But the odd thing was is that we have had the most civil divorce. No fighting, nothing. I just don't see what he has to gain by telling me this, but it does sound so fishy. Clearly, he is trying to hurt me, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why. I felt like I was just starting getting a plan together. Moving back home, and finally looking forward to something. Maybe that is it.
Aww hon, I'm so sorry. This sucks all around. And I know you feel he has nothing to gain from all this, but that just isn't true. If he has a super hot, smart, wonderful woman such as you still hung up on him, it'll "proove" he really is a catch. Which deep in his heart of hearts he knows isn't true. The majority of the time* cheating is all about the cheater. It's an inherently selfish act. He's a small insecure man and his actions reflect that.
*there are no absolutes of course
You guys are seriously the best. I am going to read all of these wonderful things again tomorrow, unless of course I wake up and this is all some sort of nightmare.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
I don't have to be at work for another 13 hours, and I have a full tank of gas. LOL
I love that movie, and that scene makes me laugh every time. Seriously though, take some time to grieve. You guys were together for a significant part of your life. It's okay to be sad, mad/pissed, depressed, and all of the other emotions that go along with it. We're all here for you, we love you and think you are fantastic.
Ha the drive time is only 8 hours round trip, so you could even take a nap. lol He kept saying, "i only want the best for you, and i want you to be happy" blah blah I am freaking delighted. He is an idiot.
The plus side is when I got home and I was bawling my eyes out, Kallie brought me her duck. She wanted Mr quackers, her most prized possession to make me feel better.
Aww hon, I'm so sorry. This sucks all around. And I know you feel he has nothing to gain from all this, but that just isn't true. If he has a super hot, smart, wonderful woman such as you still hung up on him, it'll "proove" he really is a catch. Which deep in his heart of hearts he knows isn't true. The majority of the time* cheating is all about the cheater. It's an inherently selfish act. He's a small insecure man and his actions reflect that.
*there are no absolutes of course
You guys are seriously the best. I am going to read all of these wonderful things again tomorrow, unless of course I wake up and this is all some sort of nightmare.
(bonquiqui) Don't worry the nightmare is all his, trust.
I don't have to be at work for another 13 hours, and I have a full tank of gas. LOL
I love that movie, and that scene makes me laugh every time. Seriously though, take some time to grieve. You guys were together for a significant part of your life. It's okay to be sad, mad/pissed, depressed, and all of the other emotions that go along with it. We're all here for you, we love you and think you are fantastic.
Ha the drive time is only 8 hours round trip, so you could even take a nap. lol He kept saying, "i only want the best for you, and i want you to be happy" blah blah I am freaking delighted. He is an idiot.
The plus side is when I got home and I was bawling my eyes out, Kallie brought me her duck. She wanted Mr quackers, her most prized possession to make me feel better.
He's a tool. He's one of the cheap tools that breaks when you put any pressure on them. I'm really glad you have your kitties. They want to make you feel better, and will probably cuddle with you tonight. They are intuitive like that.
Second - What a fucking piece of shit asshole motherfucker pussy ass excuse for a man. There was zero reason for him to tell you this. ZERO. He did it because he saw that you were doing good, and since his life is such a shitshow he wanted to bring you back down with him.
Well fuck him up the ass. He can live his shitty life, and you will go on to be happy, loved, and fulfilled. Because you are awesome, and he has shown his true colors here. That piece of shit.
You are an amazing woman who is making something of herself. There aren't enough words to describe how vile he is. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Your kitties are 100% more a man than that douche will ever be!
I know this is awful to say, but I hope he's in for a rude awakening when they turn out to be "Florida babies" (ie. kids that are clearly unrelated to the guy who thought he was the father).
I turn 38 next month and on the next day I'll be having a baby. In my area the average age of a new mom is 37. I have many friends who became mothers in their late thirties and early forties. Your time has not passed. I promise you.
Post by mrsukyankee on Nov 11, 2013 5:59:00 GMT -5
I'm so sorry (just got online for the first time today - London time). He probably is in deep pain right now, freaking out, and he wanted to share that pain with someone he knew it would hurt - you. Even though it was civil, in his fucked up mind, he probably somehow blames you for all the problems (because to blame himself is too difficult) and so this is just one more thing to blame you for, even though it's all his shit.
I would not talk to him ever again if it is at all possible - block every mode of communication. And give yourself something lovely - get a massage or manicure or something this week. Treat yourself kindly. Hugs!
I would not talk to him ever again if it is at all possible - block every mode of communication. And give yourself something lovely - get a massage or manicure or something this week. Treat yourself kindly. Hugs!
Not that you need permission, but there is nothing wrong with feeling anything that you feel. Feelings are not rational; they just are.
That said, YOU are allowed to have your feelings, whatever they are. But WE are allowed to tell you the truth, because sometimes feelings bog us down until we can't see the truth, or even realize that there is one.
You are not worthless. You are not alone. You are a wonderful woman who is making plans for a new life and will be successful. You are caring, and you are special. You are strong, and you are worth so much more than he gave you.
I wish you the best, but it's not necessary. I know you'll make it
If you ever get wrapped up in your feelings and forget the truth- and in my experience, I tend to do that, but I don't know if other people do- come back here. We'll remind you.
Don't feel silly just because it was 'already' over. You were still healing, and THIS betrayal is fresh. It is totally normal to have a fresh reaction to it.
He is broken. He has to have an affair to feel good about himself, because he knew he was too weak to be there for you when you needed him. She is also broken. I feel badly for the twins, and I have a feeling she is more than 8 weeks pregnant, but he is lying because it would give away that their relationship started earlier. What a pathetic loser - he didn't even have to tell you anything, and he is still lying to cover his ass?
Post by themoneytree on Nov 11, 2013 7:42:20 GMT -5
I am so, so sorry. I don't know what to say, but I wanted to say something. This sounds so deliberately hurtful. I too hope you never have to speak to him again. Hugs.
I'm so sorry Bon. You are an amazing person with a lifetime of happiness just waiting for you around the corner.
And trusting someone who you love does not make you stupid. It just shows how awful that person is in taking advantage of you. Please be kind to yourself. ::hugs::
Don't let his ridiculous life choices, hurtful as they may be, define your worth. You are a wonderful person, and his douchery can't change that. *hug*
Post by Ohhmm(bligo) on Nov 11, 2013 8:20:05 GMT -5
After reading your followups, I've been thinking, and here's what.
He done fucked up. And he knows it (I'm not saying he's trying to get you back). He knows he got himself into a damn MESS, and he's scared, and he's having an immature need to make himself feel better by pretending this ain't no thang. And the one person who can make him feel that way if SHE believes it is you. So KOKO, and get your head up, because you are SO much better off. And a big hearty Fuck You to Ex Mr BQQ. Fuck you with a hammer, and twin heaps of child support.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
((BQQ)) If they aren't lying and these twins are actually born, this is going to be really fucking hard. And they're already breaking up and getting back together or whatever. I don't think they can make it through twins. This is not going to end well I don't think so he will be miserable.
Also, this sounds a lot like Under the Tuscan Sun. You should take a gay tour of Italy, buy a house, bang a hottt guy that makes lemoncello and then meet another hot writer who will stop by your house and live happily ever after. Hopefully you don't hate that movie and are sitting here all "fuck you Curly". ((more hugs just in case that happened))
He doesn't have everything. This is never going to work out. You will see. And even if by some crazy remote chance it did, there will come a day where you will breathe a HUGE sigh of relief that it was not you. Relief like you diffused a bomb with .0004 seconds left. I keep saying it, because I recall when I really REALLY needed it repeated for me.
Maybe fertility was an issue, but maybe it totally wasn't meant to be. WITH HIM.
I saw an Oprah thingy on Susan Sarandon. That chick is bad ass. She was married for like 12 years and divorced. Then, suddenly at like 39+ she got pregnant. Loved it so much she had two more in her mid 40s. She Halle Barried that last one and was like 46. Of course that isn't the norm, but don't you go jumping to "I'll never be ready in time!" or "I'm past my prime."
You are in shock. I would be, too. I recall finding out my ex was engaged after he just got done saying he was coming back. It knocks you on your ass. Feels like there's no justice. I know it.
You can't see this right now, but you are not some dried up has been. You are not past your prime. You can do anything you want.
Let's just say this takes you a couple of years to heal. You still have several years to have a shot at kids. You have a bajillion good years left to find a man. You are pretty, you are funny. You are fun.
Don't worry about time. You will be okay!
As an aside, it is really cool to see you at this place now, @gypsy, given where you were earlier this year. I'm very happy for you.
He's trying to hurt you and normalize his choices all at once. Yeah it stings, but you are going to be in a much better place someday and you'll be counting your lucky stars this all went to shit when it did.