honest, but we had this low-grade bickering going on around-the-clock. We bickered about everything from how often to visit family to how much salt to put in a recipe to whether forks go up or down in the dishwasher. It took us 3 years to agree on marble tile for one bathroom, and to this day my kitchen cabinets don't have knobs because he wanted one thing, I wanted another, and if I get what I want now, I'll feel disloyal. Everything. I nicknamed us, openly and to the public, "The Bickersons." Constant. Bickering.
That said, the worst fight that I can remember I don't actually remember what it was about, but it was on a work morning, and as he was getting in the car to go to work I hollered out to him that I hoped he didn't die on the way to work today because if he did, whatever he'd just said would be the last think he'd ever say to me. I think the seriousness of the situation hit both of us, and we rarely parted ways thereafter without an "I love you."
He also pissed me off so badly one day I started jumping up and down on one of his suits and proceeded to slide it across the floor like it was a magic carpet. At the end I had jumped around so much I looked like a troll doll.
For some reason, this reminds me that my favorite "insult" from DH during a fight is when he tells me I don't fight fair because I have a better memory than he does so I can remember each and every shitty thing he does with specificity, but he can't remember that kind of detail with the stuff I do, BUT HE KNOWS THERE'S STUFF I DO!!!
LOL! If it were that bad, I'm sure you'd remember it, Champ.
Actually, one time we were fighting and he whipped out some specific thing I had done that was similar to what I was pissed at him for doing, and it kind of stopped the argument cold in its tracks. I was like, "What the fuck are you talking about with this whole, one time I didn't write down a phone message bullshit." And he was all, "Well, I knew one day we'd be having a fight where you were all pissed about me for not being more thoughtful and I knew, I KNEW I'd need to remember this because sometimes you're not very thoughtful either." I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. God only knows how long he held on to that "gem" so he'd have something to throw back in my face when I got pissed at him for not emptying the dishwasher or folding the kids' laundry.
LOL!!!! He tried so hard.
Dishes??? DISHES?? Girl once I left on a four day business trip upon my return I found dishes in the motherfucking SINK!!! What is so special about these dishes you may ask. Those fuckers were in the sink when I left on the trip!! GIRL you don't even have to ask how I behaved.
He also pissed me off so badly one day I started jumping up and down on one of his suits and proceeded to slide it across the floor like it was a magic carpet. At the end I had jumped around so much I looked like a troll doll.
For some reason, this reminds me that my favorite "insult" from DH during a fight is when he tells me I don't fight fair because I have a better memory than he does so I can remember each and every shitty thing he does with specificity, but he can't remember that kind of detail with the stuff I do, BUT HE KNOWS THERE'S STUFF I DO!!!
LOL! If it were that bad, I'm sure you'd remember it, Champ.
Actually, one time we were fighting and he whipped out some specific thing I had done that was similar to what I was pissed at him for doing, and it kind of stopped the argument cold in its tracks. I was like, "What the fuck are you talking about with this whole, one time I didn't write down a phone message bullshit." And he was all, "Well, I knew one day we'd be having a fight where you were all pissed about me for not being more thoughtful and I knew, I KNEW I'd need to remember this because sometimes you're not very thoughtful either." I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. God only knows how long he held on to that "gem" so he'd have something to throw back in my face when I got pissed at him for not emptying the dishwasher or folding the kids' laundry.
This is hilarious.
I recently accused MH of being a big fat liar in a mostly joking way. He got all semi-mock indignant and asked for an example. In the heat of the moment I couldn't think of a SINGLE ONE. I ended up stammering about how he SAYS THINGS but they aren't TRUE things even if they aren't exactly lies. I was actually kinda frustrated and annoyed, but also laughing at myself because the whole thing was ridiculous. I ended up just yelling, "you say WORDS!!!" which obviously makes no sense. I sounded like I had tourette's.
Well damned if he didn't proceed to do the exact pesty lying nonsense I was complaining about about a dozen times over the course of that day. And every time I stopped whatever I was doing and was all, "SEEEE!!! WORDS!!!!"
Dishes??? DISHES?? Girl once I left on a four day business trip upon my return I found dishes in the motherfucking SINK!!! What is so special about these dishes you may ask. Those fuckers were in the sink when I left on the trip!! GIRL you don't even have to ask how I behaved.
Nope. I'll one-up you there.
One time I went on strike. Because I was so sick of being the only person to do the dishes. And this was during the Cold War Year (first year of PTS's life when I hated him so much I didn't care if he lived or died, but I didn't talk about any of it). So I refused to wash a single dish. I just let them stack up. For days. Next to the sink, in the sink, on the tables. And we got to the point where we had to start using paper plates. Evidently DH got the hint. Sort of. He put every single one of the dishes (which was almost every single one of the dishes in our entire house) in to the sink. He had to use both sides of the double basin. Then he squirts Dawn over the tops of them and fills both sides of the sink with water and motherfucking leaves for work. I come home from work at maybe 5:00 and our undermounted sink has pulled away from the underside of the fucking countertop because of the weight of the water and the dishes in both sides of the sink. Asshole broke my fucking kitchen sink. Water everywhere. Cold, dirty, mildly soapy water to boot. He comes home from work all "WHAT HAPPENED?!?!" And I was just like, "Guess you'll have to move them to the tub." Cold War continued.
I finally remember one where I was at fault. Ever since getting pregnant with ZB I stopped cleaning the cat litter (because vomit and litter are gross together, mmmkay?). Since I fell out of the habit, DH has been cleaning the boxes more often than I do. We have a really finicky cat that doesn't use the box if it's dirtier than she likes. So I come home, clean the mess on the floor, and then mention to him that he really needs to clean the boxes more often. He gave me a look and then it was on like Donkey Kong.
I was totally, 100% in the wrong. When I calmed down I owned it.
asdfjkl, what is this cold dorm living room idea you speak of? I am intrigued, lol.
Our living room is really big. We don't have furniture for it yet and we're not getting any until next year at July when a furniture store we like has their annual huge sale + interest free financing.
Next year in March, DH's undergrad swim team will be at Nationals here in Indy. I suggest to DH that we host an alumni event at our house. A BBQ, a picnic for families, wives, kids. Maybe we could even get the alumni association in on it to help us fund something really fun. From this DH hatches the idea that all of the alumni who come to town for the meet could bring sleeping bags and camp out in our living room which will not yet have any furniture. WITHOUT TELL ME, he then presents this brain child to the alumni at homecoming a couple weeks ago. He has TEN takers. TEN ADULTS who are all like, "Yeah, that sounds like fun to sleep on the floor of your unfurnished living room for a week next March."
So DH tells me about this idea at dinner the other night in a way that tells me he was completely gobsmacked that I thought it was THE SINGLE STUPIDEST FUCKING IDEA HE'D HAD SINCE THE SINK INCIDENT. <---- Didn't say out loud.
I told him no. No, you can't do that in our house. People come to this meet and drink and party and stay out all night. They will wake us up, they will puke in our bathrooms, they will wake up our kids. They will be in our way when we're leaving for work/school. The answer is no. And DH tried the old, "Well, there's not even any reason to talk about it right now because it's so far off. Let's just talk about it closer to Nationals." He pouts, he shouts. And I said, "Yeahno. Take some time to think about whether you actually think that would work with the life you have now. Two small children. A full time job. A wife who hopes to also be working by that time. Neighbors who notice when you don't get your newspaper off the driveway by the end of the day... Think about it and get back to me."
I can't breathe from laughing so hard! That is like my husbands response (on steroids) to me gently suggesting that his parents stay in a hotel if they come over thanksgiving. We technically have the space but we will have other guests and his mom stresses me out. He acted like I had lost my mind just because I didn't want to have two more adults under our roof. Right now we will have BIL, SIL and their daughter. If MIL and FIL come, other SIL and her H will come too. I just don't think it's too much to ask to have them stay in a hotel. Not to mention the fact that they declined the initial invite anyway because my MIL is crazy and thinks she owns thanksgiving. So she thought no one would join us and everyone would go to her house if we stayed home. And now if she changes her mind, I have to host her too? Noooooo.
Yesterday I was wrong, I'll admit it. H wanted me to take our beloved minivan to Mr. Tire to check the tire pressure, because a code was lighting up and it shouldnt have been (we just got new tires this weekend). Turns out the sensor was busted, needed a new sensor. So he calls and makes the appointment and I take the beloved minivan up there (I was WAH). H said it wouldnt take long so I had my book and was all set to have a half hour chilling at Mr Tire. The guy says it will be at least an hour, maybe more, before they even take a look at it. So I'm like EFF THIS, I'm walking home. So I walked the mile and a half home.
For some reason this INFURIATED me. Had I known I'd be walking home, I'd have worn running shoes and made a nice run out of it. But I'm in my uggs. with no socks. and my big heavy purse because I had books and such. and it got hot very quickly as I was walking. It didnt take me too long but in my mind it took FOREVER and I seriously sent H texts telling him I might as well quit work if he was going to use me like this to run his errands and I had better things to do than this shit and he was all 'I'm so sorry, I didnt realize it would take that long." on and on and on I went with my nasty text messages.
(side note: I think I was so mad just because it wasnt what I had been expecting. Like my father, I apparently do not handle unexpected things well). It wasn't that big a deal in itself, but at the time, I was so livid because I thought H had purposely tried to screw me over.
I would like to take this time to point out that I got rear-ended last week, and H called Geico for me, took my car in to get repaired, drove the rental, filled out all paperwork, picked up the car when it was ready, and then took the car (again, the beloved minivan) in on Saturday for its new tires and then picked it back up when it was ready.
Basically I was in the mood to pick a fight and I decided walking home in my Uggs with no socks was a good reason. Looking back I wonder if I'm about to start my period because that was kind of nutso.
I finally remember one where I was at fault. Ever since getting pregnant with ZB I stopped cleaning the cat litter (because vomit and litter are gross together, mmmkay?). Since I fell out of the habit, DH has been cleaning the boxes more often than I do. We have a really finicky cat that doesn't use the box if it's dirtier than she likes. So I come home, clean the mess on the floor, and then mention to him that he really needs to clean the boxes more often. He gave me a look and then it was on like Donkey Kong.
I was totally, 100% in the wrong. When I calmed down I owned it.
I got really used to not doing things while pregnant with A, and then doing less because I was the one nursing, getting up in the middle of the night, doing bedtime. So A got to be close to a year and he wasn't nursing much and STTN and bedtime was quick and easy but I just didn't take back my fair share of the rest of the household. That one wasn't even a fight. MrP called me out and I was like "yup, I suck". And then like a month later I was pregnant again. Oops.
Post by secretlyevil on Oct 29, 2013 14:06:46 GMT -5
The worst one H and I ever had was during the last semester of H's masters degree. It had something to do with our AMEX. I had to call them, they weren't being cooperative and my irritation really came through as I yelled at H who was in the living room from the office. He came running in shaking with rage (literally) and said something to me. I hung up the phone in mid-conversation with AMEX. I don't even remember what we said to each other. I just remember getting up and leaving the office, going to the coat closet to grab a jacket and telling him I was leaving to spend the night at a hotel. I never left but it was literally the worst argument we have ever had by leaps and bounds and it took place because we were both stressed out and at our wits end. That was three years ago.
We don't really argue very much. More often than not, when we have an argument, more like sniping at each other, when one or both us is hungry.
Post by runforrest on Oct 29, 2013 14:13:18 GMT -5
Some of these are hysterical.
The worst one I can remember is shortly after we moved to Evanston, and about two months after my dad died. We missed our eL stop because we were drunk, so we got off at the next stop and started walking home, except we were walking the wrong way.
I don't remember how the fight started, but it basically became him saying that I should "get over" my dad because it had been a couple months. I told him he had NO idea what it was like to watch your dad die and sit there while you take him off of life support, and he yelled back something like "well my dad has Parkinsons and I'm going to watch him suffer for x amount of years". To which I replied "you asshole, I'd rather have my dad here and with issues from the heart surgery than dead. At least your dad is here". I was straight up ready to leave that night and drive back to Detroit to my mom.
His dad unfortunately passed away a year ago and a month or so after his death, my H actually apologized for ever telling me to "get over it", because, well, you never get over losing a parent.