Bon, I am sorry.. I hate that you are hurting so much. I know it must feel like you are alone. You aren't. We all care for you here even if we don't know you IRL. someday (and I hope its someday in the not too distant future) you will look back at this point in your life and realize how far you have come.
He doesn't have everything. This is never going to work out. You will see. And even if by some crazy remote chance it did, there will come a day where you will breathe a HUGE sigh of relief that it was not you. Relief like you diffused a bomb with .0004 seconds left. I keep saying it, because I recall when I really REALLY needed it repeated for me.
Maybe fertility was an issue, but maybe it totally wasn't meant to be. WITH HIM.
I saw an Oprah thingy on Susan Sarandon. That chick is bad ass. She was married for like 12 years and divorced. Then, suddenly at like 39+ she got pregnant. Loved it so much she had two more in her mid 40s. She Halle Barried that last one and was like 46. Of course that isn't the norm, but don't you go jumping to "I'll never be ready in time!" or "I'm past my prime."
You are in shock. I would be, too. I recall finding out my ex was engaged after he just got done saying he was coming back. It knocks you on your ass. Feels like there's no justice. I know it.
You can't see this right now, but you are not some dried up has been. You are not past your prime. You can do anything you want.
Let's just say this takes you a couple of years to heal. You still have several years to have a shot at kids. You have a bajillion good years left to find a man. You are pretty, you are funny. You are fun.
Don't worry about time. You will be okay!
As an aside, it is really cool to see you at this place now, @gypsy, given where you were earlier this year. I'm very happy for you.
(heart) Thanks. I never thought I would get back here. Night and day. I can't wait for bonquiqui to join me. She will!
This is an online message board full of people who have never even met you IRL. And yet - we know how awesome you are, bonquiqui. We know you have a kick-ass sense of humor, you are genuine, caring and pretty fucking all around great. So either we are all horrible judges of character OR you just so happen to be all of those things and we know it through knowing you. I'm kinda pretty sure we're not bad judges of character ;-)
When we're down, we play the reel of the worst thoughts of ourselves in our heads. The Itty Bitty Shitty Committee voices come out in full force, and remind us of all our weaknesses and worst insecurities. But the thing is, it's not real. It's so so SO hard to remind ourselves of that, but it's not the full picture of YOU.
I just caught up on the whole thread and I echo everything that has been said. Don't let their pregnancy get you down. Whatever they have is built on lies and deceit and nothing good will come of it.
You have plenty of time to heal, find yourself a wonderful man and build a future and family. I had my son at 34. Many of my friends are having children at 39 and even later. Take your time and heal yourself BQQ. He doesn't deserve your tears. He will never, ever have a healthy relationship built on trust, but you will. You will be deeply loved and appreciated and the scars he caused will be reminders of how far you have come. ((Hugs))
I just caught up on the whole thread and I echo everything that has been said. Don't let their pregnancy get you down. Whatever they have is built on lies and deceit and nothing good will come of it.
You have plenty of time to heal, find yourself a wonderful man and build a future and family. I had my son at 34. Many of my friends are having children at 39 and even later. Take your time and heal yourself BQQ. He doesn't deserve your tears. He will never, ever have a healthy relationship built on trust, but you will. You will be deeply loved and appreciated and the scars he caused will be reminders of how far you have come. ((Hugs))
Well said. Amen.
I'm so sorry, BQQ. Do NOT let yourself think that his actions have any reflection on you. You are amazing and SO LUCKY you escaped in time. You will see this eventually. But you don't have to see it now. Just be kind to yourself and remember that he will get what's coming to him. It may take time, but that's because he keeps covering his ass with bandaids. They won't hold forever.
You, on the other hand, are bettering yourself NOW so it seems like you're getting the shit end of the stick. But you will come out the other side so much healthier, stronger, and more beautiful than ever. And he will continue repeating the same patterns of bullshittery for the rest of his sorry ass life.
I just had my egg-freezing consultation appointment last week. I'd be happy to share what I learned if you're interested. (kiss)
Post by happyholiday on Nov 11, 2013 13:27:36 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. It's so painful now, but I truly believe that a year from now, or sooner, this will be a distant memory. From what I've seen on here, you're doing a wonderful job of moving forward, keeping your sense of humor, and most importantly, your sense of self.
I wasn't on GBCN all weekend ao I am just now seeing your post.
I am so sorry, BQQ. He really is a fucking douche for deliberately trying to hurt you after the hurt he's already caused. There is no reason you had to know any of this, other than his need to keep twisting the knife.
I want to hurt him for you. Like really hurt him. Fucking asshole.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
I'm late to the thread, but simply want to add that I am so sorry!!! What a blow. You are much better than her and I know everybody has already said what I might say, so I'll just stop and say I'm so sorry and (((((hugs))))).
I suggest that you stop engaging in any kind of personal conversations with him. He's hurting you with this information he's giving you. I think he's trying to commiserate with you b/c he's comfortable talking with you (15 years worth of conversations). But the fact of the matter is you do NOT need to know about the nurse or the twins or any of that shit. You are now a single woman who is living her own life and you do NOT need to be caught up in the drama that HE created for himself.
If he tries to talk to you about it again, so "whoa--hold up there, cowboy. I have my own issues, and quite frankly, you are HURTING ME with this information. Let's just keep our conversations to business, and NO personal issues."
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by greenapple on Nov 11, 2013 18:42:48 GMT -5
I'm so terribly sorry. I can relate to this more than I care to share. My exH also bomb dropped a divorce on me after a decade+ long marriage and refused to tell me why. He was cheating with a co-worker and I found out in a way nobody should have to find out this sort of thing.
My exH also tried to use me as an emotional sounding board when he had news to share about what he and his mistress were up to (moving in together, trips they took and so on). My exH would try and contact me when him and his mistress had problems and he wanted to be soothed and talked down. LOL! My gentle suggestion to you is SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. Do not give this fuck a single second of comfort or what feels familiar to him (you). I made that mistake for a long time thinking my exH would eventually choose me. Wrong.
You have figured out enough and I'm sorry to say there will be more to come. If you are legally divorced there is NO reason for you to have any contact with him ever again. Send for your things or hire a service to get rid of his (if you still are splitting items up). Change your number/e-mail/social media or block him.
People like your exH and mine don't want the marriage but they want the perks of the marriage we gave them... loyalty, a constant and all the boring stable stuff their half baked mistresses don't have. No. And no.
I'm sure this is riddled with errors but my spell check is not working and I wanted to post to you tonight. I know I'm new but I have followed your story from the start and really can relate. I don't have MS but I do have SLE and it's NOT easy to deal with all of this. I so get it.
Ew. First, he's going to be paying hefty child support for twins when he fucks this one over. Second, I'm glad he showed his true colors when he did so you didn't waste any more time on him. I hope a bird poops in his mouth.